THE TOENSING -- diGENOVAS
Victoria Toensing Ball and "Moe-Joe" diGenova
SEPARATED AT BIRTH FROM LUCY AND MOE?
Leakers? Or Just Leeks?

THURSDAY MARCH 5TH 1998 --- New York (APJP) -- We suppose, like everyone else today, we should be writing about the leak of the President's deposition to the Washington Post. Suffice it to say, "It's old news." As we write, Susan Carpenter McBimbo is sitting in a MSNBC studio lying through her teeth, and is allegedly as usual claiming the White House leaked the deposition. "Even Paula's husband hasn't see a copy," she grins. We should talk about her, but.....

No.

We're going to talk about two very much more disgusting characters than that -- two people that the brilliant writer Jacob Weisberg, and the illuminating Damon Chappie of Roll Call, the leading Capitol Hill newspaper -- seem to have little respect for.

Weisberg writes often for Slate, but he outdid himself examining none other than, from a Democrat's point of view, "The Couple from Hell" -- Lucy-like Victoria Toensing and Joe diGenova, the fourth Stooge -- a match that can't be beat if you're betting on the couple most likely to lose their clients first.

We remember the first time we saw Toensing on television. She was busy making a name for herself as a pundithead during the O.J. trial. She's an unusual looking woman. At first glance she appears to be a Betty Crocker type, but a second and sidewise third look tells the story -- she's a mean-spirited arrogant and so very smart cookie who'd cut your throat for a dollar, or that's what the talk is in Washington. Toensing's the type of brutal babe that Geraldo likes to invite on his show because she infuriates so many people. Her demeanor alone is like fingernails on a chalkboard. One thing's for sure: you wouldn't want her as your lawyer in a jury trial -- they'd hate her guts the moment she opened her mouth, and you'd lose straight out!

Victoria's husband Joe, who must have a tough time wearing the pants in that family, is a friendlier coot. He looks like a stick-battered hockey player. But don't be fooled -- diGenova is from the Ed Meese school of public prosecution. His laughable suits belie his taste in friends and wives. But somehow, the two of them found each other, fell in love, and proceeded to appoint themselves the spokesmouthpieces of the ultra right.

Okay. So that's not so bad.

Toensing had gassed O.J. before Day One of his infamous trial and Joe diGenova -- who Weisberg calls "one the most incontinent television commentators" -- landed "themselves" a cushy contract with the GOP to investigate, of all things, the Teamsters Union.

diGenova could be a Teamster himself. If you saw him on a loading dock, you'd ask him for a chaw. But now Joe and Vicky are in big trouble, and bets around Washington say they'll lose their contract with the Congress and the taxpayers footing their whopping bills.

diGenova, no stranger to spin, appeared with Tim Russert on Meet the Press this past weekend and told us with the fury of an "innocent" teenager that he "got a tip" from a reporter that he and Victoria were "targets" of a private investigator connected to the White House.

Ha, ha, haha!!

Who cares? I mean really, Joe, you take yourself too seriously. You get on TV a few too many times and you think the President of the United States is out to get not only you but that dyed redhead wife of yours and her twisted smile. You must be dreaming -- or did that publicist friend of yours tell you to lie?

Give us a break.

Weisberg thinks that the diGenovas are the sources of leaks from Malibu Ken Starr's office. It's hard to imagine that anyone, even Starr, would trust them. But then again, Starr is proving to be a mongoloid when it comes to selecting key "staff members." If Toensing/diGenova are an example, then perhaps the White House ought to be investigating them -- as aliens!

Either way, Toensing and Joe have no beef. If they are carrying the ball for Starr and telling that which is illegal to tell, they'll have to take the heat. But why worry? Both are moderate-level ex-federal prosecutors and both have refrigerator coolant running through their veins. If they are the orifice leaking, they are breaking the law. But they have the guts to take it. They must -- they look in the mirror, don't they?

The best reason to think the diGenovas are the wedded "deep throats" of Paulamonicagate is that they have no other claim to fame. They were nothing, are nothing, and their future seems dim.

