Spampaign Backfires

LEWINSKY, TRIPP & JONES
...not such unusual gals, we've found.

by Mac MacArthur

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 20th 1998 -- NEW YORK-- Before we begin on Monica Lewinsky and has-to-be female- impersonator Linda Tripp, we ask you to think about Bill Clinton and Mike McCurry -- and the fact that the "complicated" story of Bill. Monica, Linda and Paula may be something completely different than you're being told.

One more thing: pay attention to video of the President.

A quick once-over will tell you how moronic the right-wing dominated Supreme Court was when it sniveled up its empty-headed decision to allow trailer park gold-digger Paula Jones to sue Bill Clinton for "sexual harassment" and violation of her "right" to get raises and promotions, despite her obvious lack of intelligence. The court must have been snorting heroin to opine that the President of the United States could carry forward his duties while being subjected to the crackfire sniping of the American yellow press -- which includes the New York Times, Time Warner and General Electric (NBC) as well as the Washington Post -- long the most overrated rag in history and basing its entire reputation on one man, Bob Woodward, who did nothing more than take the job of stenographer to "Deep Throat" -- winning himself riches and reputation, ill-deserved unless you think puking out someone else's words is hard work.

We've been reviewing video clips of the President taken over the past few days. Frankly, he looks terrible, unfocused, embarrassed, and our collective hearts go out to him even as we profit from his trouble. Our readership has more than doubled since the Jones suit heated up and somehow we feel guilty. The viewership of pundit television has also nearly doubled.

America can't seem to get enough dirt.

And the Court was wrong. But even they must enjoy putting a glass to the wall and listening in on the tragedies of being human. They ought to be ashamed, but more on point, they should dismiss Ken Starr and stop this madness, leaving Jones and her "lawyers" on hold for another day.

The latest from the muckraking media is Monica Lewinsky's attempt to spiff up the President by allegedly purchasing new "hipper" sunglasses to replace the less-fashionable ones he often wore. Wolf Blitzer, a guy who made his career hanging out at the Pentagon during the phony Gulf War -- "Desert Storm" -- now makes his living talking about two sad women -- Lewinsky and Tripp -- and their bathroom talk about the President.

If you wonder why Monica Lewinsky's Mom is nearly beside herself with grief, think about this: Ken Starr and his mobsters played tapes of Monica for Mrs. Lewinsky which exposed her "sweet little girl" as nothing much more than most power mongering gold-gals in DC -- the kind who hang at Georgetown's River Club Ladies Room talking between stalls about the size of congressional penises and plotting about who they'll have sex with next.

Blitzer, who probably doesn't shave because he can't look in his mirror, tells us yesterday that he learned Monica was "so interested" in Bill Clinton's schedule that she told Linda Tripp she stole a document from Pentagon spokesperson Ken Bacon, for whom she worked, about a foreign trip by the President.

"He'll never notice," Lewinsky is heard saying on the tapes.

Gee, does Wolf have copies of the tapes too?

Nor does Blitzer connect dots that wouldn't pose a problem for a three year old. So let us do it for you:

Lewinsky, a spoiled Beverly Hills brat from a broken home begins to compulsively focus on the President. She's obviously a compulsive. She's fat. She eats to make herself feel better. She secretly chain smokes and drinks too much. She talks incessantly and has a sociopathic demeanor. Her own father hints at this in his diatribe yesterday. Monica was an easy target for hyena-like Linda Tripp who allegedly hasn't had a date in seventeen years. Tripp's a different story. She's handi-capable -- able to follow through even on the most tragic plots. Her mission? To destroy Bill and Hillary Clinton for failing to tap her as White House Chief of Staff and for Bill failing to love her.

Tripp, one of several quasi-female demons in this soap, joins forces with the likes of Paula Jones and her spokesbimbo Susan Carpenter McMillan. She whispers to Ms. Willey -- herself shell-shocked over her bankrupt politician husband's recent suicide. Tripp testifies. She tapes. She wires herself using Malibu Ken Starr as her beard. She waits. Like a jackal on the Masai Mara of Kenya she's patient. Only her persona gives her away -- She's pure and simple -- a bitch from Hell.

