Rush Limbaugh, Paul Rodriguez and Reverend Moon in:
Arlington Cemetery!
Rush Limbaugh's Most Embarrassing Moment
by Jeff Koopersmith

VS.

Thursday, November 20th, 1997 -- NEW YORK (APJP) -- It gets more and more difficult to convince my Republican friends that they've cornered the market on thought-control and just plain sleazy journalism. But yesterday, as I was listening to my favorite Neo-Nazi commentator - Rush Limbaugh - who was so excited I thought his sansabelt was gonna snap, and I had an idea.

His topic? "How the White House Was Selling Graves at Arlington Cemetery."

Limbaugh claimed he had "an advance" copy of a story written by loser journalist Paul M. Rodriguez which alleges that burial plots in the national war cemeteries, including Arlington, have been 'bought' by "fat cat" donors to President Clinton's re-election committee and the Democratic National Committee. The story, of course, will be published and had been posted on the internet by a Republican prostitute magazine called "INSIGHT ON THE NEWS," which claims, among other wildly amusing boasts, that " Our focus is simple: Report news others won't or can't... We follow the story wherever the facts lead and regardless of who's involved."

But that's only half the joke. INSIGHT ON THE NEWS is a national weekly news magazine published in Washington, D.C., by none other than The Washington Times Corporation. You remember them.

As writer Jane Prettyman puts it "Sun Myung Moon owns the Washington Times which has been one of the chief injectors of innuendo-laden Whitewater muck into the mainstream media. The Washington Times is over-represented on C-SPAN, as any regular watcher of the early-morning Washington Journal can attest. Mr. Moon happens to be very conservative. His agenda of influencing Washington's actions in relation to his interests in Korea gives him a direct political stake in twisting the news to his agenda's advantage. Character assassination of a President he doesn't like is only too easily done. Mr. Moon certainly does not influence his reporters. He just hires them. This is a dangerous problem for any President--and it's a media problem. - and there owners."

'Nuff said.

INSIGHT ON THE NEWS actually says," As Newsweek is the sister newsweekly of the liberal Washington Post newspaper, Insight is the sister newsweekly of the conservative Washington Times newspaper. Tee-hee. That's like saying, As Eleanor Roosevelt is the poster girl of the liberal Washington establishment, Paula Jones is the poster babe of a your run of the mill trailer-park-Republican.

Rush Limbaugh epitomizes all that's wonderful with right-wing radio journalism. He's smart, he's quietly vicious and he knows how to go for the jugular. And he always wins. Unfortunately, few liberals can duel with "The Master," and when they try, Limbaugh guts them like weak bulls under the sword of a cracker jack toreador. Liberals just don't have what it takes to play.

But Rush went too far yesterday, and I'm sure he regrets it, telling his listeners that people were "weeping" over the fact that our President was "selling" military graves. Even Impeach 'em Now Congressman Bob Barr most have found that one hard to believe. Limbaugh, who usually knows better, had better check his sources a bit more carefully.

Anyway, to make a long story longer, the American Politics staff -- a coven of plotting liberals -- got together yesterday and went over Paul Rodriguez's column word for word.

It's a drollery.

Rodriguez writes in the style of the old National Inquirer, you know the kind of story -- "My Daughter was a Vegetable." Then you turn to the article and it's about a kid who played an asparagus in a third grade school play.

Now in Rodriguez's defense, he does work for INSIGHT ON THE NEWS. Besides being owned by moon, they claim, "Our focus is simple: Report news others won't or can't. That's for sure. But WON'T is the key word here. Won't, because the story is a lie. Can't - because printing lies isn't the way to get and maintain readership.

INSIGHT ON THE NEWS says, "You'll notice we don't call ourselves journalists. The reason is as simple as why we report the news straight: We don't like pretense."

And pretentious it would be to suggest that anything in INSIGHT ON THE NEWS or it's parent THE Washington Times is journalism -- more like graffiti in the men's room of KKK headquarters.

But it gets better. INSIGHT ON THE NEWS tells us, "Our motto is simple too: Report it first and report it accurately."

So, we decided to challenge that statement and here's what we did.

We've decided to print both Rodriguez's story verbatim and our "Interpretation of it" as if Rodriguez had taken an overdose of truth serum.

Rodriguez's story is first, with our interpretation below. It will be easy for you to tell the difference between the two. Rodriguez's INSIGHT ON THE NEWS lines will appear next to their WEB banner BOLDED and ours will appear under it in normal type with our own banner "INSPIGHT OF THE NEWS" which we feel might be a more appropriate name for this rag. (Yes, all you budding Bill Safire's we know that INSPIGHT is spelled incorrectly - call it artistic license.)

