April 30, 2000 -- WASHINGTON -- Wow -- for the first time in months, the pundits covered a plethora of issues!

Fox Noise Sunday
Tony Snow Lets "Storm Trooper" Lott Insert Both Feel In Mouth

Tony's top topics for the week: trumped-up slams by Trent Lott and Rudy's cancerous prostate!

Lott was up first.  On Elian, Trent claimed that Reno was not specific about why force was used to remove Elian -- then said that Elian should be with her dad!  "That's why Congress should take a look at the institutional questions."  Lott essentially said that it was a criminal act!  Tony: "Do you think the President was in on it?"  Lott: "Yes."

Oh -- we see -- time to INVESTIGATE THE PRESIDENT AGAIN!

So why's you cancel the hearings, Trent?  Could it be that you know you'll look like fools very easily after thirty seconds of Reno's testimony?  

Lott said that "send in the storm troopers" was the alternative the Administration chose and, of course, brought up the Waco debacle (planned under Bush, executed only days into Reno's tenure).

Lott also LIED when he said that in Cuba the state "owns" kids and parents have no control.  That is utter nonsense, total pap.  If anything, Cuban families are free of the authoritarian control of Ayatollah Falwell and the right wing of the Republican Party.

Lott danced around the "postponement" of the Reno hearings.

Tony brought up the issue of a laptop computer stolen from the State Department, a laptop containing secrets.  Lott hyperbolically called it the "greatest" loss of secrets in American history -- but how would we know.  Who has it?  "Nobody knows."  

Tony asked, "Has the Administration sold secrets to China?"  Lott paused dramatically before he said that questions should be investigated.  We think he was caught off guard -- he knows well that the companies that have allegedly "given our secrets" to China are big GOP contributors  Lott dissed trade relations with China, bringing up the ridiculous scenario of China "lobbing missiles" at Taiwan.  Lott wants to sell arms to Taiwan -- and even claimed that the law requires it!

Wow -- so our law requires the U.S. to destabilize Asia! Thank you, Reagan, Bush and the GOP Congress!

Lott talked about religious abuses in China -- this from a GOP leader who is party to bashing Asians of the Buddhist faith.

Is AIDS a national security threat?  Lott actually laughed -- and said Clinton was "trying to appeal to certain groups."

Lott is either: 1) ignorant ; or 2) so contemptuous of Africans and Asians he'd rather see them die horribly and painfully as their nations' social structures collapse, violence ensues, and our national interest is harmed.  We can only assume he's agree that AIDS was a threat if it were sweeping through a nation of Caucasians.

On second thought... he's been an obstructionist to that in his own country!  Could it be his antipathy toward gays?

We're starting to wonder if Tony is feeding "fair and balanced" hot-button questions to Lott and similar guests to provide raw meat for conservative viewers -- or to show how out of step hard-righters are with the mainstream of America and even the GOP.  Is Tony a stealth anti-hard-righter?

After the break: would a Bush-Powell ticket be unbeatable?  Lott thinks so, but "realistically thinks he'd be secretary of State.  Lott is pushing Ridge (Governor of Pennsylvania, whose state GOP is reeling from a series of scandals) or Liddy Dole (who nearly destroyed the American Red Cross with policies that endangered the safety of the blood supply).  Lott praised Ridge on tax cutting and supporting charter schools.

Note that Bush has shut his yap about charter schools since a series of money scandals involving Texas charter schools emerged late last year.

Mara pressed Lott on McCain as Veep candidate, and Lott quickly praised him -- then talked about liar Connie Mack.  Mack LIED in a news conference earlier this week about charges that the Gonzalez family "set-dressed" their house.  he claimed the story was "made up."

Senator Mack, look at last week's Pundit Pap.

Lott talked about how excited Bush gets about education, "how passionate he is... we're raising the profile of education."  Yep, Trent -- and wait 'til the conventions are over and the Bush-GOP joke "record" on education -- and their war on teachers -- becomes an issue.

Brit Hume raised a good question on drug pricing legislation, and Lott praised pharmaceutical research (he has hay fever and uses Claritin D).  He talked about pricing in a series of the same old platitudes, but said nothing about the most important element of the issue: evidence that the US is subsidizing low prices worldwide.  This is surprising, considering Lott is so eager to target foreign nations for fake "problems" when many argue this is a cut-and-dried trade issue.

Brit pressed Lott on why the public finds hearings into Reno "unpopular."  Lott blamed the Administration for the public's antipathy!  It was hilarious  we were rolling on the floor -- and kept laughing as Lott talked about "enforcing the law" and the "rule of law."