Now comes Ken Starr. He's a guy who's into self-immolation. He thinks the founding fathers were more important than Jesus. He knows he doesn't deserve to be respected, so he tries to self-destruct. He thinks his reputation, once undeservedly fine, will allow him to spend $50 million -- a $100 million of your money to bury the Clinton's. He thinks his pal billionaire Dick "The Riddler" Scaife will bail him out of anything. After all Scaife has set him up in a cushy unearned spot at Malibu U.

Starr is gaining weight too. He is also a compulsive eater. He loves to destroy people. He doesn't even know why. He loathes the people around him -- even the Republican fruitcakes he has to pretend to like -- and blames the President for his woes. He thinks Bill Clinton is just a lucky felon -- a Teflon Don -- who has made him, Judge Kenneth Starr, into a mockery. But it is Starr that has made a mockery of justice. "I'll get him," he whispers to himself each morning as he leaves his uglier-than-sin house in the DC burbs and jumps into his taxpayer-paid Chevy limo. He quips with reporters -- leaking while not leaking.

He pinches himself. "How could I be so lucky as to meet Linda Tripp?"

Blitzer also reports on other leaked tapes -- taking credit for them as "unreported" and hoping he'll get the Pulitzer for breaking the law - and the story:

"For example, Lewinsky says she purchased a pair of sun glasses for the president just before his visit to Latin America last year. She says on the tape his old ones were 'nerdy.' She claims she sent the sun glasses to Betty Currie, the president's private secretary. While working at the Pentagon, Lewinsky unsuccessfully attempted several times to get a job back at the White House because she wanted to be closer to Clinton. 'I want to get back there,' she says during one conversation. 'It's not going to happen,' Tripp, Lewinsky's onetime friend, is quoted as saying. 'They don't want you back.' "

They sure didn't. But why? This is the question nagging Wolf Blitzer. Why? What did Monica and Linda, the Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle Dumber of the West Wing have on the President? They HAD to have something.

Or did they?

Blitzer is too dumb to see it, so let us help him out.

What does this situation remind you of? Think back. Have you ever witnessed a woman scorned? Have you ever witnessed a woman scorned but once loved? Have you ever witnessed a woman scorned who was never loved by the object of her affection. Now, how about a woman who is obviously not "all there" who is fascinated with power and the men who hold it?

Gee, could that be Monica? We aren't sure, but we think so.

We do know that there is no way we can believe that the President carried on a long time affair with a pitiable girl like Monica. Like her, yes. Pity her, yes. Protect her, yes. But love her? No.

Monica is obviously unglued. That will come out in time. Of course the media will spin the leaks on Lewinsky's character as Monica-bashing. But this isn't the case. She's a good girl. She likes power like anyone else. She's attracted to tall handsome President's much as George Bush's women friend was attracted to him, and LBJ's and JFK's and FDR's. It's a liability of office.

But Monica is dangerous in her zeal.

We think Lewinsky was possessed not by the President, but by her own delusions. Like many of us, she began to believe her own lies. Sure, maybe, just maybe Bill Clinton dallied with Monica one evening. It could have happened. But it was most likely a dalliance, not some full-blown love affair. Bill Clinton loves and admires his wife. He dotes on his daughter. He's human, yes, but he's not stupid.

A mature woman would know that. But Monica wasn't mature. She was a very young 22. She's a very young 24. Very young. More like 11. And like any pre-pubescent girl, she was angry -- very angry that the President might ignore her, even be annoyed by her constant advances, notes, gifts.

But Bill Clinton also has a cross to bear -- he loves people. We know, we've seen it up close. It is a defensible story that Clinton felt sorry for Monica, maybe even "guilty" about her past. After all, Bill too came from what some know-it-alls describe as a "dysfunctional home." He knew her pain -- to quote a tired Clintonism. So, maybe, just maybe he let her wallow too long in her "love" for him -- a father figure, a strapping youngish President. Maybe his ego lead him to lead her on.

Maybe. And maybe they could have gone their separate ways.

But now comes Linda Tripp. As one of our female interns says, "Tripp is a woman to steer clear of. You only need to look at her for a moment to know that." She's right. Tripp presents as a disheveled lard-filled emotionally crippled woman who, like an Eastern European cleaning women, does her chores well. She is bright, clever in fact. She is a woman almost assuredly scorned, not only by men but by almost all around her.

