Mudge 101

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DID SENATOR ORRIN HATCH SELL U.S. CITIZENSHIP TO SON OF KOREAN SPY?

HATCH FINGERED AS OPERATIVE IN KOREAN OLYMPIC SPY CASE!
FBI MAY BE INVESTIGATING UTAH SENATOR

WAS JOHN KIM PLOTTING TO BLOW UP THE WORLD TRADE CENTER?
WERE NUCLEAR SECRETS PART OF THE DEAL?
WAS KIM REALLY A GENERAL IN THE NORTH KOREAN AIR FORCE -- OR WAS HE A BAG MAN FOR THE PRC?

JOHN "HUANG" KIM FLEES THE COUNTRY -- WILL TAKE THE FIFTH IF EXTRADITED, JOINING THOUSANDS OF REPUBLICANS WHO HAVE DONE THE SAME!!!!

MUDGE 101
YOU TOO CAN BE AN INTERNET "NEWS" MAVEN

by Dave "Doctor" Gonzo and Dratt Mudge

Tuesday, Sept. 7, 1999 --- New York (APJP) -- See how simple it is? We know those headlines got your attention.

Just for the fun of it, we thought we'd give a Mudge-esque "spin" to a story that appeared ever-so-briefly yesterday -- and show what you can do with a story that has no legs, making it into one that does.

Step One: Get a usable story off a wire service, from a newspaper, or off the Internet -- in this case, we are using an actual article from yesterday's online edition of the Capitol Hill newspaper Roll Call:

Man Indicted In Olympic Bribery Scandal Mentions Hatch
by Damon Chappie
Roll Call -- September 6, 1999 -- Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) has been pulled into the Salt Lake City Olympic bribery scandal by the son of one of the most powerful International Olympic Committee members after the son was indicted last week on charges of lying to the FBI and fraudulently obtaining a green card.

Step Two: Pull a sentence from the article, preferably out of context. Chappie's words "Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) has been pulled into the Salt Lake City Olympic bribery scandal" fill the bill quite adequately.

Step Three: Get creative! A little further down in the story:

...John Kim, who is in South Korea, asserted through a spokesman in New York that Hatch offered assistance in helping Kim obtain a green card.

Yes! You can claim that Kim has "fled the country" -- and claim he did it to avoid testifying in any legal or Congressional hearings!

Kim spokesman William Schechter said Kim's attorneys have a letter from Salt Lake bid president Tom Welch to Kim saying Hatch in 1991 was "prepared to provide special legislation if necessary to overcome any problems that John may have on his green card."

Great! You can ask "in return for just what, Orrin? Exclusive publication and distribution for your lucrative music dealings? Or is there a more sinister, ulterior motive?" Make sure to throw in every "yellow peril, Asian menace" implication your fevered imagination can come up with. Just make sure to OMIT the line from the Roll Call story that says "Hatch did not take any action in obtaining Kim's green card, both and Hatch's office said" -- or your story may lose that "edge" necessary to whip all of the conspirawackos into a frenzy.

But be sure to make a big deal concerning:

... Schechter [saying] Hatch's "unsolicited intervention ... begs the question: Why would John have needed this job if not simply for legitimate business reasons?"

Then take the next line...

Schechter declined to release a copy of the letter but he said the Justice Department was given a copy of it...

...and conflate it into a possible FBI investigation!

Step Four: Finish off by "driving home" your point -- tying the story to any other convenient fabricated "scandal" that comes to mind. In this case, so-called ChinaGate is the no-brainer choice. But don't stop there -- for example, increasing speculation that apocalyptic nutballs may pull some horrific stunt in advance of millennial celebrations makes mention of a World Trade Center-type attack a great "tie-in." And you know that accusing Kim of being a "deep cover plant" from Pyongyang will resonate well with the anti-Commie "twilight struggle" crowd!

Now, wasn't that simple? Because you just know that's how Matt Drudge would have led if it was Clinton that helped the kid with his green card.

'Nuff said!