So, as Weisberg points out, why the heck would either of them get on television as a "knowledgeable source" The answer? Because they are -- knowledgeable through all their old pro-Starr buddies at Justice and able to pass info to reporters who they knew during their days putting potheads in the clink.

diGenova was also, believe it or not, an independent prosecutor himself! He was so independent that he cleared his Boss George Bush, of allegations that Bush and his cronies were rifling Bill Clinton's passport files illegally during the '92 election cycle. What a surprise! Before that, Joe was just another eager beaver prosecutor with bad hair.

After that the GOP owed him. And they paid up.

But that doesn't explain how he gets himself and Vicky on the tube so often. So maybe Weisberg's right -- the press corps knows the diGenovas can be counted on to illegally transmit information to the press. We at American Politics Journal believe the diGenova's are the leakers. First, diGenova confirmed the famous "yanked" story of the Secret Service guy who supposedly saw Clinton and Lewinsky in a "compromising" position, then Toensing was the one who had the story pulled -- but not in time to keep it off the internet.

What a perfect set up: a husband and wife "leak team." One tells, the other retracts. It's hard to imagine it was any other way. How would he know it was true -- which it was not -- and how would she know it wasn't?

So there.

Weisberg writes,"In fact, the unreliable gossip they (the diGenovas) sometimes pass on makes the notorious Matt Drudge look discreet."

We'd go further: we think The Toensing/diGenova team make Matt Drudge look like Walter Cronkite -- their "fish" is that rotten.

The "dynamic duo" is still on the taxpayer dole via the House Education Committee -- while they appear, night and day, on television. They get $300,000 a year by you, the taxpayer, for 18 hours of work a week to investigate a corrupt union. Not a bad 320-plus-bucks-an-hour to investigate the folks they hate best -- the Teamsters! What they really do is practice sound bytes while issuing subpoenas to cover their tracks, says one DC insider. The diGenovas are, simultaneously, lobbyists for private clients, which sets them up to violate ethics by lobbying the same men and women -- The Congress -- who are paying them to look at the Carey election.

Weisberg did miss another scandal brewing over the diGenovas -- Toensing herself serves on a Commission with former FBI and CIA director William Webster, who wanted more money from congress to watch the Teamsters 1996 election. Every legal expert we contacted said Toensing is at least "unethical" serving two masters and serving WITH Webster. Is she loyal to Webster or to Congress?

Our guess is neither -- perhaps only to herself.

But here's the biggest laugh: diGenova also represents Dan "Cantaloupe Head" Burton, Chairman of the House Clinton Lynch Mob Committee -- and the guy who says Bill and Hillary had their best friend, Vince Foster, murdered, or did it themselves. diGenova is actually defending Burton, who is said to have shaken down a Pakistani lobbyist for mucho dinero and threatened his living if he didn't deliver. Burton sits on a Committee that impacts Pakistan. Need we say more?

The diGenovas have refused to show their timesheets to Democrat members of the House, who think the couple is putting one over on America. They say it's impossible for the diGenovas to spend 3000 minutes a month on the tube and still do the job on the Teamsters they were hired to do.

Years ago we were right. Toensing is a doomster and diGenova a profit-seeking backroom brawler. Both are looking for their own television show.

And -- you know what?

They'll probably get it.

TODAY'S VERNON JORDAN QUOTE AS HE CAME OUT OF A FULL DAY OF TESTIMONY WITH MALIBU KEN:

"I have just completed two days of testimony before the grand jury. I do not know whether I will be called back or not. First, it is a fact that I helped Monica Lewinsky find private employment in New York. Second, I took her to see Frank Carter, a fine Washington lawyer. And third, I kept the President of the United States informed of my activities. I did not, in any way, tell her or encourage her to lie, and my efforts to find her a job was not a quid pro quo for the affidavit that she signed. That is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith, and we will see what time will tell us.

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A Word from Eliot Janeway

"JK, a client, a friend, and one of the keenest minds in American politics, told me one afternoon: 'A good place to begin thinking critically about American and Western European democracies to ask yourself: What kind of man or woman would choose to run for public office? Think about that.' - I did."

From an Introduction to JK's "Washington -- The New American Babylon"
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