by The Editors

Monday, July 5, 1999 --- New York (APJP) -- We received about six versions of this list of answers to the question "What is a Conservative?" this July Fourth weekend.

Now, while we would never say that all Conservatives are the bane of the earth and while our views are liberal overall, we were sufficiemtly amused by these quotes by a variety of political thinkers to pass this along.

And a word of thanks to our readers who passed this on to us, as well as the unidentified compiler of these quotes, wherever you are!

"To be conservative requires no brains whatsoever. Cabbages, cows and conifers are conservatives, and are so stupid they don't even know it. All that is basically required is acceptance of what exists."
Colin Welch (b. 1924; British journalist)

"When a nation's young men are conservative, its funeral bell is already rung."
Henry Ward Beecher (1813-87; U.S. clergyman, editor, author of "Proverbs from Plymouth Pulpit," 1887)

"All conservatives are such from personal defects. They have been effeminated by position or nature, born halt and blind, through luxury of their parents, and can only, like invalids, act on the defensive."
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-82; U.S. essayist, poet, philosopher)

"There are no black conservatives. Oh, there are neoconservatives with black skin, but they lack any claim to blackness other than the biological. They have forgotten their roots."
Stephen Carter (b. 1954; U.S. lawyer and author, "Reflections of an Affirmative Action Baby," 1992)

"The values to which the conservative appeals are inevitably caricatured by the individuals designated to put them into practice."
Harold Rosenberg (1906-78; U.S. art critic, author of "The Cultural Situation Today," in Partisan Review, 1972)

"A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs that is incapable of walking forward."
Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882-1945; U.S. statesman, 32nd President of the United States)

"I've been portrayed as a caveman by some. That's not true. I'm a conservative progressive, and that means I think all men are equal, be they slants, beaners or niggers."
Jesse Helms (b. 1921; U.S. Senator)

"A conservative government is an organized hypocrisy."
Benjamin Disraeli (1804-81; 1st Earl of Beaconsfield, British statesman, Prime Minister of Great Britain 1868 and 1874-80)