Pat, Al, Bill, Bruce... and Lotto?

Pat, Al, Bill, Bruce... and Lotto?
by Mac MacArthur

OCTOBER 15, 1999--Washington (APJ)

Führer Pukeanan to Bolt to Reform Party
...but they'll kick him out too.

So! Little "Paddy Puke" is pouting and moving to the Reform Party.

Or so he thinks.

He may become a member of that party, but we still doubt whether even those kooks will nominate a man who knows the times of every time Hitler bought a candy bar--or a new oven.

Really.

Did you see "the Puke" on Larry King Live or on Chris "Cashew-Brain" Matthews' Hardballs? Pukeanan spent two hours reciting everything Hitler did since birth--by date and by what he was wearing on that date.

The Puke, who attacked Reform Party Governor of Minnesota Jesse Ventura for his interview in Playboy, now realizes that was a mistake. So Pat is now busy kissing Jesse's wrestler butt. But we count on Jesse to throw Pat down and pin him to Hitler's grave. (By the way Pat - where is your hero Adolf buried?)

The two Carlsons, Tucker (the moderate neo-fascist) and Margaret (the liberal neo-fascist) debated the Buchanan move. But why? He has no chance in hell of becoming anything, let alone the President of the United States--okay, maybe Chancellor of Germany, but not President--unless he is counting on the American Militias to stuff ballot boxes throughout the United States. Then there are the White Power supporters, the Jew haters, the American Nazi Party, the Klan, and the Council of Conservative Citizens (otherwise known as the White Kollar Klan). Altogether, that's about 13,000 votes! Maybe Pat does have a chance - to be a dog catcher in a hamlet at Wyoming.

We still put our money on anyone but Pukeanan to win the Reform Party nomination.

But one thing is for sure: Fat Pat's career on television is over, over, over.

Even Rupert Murdoch and that little punk son of his Lachlan wouldn't have the nerve to hire Pukeanan for another talk show. Imagine putting on a Neo-Nazi like Pat and getting sponsors to support the show! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha... goodbye, Pat. I think you should contact Dr. Jack Kevorkian; he'll be out of prison soon.

Al Gore is Officially Endorsed by the AFL-CIO
But Bradley is beating him in Connecticut 51-37%!

Al Gore talked about the Reagan-Bush and Bush-Quayle recession at the AFL-CIO gig on Wednesday! Good line--since there has never been a recession during the Clinton-Gore Administration. Gore also told the AFL that BushBaby wants to lower the minimum wage rather than raise it--and that Bush favors stealing from your paycheck by stealth means.

The Teamsters were the only union affiliated with the AFL that did not endorse Gore today.

After all, they are so squeaky clean now (tee hee).

Bill Bradley, in typical wimp style, said he "respects" John Sweeney--the president of the AFL--and thanked everyone at the AFL for supporting him--the ones that did, that is... all five of them.

CNN claimed that the AFL voted to endorse Gore was "in deference to John Sweeney." I'd say that's because Sweeney knows Bradley is a loser. Bradley's brand of 1960's compassion, no matter how much we may like it, cannot win a national election--not when the U.S. Senate had been pressured by the nation to vote down a Nuclear Test Ban treaty although we have all the nuclear weapons we need should we decide to blow up the Earth rather than go "Red." You know it's not time for Jesus-figure Bradley to win a national election.

But the AFL endorsement hasn't meant that much in the past. More than 32% or more of AFL-CIO members voted for Dole in 1996, if you can believe that! Male blue collar workers voted for Dole by even larger ratios.

The Teamsters are supposedly all upset because they are worried sick about Mexican truckers being allowed to truck in the U.S some time soon--under NAFTA.

However, this sounds more like the Teamster's bosses--the owners of the trucking industry--who would be worried about a good cheap replacement for Teamster workers. Or would they? We agree with the Teamsters--keep Mexican drivers out of the U.S. All we need right now is more traffic on our interstate highways with trucks that would be removed by helicopters if US drivers dared to run them!

Teamsters, stop kissing the butts of your trucking owners. And stop posing as Bush lovers and bragging about Little Jimmy Hoffa's dinner with Warren Beatty in Beverly Hills earlier this week!

The Teamsters are supporting HIllary Clinton--but that is because "Il Douche-ay" Giuliani, in his days as a prosecutor, launched an investigation which uncovered major discrepancies in the Teamster's "bookkeeping." Look, I love the Teamsters--but they aren't thinking clearly. What are they gonna do, back moron Pukeanan when he has to run as an Independent just to save face after the Reform Party kicks his Nazi ass out? Or, will they support George Dumbellyou?

Sure.

Cut the garbage, Hoffa. Make your deal with Gore now. I hear he's willing to give you chrome mud flaps and brand new GORE 2000 baseball caps for all your members!

The AFL is launching an all-out attack on Bradley in New Hampshire, Connecticut (except for Greenwich) and other early primary states. Good for them. It's about time that good Democrats came out to support Gore--a man loyal to the end, and at great personal and political risk.

That's the kind of guy I want in the White House.

No Charges for Babbitt
...and a quick lesson in Politics 101

Unlike the Independent Counsel,
Babbitt's fishing expedition
ends in success.

Yet another Nazi-backed witch hunt failed this week--and don't say I didn't tell you so. The "Independent Council" has been investigating Babbitt for gaming license fraud committed by a bunch of Indians--not Babbitt. These less-than-stupid tribes in Wisconsin tried to bribe the White House by giving the DNC a couple of hundred thousand dollars hoping to buy itself yet another gaming license in the same region.

