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by The Editors
Evans, Novak, Hunt & Shields
Is Bob Novak Dracula?
This weekend, cheerful Grinch Robert Novak dug up loser Senator Robert Bennett -- who pretends to be wise -- ostensibly as the GOP "expert" on the Y2K problem, but the real reason Novacula brought Bennett on was to bash GOP Presidential leader Senator "JJ" McCain.
Bennett said he was worried about foreign countries. He wasn't worried about nuclear power plants, although New Mexico Power has warned its users that their could be blackouts. Bennett, looking like some sort of Claymation puppet -- or your old Uncle Harold laid out in a pine box -- said that there is a nuclear threat in Europe, but "we don't expect that." The people in Eastern Europe will go without power.
"One of my aides came back from Russia and told me that nothing;s gonna work in Russia, but the good news is that nothing works now!!!" Yuck, yuck. Wonder if Bennett thought about what it might be like to live in freezing cold Russia without heat or power? What an ass.
Bennett said that he worries that "hackers" will try to mess with the nation's servers under the "cloak of Y2K." Bennett told travelers that you must check with the TERMINAL -- because they are the ones who might not be able to get you out of a terminal.
Novacula said that their are 50 billion embedded chips in the world. Bennett said that the chip makes feel that less than two tenths of one percent might fail -- but the device might continue to operate because the date function is not important.
Bennett said he will be in "The Central Command Center" in Utah on New Years' Eve and will have an "Iridium" phone (a plug for the bankrupt company), which he claimed is not reliant on computer chips!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! well, maybe it's Y2K compliant, but with all those satellites and delivery veehicles falling out of the sky and possibly hitting Iridium Satellites... well, you never know, do you, Robert?
What frightened us was that he went on about Alan Greenspan having an Iridium phone too: "As Alan Greenspan told me when he was hading these out from the Federal Reserve... if all hell breaks lose... we better be able to communicate." That's right, Novakula, if there's another scandal you can call Mrs. Alan Greenspan (NBC's Andrea Mitchell) so that you ca compare notes on the best way to bash Bill Clinton on air!
Bennett, the idiot, is supporting Orrin Hatch of all people! McCain, of course, accused all of the Senate of being corrupt and taking money from business in exchange for his vote.
Well, what's new? Of course he does. Maybe not always, but more often than that. McCain accused everyone of feeding at the campaign cash trough. Elizabeth Drew told the world that Bennett hates McCain, and we believe it -- especially after tonight. Bennett said that Drew did not name the Senators she talks to and does name the ones she doesn't. Well, Drew threatened to sue us for mixing her up with another Elizabeth Drew -- but finally backed off, not due to her brains, but due to good legal advice from superlative lawyers. So we believe Bennett on this remark.
Then Bennett moved in on McCain: "Would I lay awake nights thinking he would blow up the country? No. But in the array of choices I have, I would choose someone else." Basically he transmitted, while speaking the opposite, that McCain was a psycho who couldn't be trusted running any nation -- let alone this one.
"I think John McCain's instincts are more hair trigger than I'd like," said Bennett -- and we think that any GOP instinct is more neo-fascist than we'd like.
It seems to run in the Bennett gene pool -- or should we say any gene pool with the name Bennett.
Bennett then attacked Clinton by saying that he had written the President begging him to appoint a Y2K "czar." Six months later, one John Koskinen was appointed. But Bennett told him he was worried about his appointment because he wasn't well known enough and the Cabinet wouldn't answer his calls!
Oh, brother. How low can you go?
next: Fox News Spin-Day Copyright © 1999, 1998, 1997, 1996, American Politics Journal Publications. All rights reserved. ISSN No. 1523-1690
Copyright © 1999, 1998, 1997, 1996, American Politics Journal Publications. All rights reserved. ISSN No. 1523-1690