Sunday, May 7, 2000 -- WASHINGTON -- The Beltway's opinion elite seemed at a loss for exciting raw pundit meat this week.  If there was a lead topic (outside of bashing the Clintons and Al Gore), it was the war over the possibility of Social Security privatization.  And you know it's a strange week when The McLaughlin Group sounds more sane (if ultra-conservative) on that topic than any of the other shows -- which was a slam-dunk, considering that Fox News Sunday made the mistake of having the stultifyingly boring Pat Moynihan as a guest to discuss the subject.

Another cheerful note: the ILOVEYOU virus got more play than Congress-imbecile Dan "Cantaloupe" Burton's silly e-mail hearings -- but only, we think, because Cheryl Mills made a fool out of him.

Due to scheduling problems, This Weak was not available in our various viewing areas.  Well, thank heavens for small miracles.

Fox Noise Sunday
Tony chats up Donna

Tony Snow's first guest: HHS Secretary Donna Shalala, who was noncommittal about  the President vetoing a Medicare bill without a prescription benefit. Mara Liasson said something snippy about the President being "willing to leave  office" without meeting his health care goals, demonstrating once again that she  is obsessed with slamming the "Clinton legacy" before it even exists.

A wonkspeak exchange over pharmaceutical prices and discounts ensued -- and it  was far more telling than Mara and FNS intended. Shalala was critical of pharma  companies for keeping their pricing structures so hush-hush.

Here's a hint, Donna -- could it have something to do with America subsidizing  overseas drug costs? 

Tony tried to get Donna to "defend" Clinton's comment that AIDS is a security issue, and asked a question about "coercing" Africans not to have sex. Huh? Are you saying America is the sex police? Ha, ha, ha, ha... Instead, she very convincingly detailed how the disease is affecting the economy, military and governments in many African countries -- and how security can unravel with global ramifications. "There is a relation between our own economic success and emerging markets" -- including India and Russia. Shalala had been talking about Trent Lott's obnoxious appearance last week and started to say "homophobia". Tony tried to put words in her mouth: "Are you saying that Trent Lott is a homophobe?" Shalala smiled and said no -- then slammed Lott for his narrow views. 

Shalala also discussed confidentiality of medical records and medical advice on the Internet, hinting that HHS is looking into quack sites with an eye to regulation of some sort. She was also pro-gene therapy research, and raised the possibility that research in this country may take a back seat to others in the wake of moves toward restricting gene therapy research. 

From the sublime to the ridiculous: Social Security privatization was topic two -- and Sen. Daniel Moynihan (sorta D-NY) was the guest. "Annoynihan," as we like to call him, droned on and on about his plan to "save" Social security -- which is NOT in any trouble despite what "Chicken Little" Social-Security-hating conservatives say. The longwinded Annoynihan did not disappoint, droning on and on about 401(k) plans and government bonds without saying one word about his idea. Juan said that Annoynihan sounded like he supported the Bush plan, and Annoynihan spent five minutes saying that he hadn't seen the plan and there are issues surrounding real income and actuarial balances. 

We went to the medicine cabinet to grab some Sominex.

Juan Williams even called the Bush plan risky, based on the stock market. Annoynihan proved Juan's point when he brought up the 200-year history of the market. Mara got in on the conversation, asking specifics about cost of living adjustments, which triggered another boring explanation from ol' Pat. "Why not wrap up a century of Social insurance," said Annoynihan, with some privatization? 

What about Gore? Annoynihan thinks that Gore will consider it if elected! Fred "The Weasel" Barnes was also on hand, but seemed so befuddled by Annoynihan he couldn't think of any good attack "get Clinton-Gore" questions! 

Juan asked Pat about politics and Pat's statement that Gore can't win. Pat said, in an animated matter, "He's changed his clothes." When Juan INCORRECTLY said Gore is not doing well in swing states, Annoynihan said he was there to talk about social security. 

Good grief! Even Tony looked to be at a loss for ways to make the segment exciting -- and it's not that he didn't try.

We mostly ignored the next guest, radio talker Laura Schlessinger, who was supposedly on to plug a book, but is in fact on a "damage control" tour attempting to salvage her yet-to-launch television show. Our sources tell us that Paramount is on the verge of a "Kevorkian" decision on the show following Schlessinger's intolerant comments on gays which triggered a nationwide wave of protest -- and a disastrous "dry run" of the show which proved Laura has no on-screen charisma or rapport with a live audience or guests. 