NOTE: Our subscribers who receive American Politics via non WEB PAGE e-mail will just have to imagine the banners of INSIGHT and INSPIGHT- or, better yet, click here to see the art work. It's worth it: http://www.americanpolitics.com

Okay let's begin:

Is There Nothing Sacred?

By Paul M. Rodriguez

Burial plots in the national war cemeteries, including Arlington, allegedly have been 'bought' by fat-cat donors to Clinton's reelection committee and the DNC who aren't even veterans.

Is There Anything Truthful in Insight on the News?

By The American Politics Staff

Burial plots at national cemeteries are hardly free. Everyone has to pay for the privilege of being interred in a national cemetery - even Arlington. Although, plots are a bargain when compared to the average per-plot cost at America's private cemeteries, I twist the truth here. I know many people seek help from elected officials on both sides of the aisle to gain entrance into national cemeteries, which are running out of room. Arlington, the closest and some might say the most prestigious of the national cemeteries is a lure because JFK and other American luminaries are buried there. But mostly, regular GI's from the Virginia/Washington area are honored for their service at Arlington whenever possible. I suppose that someone, maybe even two people, might have asked some Administration employee for help in gaining a grave site at Arlington et al. Perhaps they were wealthy and had given money to the Clinton/DNC campaign funds. However, the White House and any Democrat or Republican would be glad to help a grieving family gain entrance into any national cemetery. That is for certain.

Pressure from political bigwigs at the White House and within the Democratic Party apparently helped gain coveted waivers from top brass at the Defense Department and Department of Veterans Affairs for dozens of big-time political donors or friends of the Clintons -- civilians who wanted themselves or family members buried in America's most precious grounds, the national war cemeteries including Arlington National, Insight has learned. ....

Of course, many people ask their Republican "bigwigs" for aid in this regard all the time. It's tough getting an inexpensive grave in national cemeteries running out of room , and many veterans do wish to be buried next to fallen comrades. It's their right and any congressperson or even president's duty to try and help. Whether most Americans believe that national war cemeteries are our "most precious grounds" remains a mystery, inasmuch as we haven't see a verifiable survey on that issue. We think, however, that perhaps other "grounds" in the running might be the Civil War Battlefields, Mount Rushmore, the Statue of Liberty, The Capitol Building, or even the White House. Waivers for entrance to national cemeteries may be "coveted" but not only by FAT CATS. Skinny cats covet them just as much.

Such waivers for unqualified people wishing to be interred at U.S. national cemeteries were approved by Clinton officials, including Secretary of the Army Togo West, who now wants to head the Department of Veterans Affairs, or VA. Arlington National Cemetery, the resting place of many of the nation's greatest military heroes, is controlled by the Army, while 114 other national cemeteries located in 38 states are operated by the National Cemetery System...

I hate to admit this, but the Secretary of the Army doesn't actually "approve" people on a one-on-one basis. Requests for waivers come from thousands of people each year, from all walks of life, and are handled by the Secretary of the Army's clerical staff in most cases. Togo West would probably slap my ugly face if I had the nerve to suggest that in front of him. Of course, celebrities, and fabulously wealthy people have a way of getting things they want. Look at Reverend Moon for instance, or maybe Archer Daniels Midland Chairman Dwayne Andreas; or how about Bob Dole, he was wealthy and a decorated veteran, even before he began to represent big tobacco and married that rich dame Liddy - - although I'm damned if we can figure out how? Do you think the President might help him get a place of honor at Arlington? I bet he would. Of course Bob won't need help.

.... . Burial in the national cemeteries is open to members of the armed forces and veterans discharged under honorable or higher conditions. Their spouses, un-remarried widows or widowers, minor children and, under certain conditions, unmarried adult children also are eligible for such burial. Also eligible are members of reserve components and the Reserve Officers' Training Corps, commissioned officers of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, or NOAA, public health service officers, World War II merchant marines and certain "others" designated by the secretaries of the Army, VA or Air Force.... .

In short, you morons, almost anyone is "eligible"

....a review of confidential waiver lists held by Department of Defense, or DOD, sources suggests that far more than Lincoln Bedroom sleepovers and presidential kaffeeklatsches were exchanged for large donations to the Clinton-Gore campaign or DNC. In fact, Clinton & Co. may have "sold" not only burial plots for recently deceased but also future rights to those hallowed grounds without regard for the deceased's status as a veteran. .... "The numbers right now are small [estimated to be about a dozen or 20], but what price can you place on such ground?" asks one of several senior military, legal and VA officials familiar with this brewing scandal. "Look at the roll call of the men and women who lay buried at these cemeteries. This does more than cheapen their sacrifice -- it cheapens the honor of what it means to be granted rights to such hallowed ground," says a high-level source speaking on condition of anonymity. .... "If nothing else, this is corruption of the worst kind and it ought to be prosecuted because it is against the law to sell 'public lands' in any fashion," says the same source. "It is an outrage if even one plot was 'waived' for political money."... .

