Six Nights Before Christmas
or, A Visit from Tom "The Hammer" DeLay
(with apologies to Clement Moore)
by Liz Taylor
(Note from the editors: We received this very funny
poem from one of our readers early this week.
We thought we'd share it with all of you today.
And many thanks, Liz -- your poem brought a smile
to all of our faces!)
'Twas six days before Christmas, and all through the House
all the Republicans were a'stirring, down to the last louse;
The Prez hung in effigy by those who'd dare,
And the November vote cast aside without care;
Yes, the Republicans were a-crowing, quite smug, packing lead,
While delusional visions danced in their heads;
And Livingston in trouble with a lobbyist in his lap,
Had stepped to the lectern, his turn to spew crap,
When out on the floor there arose such a clatter,
He said he'd resign just to settle the matter!
To the Cloakroom he flew, ignoring the impulse to flash,
Tore open his jacket to reveal a scarlet "A" under his sash!
The GOP, aghast o'er their now-fallen bro',
Only added more bluster to the fracas, and lo,
When, what to America's eyes should appear,
But a miniature rep named DeLay looking like a headlight-trapped reindeer!
What a creepy right-winger, so slippery and slick,
I knew in a moment this guy was a dick.
More rabid than Limbaugh, he cursed all the same,
Then he browbeat and commanded his colleagues by name,
Now Armey, now Bono, now Archer and Canady!
On, Burton! On, Newtie! On, Asa and Henry!
From the top of the government we'll make Bill fall!
Now vote my way, vote my way, vote my way all!
As mindless goose-steppers 'fore a wild storm fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, looking down from on high,
Ignoring the polls, House Republicans threw
All caution to the wind with articles of impeachment full of lies and ploys -- and tossed their integrity away, too!
And then, in a twinkling, they screamed from the roof
"The truth doesn't matter! We're staying aloof."
I shook my head sadly, and was turning around
When down from the House came the votes with a bound.
Concealed in "the flag" from each head to each foot,
The Republicans were all tarnished and covered with soot;
A bundle of lies they flung, running in a pack,
And they looked like such fools giving Bill Clinton flack.
Their eyes -- how they twinkled! Their demeanor -- how merry!
To believe them, Monica had just lost her cherry!
They were droll and their words shot as if from a bow,
Their souls all so black, a contrast to the white of the snow;
They stumped and they sputtered and drawled through their teeth,
Their wagons encircled the floor like a wreath;
They used lofty terms, yet their words were quite 'smelly',
How could they stand straight with their spines of pure jelly?
The GOP, bloated and plump, run by DeLay, a right-winger so full of himself,
And I laughed when I saw them, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a true word, but forged on with his work,
And spewed his inanities. Lord, what a jerk!
Laying a thumb quickly up to my nose,
I then gave him "the bird" as my other hand arose;
I sprang to my feet, to the Dems I gave a shout,
As away the Republicans flew with their report, "Give them not a thought, it will all turn about!"
And we all should exclaim once they're driven from sight,
"Good riddance to all, we've ejected the blight!"