What a hypocrite!  Lott was a party to an attempt to subvert the constitutional process of impeachment.

Tony concluded by asking Lott how he "celebrated" the fourth anniversary of the fundraiser that the GOP is trying to tar Gore with.  Lott made a sarcastic comment.

Above: Lott speaking before the segregationist CCC.  They made him an honorary member.

He should know better than to tempt viewers into looking into his own seamy fundraising and speaking history -- including an infamous appearance before white segregationists a few years back.

Up after the break: Bruce Teitelbaum, Giuliani's campaign manager.  Bruce said that tests show the cancer g=has not spread.  Will he run?  Bruce said the course of treatment is TBD, but the Rudy's a fighter and his team is confident that he'll overcome cancer.  Brit commented that Rudy "seemed reticent, seemed reluctant... is he in doubt that he wants to go forward [with the campaign]?"  Bruce blamed the press for reporting the story!

Huh?  You're saying that Rudy should cover up his health crisis until the time is right?

Brit pressed with another question about Rudy's "reluctance" and Bruce bragged about all the money Rudy has raised.

What Brit was trying to get at in a very indirect manner was that Rudy could pull out, keep the money, and run for Governor next year -- when most pollsters say he would have a far better chance of winning than in a Senate run.

Tony asked about Rudy acting as a "go-between" to unite Bush and McCain.  Crikey, you can just tell that Rupert Murdoch and Roger Ailes would give their prostates (actually, Rupe had and beat prostate cancer) to see such a ticket!

Brit asked about debates, and said none had been agreed to.  Bruce said that two had been agreed to -- then undid the claim by saying that Mrs. Clinton's team had not agreed to the same.  Does the Mayor want weekly debates?  Bruce implied he does.

Are these people idiots?  Media experts we know, including a key GOP advisor, say that TV debates will most likely hurt Rudy.

Panel  time!  Brit had us laughing when he claimed that hearings would "get to the bottom" of what those nasty Clintonistas were really up to -- and implied that Castro was planning another Mariel-style boatlift!  Juan Williams dissed the idea of hearings -- the warrant, the presence of Alpha 66 thugs -- makes it obvious what the raid was about!  Mara Liasson, foolishly, said that that's what hearings are for.  Brit brought up goofy Fox Opinion Dynamics numbers that say the public now feels that Clinton should have been convicted in the impeachment trial! 

The public on what planet, Brit?  You just can't let go of Bill's private parts, can you!

Talk turned from Clinton's wiener to Rudy's prostate.  Juan said that Rudy has had second thoughts -- and that GOPers are looking toward Lazio!  Tony was right -- Dems are looking to Lazio.

Brit had us howling over Microsoft as he claimed that, like Elian, the government has no grounds to break up Microsoft!  Hey, Brit, how about a Windows boatlift?  We'll send all of Bill Gates's buggy software to Fidel, and let him sort it out!  Brit was pushing the Gates meme of innovation and free commerce.  Mara said other Silicon Valley companies are thrilled -- and said that it's a great fundraiser for Clinton!

Ha, ha, ha -- Mara is trying to turn the Microsoft case into another fake "Buddhist  temple" scandal.

The panel slammed Columbine videos being set to music.  None of them mentioned that the tapes were training tapes for law enforcement.  They should have -- and they are right that putting it up for general sale is a greedy and insensitive move.

Finally, the panel of film critics gave four thumbs up to Clinton's very funny video shown at last night's press dinner -- then Brit and Juan slammed Clinton for saying that he "saved the constitution" by fighting the impeachment, and the "poll numbers" prove the nation agrees.

Here's a poll number for you guys, one that carries more weight than all the Fox O-"spin"-ion Dynamics numbers you can cook up: the GOP lost 6 seats in the House in 1998.  They will lose the House, and possibly the Senate, this year.  And the impeachment WILL be the "stealth" issue driving voters to diminish the GOP's power.

Tony's parting comments dealt with the twenty-fifth anniversary of the end of our involvement in Vietnam.  It was mostly an anti-Communist rant -- and we despise Communism as much as Tony, but with the exception of Cuba and a handful of inconsequential luddite Marxist countries, it's dead -- even in "Red" China, where their politburo is more worried about profit margins, balance of trade and the money supply than Chairman Mao's outdated book.

The McLaugh-In Group
John -- Crazy for Rudy's Prostate and Bush's Mo

Issue one: Rudy's Crisis!  Will it be time off, or no need to slow down -- and what about the political diagnosis?  Michael "U.S. Snooze" Barone said there will be no impact on voters (wrong!) and the cancer is treatable; Eleanor Clift said that voters are selfish and do not want to vote for candidates with health issues, but it will not be  a big factor; Tony Blankley said Rudy is not the kind of guy who will play for sympathy, but pointed out Bradley's numbers "dropped like a stone" when his heart problems came out; Larry O'Donnell said that health issues are not important in a Senate race.