She isn't the first one you think about when compiling an invitation list.

Linda keeps notes. She writes long diaries containing secrets of others - but never her own. She has no secrets. She is empty. And to fill herself she preys on others. She shook down the White House, more than once according to sources. She knew "things." She was moved out. And up. But she never forgets. Never. And so she set out to destroy those she perceived as her enemies. -- Those of whom she was outrageously jealous: Hillary Clinton, Kathleen Willey, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, and... the object of her own sick desire - William Jefferson Clinton. She was not alone in her secret love for Bill Clinton. But she was very much alone in her quest to destroy him and anyone she felt he might like -- including Vernon Jordan a man now hunted because he's a Black man who made it in a White man's world. Already the media is hunting him as a "sell out." And they'll keep it up.

Here's a fable:

Once, not too long ago, one of our friends fell in love with a well-known Washington photographer. She was one of those girls that hung out at "power bars." The two spent all their free time together for nearly a year. They traveled together -- To Europe, to closer to home. After some time, his love for her waned for many reasons. She was a girl akin, but not exactly of the Jones/Lewinsky/Tripp mold. He knew it, but loved her anyway. Part of him still loves her, he tells us. She was beautiful, tall, dark and over-mysterious. But she was just a hair off center. She tended to lie, and to take things. She tended to be jealous and compulsive. She put her entire life on hold for our friend. He didn't ask her to. She guarded, and kept her anger over this. He, over the months of their declining relationship, moved slowly but steadily away from her. She pressed on. She had a key. She appeared. She seduced him with her body and his pity and male weakness.

But then he fell in love with another.

In the end, he had to call the police to have her removed from his rooftop garden where she had secreted herself.

She was his Monica Lewinsky.

Another girl he knew and had once loved, was also on the scene at the same time. He met her originally through mutual friends. It was a hectic time for him. In the middle of a divorce, he was bereft. She helped him many times throughout his life then. She sheltered him. She fed what she could not have. She was a homely girl, overweight with dyed blonde hair. He was loyal to her. He was good to her. He phoned her nearly every day. But he fell out of love with her. He also owed her. Once, when he was in financial difficulty , she helped him out with a small loan.

One day, after hearing about his new love, she came to him and said she needed money. She pretended she still loved him that day. So, he gave her $25,000 of his jewelry, from better times. He gave it to her because she needed money -- or so she claimed -- and he, in fact, owed her about one fifth of the value. At the time he was struggling himself. He was raising his son alone. He had no extra money. As he placed his watches, cufflinks and the like in her hands he said calmly and with genuine concern, "Take this stuff. Take it and pawn it. You'll get $5,000 for it. Bring me the pawn tickets, and we'll be even."

She didn't. She kept the jewelry and then made a bee line for her lawyer -- a thief -- and had him fire off a letter to our editor saying the jewelry was repayment for a loan she had given him long ago. A loan to buy his love. He never answered the letter.

She was his Linda Tripp.

Another girl, earlier on, attracted our friend at a local Georgetown nightclub. She was tall, a natural blonde and one to be described as reeking of sexual allure. She had a sweet Southern accent, like so many girls in the District. She was a huntress. She wore beautiful clothes. He picked her up in this club. He slept with her. Later that day she borrowed his topcoat. It was cold. The topcoat was dear, costing plenty. It disappeared. He didn't say anything. She was too easy, too comfortable. A watch disappeared. Once she was in his car. He said something she didn't like and she jumped out of the car while it was moving. She was unhurt, but he was shaken. He scratched her off his list and later found out she was part of a group -- lead by one of the most beautiful, but somewhat older, women in Washington who was known to be available to the highest bidder. This girl who stole from him was a 'trainee' of the older and more beautiful tutor.

Later she tried to sully his reputation. It didn't work.

She was his Paula Jones.

The moral of these stories?

If you think back to those you may have loved or those you've heard of, you'll remember a Lewinsky, Tripp or Jones -- no matter which gender.

And then maybe you'll think about Bill Clinton's plight... in a different way.

Maybe.