PUNDIT PAP
for Sunday, January 18th 1998
Susan McBimbo and her Lawyers Make Paula Jones Look Like What She Is
John McLaughlin Bend Over for David Brinkley and loses Our Trust
Bill Richardson and Madeleine Albright Think Americans Are Stupid
MONDAY JANUARY 19th 1998 NEW YORK -- The pundits were out in force yesterday talking up Paula Jones and seeking credibility to do so by spending some time on Saddam and the continuing, but almost boring story of Hussein, Iraq, Iran and what to do about it, them, and us.
TO THIS...
TO THIS! ...
Left up to the hosts, we think Paula Jones and Susan Carpenter McMillan would have taken up all the pundit minutes. The hosts, panel members and guests were absolutely beside themselves with glee pumping the scandal for everything it was worth - just what Susan Carpenter McBimbo counted on -- but perhaps too quickly.
Let's take a look.
FOX NEWS SUNDAY
Tony Snow
Not to disappoint, Tony Snow eagerly jumped into the Jones cesspool with Paula Jones guest lawyer - Attorney Holmes -- not to be confused with John -- who posed as a hayseed, "Thank you Ma'am" cattle hustler; boyishly charming and snakishly absurd human being -- as he lead the panel through what we thought was a Martian-like view of the Jones v. Clinton suit. Aside from breaking the court-ordered gag rule umpteen times -- which to our mind precludes anyone from the suit appearing on national television to debate the nuances of just how dumb Paula Jones really is; Holmes struck us as the kind of guy who sits in the front pew of his local church only to get a better look at the choirboy's crotches.
Mara Liasson said it all when she posed the rhetorical question, "Why don't you reveal just what evidence you have to the American people on these very serious charges you make against the president- You can charge the president on television but not present your case and the defense can't say a word..." We reiterate what Liasson wisely pointed out was that the sleazebag lawyers - in concert with Susan Carpenter McBimbo -- can take to the air and make any wild claim against Bill Clinton they wish because they know they cannot discuss the evidence -- none of which they have -- nor can the Clinton defense team defend the President.
Jones mouthpiece, Holmes, actually had the gall to say the gag-rule which Jones herself petitioned for, helps her to have a "fair trial." Ha, ha, haha, haha! Sure, and helps her to extort money from Clinton with the help of Rev. Falwell and the rest of the Christian coalition wackos sipping Buds in front of their sleepy-hollow trailers.
Holmes is a real serpent. Instead of soundly criticizing the paparazzi press who nearly knocked down Jones ( his client) and McBimbo despite McBimbo's prior request that they act like gentlemen and ladies, Holmes (emoting in academy award style) rather weeped his disappointment - saying "they could have been more civilized."
It made us puke.
Holmes rattled on about some settlement that may or may not have been offered; pretended to be honest and judicious and would not comment on Tony Snow's question as to why he may have turned down a $1 million offer made by the White House in order to spare the President the humiliation of having to be deposed by a group of out and out blackmailers who use the courts as their private treasure-hunting ground.
Snow was the better questioner during the Holmes "Passion Play." He asked whether Susan Carpenter McBimbo's comment that "It was a great day for America" -- referring to the Clinton deposition -- was called for.
Holmes replied,"I think it is when nobody's above the law. (Except him for abuse of process) No, obviously these are very serious allegations and that's nothing that's a lot of fun to deal with in terms of the president of the United States having done those things."
Yeah, right Holmes -- then why were you grinning for most of the interview you sorry excuse for a lawyer? You should be disbarred poste haste.
Applause to Snow for his valiant attempts at keeping a straight face during the Holmes segment. And kudos to Brit Hume who best revealed what a scum Holmes is.
The show broke in a segue on Saddam. "Is Saddam an irritant or a threat?" played off to the song, "I've got you under my skin."
Anita Hill: "I am surprised that my name is mentioned. Also that now the issue of sex harassment has come to the fore."
Hill was also asked "...are we seeing hypocrisy because feminist leaders are not supporting Paula Jones?"
Hill: "...we have totally decontextualized. (they) didn't even want to hear my story."
Oh brother.
Next Guest was Iraqi Ambassador Hizar. His basic spiel was that at some point Iraq would kick out the UNSCOM inspector team - - but probably not until March, April of May. He just about admitted that Iraq tested chemical and bio weapons on animals -- of course so did we along with exposing about a hundred GIs to nuclear fallout. Hizar said Iraq did not test these weapons on humans -- but then again, Saddam does not consider certain ethnic groups "human" like the Kurds, so this could have been a trick answer. (tee hee)
Snow asked whether reports that Iraqi scientists are working in Libya to invent new kinds of weapons of mass destruction were true. Hey, Tony Iraqi scientists could be working in Brooklyn - what difference does it make?
Hazir said, "...we don't need to do that. We gave up all our mass destruction weapons programs."
Snow however was the only pundit to focus on Jack Kemp's idea to lift the sanctions on Iraq, which are now killing 5,000 kids a month in that country according to Iraqi sources , and just expose Iraq to "snap inspections" by UNSCOM-like teams.
Hizar didn't think that was such a good idea. Nor would we should Tahiti propose they inspect our flower beds for good buds they could use for leis.
Show us the beef Bill! and stop treating us like we're ALL morons. Some of us actually passed third grade reading. You can't rattle your sabers and then say you have no proof that anything you say is true except that Aussie Ambassador Butler "suspects" that it is. And stop blaming Saddam for everything. Your line that HE is starving his own people doesn't ring true. Sure, there's an element of truth to it -- He could just lie down and let us move a few hundred Holiday Inns and Burger Kings into Baghdad, but get real. Would we let him or any nation come over here to inspect the White House or any other place in America to see if Bill Clinton was making nerve gas? Yeah, he's a psycho, but so is Jesse Helms or Dan Burton. Give them the food Bill, and then drop some leaflets and then bomb the hell out of 'em if that's what you want. But don't lay down a carpet of prevarication to do it -- we really don't care that much. This IS greed decade isn't it?