Would it be distasteful for Hillary to run negative ads?  Larry said that at this point it is "very delicate."  Will she use "surrogates?"

Hey, john, the way you're a surrogate for Jack Welch?

Eleanor mentioned Rudy's ambivalence; John asked about the possibility that Norm Schwarzkopf or Lance Armstrong would pitch for Giuliani; Barone dismissed the possibility.

1 to 10 -- the chances of Rudy dropping out:
Barone: 1
Eleanor: 5
Tony: 3.5
Larry: 3
John: 1

Issue two: "Bush has the 'Mo'!"  Why is Bush's lead in the polls GROWING?

Now, stop there.  At least two polls we are party to, including intervoter.com, show NO sign -- let alone significant change -- for Bush in the last three weeks.

John mentioned Bush fundraising, his trip to Mexico, his meeting with Igor Ivanov, and the Veep search.  He then cited the National Journal Hotline poll that puts Bush at NINE points over Gore.  Tony blamed Gore's weak showing on -- Elian!  Ha, ha, ha ha.... Tony was right, though, about the poor performance of the Gore campaign team.  Larry said that both parties had made no mistake -- and John said that Gore's handling was "horrible" and used the "pandering" word.  Barone DEFENDED Gore against the press's "unfair take!"  Barone added -- again, correctly -- that Gore has been underwhelming on many of his issues.

What's going on with Michael Barone?  Is he going SANE?

0 to 10: How much "Mo" does Bush have?
Barone: 4
Eleanor: 2.5
Tony: 3 with Gore at -2; "His spinnaker fell off."
Larry: 2
John: 5

Issue three: Africa.  Drought in Ethiopia; John showed harrowing footage of starving Africans as he slammed the U.S. for giving less than other nations in aid.  Eleanor supports more foreign aid, but pointed out that foreign aid to Ethiopia gets put into their war with Eritrea, and that food is getting held up in Ethiopian ports.  Barone said that foreign aid tends to get used by corrupt regimes for power, not food.  john suggested an end to multilateral aid, where supplies get deviated, remove AID, and use the State Department.  Larry blamed lobbyists for both foreign nations and agencies, and also called scaling aid against GDP unfair.

Should America take the lead in relieving drought and famine in Ethiopia:
John: yes
Eleanor: Yes, quit beating up on foreign aid
Tony: yes
Larry: yes, but unlikely with Helms at the helm
John: Yes

Issue four: Elian!  John showed footage of Lott calling for hearings, Chris Dodd slamming the idea, and said Americans agree with Lott.  Are republicans as boneheaded as they look?  Eleanor said that John took the words out of her mouth; Tony forecast GOP backpedaling; Larry said Orrin Hatch rode to Al Gore's rescue; Barone called the rescue brutal and dangerous, and John essentially said that the rescuers were justified in using force!

Final prediction: will Elian's dad stay in the U.S.?  The panel is unanimous: NO.

This Weak
Who Wants To Be a Complete Pundit Moron? 

Spam and Cocky began This Weak with a boring rehash of Vietnam and ended it predicting to Regis Philbin that they would be Number 6 in the ratings!

How about number 1,000?

John McCain was the first guest -- filling in for ailing Rudy Giuliani, who announced he had prostate cancer last week. Our prayers go out to anyone who cares.

McCain discussed his prognosis but said the odds are overwhelming that he will win. Then McCain spilled the beans and said Rudy is out playing golf rather than appearing on This Weak.

Who can blame him? What idiot would want to be interviewed by Sam Donaldson and Her Holiness, Cokie Roberts?

McCain was quick to say he is not a surrogate for Rudy -- just there to help out. And, of course, to push his pap about 'Nam.

McCain said Giuliani was hit hard -- it is clear that he has to consider whether he should run for the Senate from New York. He added, however, that Rudy's case can be treated rapidly and well.

Thank you, Dr. McCain.

McCain said he thinks this race between Little Mussolini and Hillary Clinton will go down to the wire. 

Cocky said that some of Rudy's critics think he doesn't want the Senate badly enough and is not working hard enough to win. This is no surprise. Basically, Giuliani is a one trick pony -- use the police in a militaristic manner to push the poor and undesirable out of New York City. Period.

McCain does not want to run as George DumbBellYou' s VP hopeful. This is news?

