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by Tamara Baker

Monday, August 2, 1999 -- ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA -- Are you all sitting down?

Good.

You're not drinking or eating anything right now?

If you are, swallow it now, or be prepared to spew it on your keyboard.

Ready?

Okay.  Because you might, just MIGHT, be prepared to hear about one of Ken Starr's most patently offensive, ridiculous, and just plain stupid moves ever, one that should forever banish any doubt from your collective minds that this milksop-appearing jackass is anything other than a filth-obsessed dweeb.

In an Associated Press story dated August 1, 1999 concerning an upcoming New Yorker interview with Clinton friend and former administration official Webster Hubbell, it was revealed that back in 1993, one Kenneth Winston Starr had his "Schutzstaffel" grill Webb about not only his own sex life, but those of Bill and Hillary Clinton as well.  They were especially interested in knowing if he could confirm one choice slander being circulated among the tinfoil-hat wing of the conservative movement, wherein Hillary was alleged to have been having an affair with poor Vince Foster.

Ahem.

Let's take this one by one, shall we?

First off, I sincerely wish the wingnuts would make up their minds regarding Hillary.  I have heard the same persons, at different times, call her:
a) a lesbian;
b) frigid and uninterested in any form of sex;
c) a "sullen bitch";  or
d) heavily involved in an affair with Vince Foster.

Of course, the wingnuts picked Foster since, being dead and all, he can't refute their crazy-ass lies. In fact, it was the sheer horror of having to deal with the filthy lies -- the sordid lies and twisted half- and quarter-truths -- being scooped up and distributed by depraved Beltway Republicans and their hand-picked pundits, that made Vince Foster put a gun to his head in the first place.

And to think that it has gotten a thousand times WORSE since his death; how the Clintons have kept from going totally bonkers is beyond me.

Second off, it shows that even in 1993, Starr knew that the Whitewater OIC investigation would find absolutely no evidence of wrongdoing on the Clintons' parts -- as had the RTC probe and the $3 million Pillsbury probe.

Therefore, with Whitewater itself soon to prove -- to Starr, at least -- to be a dry hole if not a dry socket, Starr had to have a fallback option to keep the OIC probe, so politically damaging to the Clintons (it may have cost them the Congress), alive.

What better way to do that than dig through the sexual histories of every single person the Clintons ever knew?

But, even then, the probing turned up nothing.

Things looked bad for Kenny -- so bad that in February of 1997, he tried to bail -- but was forced back onto the job by his howling GOP Congressional masters and his Federalist Society buds.

It was only when Linda Tripp -- who had been visiting the Whitewater OIC since before Starr took over from Robert Fiske -- made her illegal tapes that Starr had any kind of hook in the Clintons, and he had to illegally collude with the Paula Jones legal team in order to make that hook feasible.

Which is why it is my sincerest hope that the Maryland prosecutors throw the book at Ms. Tripp.  Starr may be untouchable, as his buddy Michael Shaheen demonstrated last week... but Linda sure isn't.