Then Richardson really lost our respect. He said he wouldn't support Kemp's idea -- which we think could be a good way to get Iraqis at least food and medicine -- saying "...we would not support Kemp's proposal. We should not interfere on how the UN conducts its inspections. There shouldn't be any political deal. HAHAHAHHA. Are you joking Bill? We control the UN, Jeez, right now we nearly control the world. Your pretense that we shouldn't interfere with the UN Security Council is a joke. We don't even have to pay dues and we still dictate nearly every Security Council vote. So what's this about not interfering? And what's this about no political deals. Everything in life is politics - you're a politician Bill. Come clean. Tell us the truth. We'll respect you more and again, we don't care if you attack Iraq. Just try not to kill too many civilians.
Snow, his testoster one burning asked Richardson whether we could do much more than, "...send a cruise missile down Saddam's chimney."
And then Richardson, New Mexico's finest chameleon said he wanted to solve the thing diplomatically. Gosh, if my Mom had sent us such mixed messages, we'd be a schizophrenic by now!
Richardson also scolded both Netanyahu and Arafat for not giving enough and then is was off to a few minutes with HHS Secretary Donna Shalala -- one of our favorite gals.Snow played Donna in with "It's getting to be a habit with me," played of clips of raunchy cigarette smoke.
He told Shalala that Trent Lott said it was 70/30 that congress would do anything about big tobacco this session to which Shalala replied by focusing on kids, taxing the heck out of cigarettes to keep them from smoking and saying "no deals" on immunity until congress gives us a comprehensive bill that keeps children away from ciggys.
Unfortunately, Shalala was up against the facts. Kids don't even stay away from marijuana at $56.00 an ounce, so how is a cigarette tax going to stop them?
Shalala: "The children are our future not the tobacco industries."
Well, Donna, three out of five APJ staff smoke. And the children aren't are future - cause we'll all be dead in the future. The children are THEIR future. But, we hope they won't smoke. Even though we love it, we know it'll kill us in the end.
Shalala's all for giving the tobacco companies immunity from lawsuits, but not "criminal" immunity. That makes sense. So that means our kids can't sue them when we croak from lung cancer. Not fair. The only crime we can think of is lying to Congress a few million times. But, then again, why not lie to a liar. That shouldn't be a crime.
Shalala also took Senator Ashcroft to the woodshed saying his feeble attempt to stop the confirmation of Surgeon General on partial birth abortion grounds.
"Dr. Satcher will be confirmed. He will be our next surgeon general," she said.
Next up was JOHN GLENN - "THE MOTHER OF ALL JUNKETS" -- played out to the song "Hey Mr. Spaceman," which we hadn't heard in 30 years.
The UNBELIEVABLE segment was about : Georgia governor Zell Miller, who said he will give free CD's of classical music to 100 thousand newborn babies in his state to increase their IQ's. Hey Tony, guess what, the publisher of this journal did that with his son. His IQ - 138 as tested by Georgetown Medical Center. Maybe Miller ain't so crazy?
Fox News Panel Time:
The panel all agreed that Glenn's upcoming space trip, which must be throwing his lovely wife Annie into fits, was just a PR stunt. But we disagree. While we love John, we think he's crazy enough to have engineered it himself - merely for the love of space travel and maybe to get another look at those aliens he may have spied last trip out.
Snow had a good line re senior citizens in space:
"When Fort Lauderdale is too crowed - go to the Van Allen belt for the winter."
Juan Williams thought they should send Strom Thurmond. We agree - but as payload.
Brit Hume, of course, had to intellectualize the whole thing saying that it's tiresome that NASA is harping on the great science that will come from the study of the impact of space travel on old codgers.
Snow gave us a lesson on high-power PR as he explained how the Adminstration made sure their was a dumpster and a bus between the cameras and the president as he moved into Bob Bennett's garage for his Paula Jones depo on Saturday.
Snow also made us chuckle when he asked whether it was true that there was a black helicopter hidden in the dumpster.
Hey Tony, ditch Ailes - you're ready for NBC!
Snow also hit on the White House listing all the legal things that went wrong for it this past week.
1. The Paula Jones Depo
2. Hillary was interviewed by Ken Starr.
3. Alexis Herman was accused of selling access.
4. Bruce Babbitt might be next for the appointment of an independent counsel.
5. Chicken giant Tyson Foods -- Clinton supporters was indicted. Old News.
6. Former Cisneros gold-digger pleaded guilty.
The rest of the panel discussion surrounded these topics and was really sophomoric. Juan Williams - we think you need to get another job. You are so darned inconsistent. Mara, we love you - you closet liberal you. And Brit, hey you're getting better. At least you think now.
Tony, well, you've got the best pundit show in television. Regards to R.A. from us!
MCLAUGHLIN GROUP
John McLaughlin - Used to Trust him - now we ain't so sure.
John McLaughlin made good his promise to talk about foreign affairs more on the GROUP. e again led with Saddam. The discussion was about whether top marine guy Ritter was a spy. Well who cares? Of course he is. So is every American who goes to foreign countries and has to report back to the Pentagon or the CIA. So what?
McLaughlin hates this war build-up in Iraq. He's the only pundit chief to recognize what we're doing there. The rest of the panel agrees. Except nut case Fred Barnes who obviously gets his rocks off dreaming of missiles killing babies in Baghdad. The Editor of "The Nation" Kr 'Whoseorwhatsit' was as boring as her magazine which spends more time posing as an intellectual rag than making sense. The only saving grace at The Nation is Dave Corn, who is much too absent from its pages lately. That preppy-creep Jay Carney was also on again yesterday.
He makes the women at APJ Journal cringe.
The second issue was also foreign related. The Pope's visit to Cuba. McLaughlin asked the lightweights what his impact will be on Helms-Burton and our virtual ignoring of Fidel Castro these last 40 years. No one made any sense. Some said that we'd do nothing to help Cuba because Gore needs to carry Florida in the primaries. Please. Gore will most likely go off unopposed and he DOESN'T need to carry Florida against George Bush Jr. in the general who'll carry it anyway in 2000.
Carney, who doesn't read, obviously, thinks "Fidel is fading." Huh? Fidel, perhaps unfortunately for us, is one of the most beloved men in Latin America - by democracies and dictatorships alike. He is anything but fading unless you mean he will probably die sometime.
