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"Dictionary Bill" Safire: Showing Senility Again
Bill Safire - All that's missing is his paper slippers and drool cup
Friday, October 17th 1997: I read in the Times this morning that Bill Safire, who unexplanedly sits on the Pulitzer Committee is now part of its sub-committee that's going to decide whether internet journalism is "worthy of consideration" as a new element in the Pulitizer categories? Maybe he'll nominate me after he reads this.
A couple of days ago, the Times ran the following piece from Safire, which to my mind, shows senility is setting in faster than I predicted last year. Safire has now put himself up as the Republican Grand Inquisitor, looking foolish as ever with poorly constructed deposition-like questions which his over-inflated ego tells him are razor-sharp inquiries that would hang the President if he dared answer them. I've put Safire's remarks in parenthesis and my ideas of how the President might answer them below each question.
Let's see who'd win in Safire's kangaroo court.
"Pushing Reno Ahead"
An Essay by William Safire
WASHINGTON -- Evidence linking President Clinton to the conspiracy to subvert campaign finance laws came on videotape when an Indonesian gardener, used as a conduit in illegal foreign-based contributions, told Clinton, "James Riady sent me."
The Editors: Sure, and Mother Theresa was a pimp.
On "Meet the Press" Sunday, NBC's Tim Russert asked Janet Reno if she intended to ask President Clinton what that message meant. She first tried to dodge with "We're going to ... interview anyone who has information concerning the transactions involved. ..." But when pressed -- "So you could interview the President if you so chose?" -- she replied, "Exactly."
The Editors: I saw the interview. Janet Reno didn't try to "dodge" any of Russert's questions. She was forthcoming, as usual, and just because she chose not to select out the President, Safire calls this hedging.
At last an opening.
The Editors: Yeah ,in your brain pan.
But at this still-early stage, investigators must seek Clinton's consent to any questioning. On Monday the President tried to slip away with a vague "I will do whatever I can to get them whatever information they think they need." But that evasion didn't fly; reporters nailed him down to answering "if she wished to interview me."
The Editors:What evasion? "I will do whatever I can..." doesn't sound like an evasion to me. This is a typical Safire tactic -- twisting what most people would say was a decent answer. "Still early stage?" - Right - five years is a pretty short time Bill.
So, at long last, public opinion has forced a conflicted Justice Department to ask, and a slippery President to agree to answer, questions about the campaign conspiracy.
The Editors: Public opinion has nothing to do with it. The President's polls are as strong as ever. Clinton never dodged talking to the Justice Department. Also note Safire's use of the word "conspiracy" -- as if that's a given. Trashy journalism at it's best.
As a service to the President's overloaded counsel, here are a few lines of questioning to prepare for.
1. When you greeted the Indonesian gardener Arief Wiriadinata at a White House coffee, were you aware he was a $425,000 contributor? Did you take his "James Riady sent me" to mean Riady had set it up? (Clinton will profess ignorance, but those four words open the door to examining his long relationship with Riady, his employee John Huang and the Lippo-Stephens-Asian connection.)
Bill Clinton's Answer:
No, but I knew that Wiriadinata's trimmed a helluva hedge! Seriously, I didn't know who the heck the guy was. I noticed he had grass stains under his fingernails and if you look closely at the tape you can see my hesitance to shake his hand. I never heard him say "James Riady sent me," I thought he said 'Dames really party with gents like me' - I remember that distinctly because I love to party and thought I might get his card after the lunch. Anyway, those four words won't open any door Bill. You're delusional.
2. With whom have you discussed answers to potential questions about meetings with Riady, Huang, Charlie Trie and Johnny Chung? (Since the Supreme Court holds that no "privilege" exists for White House lawyers, this will enable a grand jury to examine collusion and obstruction.)
Bill Clinton's Answer:
Well, no one really, unless you count my little chat with Eleanor Roosevelt - thanks to Hillary - who told me that Riady, Trie and Chung were hired by the Republicans to embarrass me. Sure, I chat with dead people - it's better than Gingrich. Anyway, what's your point? Do you think talking with lawyers about wild and incompetent charges like yours is against the law:? Do you think it's "collusion" or "obstruction" when you seek advice from counsel? You're all wet Safire.
3. Did you discuss fund-raising with James Riady (now beyond the reach of investigators) in 1992? During your November 1994 visit to Indonesia? Were you informed of funds he may have directed to your campaigns through others? Did Riady or his associate, Joseph Giroir, recommend that you hire Huang?
