Senator Boob Smith -- Back From Disgrace



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Senator "Boob" Smith:
Back From Disgrace
Starts his first day as a born-again Republican with a set of lies
...but what's with that hair??

by Mac MacArthur

Monday, November 1, 1999 -- NEW YORK (APJ) --The too-tall, awkward, fat bumbling slob, Senator Boob (also known as Senator Bob) Smith made a major announcement early this afternoon, flanked by none other than The Three Grimacers: Senate Majority Trent “KKK” Lott, Senator Orrin “Keating Five” Hatch, and Republican National Committee Chairman Jim Nicholson (who you may be surprised to discover turns out to be a cool guy in person).

Smith told the press that he went down to City Hall in his hometown to change his registration to Independent after he threw an adolescent tantrum and resigned from the Republican Party. Smith was furious that no sane person --- including his GOP brethern -- gave his ridiculous candidacy even the slightest modicum of respect.

The clerk never processed the change -- he claimed.

We are going to check on that.

Of course, the GOP could not afford to lose Smith, a key vote in a not-so-agreeable GOP- dominated Senate.

Smith said he and his wife Mary Jo “saw the light” a few weeks ago.

It was in reality the dim light of total defeat, embarrassment and disgrace -- and Smith ran back to Capitol Hill and D Street to kowtow to Hatch, Lott, and Nicholson, beg to be let back into the Party.

He did not have to. They were thrilled to have another moron in their midst, a Senator they could control even more now, since Boob owed them A BIG FAVOR.

Is that a rodent on your head? An incredible simulation of what we think Bob Smith really looks like.

Does Smith wear a toupee or what? I invite our readers and Smith’s staff to reveal the truth.

Smith said he believes that his leaving the party helped to "focus the national debate." The APJ staff was rolling on the floor when he said that. Liz Callahan shouted, "How can we do that when we're focusing on that badger stuck to the top of Boob's head!"

Smith called himself a “Scout” and his "Scouting Report" is this “We must unite!”

Yes, Smith really focused the nation -- for about a second, when we all thought “Thank the Lord he’s gone!”

But to APJ it’s more like “Thank God he’s back,” because he rarely speaks from prepared notes as he did today, and if you’ve ever heard him talk off- the- cuff or on the Senate floor on C-SPAN, his ignorance is a journalistic riot.

Chairman Nicholson got a hug and a kiss from Mary Jo Smith and she told him that she was so glad she hadn’t scrapped her “elephant jewelry.” Hey, Mary Jo, how 'bout scrapping your elephantine husband so America can regain pride in her leaders?

It was “Be Proud to Be a Conservative Day” on the Hill today. All the speakers claimed Smith was a "leader" for the Conservative movement. Conservative doesn't even begin to describe Smith, who is to right of even Adolf Eichmann.

The first question from the press: “Do you still believe that the GOP platform is a charade for suckers as you stated a while back?”

In reply, Smith lied and said he meant that the platform should be distributed better. It was a side-splitter!

Second question: “....you also referred to your party as hypocritical and a fraud....”

Smith then lied again, saying he had been talking about Clinton and his veto of [so-called] "partial birth" abortion, and that it would be hypocritical to criticize Clinton and not members of our own party that agree with him.

Another good question was fired Nicholson's way: “Do you think Smith could have been reelected for the Senate without the Republican Party’s support?

Answer: “ I don’t know."

Of course, the answer is a resounding NO! The GOP would have taken him apart if he had remained an Independent neo-Nazi instead of a regular Republican neo-fascist.

Click here for more commentary by Mac MacArthur.