But John McLaughlin lost all our respect in just five minutes when he launched into a pitiful defense of David Brinkley - sell-out extraordinairre and a "journalist" we think has been whoring to ADM and Dwayne Andreas for more than 10 years. McLaughlin put himself in the same harem and laughably thinks we'll believe that Dwayne respects Brinkley so much that Dave is free to say, do or write anything he wants while pimping ADM's corporate image before the Congress. Isn't is funny that ADM rarely if ever advertises on other shows like Rocky and Bullwinkle or "Ellen" for that matter. The reason -- No congressman or congressional staff watch those show very often. But they do watch the pundit shows and that's when ADM pulls out the stops and hammers them with how much they want to "feed the children of the world." No matter that ADM was indicted and convicted of short-weighing tons of grain in America's Food for Peace program. No matter that Andreas himself was almost thrown in the clink for bribing Nixon with millions in cash. No matter that ADM receives billions in taxpayer subsidies each year for its products. No matter that Brinkley, along with Bob Strauss, the Doles and other right and left wing lumninaria live at Dwayne's private kingdom condos at Bal Harbour, Florida at attractive prices. No matter that Dwayne owns the ears of nearly every congressman elected in the last 50 years. No matter that Dwayne just settled a price-fixing suit with the Feds and watched his executives go toward jail just one more time.
Sure John. Even Jim Lehrer sold out to Dwayne. You're all a bunch of phonies.
You know, we sat around this weekend and decided we really liked Dwayne Andreas - actually admired and respected him. He doesn't mind being shaken down by the Congress or television talking heads posing as "journalists." He knows how to use their greed and avarice for his and his stockholder's benefits. We're going to buy more stock in ADM and suggest you do the same. As a matter of fact, we think American investors should first look at Federal Election Commission reports on PACs and business leaders and then invest in the companies who give the most to politicians. Those companies are SURE WINNERS - believe you us! Like Tamraz, Andreas calls a spade a spade. He and about five other guys have been running this country for years. And you know what - they've done a pretty good job.
But for McLaughlin to laud Brinkley is a joke. He's nothing more than a pitiful old man who revealed whose owned him the past decade and now wants even more cash than he already has. For what? Who knows?
Maybe he aches for a conscience transplant or Gulfstream like Dwayne's. Heres out mail to McLaughlin:
McLaughlin, defending Brinkley was the biggest mistake you could have made. You should have defended Andreas - Now that's a win / win. You've lost all credibility and we bet Dwayne thinks you're a wimp for doing it.
We therefore clicked you off this week after that embarassing moment, and may never click you on again.
BEST REGARDS IN THE FUTURE
THE EDITORS, American Politics Journal
Tim Russert - Back on Track with Paula Jones
As usual Tim Russert did not disappoint except for having Maddie Albright on. She was toeing the line as usual on Saddam yet offering no proof like her junior Bill Richardson. Hey Mad! if you want to bomb him - bomb him. No need to excuse our actions to the rest of the world. After all, we own it- don't we?
Kudos to Russert however for exposing what Albright said when she once told the truth as UN Ambassador. She said: "As long as Saddam is in power, the sanctions will never be lifted."
And pooh's to Albright who actually said THIS yesterday "...WE ARE NOT THE ONES WHO HAVE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION."
Ha, ha, haha. She must have been joking?
At least Albright admitted she'd had a pitiful first year as Secretary of State. No wonder Jesse Helms loves her. And her whining about the Holocaust Museum not allowing Yassar Arafat to visit as a VIP was just humiliating and pitiful as well.
Madeleine? Why would Jews, who have had to build museums simply to remind the world that people try to kill entire races, wish to have a pig like Arafat visit in any manner - let alone as a very important person? You have gall to even ask. The guy murdered thousands of Jews, in the most despicable manner - He hid bombs in public places to kill little Jewish babies and their mothers. But what are we to expect from a woman who we are beginning to believe hid her Jewishness for all these years?
Albright went on to say she was proud of:
1. Delivering American foreign policy. - (Well isn't that your job?)
2. Having a great relathionship with congress? - (She must mean Jesse Helms.)
3. Being able to increase her own department's funding! (No comment)
4. Passing the chemical weapons treaty. (After we already developed them)
5. Expanding NATO. (to increase our power)
6. Making a decision in Bosnia.('Bout time, wouldn't you say Too bad you waited so long to intervene in the first place. How many children died as a result?)
7. Having a great Summit with Chinese leader Zemin. (Depends on what you mean by great)
8. Producing "rapid" foreign policy. (We'll vote for that -- unfortunately rapid "bad" policy)
We agree with number 3. The rest are pitiful testimony to the fact that President Clinton better get himself a new Secretary of State. Maybe the next one won't reward Suharto for killing innocent kids who demonstrate for Democracy and not treat the American people like we were morons.
Russert then brought on Iraqi bigwig Ambassador Hamdoon, who focused on Albright's previous remarks about Saddam quite well and offered and ironic statement that perhaps she had "changed her mind."
Hamdoon made it clear that Iraq was expecting to be attacked by combined British and American forces within weeks. Iraq is also training its people for that eventuality.
Hamdoon said, "... we are trying to end the sanctions that are killing our people. The Security Council should have considered this long ago. Over 5,000 Iraqi kids die every month. That's been going on for 7 years. What should we do?
Russert, trying vainly to be a tough guy leatherneck replied that Iraq could put an end to this by letting inspectors "do their job" and then the sanctions would be lifted.
But Hamdoon made it clear that Iraq did not believe that would ever happen so long as Saddam was in power.
We think he may be right. We hope he's not.
PAULA JONES (Our comments are in brackets)
After the break, Russert moved to Paula Jones. He brought out David Puke, we mean Pyke - another moron lawyer who is part of the Jones legal "team," Spokesbimbo Susan Carpenter McMillan and the Mouth, James Carville who was there, he said, against the wishes of Bob Bennett, who he claimed phoned him and asked him not to appear. Good PR either way.
Pyke, not so pseudo-attractive as his pal Holmes who appeared on Fox News Sunday, said he was satisfied that we "have reached this point. "The case is on the train to trial." (Then, of course, hoping against hope, he added that the case could settle.)