By the way -- she's a doctor of physiology, NOT psychology. 

Panel time started with commercials for Rudy and Hillary -- Fred predicted harder, sharper commercials and said Rudy must do well upstate. What a stretch! Mara pointed out that Rudy uses "real" and "authentic" -- and that the race is about personalities. 

WRONG, Mara -- you don't use words like "real" or "authentic" in a political spot unless you are having trouble with your image. 

Tony slammed Hillary for sepia-tint imagery in her commercials, claiming it makes her look distant (ha, ha, ha, ha). Then Tony brought up rumors that Rudy has a girlfriend. Mara -- who may be either the dumbest Sunday talking head or the most intentionally deceptive -- said New York City gave this a big yawn. 

Again, WRONG, Mara -- our New York staffers hear people talking about this scandal in coffee shops, in stores and on the street. 

The talk about Rudy and his tootsie turned silly -- Juan mercifully ended it by shouting "What about the children?" 

The panel tried to make fun of the RICO lawsuit against DeLay -- Tony even brought up the Hsi Lai Temple, and Fred claimed that Dems do "exactly" the same thing and "that's the way the game is played." Juan spelled out the specifics of where DeLay may have acted criminally, and Fred muttered sotto voce, "...it'll go nowhere." 

Finally, a privately made tape of an NRA meeting that Gore is using in his ads! There was talk about heightened discussion of gun control, and Fred lied when he said that sentiment is going against gun control just because NRA membership is up. Mara said Bush is moving toward gun control. 

Here's what the panelists DIDN'T say -- the Gore campaign found the video on the Internet; a bonehead NRA member put it thinking it would help Bush.

There was some boring chat about the ILOVEYOU virus. The good news -- it shut down Fox News's mail server. And Tony's very funny final word dealt with the virus -- he had us laughing when he described members of Congress being skeptical upon seeing dozens of "I LOVE YOU" messages. He then went on to slam Charles Ruff and Cheryl Mills, playing a slew of "I don't knows" to questions from the Melonhead Burton Panel on Investigating Emails. 

You're right, Tony -- they should have answered, "None of your f@#&*ing business, you little Nazi!"

The McLaugh-In Group
John's encounter group: C-SPAN with screaming?

Issue one: Social Security goes Wall Street! John played Shrub's forceful comments in support of the privatization scam, then tried to sell viewers on the idea by detailing Bush's newest Ponzi scheme. Michael Barone, conspiring with John, praised his presentation as he slammed the New Deal. Jay Carney said (after explicit prompting from John) that Shrub is the victim of Gore scare mongering, with the Gore Campaign counting on saying "risky schemes" over and over. Eric Felton, a hard-righter from Reader's Digest, claimed that Gore may be overplaying "risky scheme."

Is Gore a liar? Felton said that calling Gore a liar is a good tactic.

Right, Eric -- and watch Team Gore take Bush apart for many of his comments. Jim Warren said that Gore knows people prefer a guarantee to privatization. Shouting ensued over government projections on interest, current revenue, and other wonk issues. John then showed footage of Pat Annoynihan flogging the "magic" of compounding interest. Warren "interrupted the C-SPAN debate" (heh-heh -- good dig, Jim)!

Is the Bush plan good? John asked the panel to grade the plan on merits and politics. Barone: B on merits and politics. Carney: B on merits, D politically. Felton: A on merits, B on politics; Felton slammed the trust fund as "phony." Jim: C+ on merits, F politically. John: A on merits, C+ to C on political merits.

Issue two: Miami goes bananas! Angry Miamians flew a banana-festooned Miami flag over city hall, protesting the Miami "banana republic." John kept mispronouncing the name of Miami Mayor Joe Carollo (it's "ka-roe-yo," not, "ka-roe-low," John) as he detailed the war of words between Carollo and City Manager Warshaw, and Carollo's launch of an investigation into Warshaw. Is it time for Reno to move on Carollo?
Warren: no, though Carollo is in due to Carollo's predecessor's corruption.
Felton: no, the banana throwers are racists.

Hey, Felton, some of the people behind the banana protest are Cubans! feel stupid yet -- or just lying as usual?

Barone slammed Reno for dubious legality and use of stormtroopers in rescuing Elian Gonzalez from his captors. John mentioned that there were Alpha 66 agitators in the crowd outside the Gonzalez home, and Carney said that the means used by Reno looked effective in light of their success. Barone, predictably, said stormtroopers were effective

Barone: rubbish. