A Wild, Wild Week

Doc's DIS-patch
GOP Rejoices as Pat Bolts to Destroy the Reform Party
Republicans elated as Pat follows Bob Smith out the door--for good!
by Dave "Doctor' Gonzo

October 26, 1999--NEW YORK--"One more down, Doc. I just hope this heralds the beginning of a return to sanity."

I was talking to my pal Steve--a lifelong Republican born and raised in Connecticut, a lawyer in DC, and a friend of The Doc's since childhood. I had called him this morning to say hello and to talk about the death of John Chafee, a GOPer we both liked and admired. Talk turned to the very real troubles that the hard-righters in the DeLay-Lott faction of the GOP now face on Capitol Hill from both within and outside their party--and they face far more than the broadcast and print media are hinting at.

Which led, of course, to the subject of Pat Buchanan.

"'Good riddance to bad rubbish' doesn't even begin to say it, Doc. Pat draws the political scum the way cow pats draw flies. The way a lot of people down here see it, Pat wants to be perceived as playing off fear, but decode any five minutes of his blustering and you can see he's playing off hate, prejudice, rage and the worst possible fascist sentiments.

Steve was on a roll. "He's no fool--five years of Gingrich made hate acceptable among some conservatives. Made Pat acceptable. But now they're gone from the GOP. Marginalized. And now they're Ross Perot's problem!" My friend laughed, and so did I--Republicans still hold a grudge against Perot for "robbing" them of two presidential elections, and some moderate Republicans actually see Pat's defection to Ross's party yesterday as a sort of ironic revenge.

We had a field day tearing apart Pat's melodramatic utterings in which he announced his switch to the Reform Party yesterday. Here's our "translation" of Patspeak from yesterday's speech, in a nutshell

Pat: "Sometimes party loyalty asks too much." Like basic human decency, Pat.

"Our vaunted two-party system is a snare and a delusion, a fraud upon the nation." Pat followed that lineup with a completely phony depiction of America as a "victim" of NAFTA, GATT and the WTO-- where we in fact rule the roost. If Pat wants examples of fraud, all he needs do is say something.

His "forgotten Americans whose jobs went overseas" line had Steve and me scratching our heads. "Unbelievable," said Steve, "every business owner I know is having trouble finding people to fill empty offices and cubicles."

And when Pat started simpering about soft money--when everyone in the Beltway knows that Pat's been nothing but a 'professional' presidential candidate for most of the Nineties, and that Reform 'matching' money must look too damn tempting for Pat to pass up. And Pat's press pals' deafening silence on that little wrinkle to the story should come as no surprise.

But the pivotal moment for The Doc was when Pat started ratcheting up the 'blut und ehre' rhetoric: "Let me lay out our Patriots' Road for America." Now, hold it--if that isn't a naked, shameless nod to the militia and 'patriot' movement, I don't know what is. And he was also feeding the troops plenty of spin to 'defend' the term isolationist. Great way to deflect and avoid the real issues--like Pat trying to keep all the damn wetbacks and boat people out of America.

The lowest point came as Pat started ranting about "keep[ing] the country out of wars that are not this country's quarrel." In other words, screw human rights--Pinochets, Miloseviches, sweatshop owners, and death squads have a free pass from Pat, making the world a safer place for fascism, refugees and victims be damned.

And, of course, he could not resist rising to the bait of Clinton-bashing, even talking about "evicting" Clinton from office. He sounded almost as unhinged as hyperactive pundette Ann Coulter--after all, the only thing likely to "evict" Clinton is the end of his second full term. Buchanan's decision to resort to cheap, theatrical hyperbole only underscored the vapid yet shrill message of his speech.

He continued to bash Bill, talking ominously about the "desecration of a sacred temple," as if the Constitution were a religion and the White House a sort of Saint Peter's Basilica. Remind you of anyone? Maybe Germany in the 'thirties? If that didn't, his bloviating oratory about a 'Government of National Unity and Reconciliation' sure did, along with his constant repetition of "my friends"--a favorite rhetorical device of tyrants everywhere.

And Steve, unlike many of his Republican brethern, agreed with me. "This was the beginning of the end for Pat," he said. "Whether or not he gets the Reform nod, he's out of the GOP, he's persona non grata, he's gone from the mainstream of politics. So is his 'pitchfork brigade.'"

Steve paused before he took one last swipe. "Now, if only he'd brought Jesse Helms with him!"

'Nuff said, Steve.

The APJ Mailbag
You Can't Make This Stuff Up!

by The Editors

October 26, 1999--NEW YORK--Time again to reach into the mailbag. And you're not going to believe this one!

Hello

Regnery Publishing has recently published a book which may be of interest to you and your visitors.

"A Republic Not An Empire" by Patrick Buchanan shapes the foreign policy debate for the presidential year.
Buchanan lays out his America-First foreign policy, and explains where he parts company with the Republican
agenda.

I would like to offer you a free excerpt for your website from "A Republic Not An Empire."

You can review the excerpt by clicking on the title at http://www.foxcontent.com/regnery.htm

Let me know if you are interested. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best

LR Fox

www.foxcontent.com
content linking for independent publishers

Dear M. Fox:

Send us all your unsold copies.

We are interested in burning them.

Send all of your extras to us!

Now that Pat has totally ruined his career--will never have a TV, radio or any other public forum again--we believe his books may diminish in value. So we figure we can use them for kindling.

Or maybe give them to young skinheads so they can learn the exact date that Hitler decided to go without undershorts to "stimulate" Eva Braun, or what Hitler's favorite cologne was, or what Hitler said before he pulled the trigger on Eva.

You moron.

Sincerely,

Mac MacArthur