Yeah, INSIGHT ON THE NEWS stole documents from the Department of Defense. These documents don't say much about my wild allegations, but if I say they "suggest" that the President and his friends MAY have "sold" burial plots and "future rights" the dumb people that read this pap will take it as fact. The number of records that MAY corroborate our wild accusations are so small that we can't name a single person who's arranged this burial stuff under the sponsorship of the White House. As a matter if fact I don't have anything proving that. But I did ask some idiot at the Pentagon for a comment based on what WE told him were the "facts." Of course, I can't name names.

A DOD source who works with the Army says the "sale" of burial plots came to light amid nervousness of senior Clinton administration officials about the ongoing fund-raising scandals. "They didn't want this information coming out," the official said. "There are not many [political waivers] with respect to Arlington [of the percentage of total requests], but there are a few and some of them clearly do not qualify."

But then again, how could they NOT qualify. My own story says ANYONE can qualify. Remember...and certain "others" designated by the secretaries of the Army, VA or Air Force. I guess that means even I could get buried at Arlington if someone in any Secretary's office would sign a form.

.... Waiver requests, which the Army says number in the thousands and come from high-ranking officials in both political parties, are granted only after careful consideration of an individual's background and service to the country.

I hoped if I buy this line no one would notice that just about everyone does it.

Apparently the White House has cleared at least half a dozen and West about a dozen or so, according to documents held by Arlington National Cemetery officials. Lists at other national cemeteries suggest similar incidents, say sources. In some cases, West overruled cemetery administrators for what some believe were political considerations.

The White House, has cleared some people, sure, and the Republican leadership has cleared some, and many Senators and House members from both sides of the aisle try to help when someone dies and the family tries to honor his or her wishes. But I can't find any evidence that everyone cleared by the White House was rich and a campaign donor, so I just won't mention that.

Repeated calls to West and Army spokesmen able to discuss the issue were ignored

Yeah, like most of my calls to anyone. I wonder why? it's just not fair.

.... "The requirements are very difficult, and most requests are denied," says an Arlington source. Beyond the fact that most veterans can't even qualify, the requirements for non-veterans is substantially higher, according to other cemetery sources.

I talked to a maintenance man at Arlington and a grave digger who's stopped for a smoke. Gee I love to quote people as "a source," or "one former political/military officer," Too bad I don't know their names. But if I asked then I might have to print it. Well, who cares, my press "shield" and the First Amendment protects me. I can say anything I want -- crazy or not -- and no one can force me to tell them who I talked you. I wonder if they know I talked to my cat about this and he agreed with everything I said. I'm gonna write some more.

"You're talking about an elder statesman or somebody of tremendous personal stature -- for example, a senior ambassador or a speaker of the House or a first lady."... . "It doesn't happen often that requests for waivers of completely unqualified people are granted," says one former political/military officer. "You'd have to be a real jerk to try and get somebody in who has no veteran status and doesn't fit the exceptions rule concerning status," this source says. When asked what criteria might be cited to explain why some or all of the waivers were requested and approved, one military source said:

Who DOESN'T fit the exception rule? If an armed forces Secretary wanted to admit Jeffery Dahmer into Arlington, and he could keep it quiet, he could. That's the rule. All he has to do is "authorize" it -- probably not even in writing. Yes, you would have to be a real jerk, and that's why I guess I won't find anyone at the White House who did this. But I can imply I did. I'm certain to match one person who's been buried at a national cemetery recently who also gave money to Clinton of the Democrats. Maybe even a few. It makes no difference whether they're "qualified" or not, because I don't have to mention that -- one way or the other. Hundreds of thousands of people have given money to Clinton and the DNC. Hah!

"Some gave money to Clinton" -- in a few cases, tens of thousands of dollars.... . A well-placed DNC official confirms that military brass quietly have been making inquiries to determine whether recent burials -- or those approved for future burials -- may have received waivers as a result of political pressure by the White House or by West.

Yeah, some secretary who gets to read all the mail and messages at DNC remembers taking a message from someone in the service.

Sources tell Insight that answers have angered career military personnel and, in turn, their politically appointed civilian superiors are in full panic. "We've had some people crawling around here lately asking us to put together our lists," a source at Arlington says, identifying the visitors initially as "low-levels" working for West -- then identifying them as "very senior DOD people" after press inquiries began.... . Attempts to reach Defense Secretary William Cohen and the White House were unsuccessful.

Again?

All these offices and others, including offices of national cemetery directors, failed to honor repeated requests for official comments.

I heard one of them say, "It's that moron Rodriguez."

.... Insight's queries were prompted by military families who had heard rumors of alleged sales of burial plots.

