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by The Editors
This Weak
Cocky Goes Spam-Less
"Cocky" Roberts started the show by mentioning that US border security has been stepped up this week. Her first guest was a "Terrorism Expert," Vince Cannistrano, former CIA Director of Terrorism.
Vince was cool -- and was also billed as an "ABC News Analyst." Hmmm... wonder when they made that appointment?
On the man taken into custody for allegedly smuggling explosive compounds across the US-Canada border, Cannistrano said, "He looked nervous, he tried to bolt, and ran for several blocks and then we searched his car." He said that the US found that this guy, apprehended in Washington state, had an accomplice in Canada.
Gee, if he almost got away with it, how many are on their way? Maybe it is time to round up all Islamic people and put them in internment camps just as we did with Americans of Japanese descent during the Big War. Vince said that we shouldn't be frightened? Why?
Following Cannistrano, Cocky -- believe it or not -- interviewed the MOTHER and the WIFE of BushBaby!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha!! I wonder if they will interview all the other GOP candidates' parents
and wives.
Babs Bush said she was thrilled to see her baby run for President. Cocky, charming as always, said to Momma Bush, "You've seen his report cards...." Bush Mama said that BushBaby "is a VERY smart man!"
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Sure -- so is Ronnie Reagan!
The over-southern wife, Lara, talked about how "dangerous" it is to expose one's family to politics. Then Babs said "he has his Dad's brains." Well, we would agree with that -- after seeing George CRYING yet again on C-SPAN last week.
Babs -- who looks like one Britain's Windsors lately, kept puffing for BushBaby. Cocky, of course, brought up the fact that li'l George was an alkie -- and he just got up one day (probably after spending six months at the Betty Ford Clinic) and just quit drinking. Babs butted in: "Are you telling me that my son was an alcoholic? Because I didn't know that!" Lara did not say, one way of the other.
But one thing got telegraphed during the interview -- Lara seems to dislike her mother in law (this is only an observation).
Cocky referred to the blabbering as "MY interview with Lara and Barbara Bush." God, how desperate can she get?
Cocky asked Babs what advice she has for Lara. Lara said Babs told her not to criticize BushBaby's speeches. Lara told him one of his speeches stunk -- and he drove through the garage wall!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Wonder if that's on his driving record -- the one that didn't get covered up! Babs said that she believes in states' rights - and abortion cannot be impacted by the President anyway. Lara talked about
adoption -- after Babs warned her on camera not to talk!
Then Lara said she was surprised that BushBaby's favorite mentor was Jesus Christ. Babs nearly kicked her under the chair.
We go to him as our religious Guru! said Babs. Hilarious -- Babs is great.
Then Lara started talking about her support of the arts. Lara also said she thinks that compassionate conservatism is cool -- and that he appeals to women because he is FOR education.
Gee, is he?
Lara says the kids don't want to get involved -- and we don't want to be involved -- but they do pay attention.
Then Babs spoke: Big George is obsessed with this campaign. Babs does not take criticism well, she reminds us. George Daddy has the 24-hour news going all day. "I'm not interested in polls," she said. Lara claims that what she likes to do is to work on education.
What a tough interview, Cocky!!!
Now, listen to what Cocky -- the hypocrite daughter of two hypocrite political parents -- had to say concerning the campaign finance report and the "evils" of labor unions contributing soft money
to Democrats. Cocky IS a Democrat -- but the most important hypocrisy of all is that Unions contribute about 10% of what Big Business (their mortal enemies) contributes to Republicans!
She knows that -- but takes the Washing-Quinn Post/ABC line. What a jerkette!
She then interviewed Bill Bradley -- whose turkey-wattle chin is so fat that it was hanging over his stomach! McCain, who reminds us of "Cancer Boy" in the hilarious film Brain Candy -- or a burn victim after many plastic surgeries -- was also tooting his horn about campaign finance -- their dual bid to pass an unconstitutional law that would cut free speech from the American political landscape.
The entire McCain-Bradley issue on this one is just sick. First of all, if they stopped so-called soft money contributions, both major political parties would go bankrupt. Second, unions and corporations would simply start their own political organizations and continue to ADVERTISE AS USUAL!
Who would be most hurt under this system? The working man and woman.
So cut the crap, John McCain and Dollar Bill Bradley! We know you for the hypocrites you are.
