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by Tamara Baker

Tuesday, July 28, 1999 -- ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA -- As you all know, Rudy Giuliani is trying to poke fun at the First Lady by mocking her listening tour of upstate New York with a brief "listening tour" of his own in Arkansas, courtesy of the RNC.  (An idea this bizarre could only have come from the mind of Master Blast-Faxer Jim Nicholson.)

Arkansas residents:  In order to learn a little about the Man Who Would Tease Hillary, I humbly suggest that you ask him the following three little questions - then stand back (WAAAAY back) and watch his hot little combed-over head explode.

Ask him:

How come he was in favor of "carpetbagging" when he helped his hero Bobby Kennedy successfully run for Senate in 1964?  (Joe Conason went into detail about Rudy's double standard in a recent New York Observer article)

How come he and New York Goverrnor George Pataki don't get along? (Perhaps because back in 1994, he actively supported and endorsed the Democratic incumbent at the time, Mario Cuomo)

How come we never see his lovely wife, Donna Hanover, by his side?  (Perhaps because ever since she helped him win his first term as Mayor, he has instead openly preferred the company of one of his female staffers, Chrystine Lategano?)

Do make a point of asking him these questions -- and see if he answers them.

Heck, they don't even come close to what Hill and Bill have to put up with every day.  And we haven't even gone near the subjects of Abner Louima and Amadou Diallo, either!

Let's see if the old Hothead from Gracie Mansion can handle the heat.