May 7, 1999 -- St. Paul, Minnesota -- In a message dated May 6, a friend wrote:

The New York Post has an article about Paula Jones, apparently recently separated from her husband, signing a contract to work for a Psychic Line telephone company and then seeking to cancel the contract.

Yup, Paula's part of LaToya Jackson's psychic network.

Remember how she was going to go to manicurist school?

Y'know -- she stands to make a fortune combining the two enterprises. Picture this:

Now YOU can have a long-distance telekinetic manicure AND a psychic reading from world-renowned right-wing mascot and lying piece of trailer trash Paula Corbin Jones!

For a low, low introductory fee of $19.99 per minute, Little Rock's most famous trailer park resident will do your nails and your future at the same time - all while you sit in the comfort of your own Barcalounger at home!

Get those cuticles whipped into shape over the phone while Paula tells you all about the new lover who will soon enter your life:

His hair!

His gut! (especially his "Dunlop"... as in "it done lopped over da belt")

His voice!

(... but not, unfortunately, the true size and shape of his penis.)

But wait! There's more!

Act now, and you'll also receive, free of charge, a big-time Fundamentalist Christian scolding from Paula's big-haired friend and advisor, the rabidly idiotic Susan Carpenter-McMillan!

Thrill to Susan's dulcet fingernails-on-chalkboard tones as she tells you your ultimate future will be to BURN in HELL, you SINNER if you keep calling up these stupid-ass Satanic psychic hot lines! Guilt never felt so good... or was so affordable!

Don't delay.... dial 1-900-SCAIFEHO today! Please have your MasterCard or Visa number ready.

Or, better yet, just send cash!

Operators are standing by! Call NOW!