Then McCain talked about how tough it is for the Vietnamese. Of course, we decimated more than 10% of its population 25 years ago and destroyed most of its infrastructure. Had an equal ratio of Americans been killed in that "war" we would have lost 23 million of our sons, brothers and fathers.

Spam shifted into a "Let's worship McCain" segment, calling him a hero -- which McCain denied -- and then showed photos of him in which he looked youthful and healthy. Spam went quickly to the story that McCain's co-prisoners thought he was going to die.

Spam then sucked up to McCain again -- quoting him last week as telling the Vietnamese leadership that "The wrong guys won."

Wow. That's heavy!

McCain then said that the war should not have been fought under the circumstances it was. McCain said Johnson made the mistake of not wanting to win the war. This is normally Vet-Speak for, "We shoulda used NUKES on the
GOOKS."  And in a selfish way we agree -- had we microwaved Hanoi, at least the nearly 60,000 boys who were fed into the Vietnamese meat grinder -- for absolutely nothing -- would be alive, happy and well today, perhaps waiting this morning for a visit from their first grandchildren. McCain, if he was a man, would push legislation to put the names of every man and women who died protesting the war on "The Wall" -- after all, it was they who risked everything to stop their fellows from committing suicide in Vietnam.

Spam then welcomed Senators Max Cleland and Chuck Hagel to spin their war yarns. One told of fighting with his brother, hitting a land mine, and almost losing his brothers as the "Cong" opened up on them with machine guns. What did Hagel expect? For the Vietnamese to welcome him? Cleland was in the "Siege of Khe Sahn," reached down to pick up a grenade and it went off in his hand.  Cleland lost both of his legs and his right arm.

Spam -- the jerk -- had the camera move back to show Cleland sitting there with stumps and one hand. Cleland was a " hero." He gave up three of his limbs for the military industrial complex. Now, he represents them in Congress. Ironic?

Spam wanted to talk " GEOPOLITICAL."  Hagel said he didn't know how history would treat our entry into Vietnam. Then he claimed that that Southeast Asia would look different today had we not been there.  Well, that's a big lie. Cleland agreed. Really? Do they mean that Vietnam would not be a Communist nation today had we stayed away? No, he claimed that we bought time for other Southeast Asian countries. Perhaps.  And they are still lolling around doing nothing much more than borrowing money from the IMF.

We wonder whether these geeks have yet figured out that it is not Communism that wants to eat America, and it never was. It is men -- evil men -- that seek our destruction, and whether they are communists, ayatollahs, popes, democratically elected presidents or kings, they are all just as deadly. Guys, stop selling your Red Terror to us as the Big Lie to justify your military shenanigans! You want to be powerful. Cool. So do we. But let's not pretend it's anything but a taste for world domination. The United States has, for a century, viewed itself as the defending team on a football field. Football teams seek to control, dominate and destroy the opposition. So far, we are doing well.

By the way, several nations who don't spend all their time fighting the Commies -- like Switzerland, for instance -- seem to be doing well.

Then -- probably for comic relief -- Cocky welcomed the worn out, tired, emaciated creep Robert Bork -- who was
humiliated as one of the only losers in history not to have confirmed for the Supreme Court, because he was a neo-fascist (he still is).

And who was debating him? George Will. Please -- somebody stop us from laughing!  George Will loves Microsoft, and acted as if he were being paid off by Gates himself -- although WE would never make that charge. Bork, or the other hand, defended the Justice Department and basically told Will that he's all wet. We again wish to point out that
Li'l George Will has his own segment on the show. Just he and Bork -- moron a moron.

Will said, "Mr. Bork, I knew you before you were a political virgin . . . " -- what a riot! Sure, he did. Will said that seventeen state Attorney Generals were "taking time off from milking the tobacco companies to attack Microsoft." 

Of course, all this boils down to NO NEWS. This litigation will go on for many years. Until then, nothing will happen. Not unless Gates decides to fold his tent and give in. So why are talking about this?  It's obvious that this is a very unusual situation. Why the Justice Department decided to go after Gates is a mystery. But why not? At least it gives Sam and Cokie something to talk about.

George Staphylococcus called Giuliani the "New Rudy" -- and said that Hillary " doesn't know what to do" about Rudy, so she is now attacking Pat Pukeanan.  Pukeanan -- where's he been lately?  Is he still alive? Good move Hillary.

Will claimed that Giuliani doesn't want to be a US Senator -- whether he is " HUMANIZED" by this cancer or not. Staph said that Pataki would be a tougher opponent for Hillary -- but no one -- including many New Yorkers -- have ever heard of Governor Pataki. He is sort of a non-governor and one wonders what the hell he does up there in that Albany luxury.

