Don't Vote, It Doesn't Count Anyway
It really never did!
by Mac MacArthur

November 4th, 1997 -- WASHINGTON (APJNS) --  Okay, it's election day. More than half the voters in the country won't go to the polls. More than 75% of the people who read this magazine will. But are you readers so much more sophisticated than the "trailer park trash" you assume won't vote? Or is it you that are the suckers, while the beer guzzling bikers you disdain are just now going to bed somewhere in the Sonora Desert -- happy to opt out?

Think about it. Did you really have a choice today or were your choices limited long ago by party, corporate and advocacy group puppeteers who, guided by high-priced consultants (OK, I'm guilty), let you think you're choosing when in reality you're only opting for one mask or another covering the hidden face of true policy punch?

Well, the answer isn't clear, but in 90% of the races today, the differences between candidates are only semantic, not real. In general, the end result in City Hall and State Capitols will be the same.

So why bother to vote?

Well, I honestly can't answer that.

But I will tell you this -- it's more important to write a letter to your mayor or your governor than it is to cast a ballot. You accomplish a lot more -- and nobody checks to see if you voted anyway, although most political offices do check to see if you're a contributor.

Politicians urge you to vote. They tell you it's your responsibility as a Democracy-loving American. It is. But whose vote counts more, the millionaire mogul who votes with his checkbook or yours?

No contest! Mr. Megabucks wins hands down, even if he never votes.

Sure, you're shaking your head and running through every anecdote you can think of to prove me wrong and label me cynical. But that's just how little you have -- anecdotal evidence, nothing more, nothing less. Yep, Old Barney "Environment" Jones beat Jim "Fat Cat" Robinson last year, and Robinson outspent him 4 to 1. True, Old Mr. Huffington spent more than a few million to lose a California Senate seat.

But who won?

The same guys that always do: people with money. Not the pols -- they want money, but usually don't have it. No, the winners are sitting in chrome and glass offices making things happen and one of those things is "Big D" Democracy -- getting you to vote for who they want in office.

Now most of you know me well enough to understand that I don't care about this. I think it's fine that super-achievers run the country. After all, they're better prepared -- certainly better prepared than our Sonoran Harley crowd. So I don't pity you for your lack of power. If you cared that much you'd be out there organizing your neighbors or getting rich, but most of you aren't because you're happy with the way things are. And you should be. Just like the rest of your life, other people are telling what to do, how to vote, what to wear, how to have good penmanship.

Few of us have the stamina to fight for what's right. When we do, we can beat Bill Gates with enough bodies. But why bother? Bill employs a lot of Americans and he doesn't want to do anything at all to disturb the market flow. You can trust him. Really.

Yesterday afternoon I was perusing a bunch of material written by and distributed by lobbyists and lobbying organizations. They're the people who hang out on "K" Street in Washington. The press corps calls that street "Gucci Gulch" because lobbyists and their lawyers make a whole heckuva lot of money with which to buy $350 Italian loafers. Actually, they don't buy Gucci shoes much anymore. The trend is custom made English shoes running $1,500 a pair. I have about 25 pair of Guccis with rich black leather luggage to match. I have a dozen pair of British cordovans, a raft of Nike sports shoes, the mandatory Rolex or three, and a house on the ocean. I got these things because I'm a type A personality and I believe in serving my masters and "making things happen." Now that I've left Washington I wear mostly $59 Topsiders. The other shoes are still in the closet and I polish them once in a blue moon -- just in case. But the topsiders are more comfortable and I can wear them in the wet grass when I trod across an early morning lawn to fetch my collie from his run.

I digress. The reason I was reading the stuff from lobby groups, academics who write about lobbying, and lawyers who regulate them, was to see if I could find one scintilla of written evidence that lobbyists are encouraged to buy the votes of elected officials. I couldn't find it even though that's exactly what happens.

Here are some "funny" thoughts I did find however. I read them in a book titled Lobbying Congress -- a kind of highbrow "how to" book for a lobbyist sure to fail. It was written by Bruce Wolpe and Bert Levine. Wolpe used to work for Congressman Waxman, a West Side Los Angeles machine politician, who along with Howard Berman controls much of L.A. and California Democrat politics. Together they raise a lot of money and they raise so much that they can get other people elected too. Wolpe was also once a partner of Anne Wexler -- the truly charming lady who now often speaks well for Bill Clinton. She's a powerhouse and a wonderful person. Wolpe was also the political director of National Public Radio and a consultant for Hill & Knowlton, a lobbying firm now owned by the British which can buy you almost anything on Capitol Hill. Bert Levine is now an academic. He taught or teaches politics at Rutgers and Colgate. He was a lobbyist for many years and one of the chiefs at Johnson & Johnson Public Affairs. Keep in mind that pharmaceutical companies , as an industry group, are the number one political contributors in the nation.

Out of 200 pages, Wolpe and Levine devote a little more than 6 to money and lobbying. Right away you know they are not credible. But what were they to do? Tell the truth? Here's some of what they write and expect you to believe:

WOLPE/LEVINE: "...If Congress is viewed as little more that a forum for starved egos who only crave press attention, who slavishly follow the dictates of special interests, and who cannot resist playing politics with anything, then expectations about what Congress can and will achieve can only be low, and one's judgments about the political process lower still."