Bill Clinton's Answer:
Ha! You got me there Safire. I'll bet I've discussed fundraising with Riady about a hundred times! He's pretty smart you know. Got lot's of ideas to raise cash -- legally. I really don't recall what we talked about in Indonesia, but if we did speak of fund-raising it was probably me asking him if he knew any rich people who could legally help us out. I wasn't informed about Riady "directing" funds through others -- is that some kind of a telekinetic thing? Eleanor told me about that. It looks like I should have been talking to Haley Barbour. Bill, are you sure you're really on the Pulitzer Board?
4. Here is a list of meetings you held with Riady and with Huang in the White House. Was fund-raising discussed? Assuming these were not "social visits," as originally claimed, was trade policy about China also discussed? Did Mark Grobmyer or Mark Middleton attend any of these meetings, and did they discuss fund-raising or policy or both?
Bill Clinton's Answer:
Well, most of these so-called "meetings" had dozens of other people in them. You know Bill, when you were defending Nixon I was about 23 years old. I know Jim Riady for a lot of years too. He was a good friend and supporter. Huang was a go-getter, I could see that. I think Jim relied on him for lots of things, but I didn't know Huang would get over-zealous - and Jim probably didn't either. You see Bill, a lot of people want to impress me. It goes with the territory. So they overstep their bounds sometimes. They go crazy. But, yes, I always asked Jim's opinion on fundraising tactics. After all, he's built a huge company out there in Indonesia. His advice is reliable, as I've said before. We might have discussed China trade policy. So what? Riady knows a lot about China. He does business there. He's a good sounding board for my ideas. I talk about China with a lot of people - even the waiter at the Dragon Seed restaurant on "M" Street - you'd be surprised how much stuff that guy knows. As far as Grobmyer and Middleton go, I don't remember if they were there, but if they were at any of the meetings they'd most likely be discussing women or baseball or something like that.
5. Did you ever have reason to be aware of Huang's frequent contact with the Riady family's Lippo Group while he served at Commerce and at D.N.C.? Any written or oral messages come to you from Riady through Huang or Giroir or anybody else about steering money to Web Hubbell? Any telephone or E-mail communications with Riady?
Bill Clinton's Answer:
You really must be senile Bill. Do you think I sit around monitoring people's phone calls? If Huang was calling Lippo from Commerce or the DNC that's okay with me. After all, those people were his friends, colleagues and former colleagues. I guess you wouldn't understand that. We don't censor people's ability to communicate in this country Safire - even though I think you'd like us to. Web Hubbell is a tired old boy, trying to hang on. I feel for him, and I'd help him out if I could. But anything I'd do as his friend would be perverted by "journalists" like you who live on scandal. I talked to Riady on the phone many times - mostly about Paula Jones. Riady can't type - so e-mail would be a little tough.
6. In your Sept. 13, 1995, meeting in the Oval Office with Riady, Huang, Giroir and Bruce Lindsey, while Huang was a Commerce official, was fund-raising discussed? Who in that meeting recommended that Huang be transferred to the D.N.C.? Did you make that decision? What was your reason to switch Huang from favor-doer to money-seeker? Did you direct Harold Ickes or Lindsey to tell the D.N.C. to hire Huang?
Bill Clinton's Answer:
Nope, we were discussing the upcoming World Series. I think we did talk about Huang moving over to DNC. He was bored at Commerce and wanted to get active in the campaign. I said, sure, I'll look into it. Who knew he'd go crazy and raise all that money? You know, the majority of that money was legal and we kept it. Huang was a victim of his own ego. The more he raised, the more he wanted to raise. I think that's probably when he slipped up and confused success with thoughtlessness. Too bad. he would have had a good future. Harold didn't like Huang. Something about his breath. Bruce may have called Fowler about Huang, but I don't monitor these things on a minute-by--minute basis. By the way, I am the head of the Democratic Party by tradition. It there something wrong with that too?
7. Do you or Hillary Clinton have any personal diary or journal entries, or any recordings for memoirs not part of the White House files, or notes couched as family letters, that refer to fund-raising, to the coffees or overnights, or to any of the abovementioned people? Were no audiotapes made of calls from Air Force One or Marine One, or your limousine?
