Dan Burton to Clinton: Help Me Bill? Please?

Dan Burton to Clinton: "Help Me Bill!"

Please!

Wednesday, July 2nd, 1997 -- Everyone agrees that ex-real estate salesman turned House member Dan Burton has unbelievable chutzpah. But no one thought him stupid until yesterday, when he asked the White House to help him find Yah Lin Trie, aka "Charlie" -- an old friend and mega-fundraiser to President Clinton. Charlie was last seen at a White House Christmas party on December 13th, 1996.

Reports are that Charlie has been jetting around to Hong Kong, China and Taiwan -- no doubt trying to keep his allies quiet about reports that he may have "overstepped" his bounds raising money for the POTUS.

Burton seems to think that just because he wants to talk with Trie that the White House will jump through hoops to help him. Burton, who himself if accused of shaking down the government of Pakistan for campaign bucks though its lobbyist, had the gall to drop a letter to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue stating that the "allegations" surrounding Trie "require" President Clinton's assistance in locating him as well as that of the State Department, which, of course, Clinton controls.

One can only imagine the laughter at the Oval Office when Burton's letter was opened.

Assuredly President Clinton hopped right to it and phoned Madeleine Albright, who just happened to be in Hong Kong yesterday celebrating the end of British rule and sipping cocktails with the Chinese Premier. I think he should have. Here's what could have happened:

The President asks for a direct line to Hong Kong. "Heck Madeleine! How ya doin'? Hey, you haven't seen Charlie over there, have ya? No? Well, okay. Just trying to do my best for Danny Boy. Take care. Bye."

Then the President calls in his secretary.

"Take a letter, please:

"Dear Danny:… strike that -- Dear Chairman Burton: I am in receipt of you letter dated July 1st, 1997, in which you request my aid and the help of the U.S. State Department to locate one Yah Lin "Charlie" Trie. As you know, we are also concerned about Mr. Trie's whereabouts. (Heh heh). Let me assure you that I have, this day, inquired, at the highest levels, as to Mr. Trie's whereabouts. The Secretary of State herself looked into the matter.

"No ruck… strike that -- No luck!

"Yours sincerely,

"Bill Clinton"

Of course, Burton didn't stop with the White House. He also fired off a letter to the Chinese leadership through their Ambassador, Li Daoyu, formally requesting Beijing's help in locating Trie "for return to the United States."

More laughter!

And the beat goes on.