Dave "Doctor" Gonzo is hunkered down in a secluded hotel suite in the most appropriate city from which to cover election night -- Las Vegas. He has at his disposal six televisions, three phones, a rented cell phone, a fax, his lovely wife and political analyst Krysztyna, a case of Ommegang Ale flown in from Cooperstown, a case of Saranac Black and Tan, a case of Moritz Winter Brew, three cases of Poland Spring water, seven pounds of coffee from the Porto Rico Trading Company in New York, an espresso maker, three grocery bags of fresh fruit, seven grocery bags full of junk food, and the Powerbook of Love running MacOS8.5. His election dispatches will be issued daily until the Wednesday after election day. "The Doc" is a former disgruntled senior executive of a large media company that went south when it was bought out by another large media company. He is now a high-priced consultant in the beer and communications industries. His political rants appear exclusively in American Politics Journal.
Post-Election DIS-Patch
Voters Kill Impeachment, Jones Team Self-Destructs
Thursday, November 5, 1998 -- LAS VEGAS -- By the time you read this, The Doc and his wife will be packed and ready to leave the media party suite to die for.
And The Doc is leaving Vegas a happy man.
Very happy.
Not only because the voters have told the GOP-dominated Congress to sit down, put a sock in it, back off on Clinton's personal life and get back to work to preserve Social Security, bolster public education, rein in abusive HMOs and insurance companies, and generally make government work for people.
Not only because two of the pettiest and most corrupt hard-Righters in the Senate have been sent packing for the private sector -- the amoral, self-serving, ethically challenged ex-Kingmaker Senator Alfonse "Putzhead" D'Amato and the tobacco-whoring backroom sleazebag who brokered Kenneth Starr's ascent to "Independent" Counsel, Senator Lauch Faircloth.
Not only because, to the shock and delight of their own party, the Democrats gained seats in the House of Representatives, and the Republicans, to their horror, saw their mandate nuked, their power diminished, and even their gubernatorial head count down -- developments that triggered an open civil war in the GOP, and could result in Gingrich, Armey, DeLay, Hyde, Burton, Nicholson, Linder and probably a dozen others (STIGGS'S BETTING LINE: Now 3-to-1 against Gingrich being Speaker next January 4th).
Not only because the hopelessly incestuous Beltway pundits, consummate insiders and schmoozers so in love with the sound of their own voices, were all made to look like village idiots as the voting public decimated the gasbags' predictions, forecasts and prognostications on the election results and their aftermath.
Not only for the nonstop entertainment provided by the cable news stations as they covered the GOP the "morning after.' The Doc feels their pain.
Not only because "moral" crusaders like divorcee Bill Bennett, double-divorcee Rush Limbaugh, and alleged Christians such as Gary Bauer and James "Beat Your Kids" Dobson are squealing like stuck pigs about the electorate not listening to them -- essentially calling the American public immoral and unconcerned with issues of "virtue" while they continue to personally profit from the personal pain of others.
And not only because Jesse "The Mind" Ventura is Governor-Elect of Minnesota -- a shocking victory that both major parties are studying and scrutinizing with far more care and interest than they are willing to admit.
The Doc is happy because he beat the house:
- A $100 bet on a Schumer win returned $200. - A $100 bet against a GOP gain of 7 or more in the House returned $200. - A $100 bet on Edwards win returned $250. - A $100 bet against a GOP gain of 3 or more in the Senate returned $200. - My one long-shot: A $50 bet on Feingold returned $400. - My one loss: $100 on Carol Moseley-Braun (I was hoping for a Braun-Edwards-Schumer Trifecta) - $28 more in blackjack winnings yesterday.
Total winnings: $728. Even Stiggs was impressed.
And the good news keeps rolling in:
DATELINE: THE TRAILER PARK -- Chaos has erupted in Paula Jones land. Moments ago, CNN reported that Bob Bennett has declined a settlement proposal by Jones's lawyers to settle her dead lawsuit against the President.
This follows news first reported last evening that lawyers for Paula Jones -- the Dallas firm of Rader, Fisher, Campbell & Pyke and attorneys from The Rutherford Institute -- have informed their client that they are quitting. The official reason: the lawyers say she has become "increasingly unrealistic if not unreasonable about the amount of money she should expect to receive in any settlement" -- a repeat of the Gil Davis/Joe Cammarata scenario.
But the real reason appears to be an outright row in the Jones camp over the conduct of Susan Carpenter McMillan. McMillan reportedly acted as more of a go-between between Jones and gadfly millionaire Al Hirschfeld (who offered a million bucks of his own money to grease the settlement skids) than she had actually admitted to the Jones lawyers. She also reportedly masterminded the very public presentation of a million dollar check by Hirschfeld to Jones last Saturday.
Turns out Carpenter McBimbo broke her agreement with all of the Jones attorneys that that she would not be involved in a settlement -- leaving her "best friend" with a conditional million dollar check that is, in essence, worthless, no lawyers, and a big no on what was her lawyers' final attempt to settle.
With friends like these... 'nuff said! Got a plane to catch.
- --Dave "Doctor" Gonzo
*DISCLAIMERS: All of Stiggs's Betting Line "point spreads" are in percentage points between the winner and runner-up, either rounded DOWN to the nearest perscentage point or expressed as "less than one percent."
Stiggs's Betting Line is provided for the information and entertainment of American Politics Journal readers. It does not reflect the official odds posted at any licensed gambling facility in the state of Nevada and does not constitute an endorsement of gambling. But it hasn't stopped The Doc from placing a bet with Stiggs on his last visit to Vegas that Chuck Schumer will kick Al D'Amato's sorry butt by at least three percent of the popular vote!
Click below for Election DIS-Patches:
October 30
October 31
November 2