McBimbo, idiot that she is, underscored that Paula and her hairdresser along with the legal clowns and McBimbo had champagne for dinner while the President cancelled HIS dinner. (The snide implication? -- "What does that tell ya.")
Sure, but "Suzie the Coozie" as she was, and still is, called by her USC classmate, was all wet.
Carville said the suit was all about one thing - "Money, money, money". "her sister said it, now they're going for $2 million through this crackpot Rutherford 'Institute.'"
Crackpot institute is right. Rutherford basically supports Nazi's and gay-bashers. It's a disgraceful organization that has glommed on to Paula Jones like the AIDS virus attacks white blood cells.
McBimbo jumped to Pyke's rescue, burying him in the process by actually saying that Jones was "just a little girl from Arkansas." (ha, haha)
Well gag us with a spoon.
Carville came back attacking Jones for spending her "Legal Fund" money on dog grooming. stealing mailing lists to mine for more money for her bogus fund; and accusing McBimbo of shopping around her "book." He also reminded the audience that Rutherford's biggest "client" was white supremacist, Ralph Forbes, (an Arkansas Naziesque character if there ever was one.)
CARVILLE: "I'll tell you what it's about. It's a right to access (steal) a donor list. It's a right to have you dog groomed (it wasn't clear whether he meant Paula). Its a right to come here with a hairdresser (Well if anyone needs it, she does). It's a right to ask for (extort) two million dollars, its a right to shop around for a book contract, and you know what, when this thing started the President's approval rate was at 35%, now it's at 65%, by the time this is over it's gonna be at 105% and people in American see through this. This is nothing but a big money grab by Paula Jones, a big money grab by... Who's this Ralph Forbes guy, do you know him (Pyke denies knowing him) What do you know about Ralph Forbes? (Pkye says he doesn't know anything about him - lying through his teeth and then tries to attack Carville for saying that Rutherford is a crackpot organization) Is he (Forbes) a client of the Rutherford institute? (I do not know says Pyke, lying again)
McBimbo tries to jump in again, but Russert hands it to Pyke.
PYKE: "There's an allegation that this is a crackpot organization. The Rutherford Institute is paying the expenses of the litigation -- the out of pocket expenses that are necessary day to day ---court reporters, travel expenses (rubbers) that are necessary to go to depositions and things that are actually out of pocket. They aren't paying our legal fees - (Well, they couldn't they don't have much money.) What Carville refers to as a crackpot organization by its history has defended mainly first amendment freedoms (yeah sure) , those of religion (punks wearing crosses as key chains) and press (Far right media) and the organization was named after a man who thought it was important that the king not be above the law ( Yeah, a man no one ever heard of). So this is important to this organization. If those are crackpot ideas, then we need to throw away our bill of rights.(No, we need to throw you in the hoosegow)
Carville should have done his homework. He was good, but he could have been better. Here's the TRUTH about Rutherford:
[Coincidently, weird Mr. Whitehead, the president of Rutherford, is from Arkansas. He gets his "institute" involved in some pretty bizarre cases. For instance Rutherford "lawyers," who Whitehead claims are underpaid (well of course, they must be mostly idiots), went to the defense of an elementary school child in what Rutherford called the "Rush Limbaugh Case." It seemed the kid was bringing Limbaugh's crackpot newsletter to school and displaying Limbaugh bumper stickers and political pins in the classroom. That's what Pyke the Puke means by freedom of speech. Whitehead went to this punk's defense and won a judgement against Montvale Elementary School.
Rutherford also sticks its legal nose into other -- "more important" cases -- like defending teenaged hoodlums who wear rosaries and crosses around high school campuses, not because they are religious - quite the opposite - but because they're into satanism as expression. School officials, concerned that the rosaries smacked of gang-style jewelry asked the kids to stop, but Whitehead got a judgement against the school based on "religious freedom arguments" instead. The judge must have been "born again or worse."
Whitehead and his cult also attack this and other nation's "abuse of religious freedom." Can you believe it? They've been in the forefront urging President Clinton not to undercut trendy religious freedom laws -- which would have your kids down on their knees praying to virgins even if the children were Islamic or Jewish. Rutherford is also now circulating in Washington and state capitols more phoney religious freedom laws and have recently put Boris Yeltsin hinself on notice that they won't tolerate religious persecution in Russia.
Ha, ha, haha! We bet Yeltsin's shaking in his boots.
Unlike what Pyke says, The "Institute" is named for a prehistoric anti-monarchy activist who was a real wacko himself. I guess Whitehead sees Bill Clinton as a king.
The Rutherford "Institute" once had a state chapter network - including one in Dallas, where Donovan Campbell, Jones' chief lawyer, was head boy. Whitehead said he "closed" those chapters to concentrate his resources (meagre) on legal fights rather than office expenses.
Sure. What really happened was that Campbell and his cult couldn't raise enough money from the local Klan to make the field offices work. So Whitehead pulled the plug. Money is his most important product.
But what really galls us, is that Whitehead and his Institute are waging their religious crusades at yours and our expense. They're a "non-profit" corporation using our tax dollars to harass hard-working doctors who perform abortions and chase down the President merely to feather their own nest.
Pyke of course came unglued when Carville made his, much weaker, attack. He tried to counter Carville with baloney about how Rutherford was not a crackpot organization but rather one that supports free speech and religious freedom.
Sure, so did Hitler.]
Russert also attacked Paula Jones use of her Legal Fund (tax deductible?) to pay for her car repair bills, and telephone bills...
McBimbo cut in -- scared to death he'd go on. -- "Alright, let me . . .yes, .... But Russert ignored her.
Russert: There's been a lot of talk about Paula Jones makeover, the new look. Who paid for that herself or her legal fund?