Rumors started by me. Heh, heh, heh.

The Army Times reported in mid-June that West had granted an unusual number of waivers since 1993, whereupon the Army secretary denied his motives were political. Following further investigation by this magazine, a hush-hush review began at the highest levels of the Army.

So hush-hush that I can't name a soul who's actually doing the "investigation."

This led to "field orders" asking for the names of any reporter or news organization seeking access to the waiver lists. "I was to inform [Togo West's office] immediately if any of [the press] asked for a copy of these lists," says one of the cemetery officials who refused to comply with what they believe is a political cover-up

I like that "field orders" it makes it sound official. Yeah, the guy will probably lose his job for participating in this scam of mine, but what do I care -- I'm a newsman.

.... . "It is a huge honor to be buried at one of our sites," says a national cemetery official -- especially to be buried at Arlington. "It is also a huge dishonor to bury anyone there who has not rightly earned it. It'd be a big scandal if the country were to learn that this hallowed ground was being sold for political contributions."

Sure, that's a safe thing to say, but what does that have to do with my alleged "conspiracy to sell graves" theory?

.... This source and Arlington National sources talked to Insight because, they say, they are outraged that the Clinton White House has applied pressure to gain waivers for fat-cat political donors. "This has been going on for years," one of the sources says. But while past administrations have done it, they granted waivers only to civilians who had served in the military and were pillars in private sector.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, this is the best. You see, I can say that every president did this and NOT say that Clinton himself may have asked only about qualified people as well. It doesn't make any difference that ANYONE can be "qualified" or that I say -- oops maybe I slipped up... ., maybe I should have said OR were pillars in the private sector. 'Cause I know that Republican elected officials and presidents have asked the military for grave space for some people who were neither -- not really. These things happen.

This could not be confirmed immediately but is generally believed, military sources say.

Of course not. How could anything in this pack of lies be confirmed? That's the beauty of it. Tug at people's hearts, remind them of the horrible deaths of loved ones, transfer that grief onto the White House - VOILA!

Why, Limbaugh himself couldn't have done it any better.

Under West and Clinton, the number of such waivers has quadrupled to approximately 60 to 75 in the last four to five years.... . "It's a disgrace what's happened lately," says one of the military sources. "And now with all these [Clinton fund-raising] investigations going on, they're trying to keep it out of the press."... . A review of some names on the waiver lists does, in fact, show that some individuals approved for burial at the national cemeteries -- including Arlington National -- gave large sums of money to the Clinton-Gore campaign and to the DNC.

Sure, but that holds true for any veteran who ever gave a nickel to any politician for any reason since the time they started keeping records at the Federal Election Commission (22 years) . But who will know that? Of course I don't say WHO approved them. They were probably approved as a matter of normal course by no one higher than some clerk at the Department of Cemeteries office -- but the IMPLICATION IS THE KEY. You see, if I mention WEST and CLINTON anywhere in the same paragraph, stupid people -- and most people reading my stuff are -- will think I mean that WEST AND CLINTON gave the approval. But I didn't say that did I?

But based on an ongoing review of these lists, the number of political moneybags remains small compared with the full roster of names. "That doesn't make any difference," says an Army official familiar with the issue. "If there's even one person on there only because he gave Clinton money, that's one person too many. It's disgraceful." A disgruntled national cemetery official adds, "Congress ought to look into this." Another source says, "There are names that clearly don't belong.... These plots are sacred. They belong to the men and women who died or risked their lives bravely for their country.

Sure. But I wonder how many people buried at national cemeteries never saw a second of "action." A lot. And there are probably some who got scared and ran for cover. It could happen to anyone.

They don't belong to the politicians."... . "If [former Rep. Dan] Rostenkowski can go to jail over the selling of a few office chairs, then somebody over at the White House and Pentagon ought to be convicted for selling America's most sacred public property," says a high-ranking administration official briefed on the situation. Indeed.

Yeah! And if Haley Barbour can borrow millions from a Chinese businessman for The Republican Party, never pay it back, and then launder it using the "Gingrich Technique" of hiding money in charitable tax free corporations, then someone over at the Senate Majority Leader's Office ought to be convicted for conspiracy with Barbour and his people to commit perjury before a Senate Committee.

Indeed!

writing today for

AND A POSTSCRIPT

REPUBLICANS CAN BE "PROUD" OF THIS ONE

In his op-ed column, the New York Times 's Frank Rich reports that Republicans senators have gotten a "hold" put on President Clinton's choice to be ambassador to Luxembourg, James Hormel. Hormel is openly gay and the Republicans fear that Hormel "might use this post to promote the gay agenda." Rich observes that "Ambassador to Luxembourg is not a post conducive to promoting any agenda more daring than a wine list."