"I was right to stand and fight."

Polls Show:
Republicans Want Another Moron in the White House!
New Yorker Publishes Alleged BushBrat Grades from Yale Years

by Mac MacArthur

Wednesday, Nov. 10, 1999 -- Washington, DC (APJ) - We knew it had to happen.

Someone with a conscience -- who didn't want another moron in the White House -- has apparently broken into the Yale University transcript vaults and handed the sorry news for George DumbBellYou to New Yorker magazine.

The long and short of it? He's a moron.

Like most reckless, spoiled brats, Georgie did not take after Daddy. Instead he rebelled and did things "my way," as he often says.

"My way" seems to have included becoming an uncontrollable drunken abuser of everyone; getting arrested for drug possession or sales and then begging Daddy to cover it up (which Daddy did well); perhaps sending another boy to his death during the height of the Vietnam "conflict" by cutting to the head of the Texas Air National Guard line and flying planes over the desert for the balance of a war which became Lyndon Johnson's personal meat grinder for dumb, poor, black, Hispanic and naive American boys.

But DumbBellYou wasn't naive.

He knew how to work the system and the evidence abounds that he effected what he had learned over the breakfast table at CIA Daddy's breakfast table.

One might ask how DumbBellYou entered the esteemed Yale University at all! Well don't ask -- BushBaby got in as a so-called " legacy" -- which is a private joke among privileged Americans. A legacy means that you can score a 450 -- total -- on your SAT and still get into a private Ivy League college because Daddy, Grandpa and Uncle Joe were alumnae.

Surely "The Shrub" -- as he is now known among Netsurfers -- did not move among the future mighty at the boys' club, Skull & Bones, because his high school grades were outstanding.

We are only hoping that someone at Princeton's Educational Testing Service will photocopy BushBaby's SAT scores so we can shake our heads and chuckle again.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't think every President has to be a genius. Far from it. I think other dummies who wouldn't dare take off their jackets in the Oval Office -- to show respect (or worship) of America -- or drop an atom bomb on innocent Japanese citizens in the end made pretty good heads of state.

But dummies have no right to arrogance.

These men, the dumb presidents, were not arrogant punk rich boys who think the world is their personal oyster -- Rolex oyster, that is. It's clear that George W. Bush is a punk. Witness how he handled Boston television journalist Andy Hiller's successful attempt to play 'gotcha' with him last week. We learned that Bush couldn't answer questions about who was the head of state of four military hotbed nations. In and of itself that wasn't so bad. I could have only named two of the four -- and then only because I had happened to drive with a Pakistani-American cab driver that same day who engaged me in a heated conversation about the brutal General Musharraf, a cretin who had recently taken the Pakistani democratically elected government by 'bloodless' military coup.

In short, a huge democracy in a crucial part of the world had been converted overnight to a military dictatorship.

Now The Shrub went from bad to worse by telling this same reporter that the Pakistani General's name was "General" -- he sneered at Hiller and repeated his teen aged mini-tantrum -- "His name is General!" -- he spat, and if I'm not blind I thought he was about to slug Hiller for the WHDH-TV cameras. I must say that it would have been much more impacting had Hiller asked BushBaby the names of the Presidents of Russia, China, France and Spain. Bush would have gotten those names wrong as well -- and could not have been defended for being "ambushed by trick questions."

If this exchange wasn't embarrassing enough -- The Shrub then complimented "General" saying that Musharraf largely brought the nation back together and that his rule would stabilize the region!

Res ipsa loquitor ("The moron speaks for himself"). Here is a man, seeming to believe he is presidential timbre, telling a well-known, hard-hitting journalist that it was a Martha Stewart "Good Thing" that a large democracy had fallen to a military dictatorship!

Barbara Bush must have cringed and then wept at what went wrong with the BushBaby gene pool. Then again, perhaps the BushBaby genes are telling -- after all, Prescott Bush, his lovable Wall Street banker grandfather, made a killing lending tens of millions to Adolf Hitler to finance his Wehrmacht.

Like grandfather, like grandson.

The beat goes on.

Powdered-wig Yale University officialdom is refusing to say whether the BushBrat transcripts are genuine... of course. But they are not saying they are forged either! For the fun of it -- let's assume they're the "Real McCain" -- oops, I mean McCoy.

We’ll begin by complimenting little George on the 88 he earned in Philosophy. Then, let's ask him how he did it. Certainly even George doesn't think he's a philosopher prince. Could it be that his buddies at Skull & Bones had the answers on file before Bush was tested? Or maybe his frat pals at the Delta House somehow bribed the Prof or stole the final exam.

To be fair and impartial, however, I say George DumbBellYou is simply an Idiot Savant, a sort of preppie Chauncey Gardner. He can "do" philosophy, but that's it.

Bush pulled a whopping 71 in Poli Sci -- his major! -- at a school that assumes you're smart and does not easily give poor grades to its students -- particularly those students whose ancestors endowed the university so thoughtfully.

His future as an astronaut was dashed when he received a 69 in astronomy, most likely as the result of too many time-consuming 69s earned as a wealthy womanizer.

Bush did do well at off-the-record intramural football and chairing his dorm's prestigious "Social Committee." But this just makes him more endearing -- doesn't it? Think about him as the Commander-in-Chief. Perhaps he'll bring back "Tail Hook" in a version even Baccchus couldn't imagine.

Bush SpokesIdiot Scott McClellan told reporters that BushBaby's performance in school, in court, in life was of no importance to the American people. "What's relevant for a candidate," he said, "is his ideas for America, his ability to lead and whether that candidate can bring people together to accomplish those priorities. Americans will grade Governor Bush on those qualities!"

Governor Bush, that emphasis smells like Judge Starr.

Qualities? What qualities? What quality at all? Ideas? My Pakistani cab driver had better ideas than Bush has espoused -- if any! Ability to lead? Lead what? A group of starving Hispanic women and children in Texas "Colonias" to water? 20% of all black men in Texas to its prisons? The nation in executing criminals to make things "right?"

Or is it to lead a giant Conga line into the depths of "compassionate conservatism," --- an arrogant phrase if I have ever heard one.

Give us a break, Scott baby -- the only think BushBaby has ever lead is a race to the liquor cabinet.

AP reporter Brigette Greenberg, who might have had family members executed at Auschwitz due to Granddaddy Prescott's largesse with Hitler, wrote this morning:

"Bush himself has described his academic record at Yale as a 'gentleman's C.' Faculty members agree he did not distinguish himself in the classroom.

Well, that's an understatement!

Gentleman's C... how sad.

Yale Professor of History Gaddis Smith told New Yorker that BushBaby got twin 77's in history.

"Clearly, Mr. Bush was busier outside the classroom than in it,'' Smith said.

Clearly he was, then and now, up to treacherous adolescent behavior not befitting a future president. The Republican Party, once a stronghold of clear thinking and thoughtful conservatism, must slough off this Bush Dynasty in the making. Let George live his life partying at Texas bar-bee-cues where he can put his crocodile cowboy boots on his Bolivian mahogany coffee table and plan how to use his inheritance to finance some other "General."

Just like Grandpa Prescott.