Friday, March 12, 1999 -- St. Paul, Minnesota -- My, my. Georgie-Porgie Puddin' Pie is on the cover of the elf-ridden anti-Clinton Newsweek, flogging his book. Sun rises in East!

Gee, George -- you couldn't have telegraphed the contents of your book more thoroughly if you had gone on the cover of The Weekly Standard. I wonder why you didn't see if Salon would interview you. You weren't worried that you might get asked some hard questions, were you?

I note that the Washington Post has already reviewed this book. Of course, they'd give it a thumbs up: WP doyenne Sally Quinn (who married her boss after she broke up his marriage -- guess she one-upped Monica!) hates Hillary for not kow-towing to her at her parties! A terrific Salon article from last March gave all the detailes of Princess Sally's snittishness.

I remember when whiny little in-way-over-his-head Georgie S. was being eaten alive by the same folks who now pat him on the back for betraying his ex-boss. Of course, Georgie sees it differently: he still can't get over being let go by the Clintons in favor of seasoned old pro David Gergen, who though a Republican was still a better White House staffer than Stephie-kins.

The truly hilarious part of the Post's review had to do with their ominous pontification to the effect that Yet Another Former Clinton "Intimate" Has Turned On Him... with the not-so-subtle-as-a-flying-mallet HINT! HINT! that (drum roll, please) He Must Really BE As Evil As Sally Quinn Says He Is!!!

Ahem... reality check here.

As far as enemies go: by simply existing, you will make enemies.

Case in point: When I was accepted for one of my first serious jobs, I had already, without knowing it, without even setting foot across the threshold of the office door, made at least two firm enemies and one staunch friend.

How?

A girl (I will not call her a woman, since she never behaved as an adult would) in the personnel section had the most blatantly embarrassing crush on the man who would be my new boss. She applied for the job hoping to be near him... and when she didn't get the job, she took it out on me. I could have been Mother Teresa and she would have hated me.

At the same time, she was engaged in a turf war with the head secretary of the office. This person, knowing that the love-smitten girl would automatically hate me, decided that she would be my dearest and best friend, on the old "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" principle.

All this before I ever met either of these two persons!

Now, if I -- who has not the ambition or the energy to climb to the top in any field -- can get enemies simply by existing, just how many more "enemies" do you think the most ambitious and active couple in the world have acquired over the years?

I'm talking about enemies like Sally Quinn, whom the Clintons inadvertently slighted by failing to attend her parties and kiss her ring; people like Georgie S., who can't face the fact that they sucked supremely at the jobs they were hired to do and still can't forgive being replaced by more competent people; or people like Chris Matthews of "Hardball", who wanted a job with the Clinton Administration but was turned down, and now exacts his revenge on cable TV.

Unfortunately, these people are all either very powerful in their own right, or are being used by others who are themselves truly enemies of the Clintons and their financiers, the Murdochs and Scaifes of this world.

-- Tamara Baker