Spam talked about the GOP hypocrites who were ready to hold hearings on Elian. Will called this a "profile in tentativeness." Staph said Elian is the " third rail in American politics."  We laughed -- good line, Georgie! -- but
then again so are you! Cocky said that pols on both sides of this issue have been ridiculous. She is right. The Dems would have called Reagan a nazi if he had launched the INS on Elian.

What we believe the real story to be -- one, of course, that nobody on the panel of fools discussed -- is that these insane anti-Castro Cuban Americans basically CONTROL the entire STATE OF FLORIDA. That should be looked into at the congressional level -- and quickly. But then again, they say that about the Jews in New York and Los Angeles -- but then again, those are only cities, and the last time we checked Rudy was Catholic. Florida is a STATE! We think.

Will sighed as he talks about the ABM Treaty. Will said " we" want a shield to protect us from a rogue nation. Staph asks why a rogue nation would bomb the US when they know they would be flattened! Cocky predicted we will see the missile shield built.

We think it should be built -- if only to keep the creeps who think up new weapons in dark rooms in the Pentagon busy. By the way -- we hope they make certain to protect the East and West Coast and forget about the Mid West.

Just kidding!

Staph then turned his attention to gay Boy Scouts. Why? Spam wanted to know about "morally straight." Staph said that the government would not have a case if the scouts were called The Heterosexual Boy Scouts of America! Then Cocky bashed gays, essentially saying all they want is to get married and join the Boy Scouts. Huh? A little Southern hypocrisy coming out there, Cocky?  It was fun watching Will and Staph spitting at each other like two women in a bar fight.

But really -- Staph must go. Let him retreat to his Ralph Lauren-designed Manhattan apartment, and all those boys swooning over him at NYU. The traitor -- Lil' Brutus, as we call him -- should be covered in honey and staked to the ground in Central Park while the Rangers release a hundred million fire ants.

For another spooky segment, Regis Philbin showed up, ostensibly to "critique" the President's jokes at the Press Dinner in Washington last night. Of course, "Reege" was there to push the fact that he is hosting three "celebrity" nights of the idiotic "Who Wants to Be a $74,576-aire After Federal and Especially  State and New York City Taxes" this week.  Clinton was a riot last night -- This Week showed clips of Bill talking about Republicans ( "So little time, so many unanswered questions.") and the President's video diary -- where no one pays attention to him. He is alone in the press room with Helen Thomas -- who is asleep. He is washing his limo. He is running after Hillary with her bag lunch. It was great.

Regis then plugged his stupid millionaire show. And that's what he went on to do -- under the guise of explaining how he makes certain that no Monica questions come up on his quiz show. God -- does ABC own that show?

Regis was overcome by Clinton and some guy, Jay Leno, who hosts that show that's on late at night.

Stupid Sam asked if the taxpayers got their money's worth. Regis started screaming at Spam because he doesn't know the name of Regis's goofy quiz show! Spam and Cocky did not know what to ask Regis to finish the segment, so Sam pulled out a ten dollar bill and told Regis that he had won!

We were rolling on the floor . . . vomiting.

Our Vietnam Moment

During the half hour break between This Weak and Eat the Press we were reminded by CBS how LBJ blacklisted Eartha Kitt simply because she told Lady "Turd" Johnson - - at a well-attended luncheon during the Johnson Administration - - that the young people of America were demonstrating and acting up because of the unjust war in Vietnam. Kitt, one of our heroines, told the press a day later that she didn't give a damn whether LadyBird (What kind a name if that anyway?) Johnson was embarrassed or not. Kitt couldn't find work anywhere in America after that, and was forced to Europe -- where she continued to be the great singing star she was then, and is today. 

Now that's a Vietnam moment. 

By the way, the next time Sean Hannity -- the ignorant, uneducated prick -- or Brit Hume, or Matt Drudge, or whacked-out John McLaughlin, or any of the Neo-Nazi crazies on television today show you their favorite Chinese tank stopping in front of the student in Tienanmen Square film clip, write them. Call them. Shout at them! And ask them to follow that clip with a clip of the United States-sponsored national guardsmen mowing down a few idealistic college students at Kent State University in Ohio around the same time -- kids, mind you! - - who were "anti-American" enough to protest the deaths of what would be nearly 60,000 of their peers in LBJ's little war.

Be careful, America. They are sneaking back in again - - revising history and making you think the war in Vietnam was " laudable."

It was not.