Bill Clinton's Answer:
Well Safire, I don't read Hillary's diary, and in case you haven't guessed, I'm not consumed enough by fundraising to put thoughts about it in my journals. Family letters, couches? You're raving. I can see it now. Dear Mom: Boy I had a great day today. We helped raise a couple of million dollars at an illegal dinner this evening that will allow the Democrats to fight the GOP and it's seemingly endless battle against the poor. Love, Billy. Sure bet Bill. Are you certain you're all there? I don't tape phone calls. I learned that from your pal Nixon and my pal LBJ.
8. Did you discuss with Al Gore your fund-raising phone calls from the White House? Did he or any member of his or your staff warn you about the law regarding solicitation on Federal property? How many meetings of major contributors were held in the Oval Office, Roosevelt Room or Cabinet Room?
Bill Clinton's Answer:
You bet. I told Al that I was sick of Harold Ickes nagging me about making those damn calls. I told Al he should make 'em because I was too busy and too disinclined to ask people to help out. My supporters knew we needed money. They knew the GOP was out-raising us two to one at the time. Do you think they're stupid? So why would I have to dial for dollars? Anyway, those jackals are around every minute, basically throwing money at me hoping I'll do them a favor. I never do, but hope springs eternal, doesn't it Bill? As far as raising money on federal property goes - this is MY house for the past five years and the next three. I wish it really was the "peoples" house, and Lord knows everyone's always traipsing through it night and day like it was . How would you like it if I gave away tickets for people to tromp through your living room seven days a week? How would you like to live in a virtual prison 24 hours a day because you have to owing to the fact that about 10,000 psychos want to off you so they can get interviewed by Geraldo? The first thing I'm gonna do next year is propose legislation that makes the White House the Presidents residence - period. If I want to call someone and thank them for helping me out, that's my business. As far as I'm concerned this stuff about 'where' you call someone is a bunch of hogwash that Republican behind-kissers like you are pushing down people's throats. You're like a decorated Rush Limbaugh or something Bill. I had a lot a meetings with major supporters in many rooms in the White House. But the meetings weren't about illegal cash. They were about the direction of the nation. You know Safire, some wealthy people actually work for a living and feel they have something to contribute. These guys build big companies, they employ a lot of people. They have a lot of influence on the way things go. It's nothing but smart to listen to them and their opinions. That doesn't mean I adopt them as my own. But I do listen. It seems you'd prefer I just sat here and read the Bible or something to get a handle on welfare of medicare or unemployment problems. Get real Safire. In case you didn't know, I'm allowed to have meetings with anybody I want -commies, homosexuals, Jews, Blacks, CEO's, -- all of them can come in to talk to me if I choose - in the Oval Office, or in my bathroom upstairs. I'd say most people who meet me support me. They like me, and I like them. If you're implying that every meeting is a fundraiser, then you're crazier than I thought. I have about 80 meetings a day, I'm scheduled by five minute blocks - that's twelve meetings an hour, about 3,000 a year or 15,000 since I was sworn in. I think I attended a few hundred meetings that had to do with raising money. That's about 2% Bill. You're way off base with your wild charges.
Here's how I see you Bill. You're a pseudo intellectual who spends all too much time with your head buried in a dictionary. Your readership is severely down, and lately you've been making an obscenely large living attacking me and other people who actually do things. I think you're a disgrace to journalism. Most of your sentences are unreadable. You're a consummate poser and word-twisting Republican whore who thinks pitting the rich against the poor is the way to go. Your friends are the very people who support me and the Republicans simultaneously. Don't you wonder why? I'll tell you, because they think we're gonna favor them over good policy for most Americans. But we don't, do we. So what does that make them? Suckers or power mongers, or just bored rich people who want to hang around the President? Take your choice. You're an elitist who's persona non grata in all but the sleaziest Capitol Hill offices. Try making a living writing truth rather than perverting the words, the law, and the very foundation upon which this Republic is based. Greed.
Safire: That's or openers. After we compare your answers with testimony from others, and are prosecuting or immunizing those taking the Fifth, and have extradited your fugitive colleagues -- may we return for more voluntary cooperation?
Bill Clinton's Answer:
Why you silly, smug sonovabitch. You couldn't compare answers between your multiple personalities. Your naivete thinking we can extradite those creeps is sad and misleading as usual. Your use of the term "fugitive colleagues" is designed to inflame your readers and has no basis in truth.
You bet, you can return. I love to sit around and waste my time with wanna-be intellects who pinch themselves every morning for "getting away with it." You honestly make me laugh Safire.
And one more thing Bill. If you ever call my wife a liar again, I'd knock your friggin head off.
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