Monday, April 19th, 1999 --- New York (APJP) -- If you ever doubted that Elizabeth Dole was a self-centered political whore who has her hand in your wallet even before she lays it on you, you might want to think about what you'd have to pay to hear her age-weary "vision" for America -- with her clothes on, no less!

Her going rate -- which admittedly is far less than Paula Jones' or Monica Lewinsky's -- is now hovering at $50,000 an hour, although, if you're a non-profit "john," she might "do you" for $25 thou. That's right! Only 25 grand to listen to her spew her carefully-covered hate for anything non-white, non-Midwestern, and non-Evangelo-Christian -- and this from a woman who broke up Bob Dole's first marriage and kept him from seeing his daughter for the girl's entire young life -- until, of course, he thought about running for president!

Liddy, as she hates to be called, has been stumping throughout the nation speaking to groups of very stupid businessmen who pony up the fifty grand to hear her "predictions" about next year's presidential election. In the next twelve weeks, she'll pocket more than half a million dollars casting her pearls before swine, and she probably won't pay a nickel of tax on it either!

What's truly amazing is that Mrs. Dole is "coincidentally" speaking in key primary states. In short, she's barnstorming through America picking up enough cash to actually "FORMALLY" announce she's running for President -- even though she knows she's running already. Why else would she need the ever-growing staff she's picking up -- and for what other reason would her geriatric husband expose himself to public ridicule talking candidly about his flaccid penis on network television?

Liddy doesn't just talk politics at $50,000 a pop. No way. Sometimes she's the Headline Act in "success seminars" held around the nation by evangelical snake oil salesmen who crowd a few thousand losers into a venue and convince them they could be a wealthy as Bill Gates if only they'd buy that $2,500 set of audio tapes from Daddy Warbucks Enterprises and voted for Liddy Dole.

The most amusing thing, of course, is that Liddy is not only picking up what I might characterize as "loose change" by presidential campaign standards, but she's probably doing it in a way that should be illegal. She is definitely just inside the law which disallows candidates from charging voters to listen to their pap.

And therein lies the wrinkle. We all know that corporations can't give Liddy fifty grand to run for president and lose -- that's against the law. But there's nothing illegal about paying her a million or two to speak before she announces her actual candidacy!

According to the Washington Post, her paid spokesman Ari Fleishcer claims that these appearances are "her source of income." Sure -- she really needs the money! We can't imagine how much Senator Bob squirreled away in offshore bank accounts before his private bank, ADM, was caught stuffing hundred dollar bills in Dick Nixon's socks drawer!

To be fair, Liddy isn't the only whore on the circuit. But she's paid higher than a madam, and "does it" with such frequency that she has to visit her political gynecologist daily for a pap smear followed by an hour with campaign finance lawyers who count the cash and and "launder" it -- making it all legal for another day.

Of course, Liddy will stop picking the corporate pocket once she actually announces her candidacy. She has to. That's the law. And so it is with Steve Forbes, who is also still formally "unannounced" even though he's been running commercials for over a year now. Gary Bauer and Pat Buchanan are pulling the same stunt -- but of course, no one would pony up $50,000 even to hear both of them talk to Michael Moore about their sex lives naked on stage at Carnegie Hall.

But let me tell you what honest men and women do when they "explore" the "possibility" of running for the highest office in the world. They don't take money for speaking -- even though they could by squeaking past the law as Liddy does every time she opens her mouth, gets on her knees and "preys" before the idols of power.

Thus far, Liddy has stumped for HMO executives, Texas oil men, The Florida Managed Care "Institute", something called Shippensburg University, The National Petrochemical & Refiners Association and, later this month, Atlas Van Lines.

Atlas Van Lines! Now, that's more up her alley. Wonder if they'll move her and Bob cross town to the White House?

-- Mac MacArthur

Bob Dole: A Man with No Principles

He's been called the "Darth Vader of American politics," a man apparently destined to claim the GOP Presidential nomination, despite the fact that two-thirds of his own party has voted against him. Described by The New York Times as a "maddening figure" with a "self-destructive personality," Kansas Senator Robert Dole is a dark and brooding man who over the years has evinced an almost unparalleled willingness to pander for his own political expediency at the expense of public policy.

One of his former aides, Stanley Hilton, says he was "repeatedly struck by the banality and superficiality of [Dole's] character and personality. He liked to communicate with
staff via one-page memos and one-liners. He had little interest in details. He didn't like to read. His only real concern seemed to be raising money. He had contempt for
common voters. And he believed in nothing."

Political pundits have remarked on the Senator's apparent inability to articulate a vision, or even explain why he wants to be President. Many think this is attributable to a real vacuity at his core. Indeed, Dole's utter lack of commitment to any ideals or beliefs is easy to discern by even a cursory look at his 44 years in public life.

For example, he first denounced, then embraced Oliver North when it was expedient for him to do so.

In a desperate play for support he told members of the Republican National Committee, "I'm willing to be another Ronald Reagan, if that's what you want."

And he's selfishly vindictive. Before the 1994 mid-term elections, Dole used 48 filibusters to kill every major piece of legislation before the Congress, including campaign finance and lobbying reform, an economic stimulus package, the crime bill, a national youth corps and more -- all for the purpose of making President Clinton appear
ineffectual.

In 1995 Dole showed his disregard for the nation's fiscal and political needs in order to appease the right wing of the Republican party, as he sought to outflank his extreme right-wing competitor, Sen. Phil Gramm.

Dole supported mindless tax cuts that will make the deficit skyrocket, and a regulatory reform bill that would allow restrictions of federal regulations to be applied retroactively to long-standing environmental, safety and health rules across the country. Last year he also abandoned decades of support for affirmative action. In a quest for campaign contributions from the National Rifle Association, he has attempted to repeal the ban on assault weapons.

To please his corporate contributors, Dole introduced an amendment to the sweeping tort reform bill that would limit punitive damages in all civil lawsuits in the country and strip states of the power they have had over such suits for more than 200 years.

Dole is the architect of "takings legislation" that would use billions in tax dollars to compensate big business for such things as complying with health and safety
requirements.

Sen. Dole has repeatedly said he doesn't believe there is a health care crisis in this country, and has supported Medicare cuts. He said he was surprised to learn recently that job security was an issue for American workers.

"Leadership," "character," and "decency" are buzzwords he repeatedly invokes on the campaign trail, yet his is a career that symbolizes much of what is wrong with politics -- the shilling of political favor in exchange for contributions.

Do Americans want a President who uses a rear view mirror for his road map into the 21st century?

With Robert Dole, voters get old verities as a substitute for new ideas.

- by Larry Jordan