McBimbo: We.... Her legal fund did not pay for that and she did not pay for that. (Jerry Falwell probably paid for it) Let me tell you something (always a sure lead in to a lie) it hasn't been a huge makeover. (Well, just look at the before and after pictures and you tell us!) I went out and had bought her some clothes (good English) She put a different hairstyle on (more good English) which most women in four to five, six years -- with the exception of me probably - Hah Hah Hah (phoney laugh) do. But I have to tell you what Mr. Carville does, the kind of sound bite, and let me tell you I'm one of his greatest admirers when he gets out and does the (snide) "crackpot thang." But let me tell you (another lie) the reality is there was no dog groomed. (Except Paula) They (Jones and her husband -- who no one has ever seen) are out of there earning under $40,000 a year salary, because of your guy is rich in this country( Huh?) , uh, had to go back and forth on court-ordered depositions (Who sued who you moron). They had a 15 year old dog, who is since deceased (Are we supposed to cry?) that they had to board or put on the plane with them. I was the one that said, Wait a minute! You're gonna be gone for two weeks, you have to pay that boarding fee and I talked them into (sneering now) $95.00! It wasn't some haircut like $250 on a tarmac (She is referring to the cost of the President's haircut on Air Force One - what a dunce -- is the President of the United States who works 120 hours a week to be now compared in privilege to Paula Jones? ha, haha, haha)
Russert said New Yorker reported that McBimbo went and pitched a book, "Still Standing: The Inside Story of Paula Jones (which we think she should have titled "Still Kneeling - Inside Paula Jones.")
McBimbo: "Absolutely no, no, no and no. I was contacted by a publicist. I had never even seeeeen the proposal. I knew about it when Jeff Toobin of the New Yorker wrote his article (a total lie) and I got the publicist on the phone (yeah, well who IS the publicist, we note she never said his name for fear we would talk to him or her or find out there was no such person) and I said, 'what in the world is this you're floating out here? And he said well I thought I had faxed you a copy. This is, and of course Mr. Carville (Okay. Is she a liar or what. How did the publicist who she supposedly had no idea was pitching HER idea for a book have her fax number, and how did she have his or her phone number. Really Susan, just how stupid do you think we are?) because of mistakes made in the media just loves to take that and run."
Carville: "I don't run with it. You were floating a proposal for $2 million dollars.
McBimbo: "That's a lie though... . (not sounding very convincing or lying as we like to say.)
Carville: "Just a minute. I let you speak, you me speak, okay? That's fair enough. Now, let me tell you who Ralph Forbes is. He's somebody that the Rutherford Institute represents. He's a white supremacist from Arkansas. Now I don't know what religious freedom has to do with White Supremacy. But that's these people. The man who runs this outfit, you know who he used to work for? Jerry Falwell, whose got to be the biggest liar in America who once accused the President of the United States of murder. He says 'Oh no, we're not crackpots as he sends out these anti gay homphobic mailers and in the New York Times today we see a thing -- a solicitation letter by the Rutherford Institute and Paula Jones sent by Paula Jones. This thing, at its core is about money. The American people have it figured out. You know what Paula Jones' favorable (rating) is -- 11%! I can't go anywhere in America to say all this is .... and people just say gee this is not hurtin the president, because people see right through this. They don't need no speech on the constitution. This is about the most basic thing there is in the world - dollars, dollars and more dollars. (What people say they we talk to is: Paula Jones, that whore, who gives a S%&t.)
Russert reminds us that Bob Bennett was on Meet the Press and said they could settle for about $700 thousand to a charity of Jones' choice but that the full claim in the court now is for $525,000....
Well Pyke the Puke jumps right in. he isn't gonna let the case go for a mere $525 thousand.
Pyke: That's incorrect he sneers.
Russert ignores him speaking to McBimbo saying that a settlement offer was proferred by "your attorneys" for $2 million!
Pyke: "Your question is based on several false premises, Tim. (He uses Russert's first name to throw him off in preparation for the next lie) And I,I, (stuttering) don't think...avoid that in the first place on what's been reported. First the lawsuit isn't $525,000 --that's simply an incorrect figure. (Yes it is.) The lawsuit if for an open-ended amount of damages plus attorney fees in the case. Under civil rights (ha, haha) claims we get to petition the court for attorney fees upon success (Well, we guess they won't be getting any then). And secondly, uh, the key component of any settlement in this case has been and will always be a statement ... (he checks himself there because he doesn't want the White House to think they HAVE to apologize. They don't. They just have to PAY THE EXTORTION MONEY) now Mr. Bennett did, has made comments on your show and other shows about maybe what he would be willing (Bennett's only blunder) to recommend to the President . . the fact is they haven't made that kind of offer.(Well of course not you moron. and they never will.) They deny that they've ever made an offer and so if there is a way to settle this case.. we don't want to negotiate here on TV( even thought that's what you are doing) and we want to negotiate with Mr. Bennett (fat chance you'll ever do that) in an appropriate forum like ethical lawyers do (key word - "ethical" that's why you are negotiating on TV now) But, uh, we don't have anything to negotiate. (That's for damn sure you crook)
Russert shows him a statement that Paula Jones put on the internet about five years ago. It says "I'm announcing here that any proceeds from this litigation above the cost of the case, will be donated by husband and me to a Little Rock charity.(Me) "
Well - all Hell broke loose from McBimbo's point of view. Listen to this BS from Suzie the Coozie:
McBimbo: These wonderful lawyers (gag) were not on board, unfortunately, at that time, and my understanding (not knowledge my you) is that was a statement put out by her attorneys (lie) Paula has never put out any statement like that (lie). That being said. I think she would be more than happy to do what she wants to do with her own money (Keep it or give it to McBimbo) if that is give is to a charity (note the word "if") THEN MCBIMBO GETS THAT DISGUSTING BITCHY TONE IN HER VOICE AND SAYS" I can tell you what's NOT gonna happen for this team for this team out of the White House to come and say 'we'll give so much money and we'll pick the charity (which they have never said) This is outlandish! It's never been done in the history of legal, of legal trials (ha, haha - how does she know? Did she research all 300 million trials held since the dawn of history?) That I'll pay you so much and I'll choose where the money I'm paying you GOES!!!!
Russert presses her further and of course the moron bites. "So Paula Jones does not wish to make one nickel on this lawsuit or will she sell her book rights and her movie rights?"
McBimbo: First of all there ARE no book rights (lie - of course there are. Even YOU have book rights if your story was interesting.) There are NO movie rights... Tim, why in the world would any plaintiff make that STUPID pledge? (Perhaps because they were being advised my Susie the Coozie?)
