Thursday February 12th 1998 -- New York -- You just have to chuckle at the final, or is it semi-final report of Senator Fred Thompson's witch hunt committee which started with Senator Fred sternly reading allegations of Chinese undermining of the American democratic process - lead by Clintonites and fostered by Charlie Trie, a bunch of nuns, the Vice President, Janet Reno and anyone else who could be pinned as a Democrat.
Well Fred, you blew it - blew your chances for the presidency and lost our respect, almost, in the process. However, we must say, that of all the 'tonians we sent expensive 8 x 10 glossies of the Wizards of Washington Oz picture, Senator Thompson was the only one who bothered to send us a thank you and a note that he was having it framed for the office.
A good guy, but an ineffective Chairman for a Committee in which he had no heart.
The report was designed to make Fred look good and was penned by the best spin doctors he could find. And kudos to Thompson for releasing it at the height of the Lewinsky / Starr scandal. Why we almost missed it on the front page of the New York Times yesterday so titillated were we by the latest Malibu Ken Starr fiasco. By the way -- that's the NEW New York Times, which has become suspiciously right wing since young Sulzberger took the helm.
We've loaded the most hilarious portions of the "Report" for your entertainment. Enjoy!
Nope. We could mail that straight to Fred in the form of a Hong Kong Check and he could stick it in his campaign war chest with no problem.
2. The Committee could NOT establish and admitted it could not establish any ties between the government of the Peoples Republic of China nor that it funded, directed, or encouraged illegal contributions. Gee? What a surprise.
3. The morons who wrote the report and the bigger nuts that signed it said they HAD uncovered evidence that the Chinese "intended: to subvert our elections." How? By being zealous and creating "covert activities" to influence elections as well as finding "fragmentary" evidence that they tried to influence the 1996 presidential elections as well.
Well, knock us over! That sounds like a charge that could be leveled at Britain, France, Argentina and the rest of the world who maintain lavish embassies in Washington designed for one purpose -- to influence THE ELECTED, and a secondary one -- to entertain high level political candidates. Oh, don't get us wrong, there's nothing illegal about that. It's been going on since the 1770s and the First Continental Congress. So what's the big deal? Nothing. It was clear, even to Republicans on this committee who wrote the report that China was merely trying to match dollars and donuts with Taiwan who spends million each year trying to influence US foreign, economic and military policy. But then again so does Germany and Luxembourg. So we guess that's okay too.
4. The biggest laugh comes in the "China Section" of the report where the Committee was able to unearth only one small contribution from someone in the Chinese Consulate in Los Angeles. Where did that contribution go? -- To a Republican!!! Ha, ha, haha!!! And what was he running for? The lowly California Assembly! So much for that.
5. The report also says that one wealthy Hong Kong businessman - a DNC contributor who made his contribution legally -- was "briefed by Chinese Communist Party Officials." But briefed about what? The price of beef stew in Nanking? Holy Hong Chang Fred, you should have done better than that!
6. The Report cites not one instance of motive or opportunity to "influence" US elections in some dastardly manner as promised by the Chairman -- or, more likely, his incompetent staff.
7. Despite the Republican outcries that China was in the money laundering business to assure itself of Most Favored Nation trade status with the US -- not one scintilla of evidence was found in this regard nor was any reported by the Committee.
8. The garbage on John Huang contained in the report is hilarious. It claims Huang "may possibly have had a direct financial relationship with the PRC Government. But the basis of this information - a joke at best - is a single byte of UNVERIFIED information from some un-named intelligence agency. Oh boy. I guess that means the AT&T will be indicted next for its contracts with the PRC government to install cell phone towers in Shanghai!
9. As to the Riadys: They report says they had "a long term relationship with a Chinese intelligence agency." Which one. On what? Hate to tell you folks, but the Riadys, like many Indonesians, Brits and Frogs have relationship with Chinese intelligence agencies. In China, no major or even minor business gets done without building such "relationships." That's like saying that ADM has a "relationship" with the FBI - because it has investigated them so often.
10. How bout Maria Hsia? You remember her. She helped arrange the fundraiser for Gore. Well the report says she "has been an agent of the Chinese government." A secret agent? A buying agent? A real estate agent? And isn't that odd? Maria Hsia helped arrange a visit to Taiwan for Al Gore back in 89. Does this mean she's a "DOUBLE" real estate agent Fred?
11. Of course, whimpering Senator Joe Lieberman said that one of the report was okay because he found that Premier Zemin had approved something called the Central Leading Group for US Congressional Affairs. Gee Joe. Check with any embassy. They all have similar offices and officers whose only job is to kiss your congressional ass. And you've been to some of their parties.
12. Here's a good one. The Committee concluded the Chinese conspiracy must have existed -- although the can't prove it -- because the Chinese hyped up there US government liaison efforts after we granted the Taiwanese President a visa in 1995. This had never been done and it shocked the Chinese. They felt they had no good ear to the ground and thus beefed up there forces in Washington to get a better handle on the congressional and presidential mood. Guess what. So do most nations and most foreign and domestic corporations. Do you think all the big buildings and lobbyists were put there by stupid people? No. They were erected and implanted to monitor and influence the activities of the world's richest and most powerful government which impacts on everything in the Universe. And guess what? It's legal Fred. If it weren't you wouldn't have attended all those glitzy overstuffed parties at the British Embassy now, would you?
13. The sorry bottom line? Here it is:
"... Illegal foreign contributions were 'facilitated' by individuals with extensive ties to China..."
What a dismal expensive joke. What a mockery of the system we've made.
© 1998, 1997, American Politics Journal Publications Inc.