TRANSLATION: "If you're a cynic, you don't trust Congress." Of course they have starved egos. Why else would they expose themselves to the humiliation of running for office in America where the press and your opponents highlight every misdeed you've done or contemplated ON TELEVISION? Of course they follow the dictates of special interests. Most thinking people have special interests ya know. People vote. It isn't hard to figure out that equation. And if the words "special interests" is a code for campaign contributors it's even more true.

WOLPE/LEVINE: "As with lobbying itself, money in politics should be approached as a straightforward exercise. Political contributions are simply another, complementary, aspect of your relations with Congress. They are a tangible means of expressing your point of view."

TRANSLATION: "Give them the money. It shows you want something done and they're the people to do it." Lord, what pap. A straightforward exercise? Then why are about a 100 people in exile in foreign countries because they gave too much or gave the "wrong" way? Tangible? You betcha. The most tangible.

WOLPE/LEVINE: " It is essential... to support those who are [your] allies. There is nothing wrong with it, there is everything right with it. If a legislator is actively engaged on your side of an issue, that legislator deserves your support. The converse is that lawmakers are making decisions that affect the bottom line for your clients or causes or interests. Your effectiveness depends on your bottom line being taken into account by the lawmakers."

TRANSLATION: "You have to give politicians money. It's okay. If they vote your way you gotta help 'em get re-elected. If they mess with you and ruin your profits or your own self-interest get even, fund a challenger." It's ludicrous for Wolpe and Levine to use words like "actively engaged." They mean "working for you." And how did the pol get actively engaged in the first place? Through "educational services" you provide. Wolpe would have you believe that Congresspersons simply dream up the garbage they put on their legislative plate and then lobbyists go around hunting for the "right stuff." No. Lobbyist provide the menu and pay the check. Their supposed job is to teach Congress why their client's way is better for America. And sometimes that's true. But better is beside the point -- profitable IS the point. So lobbyists do instruct legislators -- they teach them which "rationales" to use most effectively with voters when they are defending their actions -- actions like increasing taxes to buy more bombers so Lockheed/Martin won't starve. That's reality. And you know what? Maybe it's okay for us to buy more planes from Lockheed. They employ about 100,000 of us. Little old ladies depend on their stock for retirement. Hey, it's a circle ain't it?

Here's a good one:

WOLPE/LEVINE: "The real meaning of political contributions is as ambiguous as any of the myriad factors that go into political decisions."

TRANSLATION: "Ambiguity is usually a sign of prevarication." That line really takes the cake. You can bet that on that list titled "MYRIAD FACTORS," campaign cash is Numero Uno.

And the best one:

WOLPE/LEVINE: "Legislators most cherish their independence and the perception that they are independent."

TRANSLATION: "Legislators like to fool themselves and you." Legislators KNOW they're not independent. What they cherish is YOU thinking they are. Sure, more of your anecdotes come to mind. Yes, it's true. Some legislators -- about a dozen -- are so well loved that they can't be defeated. Those guys can do what they want and still say no to even their biggest contributors. Remember, they never get to be President or even take positions of leadership with their parties. The are branded as "UNCOOPERATIVE."

I could go on. But my point is simple. Lobbyists can't and don't write the truth either. They just can't bring themselves to say that fact is not cynicism. Of course the Congress won't vote to drop nuclear bombs on Bermuda because your client -- United TechnoCharge -- makes missile arming devices. But I can tell you that Congress will stockpile those arming devices -- just in case -- as long as you paper them with enough moolah and provide them with a rationale for doing it. Examples abound.

Wolpe and Levine write a lot about scruples and moral conduct in approaching Congress and the White House for favorable treatment. But they miss the point -- no, they lie. We've all been raised to know that diamonds get polished while dirt erodes. We're big boys and girls. We realize that comfort is the payment for work.

So why all the fuss to cover up the true nature of lobbying and the meaningless of our votes? The truth: money in exchange for favors. Money in exchange for re-election. Money to control the primaries and the general election. Money to kick out uncooperative incumbents.

Money to control how you vote.

So let me spread some truth today although you'll call me cynical. One of the things I do well is convincing you to pull the "correct" lever in the voting booth. I've been very successful at it -- for both parties, for unions, for Fortune 100 companies, and for my pride. I'm not ashamed of it. I don't think it matters who serves in office as long as they do what my clients want -- and, that what they want doesn't cause much of a national calamity.

Life isn't fair.

So when you go into the voting booth today, simply pull any lever at random. You see, business let's you choose from a narrow list to begin with. If you choose wrong from their point of view, they can fix it -- one way or another. Chances are, the candidate you're voting for is controlled by someone -- and lots of people you don't agree with. And if they win, a whole new set of "influence peddlers" will pounce on them. If they don't, they'll probably try again and you can vote for them again.

John Locke, the father of modern western education said, "The masses are asses." Don't prove him right. Stay home, let AT&T run the country. They do a good job.

After all, politicians just need to be loved.