Carville - laughing. I have an idea. Want $2 million? (we thought he was gonna suggest dragging Paula through Beverly Hills) If Paula Jones would say this, 'I will never utter another public word or make another public appearance if I get two million dollars I can pass the hat around America and I guarantee ya, I could raise $2 million in two hours. And that would be a good thing. Because I think that the third graders would chip in for that..." (Hey, we're in for two bits James).
Pyke: Carville's view of this issue is different than mine. (Yes, Carville is telling the truth) I'm a lawyer (liar) ? I'm interested in the facts (lies) of the case and pointing on a case to prove what my client has alleged (made up) and we're interested in proving... that up. We're not interested in approval ratings (Sure they are, because they reflect what a jury will think of their case -- pure caca de toro) I'm not interested in the President's approval ratings whether they're positive or negative. (Well, then Paula better get a competent lawyer who would do his own polling to assess the mood of the nation. Any good lawyer would pay extremely close attention to both Paula Jones' approval ratings and the President's approval ratings. Why? because they would be a mirror reflection of the exact jury who would sit in judgement on this case.) And what the American people think about it, or what the people in Washington think about it is really not of great concern to us. (That;s because you're idiots) What we're concerned about eventually is what 12 disinterested jurors in Little Rock think about it (what a moron) and I'm very confident about how that's gonna turn out. (Yeah, sure. That's why you are up on national television violating the Judge's order not to discuss the case and jeopardizing your client. You ought to be disbarred.)
Carville: Well, as an attorney, if it's about her reputation why did she drop the suit against Mr. (Trooper) Ferguson if it was about her reputation? (Ferguson is said to have generally called her a $5 whore.) If that's what this whole thing was about? (Because these sleazebag lawyers know that Ferguson's testimony on Jones would finish her off for good.)
Pyke: Well I can't comment on why we would choose a strategy (but he goes on to do so) that if Miss Jones' friends know she's telling the truth and don't think...
Carville: Wait a minute this is a pubic thing. I'm not asking you to violate the court order (although you are doing that you moron) I'm saying this thing came up in . . of course nothing happened ... and then some magazine that five people read...and then all of a sudden she came out at some other crackpot conservative conference in Washington...
McBimbo: SNEERING AND YELLING - Can you say conservative without putting crackpot in front it every time?....
Carville: Sure, my wife Mary Matalin is a conservative, she's not a crackpot (like you.)
McBimbo: Well that's right but maybe she is, she married you. ha, haha, ha. (what a jerk.)
Russert asked Carville about the Matt Drudge / Mike Ishikoff story that Catharine Willey (what a name) , a former White House employee, has testified under oath that the President made advances to her, that trooper Danny Ferguson has testified under oath that he brought a woman, four times, in to see the President in the governor's mansion after he'd been elected. "Is there, in fact, a pattern of behavior that those who support President Clinton are worried about as it emerges in this trial.
Carville: Nah. First of all Willey's story is a whole story and of course the President . . the facts will come out. Let me tell you, If I was worried about it . . we're gonna have a trial. And remember Tim, I said that from day one. I said I don't see how this thing's not gonna go to trial. and frankly I don't worry about it a lot because frankly I know the President's telling the truth.
Russert then asked "Isn't that embarrassing?"
Carville: Let me tell you something. I think the American people are willing to put up with this money-driven law suit in return for the fact that the budget is balanced . . You wanna talk about something history making lets talk about that. You wanna talk about the inflation rate, lets talk about the stock market, lets talk about violent crime, lets talk about school test scores up. . I think the American people look and they say Look, this is what happened...successful . . no matter what ... they come up with this thing .. and if in return for a six hour inconvenience we can have the kind of America we have today I think the American people are very very happy...
McBimbo butts in: Tim, I think we're not talking about the balanced budget or anything else we're talking about morality and you asked the question to Mr. Carville about the pattern and I think to interpret what Mr. Carville said, It walks like a duck, it sounds like a duck (that's "talks" like a duck you cretin) but it's an elephant (And she's right there. A big fat sloppy Republican Elephant who is feeding on scandal and doing absolutely nothing in Congress or anywhere else for that matter.) And I think that is exactly at the heart of all this is that there is a pattern, I think anybody, if you took a poll - you talk about Paula Jones ratings, favorable ratings, if you took a poll of the American public on the standard of, of or, the standards and the morals of the President of this United States -- you'd be in one figure digits (ONE figure digit(S) ha, haha, haha, ha Of course she's wrong again. Americans love cads - a proven fact.)
Russert asks about the political agenda at work here. He skewers McBimbo quoting her as saying of the President, "Okay good, we're going to get that little slimeball."
McBimbo: Well that was exactly my quote.(She had to admit it. It's on tape.) I said that I, I believe about four or five years ago (her voice hesitates and quavers a bit, but then she comes on) And I find the case fascinating SINCE THEN. Since then having become a friend of Paula's (sounding absolutely star struck as if Paula Jones wasn't just the gold digging trash she seems) and knowing what I do about the case (Here she totally tells Judge Susan Webber Wright to shove it and violates the judges gag order. Hopefully the judge will put her in jail for that.) I think my political interest is long gone (Yes, it's converted into your MONETARY interest) this could be the most dedicated Republican in the world and I would say the same thing and the proof of it is I took on Bob Packwood when he was charged with these things. (This is absolutely untrue. She mentioned it once to our knowledge and only after Packwood admitted it)
Russert then pointed out to Pyke the Puke that Jones and her husband (if he exists) got $1,000 to appear in the ridiculous film "The Klinton Kronickles" a laughable movie which was hawked by Jerry Falwell, and then Jones came to Washington and appeared at the "Conservative Political Action Committee" and that The Rutherford Institute never took on a sex harassment case until this one. "How can you say this isn't an attempt by right-wing conservatives to get Bill Clinton," asked Russert.
