President Bill Weld?

President Weld?

Tuesday, July 29th 1997: In a "sort-of" surprise move yesterday, Governor Bill Weld (R-MA) resigned his office -- ostensibly to devote full time to making Jesse Helms look like a moron. That wouldn't be hard, but Weld can't be serious if he thinks escalating his feud with the aging Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee will get him to Mexico City as U.S. Ambassador.

Of course neither Weld nor Helms is stupid. Helms makes a career of looking like a down-home country bumpkin, but he was smart enough to deny George Bush the presidency in 1992 by rallying his ultra-right troops against him and he's smart enough to pretend to be a "grumpy old man" and deny Weld his day in front of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee -- a hearing that would certainly give Weld the confirmation he needs.

You don't think Weld would step down from the lofty governorship of Massachusetts only to spend the next three years munching tacos in the drug capital of this hemisphere? Weld, for his part, has no real interest in jetting off on Mexicana Airlines to one of the world's most polluted cities.

Nope. The liberal soon-to-be former Governor and his pollsters have glommed onto some interesting stats that show America might be ready for a left-wing Republican President and Weld aims to get to the Oval Office in 2000.

The problem is that 85% of the country doesn't know his name, let alone who he is. Weld, a pro-choice guy who's soft on recreational and medicinal marijuana found just the showcase he needs -- a bitter fight with Helms who ranks just above Newt Gingrich in national popularity polls.

Weld, seeking fame, will take on Helms, attracting media attention to a battle that will pit the patrician preppy against the corn-shucking, tobacco-chewing octogenarian senator who is nearly the last remnant of good-ole-boy, Deep-South politics. Weld plans to use Helms as an example of what this nation doesn't want.

Weld and his people are also keeping a sharp eye on Newt Gingrich's numbers. Gingrich, the most hated politician in history, is viewed as a Helmsian kind of guy, although even for Newt that's an insult. But there's no doubt that Gingrich and Helms are lumped into the same mold by American voters -- too right, too mean, too adolescent for words.

In the wide-open race for the GOP nomination, Weld sees a terrific opportunity to attract the moderate and liberal wings of the Republican Party - a majority who is quickly tiring of what is seen as right wing extremism led by the Speaker and just a bit less so by Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott. Added to this is the chance to pick up the ever-growing demo-switcher voters who are languishing under an increasingly scandal-plagued White House. Weld could also be attractive to independent voters whose numbers swell each day.

The plot gets even thicker. Helms surely holds the keys here. There isn't a pundit alive that thinks Weld can beat the "Old Man" with showdown tactics. But Weld is underestimating Jesse.

If Helms is as crafty as they say, here's what he'll do:

After a few days of public bickering, Helms will back down, give Weld his hearing, and allow the confirmation to proceed.

Checkmate.

Weld will be the only fellow at his going away fiesta with a scowl. As he boards the plane to obscurity you'll hear Jesse Helms in the background ... chuckling.