Babbitt turned them down. He was right to do so.

Then Babbitt's own Linda Tripp--another "friend" and a disrespected lobbyist representing the "dumb" Indians, told the GOP that Babbitt told him that the White House was pressuring Babbitt to give them the license. Problem is, that was not the truth. What really happened was that this lobbyist, who didn't know sh&*t from Shinola, took the Indians for a ride, and when his stupid plot failed they were out to scalp him. Figuratively, that is. So Mr. Lobbyist made up this story that the money he told the Indians to pay worked, but that it was Babbitt who was defying the White House! Yeah, right!

And who said Indians weren't suckers? That is not a racist comment... more of an advice.

Hey, Chief, when you give someone $200,000, make sure you HAVE IT IN WRITING!!! You could have made the contribution dependent on the license being granted--without actually doing so, and without actually asking for it. Of course, your lobbyist was too stupid to know this.

As the wisest man to have ever served on the Los Angeles City Council, Gilbert Lindsey, taught me, "Well, he said, I never really asked for money just before I was to announce whether I would run again for that council seat." The seat controlled downtown LA and all the business that moved there between 1970 and the present. Big Business owned Gil lock stock and barrel, in a town where is costs more to run for the City Council than it does to run for a House seat.

And why not? There is more money to be made in big city government! Ask Herr Rudy.

Anyway, Gil would check into a hospital a couple of weeks before the deadline to file. Then the papers would pick it up: Lindsey Too Sick to Run! But Lindsey wasn't ill at all, even though he was old--I think he had served about 100 years on the Council by 1980. Of course, every lobbyist, every developer, the "Department" of Water and Power, and the LA Times would begin foaming. They had huge investments in this guy--they owned him. Now they might have to start all over again.

So, one by one, they visited the great Mr. Lindsey in his hospital room. When they walked in, Gil would pretend he was near death's door. After some minutes of boring conversation Lindsey would say "Well, even if I get out of here, I just can't take another race. I just don't have enough money to make an easy run, and I'm too damn old to walk the District." Of course, Lindsey was so well loved by his constituents that he could run on 50 cents and still win for sure.

Gil would then say the following: "Now, if there was... say, $450,000 in my campaign account when I check out of the hospital [money he could use any way he wished, including on his gorgeous 'secretaries'], maybe... just maybe... I'll declare that I'm still a candidate."

Well, you can guess the rest of the story.

The money appeared as if by magic. Lindsey ran and won, ran and won, ran and won. He died in office--and not that long ago.

If Gil Lindsey, a black American with little or no education, could control the biggest businesses and banks in Southern California, you would think American Indians could do the same.

Anyhow, the "Independent" (translate: Republican Operative) Counsel for Babbitt came up empty after 18 months--and ten million dollars. Gee whiz.

Independent Council Update

The fat lady didn't show,
so Starr sang instead.

"Independent" Councils Ralph Lancaster and Ken Starr are still lurking and spending your tax money. Lancaster is still investigating Alexis Herman--in our opinion, because she is a black woman. Starr, meanwhile, is getting ready to flee for the hills. It is rumored that he and his wife are sick of being accosted, spit at, and yelled at in the supermarket and restaurants for being such a despicable tool of the ultra-right wing.

Bradley and Gore to Debate on March 6th
Just before the California Primary--and sponsored by the Neo-Nazi owners of the Los Angeles Times

Gore and Bradley will also debate at Dartmouth in NH, on October 27th. Tune in for this. Gore will slay Bradley.

Moron Alabamans listen to Televangelists and Shun Lotto!
RutherFraud Institute Ecstatic

The troglodytes of Alabama, who already have the second-worst educational system in the world (just behind Trent Lott's Mississippi and Tibet), voted yesterday to ban a State Lottery to benefit education.

Now that makes sense.

Instead, Alabamans will drive to Georgia--just as they have been all along--and gamble nearly $1 billion dollars a year in the Georgia State Lottery, which has awarded nearly 200,000 Hope Scholarships to poor students in that state

...about a third of them coming from Alabama citizens!

The cretins who defeated the Lottery--in the name of God, mind you--were pleased as punch. They even promised they would "look into" other solutions to send tens of thousands of Alabaman girls and boys to the three or four colleges still open in the "Moron State."

Don't worry--with average total verbal and math scores of 375.03 on the SAT, they won't qualify anyway.

Of course, what is more important: listening to some cracker used-car-salesman-turned-preacher, or educating your children?

Well, that's a no-brainer, isn't it!

CNN's Jeff Greenfield Comments
...about the political implications of a "Subway Series" in New York?

Huh?

Greenfield says "when the politicians throw out the first ball--they get booed heartily."

Yeah--so go on, Jeff!

But that was really all he had to say on the nation's number one sport and its impact on American politics.

NY has seen more world series contests than any state. But that's because they used to have three teams, including the Dodgers and the Giants. Greenfield, who worked for utlrasonic bore New York Mayor Lindsey (a white Lindsey), pointed out that a photo taken of Lindsey in 1969 in the locker room when the Mets won the World Sseries was worth millions in free media.

Really? Why? What about the Yankee fans that photo angered?

Of course, Greenfield worked his way to commenting on Hillary Clinton's having worn a Yankee cap in a two-team state. But also pointed out correctly that Giuliani is a Yankee fan as well.

Maybe Hillary can get in both locker rooms for a picture!

Best Line of the Week
...came from CNN's top anchor, Bernie Shaw: "What's a coup, anyway?"

Click here for more commentary by Mac MacArthur.