Just ask Bob McNamara, who masterminded that war. He cannot sleep at night - - any night -- for the humiliation he feels. In fact we're surprised the government has not murdered him. And, by the way, take notice that none of the Sunday Pundit shows - - so eager to celebrate death -- had McNamara on as a guest this morning.

Eat the Press
Hosted by that self-serving fat egomaniac -- never ever a journalist -- Tim Russert, who doesn't know a snow-job even when he presents it!

Stupid Tim Russert led off with this absolutely wrong statement: "Are the upcoming hearings on the 'armed seizure' of Elian Gonzales necessary?"

Now, don't let us confuse you, MORON, but there are not going to be any hearings. ever. You know that, and the rest of America knows that. So what's with this crap?

He began by asking Orrin Hatch whether the GOP is scared off by public opinion running 75% against these idiots. Hatch said he is following through on his "request for documents" -- which is GOP-speak for "We are canceling, it was a stupid idea - now we have lost our advantage over Gore on this issue!"

"The Hatch" unbelievably said he won't call the "Miami Relatives" (read: felons) to be witnesses in his NOT TO BE HELD hearings. Hatch said NO!!! Why should we care about what really happened, he implied, we just want to bash Reno, Clinton and most-important, GORE!!!!

He would, of course, call Janet Reno. He said he can't have his hearings "yet" because he has not received all the documents he wants.  He only got 144 pages of typed stuff -- he wants... the e-mail!!!

Senator Pat Leahy implied that Hatch is the only man in America who could sit on television with a straight face and say there will be hearings. Pat went on to say -- hey, what's this? -- the Neo-Nazis in are bashing the police, and that these are the same people who didn't say a word when 6 children were shot at the National Zoo last week in Washington.

Then, Bob Graham the "Cubano Butt Kisser" and a DEMOCRAT came on -- and talked about "important questions" such how the INS treats all children. Well, that's a different story Bob. We agree -- how about getting rid of them entirely so we can ALL have live in maids and gardeners? The "ALL" children spin is supposed to allow him to have it both ways. No such luck, Bob. You are toast unless you marry a Cubana and bring her entire extended family to Miami.

Graham claimed that Clinton "lied" to him because months ago The President told him that the government "could do that" (not take the child in the middle of the night).  Well, first of all, it was not in the middle of the night. As a matter of fact, dawn was only minutes away in Miami when they snatched Elian from those bloodsucking, money- mongering Cuban kidnappers -- otherwise known as the "Miami Family" - in their hovel under the main runway at Miami International.

Dianne Feinstein , no scion of honesty herself (and you should read about her husband) also appeared, and agreed with Leahy.  Remember, Feinstein gained statewide and national recognition when she was weeping over the assassination of gay leader and San Francisco elected official Harvey Milk. But she too wants to "take a look" DISPASSIONATELY -- in short, coldly -- at the plight of the tens of thousands of other immigrants and would-be-Americans who are mistreated by the INS.

Russert asked Graham about those Cubans having arms -- couldn't they have? Graham predictably said he was appalled at the surrounding of the house in this "TYPICAL AMERICAN NEIGHBORHOOD" -- our laughter could not be contained.

Yeah, sure -- everyone lives on the runway of a jet airport in a 500 square foot shack with four bedrooms and 600 Jesus statues. And just where did those two dozen lawyers, psychiatrists, photographers, "fishermen", and caterers come from?  And, more importantly, who paid their bills? And how the heck did they fit in that house?

Russert told Graham that Floridians are now going SOLIDLY Republican. Now that's another lie. We do deep polling here and there is no sign of this YET. However, we do think that the Cubans, who have no patience with ANYONE who doesn't do EXACTLY AS THEY ORDER, will punish Al Gore for siding with them because he didn't side with them enough! Face it, these people control Florida.  And that's that. Maybe we should rename Florida " Little Havana, or "Batista's Cuba II," or "Son of Cuba," or "Cuba the 13th."

Hatch muttered about the Juvenile Justice Bill -- which is not passing, because the White House and Democrats do not want this bill to go forward without some very tough gun control measures.

Leahy told the truth: that Hatch was lying in saying that he has met with the Democrats. There have been no meetings because the NRA and the gun lobby do not want any meetings. Hatch started shouting at him over the remote television monitor. Ha, ha, ha, ha -- it was a riot since they are both co-sponsors of this bill.

Then -- for a real riot -- Russert welcomed the man we've seen referred to as the hard right's "Little Chocolate Darling," Colin Powell to talk about the "lessons of Vietnam" and his "Saving American Children." We've seen his lessons and we've seen his charity investigated by the government -- more than once. Where is all that money going, Colin?

