and... Canady?
-- We're working this story now

What kind of role models are these men for your wittle children? Is the Lord absent in DC?

Friday, December 18, 1998 -- WASHINGTON, D.C. -- You could have guessed that Speaker Desig"not" Bob Livingston would be fingered for being the serial-adulterer he is on a day when people were paying more attention to Christiane Amanpour and her battle with friendly "incoming" atop Iraq's Ministry of Information.

But some people were paying attention. Most notably Tom "The Hammer" DeLay, who could be seen dwarfed by Livingston in the bowels of the congressional subway system -- and mad as hell.

There he was -- one of the two surviving Neo-Nazis in the House with any clout -- but he still wasn't the Speaker! "Now this obscene adulterer, Bob Livingston, seems to be getting away with it," muttered the former bug exterminator to himself.

Gary Bauer, the effeminate father of several small children of his own, was also boiling. The dwarfish Bauer reportedly nearly slammed his tiny fist into a wall when he found out he couldn't count on Livingston to carry the mantle of "Family Values" for whichever tax exempt organizations Bauer would invent for the year 2000.

Meanwhile, over at the offices of the Weekly Standard, New Moralist Archbishop William Kristol hastily began a rewrite of the punchy, spin-marinated sound bites he would be using on ABC's This Weak with the Effete Beltway Insiders Scam and Coasting.

What's the Republican line on Livingston and Hyde?

"It's not about sex! If it had been, Teddy Kennedy would have been thrown out of office long ago!"

Will someone cue the laugh track?

...yet it was always all about sex until the American people told the GOP to crawl back into their hole and die after they tried to hang Bill Clinton for his lusty persona. After that, they followed with "The President is just like anyone else -- he can't lie under oath (even if it's to cripple a trailer park whore who is blackmailing him on behalf of unseen and seen hands out to undo an election)."

Livingston, like Hyde and Burton, is trying to pretend that the White House is outing them. But we can aver that this isn't true. People who hate Hyde -- like Fred Snodgrass whose marriage Hyde destroyed and Norman Sommer whom Tom DeLay threatened in a particularly McCarthyite way by threatening to sic the FBI on him, and the friends of Lvingston's castaway lovers are the ones who are telling all now. Why? Because they see these men as the ultimate hypocrites they are.

We can attest to this because we have had more than a dozen messages and tips from readers with intimate and corroboarated knowledge about other Republican members of the House Judiciary Committee. From what we've read, and our follow-up calls to witnesses, we can tell you that Mr. Canady, who has a striking resembalnce to Casper the Friendly Ghost, had better call Miss Susan Becker or her ex-husband Robert Becker in Florida real quick.

One of our reporters has called Susan Becker. Her comment on the information American Politics Journal has been provided with: "I have no comment."

Other people will.

Both men, along with Hyde, are slated to "manage" the President's impeachment trial in the Senate and both are now the subject of reports to the media that they cheated on their families and worse. Won't that be a kicker? A trio, quartet or quintet of adulterers helping to lynch another man for his sins?

And let's not forget "Father Dan" Burton, a man who cheated on his wife, had a son out of wedlock -- and refused to see the boy until forced to this year, a man who hoid from his own son out of shame for being exposed, not because he had a responsibility to the child.

We say if this impeachment is about lying, then Hyde, Livingston, Canady and others should also be impeached.

The cancerous growth in the Republican Party, led by a group of "do-gooder" hypocrite sinners who want to force their definition of "Christian Values" down your throats, makes its ugliness more apparent each day.

Tell usthis: in the conservative districts of these men, would they have been elected in the first place had they told voters the truth about their sex lives?

Probably not.

In essence and in fact, they are serving in Congress by lying to their constituents.

Isn't lying to voters a high crime? If not, it should be.

Now we think that Hyde, Livingston, and perhaps Canady, Calvert and McCollum were simply human. We don't care if they slept with their grandmothers. But we do care when they preach to us about values they themselves leave for the dumpster. They disgrace the name of Christ with their hypocrisy. It is far worse to be a hypocrite than to lie about sex - even in a courtroom.

We'll be smirking along with you as one adulterer after another rises to speak in the House against the President.

This is your America.

-- Mac MacArthur