Pyke: Well I think if you look at Paula Jones you know that she is not a political activist ( What he means is that she is a stupid pawn who couldn't talk her way out of a paper bag without getting on her knees) And her concern is not about what this means to the President or the presidency. It's about a concern about what happened between Miss Jones (why does he keep calling her MISS Jones, is she divorcing her mystery spouse?) and Mr. Clinton and Mr. Ferguson. And that's her concern and I think if you talk to her (Of course we won't let you) and you know her that's where she comes from. (We'd almost believe that if we also believed that the Pope was from Neptune sent down to earth by Yog the Impaler to hypnotize the world) Our law firm is interested in putting on a case (And billing $2 million in legal fees) and we have no delusions that this is going to bring down the president (that's a relief) or we're going to get the president. the only way we're going to get the president is convince a jury that he was, acted improperly and get a verdict in our favor. I don't pretend to think that that's going to have any political overtures ("overtures?" he must mean ramifications -- of course his limited education did not allow him to conjure up more than a three syllable word) for Mr. Clinton or for the Democratic Party and I'm not concerned on way or the other. (We bet. Isn't he concerned about going to Hell?)
Russert then gives him an opening which he is too stupid to take. He asks whether Pyke believes that Paula Jones has been used by political operatives during the course of this. Of course Pyke is too stupid to take the gentlemanly hint from Russert and hangs himself again by telling this out and out whopper of a lie:
Pyke: Absolutely not. I think that people, the that uh, use her statements that they are not associated with her, but I think she has chosen her own course (Blackmail and abuse of process aided by me) This is a strong lady whose put up with a tremendous amount to bring these charges (Well, how many times do you get a shot at what could be $10 million in book and movie rights from your vantage point as a moronic slut? Anyone might put up with a few barbs for that kinda dough.) and a tremendous amount of scrutiny to people criticizing how she combs her hair (Yeah us) where she cuts her hair (Us too) what kind of dresses she wears (We never commented on that - but we will now - YCCCHHH! McBimbo is nodding her head and murmuring "yes" like she's at a revival meeting) And then the allegation (Allegation? What allegation? She is what she is.) is made that this is all for money. (You bet red rider) She has been put through a lot of pain (So what? What about the pain to Hillary and Chelsea Clinton and Clinton's dead mother and his family - you piece of garbage.) After this lawsuit was filed JUST to get her day in court. (Yeah, and to extort money.) and she's a strong lady and continues to pursue her...
Carville: Well, I don't know whether she's a political activist, but she's a financial activist. She's in this for money. She wants money. She filed it for money. And that's all it's about. Money, money and more money. Period.
You bet.
We clicked off Russert when he started congratulating himself for having yet more clips of John Glenn talking about space travel.
This Week: Weaker Than Ever
Cokie
Sam Donaldson -- Walking a beat together at lastI missed the first few minutes of This Week, but if the remainder of the program was any indication, I didn't miss much of anythingÉ especially those cloying David Brinkley ADM spots. He'll speak to us "straight and true" on Meet the Press from now on.
Gag (order) Me With an Underwritten Attorney
While Susan Carpenter Macmillion was sparring with "Ol' Swampfungus" James Carville on Meet the Press, Sam and Cokie were stuck with Donovan Campbell, one of Paula Jones' retinue of high-priced mouthpieces. The guy has all the charisma of Ben Stein in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." I joined the broadcast as Don was explaining how the alleged incident caused "emotional trauma" on the part of his client.
Sam: "Is there a videotape?" Crikey, Sam, if there'd been one, we would have heard about it years agoÉ and never heard the end of it! Hell, I'd be watching it in streaming video NOW just to escape the thought of this stupid question!
Don: "Not that we know of."
George Will: "The pleadings say [Clinton] doesn't remember meeting her."
Don: "I can't answer any questions about what was said in any of the depositions."
He doesn't need to - it doesn't take a genius to leak information through other channels.
George then asked if Don could "prove a plausible time frame," making reference to "evidence that she was the sexual aggressor."
Campbell deflected the second comment, mentioning one Danny Ferguson (an Arkansas state trooper who allegedly chauffeured women to and from Clinton), who had also been sued by Jones.
George: "Will Ferguson be a net help" to Jones?
Don briefly answered yes - but I can only wonder what dirt Ferguson's lawyers may have dug on Paula.
Cokie, bless her soul, softballed a question about the average dollar amount in a sex harassment lawsuit being around $1,700.
Don argued that the alleged incident was not mere sex harassment but an equal protection clause violation, therefore begging larger remedies in the way of punitive damages.
Cokie then shifted focus to whether this was in fact a political suit, dragging out Campbell's Rutherford Foundation ties and the form letter "Paula Jones" sent out to tens of thousands of her best friends hitting them up for defense money. I'm disappointed I, a weekly prognosticator on things political on a multimillion hit site and I never got one!
But I digress.
Don: "Is this a political witch hunt? No."
Um just who do you think you're fooling, Campbell? "Pleadings say there is a pattern of [Clinton] approaching women for sexual purposes." Campbell alleges Clinton did this with quid-pro-quos (jobs, advancement) in mind. Good luck proving it to a jury, Don.
Final question from Sam: "Did Clinton's being President pose any obstacles to questioning?" Like he's going to invoke executive privilege, Sam?
Don: "It was not too much more difficult to question [Clinton] than any other major defendant."
Major defendant - cute.
Enjoy your fifteen seconds of fame, Campbell, then go crawl back under your rock.
Galactic Gush-a-Thon
Senator from Space John Glenn was up next to discuss (read: plug) his impending return to space. Why can't we just send Dan Burton instead, just pack him in the cargo section of the shuttle, and do lots of experiments on him?
Cokie, in full gush mode, asked Glenn why him, why now?
Glenn: "We want to do research into what happens in space to younger people that happens to older people on earth." I'll tell you what happens: plenty of good press for Glenn and NASA. "I have been through more medical checks than any former astronaut."
No kidding - you've been around longer than most astronauts! Glenn played up the research nature of his junket excuse me, upcoming mission and research into aging. "I became convinced a few years ago that this should be done."
George Will asked if this was going to be a boon to NASA politically, the sort of surprising, incisive question one would expect of a first-year journalism student.
