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Doc's DIS-patch
Bob Barr On a Literal Witch Hunt!

by Dave "Doctor" Gonzo

Monday, June 7, 1999 --- New York (APJP) -- You couldn't dream of a better target for "DIS-patch" than Rep. Bob Barr (R-17th Century Salem via Georgia).

He's the poster child for political hypocrisy.

He supports the most extreme anti-abortion legislation in the halls of Congress, yet still finds time to sign a check so that his wife's own pregnancy can be terminated. He has avoided the subject of his own lineage )which reportedly includes Haitian ancestors), yet has made speaking appearances before those paragons of old-fashioned values like Jim Crow and segregation, the CCC. He rants about the decline in American morals and values -- when he's not busy being photographed licking whipped cream off the breast of a stripper. He tries to harass Bill Clinton out of office making exaggerated and fraudulent claims that he is a perjurer, yet appears to have perjured himself in a deposition made in 1986 -- that is, when he was not hiding behind Georgia's equivalent of the fifth amendment.

Larry Flynt, pornographer supreme and staunch opponent of hypocrites everywhere, said Barr "could teach slippery behavior to a greased weasel." That almost comes across as a compliment.

Well, fans, if defending America from the threats of sensible gun control and freedom of choice -- not to mention attempting to subvert the Constitution by abusing the powers of impeachment -- weren't enough, Barr is off on another witch hunt.


The esteemed congressman from Georgia's seventh district has begun a campaign against something that may prove an even greater threat to national security than campaign cash from Chinese businessmen tied to the Red Army being pocketed by their own bagman:

Witches in the military.

No, I'm not making this up.

This one nearly slipped under even the APJ radar, but one of our readers alerted us to a story from last week's Atlanta Journal-Constitution in which it was reported that during a speech in his home district, Barr had ranted about a base commander at Fort Hood in Texas allowing a Wiccan ritual on his base (Wicca is the correct term for traditional pagan witchcraft as a religion).

Now, slippery ol' Bob may be shocked to learn that Wicca is a constitutionally-protected religion -- afforded the very same rights that Pat Robertson variety of money-grubbing Evangelical Christianity is.

Here's part of Barr's tirade, quoted from the article: "Wicca threatened to erode military discipline ... and the First Amendment needed to take a back seat to that concern."

BushBaby agrees with Barr: "That's right! There ought to be limits to freedom."
Gee, he's beginning to sound like George W. Bush Jr., who recently said that "there ought to be limits to freedom."

But I digress.

Bobby boy, if you want a religion that erodes military discipline, then you'd best have a little chat with certain Christian preachers and televangelists who have injected politics into their polemic homilies, claiming that Clinton "does not have the moral authority to lead our nation."

That amounts to what is called promoting sedition -- which just night prove a bit more legally dicey than, say, a ceremony in praise of the Earth Goddess.

As if that weren't enough, born-again Puritan Barr actually claimed that elected officials should decide which religions could be practiced in the military!

Okay, Bob, we have a few words for you. Repeat after me: "Separation of Church and State." Got a problem with that? Sounds like you do -- based on your seeking to abrogate the rights of Americans on the basis of their belief systems and your own religious prejudice.

Barr had even introduced an amendment to the Defense Appropriations bill that would have outlawed both practice of Wicca on military bases -- but it was shelved faster than a liberal could hop on their broomstick and say, "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little amendment, too!"

You've really got to hand it to Barr -- it's as if he's actually looking for more reasons for everyone from Larry Flynt to The Doc to nominate the little guy for a Political Hypocrisy Lifetime Achievement Award!

With Barr paying close attention to such dangers to our liberty as witches in uniform, The Doc thinks that he should consider returning to his old career as a prosecutor, moving to Salem, Massachusetts, hiring some of Ken Starr's castoffs and start gathering tinder for a good bonfire or two. Clearly the Bobster considers the Wiccan menace a far greater threat to his constituents than, say, the more than 2,000 jobs that Lockheed Martin cut in his home district recently.

And if the voters back in Georgia are paying attention, Barr had best begin following the example of the Good Witch of Little Rock and begin to look for digs north of the Beltway in preparation for his new career.

'Nuff said.

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ISSN No. 1523-1690