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by Mac MacArthur
Friday, July 30, 1999 -- Ellicott City, Md. -- I was pacing outside the grand jury room in this suburban Washington burg waiting for the news on Linda Tripp.
The media -- intensely abuzz and salivating for more gossip on the Clintons -- were absolutely drooling, with fangs exposed, as they strolled the cheap tile floors of the courtroom hallway.
Greg Toppo, an AP writer, was running around with his notepad interviewing anyone and everyone about speculation concerning a Tripp indictment today. But there was no sign of Matt Drudge or the hideously ugly Lucianne Goldberg -- both "friends" of Ms. Tripp. Nor was her other "best friend," Newsleak's Michael Isikoff -- the cretinous opportunist who would have broken the Monica Lewinsky story had not Matt Drudge stolen it from him and posted it on his web site late one night last January.
Sure enough, just after 1 PM, a fellow from the D.A.'s office, whom I had coddled earlier with a hot cup of java and a bagel, grabbed my arm ad pulled me into the men's room.
"They're gonna indict her," he hissed. "The only question now is how many counts."
The number of counts is important to those of you who pray to see the despicable Tripp breaking up rocks in the gravel pits of Baltimore or picking up trash along Maryland highways, a job she's been training for all her life.
Tripp, who is rumored to be suicidal after uncovering the mirrors in her rented trailer for the first time in 22 years, may surely go over the edge after today.
State Prosecutor, my personal hero, and the newest FOB (Friend of Bill) Stephen Montanarelli will be spending at least the Renaissance Weekend with the POTUS and the First Lady next year. It was Steve who sent information on Tripp to the grandest of all Grand Juries.
And then the news came.
An absolutely heads-up grand jury indicted the "Pentagon Pig" on one count of illegally intercepting of a telephone call -- after she was told by her own lawyer that this was illegal!
But the second indictment came as a surprise to many in the judicial system and the press, and puts Michael "The Dweeb" Isikoff in the hot seat. Isikoff is best known for investigating Archer Daniels Midland on its ethanol monopoly. You remember ADM. They're the guys that used to deliver hundreds of thousands in cash to Dick Nixon. Well, Mike pretty much found nothing -- although he knew plenty.
What a miracle.
Then he was magically elevated from cub reporter to Newsweek political guru by none other than the Washington Post Companies.
The second indictment is against Tripp for revealing the fruit of her wiretaps to Isikoff who was aiding and abetting her in that crime in my opinion -- and knew, or should have known it.
Marna McClendon of the Howard County States Attorney's office took me aside and told me that the DA had recommended that the grand jury review his information. Ms. McClendon told me that the grand jury did indict Linda Tripp, and word is that they were delighted to do so. One can only hope that the jury in the upcoming Tripp Trial will be made up of the same fine Americans.
Marna told me she very satisfied and happy that the grand jury had done their duty. Later she would thank the grand jury in a public statement. Marna, a great looking middle-aged blonde, seemed thrilled to have nabbed Tripp.
Of course, after the announcements were made, many members of the press seemed more than a little out of joint about the potential grilling of Isikoff on the stand. Naturally, Isikoff won't have to be called -- because his stories and his insane and hate-filled remarks about what Lewinsky told Tripp have been all over cheap cable television for the past year, and those words more than testify to Tripp's guilt on count two.
The media will, of course, downplay the threat to Tripp's freedom. Watch for them to claim that Tripp will be able to deal and plead guilty to a lesser charge and serve no jail time.
We think, however, that Tripp should get the full 5 years for each offense and pay the $20,000.00 fine from her license-plate-making income while in prison. Maybe she'll even lose weight while sharing a cell with three or four lesbians eager to "train" a snitch like Tripp.
Also keep an eye out for members of the mainstream media to try and hang the DA for indicting Tripp for "purely political reasons."
The media will also stress that it is extremely rare to prosecute a case like this. This is true. However, it is true because information on wiretap violation usually comes from one or another spouse involved in a bitter divorce action. No prosecutor entertains such "family matter" cases as a rule.
The Tripp wiretapping was no family matter. It was just one element of a conspiracy between her, most likely Lucianne Goldberg, and Newsweek's Isikoff to spy on the president. And we're sure the little slime Matt Drudge wasn't far behind.
We only wish the DA had forwarded information to the Maryland grand jury that would have criminally implicated Isikoff. If anyone deserves to dine at the toilet of undeserved fame it's "Spikey." Isikoff is only surpassed in total air time devoted to lynching the President by Meet the Press's Tim Russert.
In short, it's a wonderful Summer day in Washington, and whether or not Tripp wears the badge of an orange prison jumpsuit is really not the issue. The truth is that most Americans are not like her. We don't make friends with one person in order to humiliate another. We don't engage in preposterous scandal-mongering and then stand on the courthouse steps proud of it and trembling with anger that the nation "just doesn't understand."
What Tripp has learned is simply this: when you conspire to hurt others, you always end up dying a thousand deaths yourself.