Powell said the lesson he learned was that Vietnam was a noble effort (in killing 60,000 American boys) and now we witness that millions of Vietnamese have moved to the United States (to make lots of money opening restaurants, managing massage parlors and running hookers in LA) is the proof. Ha, ha.. He lied, saying that the North invaded the separate South -- but did not tell you that it was not Vietnam that split itself into two countries, it was the allies! Colin regrets that anyone's son or daughter died in Vietnam -- but not soon enough or hard enough. Then he claimed these were not deaths in vain.

But they were, liar. And they did not volunteer, they were DRAFTED. And most of those dead boys were either BLACK or POOR or BOTH, yet you freely ordered them to their deaths while you stood back in your cute little bomb-proof headquarters, didn't you?

Russert wanted to know how Poor Little Colin was impacted by the simply terrible demonstrators who were opposing the war. He said he found it disturbing.

"Know yourself, and know your enemy." So Powell is saying -- either you plan to win, or you don't go to war. Somehow the media has distorted this into "The Powell Doctrine" The Powell Doctrine my ass. Know your enemy and fight to win. That is sheer tripe. We looked up the saying -- it was Julius Caesar who is credited with originally saying that. And Powell certainly showed how he follow his own doctrines -- by losing the war in Iraq! In our book, he's a phony and a fascist kiss ass. He doesn't want to lose his false reputation -- which is worth millions -- and $75,000.00 an hour on the speaking circuit, where this guy will talk to any group of creeps that pay him. 

Fat Little Tim jumped up to tell us he belongs to and sits on the board of Colin's group "Saving American Children," or something like that. Hey, our children don't need to be saved by you, Powell. They need to be saved by their own families, their churches and us, as our government, who have the responsibility for them. Russert asked him one scripted question after another, like "How can America stay on top with 25 million children left behind? 

Well Tim, we've done that very successfully for about 300 years -- so what's so different today?  Powell? Hell, no. He preaches about programs that have been in operation for decades -- as if he invented them -- such as mentoring, finish school programs, and "wait to have a baby" speeches. Luke Russert, Tim's wonderful son, has to listen to his blowhard father all the time -- and it won't be long
until he realizes his Dad is a fraud and a man most responsible for misleading the American people during the Clinton presidency. Luke also enjoys the BEST of everything. If Tim jumps out once a month and visits some Black kid telling him how easy it is to become an anchor on a national television pundit show, then God help America.

Powell refused to say he would not serve as Vice President, but he pretends to get mad at Russert (friendly mad) for bringing "it" up -- just like McCain. Well, we might guess that Russert was instructed by Powell's handlers to make CERTAIN he asked that question so Powell could look so self-immolating.

"No," he replied, "I just want to help 'the children' as a private citizen." Well, Colin, you could afford to adopt 2 or 300 of them. Why don't you? And how many days a week do you spend with these children of the doomed -- lives you and your GOP buddies helped create -- each week. An hour? Two hours? One day? Oh, we see, your making money for yourself and your charity is more important than merely spending time with poor kids. 

Here is a man who helped feed 60,000 boy and girls to the North Vietnamese killing fields for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but to prove he blindly followed the orders of others even dumber than he. Now he is trying to save 35 million other kids to make up for it. It won't. Like Jimmy Carter, who builds Habitats for Humanity to cover his guilt over BCCI, Powell will eventually be exposed for what he is -- a hypocrite who deserted his race, and not Big Brother, when they needed him most.

Jay Leno comes on next -- under the pretense of having been at Clinton's Press Club appearance last night.. An NBC show is now plugged by a "newsman."

Russert of course shows a clip of the President talking about Jay Leno and saying that the ten pounds he lost wound up on Russert. Of course, Russert was so proud that the President even mentioned him  -- even though he has tried to destroy Hillary, Chelsea and Bill Clinton for the past several years.

And the President knows it, Timmy, and he thinks you are garbage.

We saw many clips that Jay brought with him. They show Bush being briefed by the host of Jeopardy on heads of state. We see Bush pulling a crib sheet out of his sleeve at the voting booth on which was written: "President: George W. Bush"

More and more clips are shown from the press corps dinner. Funny --b But isn't Russert now pushing Leno and his show? First Spam and Cocky help Regis, and now Russert promotes Jay.

Animal Farm is here - even after 1984!

Leno did a man on the street which told us that Russert looked like Randy Quaid and Wolf Blitzer like Dr. Jack Kevorkian! Russert then insulted Leno by bringing some stupid Happy 50th birthdays cake on the set. Leno looked pissed, but then it becomes apparent that Russert simply wanted to announce to the earth that his 50th birthday is on May 7th -- maybe in time for him to be on the cover of AMERICAN POLITICS JOURNAL IN PRINT.

