Dave "Doctor" Gonzo's DIS-patch
Why Gingrich REALLY Quit

December 17, 1998 -- NEW YORK (apj.us) -- The Doc loves getting email from readers.

Especially readers who track down out-of-the-way news stories that show those beloved "moral" House Republicans for the laughable hypocrites they are.

Monday, a reader sent me a "heads-up" on Russ Baker's terrific Salon article on Dan Burton -- a thorough and detailed article on the exploits of ladies' man "Dan Juan," with some previously undiscussed campaign misdeeds of his own thrown into the mix.

And an even juicier morsel was tossed The Doc's way late last night by two of The Doc's favorite readers containing Newt.

But before we get to the matter of the real reason Gingrich quit, allow The Doc a moment to point out a story that another of our readers brought to the editors' attention yesterday concerning North Carolina Republican Rep. Sue Myrick.

In an article in last Saturday's edition of the Charlotte Observer by Carol Leonnig, titled "2 on Opposite Sides Share Sadness at Week's Crises," the actions and thoughts of both Rep. Myrick and Democrat Congressman Mel Watt during last week's impeachment coup attempt and the surrounding circus were described down to the last hand-wringing detail.

Part of the article described Myrick's reaction to House Speaker Desig"not" Bob Livingston's offer to turn down the Speakership before the House Republican caucus late last Thursday:

Her mind races. She thinks of his personal pain, the damage this could do to House Republicans, the low point of the week has hit.

She herself has gone through a similar public hell. In 1989, Myrick was running for a second term as Charlotte mayor when Creative Loafing reported her 1973 extramarital affair with a married man, her current husband, which she acknowledged.

She notices Livingston's down-turned face. 'I was just feeling so sad for him,' she later explained.

Contrast this with an interview published in last week's Observer. Myrick was quoted as saying, "Look, [Clinton's] a lawyer, and he's scheming to postpone this impeachment vote past next year -- and anybody who can't see that is not in touch with reality."

Huh? Clinton "scheming" -- to fight a cheap-shot, low blow ouster attempt exploiting his own private conduct? Judging from her snide comment, it's a safe bet to assume she wasn't thinking much about Clinton's personal pain when he expressed his sorrow and contrition to the nation.

By the way, Ms. Myrick, Livingston's a lawyer, too -- thought we'd just remind you. And you could be sure he schemed all of his life to keep his multiple illicit affairs very quiet. Y'know, it's no surprise that he admitted to bird-dogging and you get all worried about "the damage this could do to House republicans" -- your own partisan interest. That doesn't surprise The Doc, since your own sorry history of running off with the guy you cheated with shows where your "family values" priorities are.

You might also have thought about the word forgiveness for both Livingston and Clinton. And, while you're at it, seeing as how you were described in the Observer article as a "devout Christian," after your cheap-shot remarks about Clinton, you might want to ruminate over the Biblical injunction to "Judge not, that ye may not be judged" -- by the voters two years from now, and especially with your own admitted dirty laundry.

You are the walking, talking poster girl for the politics of personal destruction.

Which brings us to the "gentleman" whose own personal problems had Myrick so worried about her party, Mr. Livingston -- and his illustrious predecessor, lame duck Speaker Gingrich.

Here are the choice excerpts emailed to yours truly last evening, from an article which ran in -- of all places -- Monday's Irish Times.

Their Washington correspondent, Elaine Lafferty, wrote a detailed article on Larry Flynt's investigations into the sex lives of Republican congressmen. Yes, The Doc is talking about "those" kinds of details:

"Mr Flynt hired a Washington firm of former CIA and FBI officials to help him assess the responses to his ad and confirm their credibility. One of the first investigations surrounded Mr Newt Gingrich, then Speaker of the House.

Mr Flynt began negotiating with several parties, people described as having an association with a prostitution ring, for a series of credit card receipts that showed Mr Gingrich paying for services.

"In the midst of that negotiation, Mr Gingrich resigned suddenly."

As those great old K-Tel commercials used to say, "But wait! There's more!!"

"The Irish Times has learned that Mr Livingston became aware that Mr Flynt had in his possession audiotapes of sexually explicit telephone conversations between Mr Livingston and a woman. It was the nature of the sexual talk that was so disturbing, said this source. It was clearly a sexual relationship of a sado-masochistic or dominant-submissive nature.

"At one point in the conversation, Mr Livingston asks the woman a question to the effect, can't I be the victim next time?"

No, Bob, that would have to wait for last Thursday and Saturday.

Now it's no surprise to The Doc that a bunch of pathetic southern GOP has-beens are so hard up they have to go out and buy it -- but the truth is they're jealous as hell that chicks love Bill Clinton while they're stuck having to whip out the plastic (and probably the Viagra, judging from the sexlessness of most of the House Republicans).

And while the media is calling escalating scorched earth politics "sexual armageddon" as they fret over Larry Flynt's response to the Starr Report -- an article in the upcoming issue of Hustler guaranteed to have fifty times the kinky fun of Starr's tome in a lot less space, and no distracting footnotes -- they're missing the obvious reason behind the bizarre turn of events of the last month-and-a-half:

The most likely reason the Confederate GOP Caucus stepped up the effort to depose Clinton and rammed two Articles of Impeachment all the way through to the Senate was to divert attention from Larry Flynt's airing of many of their own top players' massive dirty laundry!

'Nuff said.