He's a laughingstock right now

Doc's DIS-patch
Bush Fools Nobody
Lays Out Someone Else's Foreign Policy Vision, Drops "Nuke-yuh-lur" Bomb On His Hopes

by Dave "Doctor" Gonzo

Bush Jr.: "...an exhibitionistic frat boy who has poked a hole in the bottom of a beer can
and wants an audience to watch him pop the top." -- Tony Snow
Friday, Nov. 19, 1999 --- New York (APJP) -- George W. Bush has just given what was supposed to be a "major" speech "laying out" his "vision" for foreign policy. It was long on vagaries and blather and short on specifics -- and vision.

In fact, it wasn't even his vision!

The speech itself was written by his foreign policy advisors, most notably pseudointellectual stealth isolationist Condoleeza Rice, Star Wars hawk Paul Wolfowitz, and George Shultz, who now works at something called the "Hoover Institution" at Stanford.

"Hoover," for those of you not acquainted with such colloquialisms, is also a term for snorting cocaine.

The Shrub's foreign policy advisors have been nicknamed his "Vulcans" in certain GOP circles. We wonder if they're referring to the Greek god or the superintellectual race in the "Star Trek" universe best known for "mind-melds."

Lord knows, George Jr. could have used one -- his performance was so scripted, so posed, so betamale-algore-stiff that we can only paraphrase Dan Quayle himself in his famous misquote of the UNCF slogan: "It is a terrible thing to lose one's mind meld."

Someone at MSNBC must have agreed -- not ten minutes into the tedium, they pulled the plug on The Shrub and cut away to more thrill-a-minute coverage of the EgyptAir Flight 990 crash and the Texas A&M bonfire catastrophe.

CNN and FOX News Channel stayed with the speech. We feel their pain.

One print commentator I read yesterday made light of all the "charter schooling" BushBaby has received to bring him "up to speed" on foreign policy. But how the heck can anyone believe he "gets" the complexities of international politics and diplomacy when he can't even get the fundamentals right? We were especially amused by his constant mispronunciation of the word "nuclear" -- he said "nuke-yuh-lurr" no less than seven times in two minutes and had the entire APJ staff laughing! At least his dictator-coddling dad knew how to pronounce the word correctly!

As for the details of his so-called "New American Internationalism" -- or is it "New American Isolationalism" -- there were plenty of bad ideas:

Bush talked a big game about the so-called Chinese "military threat" and opposition to the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty. Of course, he neglected to mention anything about the fact that China's ICBMs are all aboveground and notoriously vulnerable to a preemptive strike -- not to mention the opinion of numerous defense experts that Chinese ICBMs couldn't deliver a serving of moo-shu pork ten city blocks without a better than 50-50 chance of suffering "catastrophic launch vehicle failure."

Likewise, Bush seems oblivious to a potentially bigger threat from China, namely missile-armed submarines -- a threat that greatly increases as the result of the Luddite Senate's lunatic refusal to ratify the CTBT and his desire to deploy a theater missile defense.

Bush also talked up the increased importance of India as a force for regional stability in East Asia -- but this was nothing more than damage control to counter his utterly stupid comment of two weeks ago that "General," the new leader of Pakistan, would bring "stability" to Pakistan.

Right, Dubya -- better "stability" than the troublesome, democratically-elected leaders "General" deposed.

And then there was his statement that he would refuse to allow US troops to be deployed under UN command. Stupid, stupid, stupid -- just when we're putting the UN in a position of greater dependency on the largesse of the US, Bush wants to feed "red meat" to the paranoid "black helocopter" wing of conservatism -- setting back eight years of Bill Clinton's successful push to increase our influence over the UN and bring its less moderate forces to heel, something Bush clearly fails to grasp.

About the only thing that Bush accomplished with this "momentous" speech was to provide his GOP opponents with plenty of ammunition when they actually face Dubya in a debate -- that is, if Bush ever shows up at one without the "earpiece" he is rumored to need to make sure he stays "on message."

The man fools nobody. You just have to ask yourself if this is the best the GOP can do for a presidential candidate.