Bradley and McCain freely admit they use corporate jets to move around the country and claim that this is okay because Al Gore and George Bush do it! Oh, my.
McCain, who is at least honest enough to say that his vote is in the back pocket of big contributors, says he wants people to trust him more.
Bradley said that that the most influential political thinkers in his life was Lincoln -- because he had to have breakfast with his sister-in-law, whose husband was a dead Confederate soldier -- and FDR, for the obvious reasons.
Cocky then tries to smack Bush for answering Jesus to this same question.
Bradley said that religion is private matter and he will not discuss it during this campaign. McCain said Theodore Roosevelt was his Jesus. McCain has an ad on in South Carolina which talks about Christmas. McCain jumps to say his ad does not talk about Jesus -- but panders to Veterans and talks about his moving Christmas Celebration in Hanoi.
Bradley believes that there is a deep yearning for a meaning in life. Wow! What a stretch! Yes, and this is just soooo different from the past, isn't it?
Cocky then welcomed Mike McCurry, "Junior Judas" to George Staphylococcus, who appeared as a member of their frivolous "round table" in George's place.
Cocky was the sole "anchor" today because Sam is probably off for the next 60 days -- for a short Christmas break. McCurry said that watching two Democrats debating is like looking at Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi.
That's true, Mike -- and watching you earning money at the expense of Bill Clinton after you turned on him is like looking at Linda Tripp making a toll call!
George "Pill" said that Gore is crucifying Bradley with preposterous lies. Bill Kristol says that Gore is doing what Clinton did to Newt!!! Unbelievable -- the entire APJ media center was screaming with laughter! Wake up, Kristol -- that's about the stupidest thing we've ever heard you say!
McCurry said that very few people have seen the candidates. Sure, Mike -- and what planet have you been living on? McCurry is boring.
Will calls teachers a "wholly owned subsidiary of the Gore Campaign." Well of course, you nitwit -- who do you think they would support -- you?
Cocky points out that people now approve of the House impeachment by 50% instead of 30% -- but here's the truth that Cocky dare not speak: that poll was totally fraudulent, and the question asked was a "ringer" to move that number up.
Kristol said he thinks it is huge problem for Al Gore to have said that Bill Clinton will go down in history as one of our greatest presidents. Again, Kristol said a very foolish thing, inasmuch as more than 64% of people agree that he is one of our greatest presidents and more than 56% of Americans consider themselves DEMOCRATS.
Cocky showed the overplayed clip of BushBaby saying that "Christ changed my heart. When you accept Christ as your savior is changes you life."
Kristol said, interestingly and tellingly, that Bush took the question as a question about himself and he thinks this is revealing about the BushBaby. There is something BabyBoomerish about that answer.
McCurry found it "refreshing" because it was a very revealing moment and will suit him very well in South Carolina. And that's true -- because there are a lot of simpleminded evangelical Christians down there. And we are not talking about the intelligent evangelical and charismatic Christians who know Bush is a fraud.
Will said that Washington spoke about religion in his departing address -- and then he went nuts talking about a boy who brought a Bible into the school as his favorite book and was forbidden to read it! It was yet another stupid remark by the King of Migraines. Will, who lives his pathetically empty life on anecdotal and not factual evidence, showed his true pseudointellectuality today as never before.
Cocky then moves on to the Charles Schultz retirement. We say Thank God. Mac MacArthur hates Peanuts and every other cartoon Schultz ever created and compares his "achievement" to the destruction of American art led by Saturday Evening Post illustrator Norman Rockwell, whom PBS had the gall to anoint as one of the greatest artists of this century only last month.
We wonder how much Sotheby's will earn auctioning Schultz's work after he croaks. $100 million?
Cocky then ran yet ANOTHER Bush for President commercial, showing a tour of the governor's mansion festooned with Mexican celebratory decorations. This, of course, to prove that Bush loves Mexican-Americans and other minorities. Lara said that these are VERY traditional decorations for Texans.
Sure, and so are lynching ropes, tar, white sheets and those festive burning crosses!
Cocky says that these "tantalize taste buds" -- of course the "edibles" were all lacquered!!! So they couldn't be eaten.
That, thankfully, was it from Cocky -- but we must admit she did a better job WITHOUT SPAM DONALDSON!
Copyright © 1999, 1998, 1997, 1996, American Politics Journal Publications. All rights reserved. ISSN No. 1523-1690