Glenn: "It may have that side benefit" renewing the questing spirit, 'going west.' " The words "goin' south" crossed my mind with respect to Will as he opined that, dollar for dollar, the scientific yield from manned space flight was small.
Glenn: "I don't decry Hubble"; he then plugged the bioreactor and protein crystal growth experiments on recent manned flights as major breakthroughs.
Our question - will this help my receding hairline?
Will: "[These experiments are] dry as dust - people like heroism - is there a cash value to cultivating heroism?"
Glenn: "We've come a long way since the early orbital flightsÉ [we've had] only one tragic accident in space" but made no mention of the Apollo 1 ground catastrophe of 1967, "there are dangers driving to the office"
Shifting gears to Glenn's specific areas of interest, "[I'm] eager to look into muscle strains and sleep problems in space."
Having problems falling to sleep in orbit? Heck, watch This Week!
Sam made a big buildup about a breathtaking follow-up question before he asked "How did it feel lifting off for the first time?"
Glenn replied with "my standard answer: How would you feel if you were on top of 2 million parts built by the lowest bidding contractor?" and then shifted to the political environment of the late 1950s: "We were being beaten by the Soviets, for gosh sakesÉ we were being very critical of ourselves."
Then came Sam's big follow-up: "How will you feel this time?"
Penetrating, Sam, reeeal penetrating.
Glenn: "I'll be a lowly crew member - if the mission commanders says 'Jump' I'll say 'how high.'
He then spoke about the International Space Station and explained his absence from space since his first orbital mission: "Kennedy asked Jim Webb not to use me again in space" for political reasons which don't strike me as completely plausible "but now I'm back - who would've though age would be an advantage?" Not to mention being a Senator, John.
What ME Sabre-Rattle?
UN Ambassador Bill Richardson made his second pundit alley appearance of the morning, baring teeth.
When asked about the current situation vis-a-vis Iraq, Richardson replied that Saddam had made "provocative speechesÉ [there are] no grounds for lifting sanctionsÉ inspections must resume, that's the next thresholdÉ [his reaction is] desperation on his part" and although "he's backed off considerably [since the Gulf War]" and over 400 inspections have been conducted "he's a pariahÉ he's unpredictable."
Sam: "You said these sanctions [should] not be lifted."
Bill: "Our position has not changed Saddam must comply.
Cokie: "You say he's backed off - seven years later, [there's been] no backing off on Weapons of Mass Destruction.
Bill: "Saddam has been contained our policy has worked." Oh, come on! If he's been contained, Bill, why continue to paint him as an unpredictable pariah? And why the hand wringing and sabre-rattling?
Cokie: "He keeps throwing out inspectors [Iranian Ambassador] Hamdoon said 'We have lost our sensitivity to UN inspectors.
Bill: "If Iraq feels that they won't listen to the UN Security Council, there will be serious consequences." What was that about "our policy has worked"?
Round Table --Bottom-of-the-Barrel Pap
The usual suspects Sam, Cokie, Will, Bill Kristol and George Stephanopoulos -provided an eager nation with a heapin' helpin' of stale pap, straight from the bottom of the barrel.
Cokie: "Will Paula be the downfall of Bill?"
Bill Kristol: "It's going to be 'He Says, Lots of Shes Say.' " Maybe because lots of shes would love to, Kristol!
George "Mop Top" Stephanopoulos: "The Republican hope is never proven out."
Sam: "Bill is playing to history he's also been reading history Ulysses S. Grant." Second week in a row a pundit has made mention of figures or events from more than a century.
Mop Top: "[Clinton]'s been accused of murder by Jerry Falwell."
George Will: "The abandonment of Paula Jones discredits feminism... none have spoken up."
What crap - Pat Ireland tried getting through to Jones within a day or two of Jones' identity being revealed, and Jones or her people would not give Ireland the time of day. Nice try, George too bad some of us know the facts!
Cokie's reply: "Some have." No specifics. Helpful as always, that Cokie.
Mop Top: "All that matters in the long run is that if the President wins, that will be remembered."
Sam: "All Clinton had to do was pay Jones." And legitimize extortion, Sam.
Kristol: "Newsweek was going to run a story about harassment in the White House, now they're not."
Cokie: "The RNC voted not to impose a funding ban on 'partial birth' abortion opponents a mistake?"
George: "As long as 'partial birth' abortions" are in the public purview "it's good for the GOP this is near infanticide. The guy can be downright Buchananesque when he puts his mind to it!
Sam: "Gingrich was against the funding exclusion."
George: "They don't want everyone in [the GOP] they excluded David Duke."
What does the Klan have to do with late term abortions?
Kristol: The wife of J.C. , running to fill his seat, "supports Clinton, her opponent will use 'partial birth' abortions a major issue."
A flurry of rapid fire abortion pap Cokie: "My sources say the Democrats are worried about this."
Mop Top: "As well they should be, when the focus is on the fetus and not the woman."
Will: "And the fetus is always there, an astonishing thing."
Cokie: "Arafat was barred from the Holocaust Museum - a good thing?"
Kristol: "Bad idea for Clinton's people to push Arafat to go"
Mop Top: "What could be wrong with Arafat paying homage?"
Well, for starters, George, some of Kristol's pals might have a stroke hold it...what could be wrong with that?
Will: "The PLO is deep into Holocaust denial."
Sam: "Nothing wrong with the Department of State doing this. Arafat's led a murderous band let him go and see."
Will: "The PLO is still committed to the destruction of Israel." Huh?
Mop Top: "These gestures matter." They may tick off Kristol Ñ and many Jews -- and perhaps not be seen as sincere in some circles, but I have to agree with Steph on this one.
Kristol: "If he wants to show repentance, get that line out of the PLO Charter."
Last Licks
Sam celebrated his recent demotion by showing film clips from his White House beat under various Presidents.
Carter: "The biggest hazard was hitting him with the microphone"
Reagan: "Everyone felt good" maybe on the White House lawn they did, but there was plenty of misery to go around this country during the reign of The Great Napper.
And finally Clinton: "I'm shouting it's like we're not there."
You don't suppose there's a reason for that, do you, Sam?
The show was marginally better this week, but not much.
Stick to "Meet the Press."
TO THIS...TO THIS! ...
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