Nah, not the cover -- maybe inside on page 23.

CNN Late Edition
Blitzer interviews Gore, announces release of "Hanoi" Tucker from Red 'Nam's claws!!

Wolf Blitzer got the best interview of the weekend: Vice President Al Gore.

Question one was about -- you guessed it -- Elian.  Gore once again had to clarify his position for a press misled by misleading GOP spin -- his view was that it should be handled in the state court.  And when Wolf claimed the family court sent the case to federal court, Gore corrected him: when there is a dispute involving a large family, the best interest of the child should be priority one, and the principle should be doing what is in the child's interest.  Wolf brought up his "break" with the Clinton Administration and accusations of "pandering."  Gore said it was not a difficult decision, and communicating from the heart is his more important priority, as a candidate; he has helped shape many issues, but detailing his views is his top priority.

Wolf brought up better relations with Vietnam -- but not Cuba.  Gore reminded Wolf that communications with "the Cuban people...but not Castro" are more open, the reason being Castro's history of abuses.  Wolf then played a clip of the irrelevant Senator Pat "Annoynihan" (D-Lame Duck) on Evans, Novak and a Bunch of Old Right-Wing Geezers saying that America's Cuba policy is "loony."  He's right -- and Gore did not sound terribly convincing to us arguing that Castro has cracked down harshly on dissidents.  But he did make sense when he compared Cuba to a modern China seeking better trade relations, privatizing state industries.

Wolf then played Trent Lott's comments on China's trade status -- and his claim that Gore is undermining the legislation.  Lott sounded ridiculous.  Gore called it like it was -- partisan politics -- and then slammed both Lott and Senate Foreign Relations Dictator Jesse Helms for essentially monkey-wrenching efforts to improve foreign relations.  Gore was especially tough on Helms, saying that his efforts to block any foreign relations legislation damages America's vital interests.

Following the break, Wolf asked Gore to elaborate on his comment that he wanted to see a free Iraq and Serbia -- what would he do to oust Saddam and Slobodan?  Gore supports continuing sanctions against Iraq, but feels there should be stronger support for all resistance in Iraq -- including the little-mentioned opposition right in Saddam's back yard.  Gore also mentioned growing opposition to Slobodan within Serbia and predicted that the Serbian people will eventually replace Slobodan.

Wolf brought up Russian opposition to America being allowed to build a "missile shield" -- and Gore filled in the blanks that the press left out.  Bush, he said, supports a Reaganesque and unfeasible "Star Wars" plan that would destabilize deterrence.  He's right on this point.  Gore would support a more limited system -- that would focus on smaller or less advanced powers that have or are developing missile technology.  Gore believes it is in the best interest of both America and Russia -- especially in light of rogue states on Russia's southern border.

Does he believe Bush is an isolationist?  Gore slammed Bush for saying very little, and for the isolationist impression his few statements reveal.  Gore added that Bush went six weeks without mentioning foreign policy (our guess -- in an effort to pander to Catholic voters, Bush will say he gave up foreign policy for Lent).

Wolf asked Gore if he would consider Colin Powell as a cabinet member -- and Gore said he might, praising bipartisanship.  "He could serve with great distinction in a number of positions."

Wolf then tried to play "gotcha" over Gore's statement about the internal combustion engine.  Gore said that it could provide a greater danger than a military threat.  Gore, in a careful bit of wording, brought up global warming and the climate changes that the Earth is undergoing.  "Wolf: "So you stand by that."  Gore (emphatically): "Yes."

Look for the GOP to try to use this against Gore -- and look for Gore to stand up to the attacks.  he's obviously ready to fight over this.

Wolf then brought up the "Buddhist Temple fundraiser."  Gore laughed -- -and said the lesson to be learned is that reform is needed, and that the first bill he will send to Congress is McCain-Feingold.  Gore also wants public financing of all elections.  We believe Gore is mistaken -- this would invite corruption and bribery behind closed doors, as opposed to bribery and corruption you can look up on the FEC's web site.

Wolf also interviewed Sen. John McCain.  After a discussion of his visit to Vietnam on the 25th anniversary of the end of America's participation in the war, the topic of Tucker Carlson not having been allowed out of Vietnam came up.  Carlson was held up by Vietnamese authorities because his visa was not in order -- and John McCain even had his own flight held for over two hours in part of an unsuccessful attempt to get Carlson out. McCain slammed the Vietnamese as "bureaucrats" for screwing up Tucker's exit visa when he arrived in Vietnam with McCain.

"I'm glad he's free at last," said John with a laugh!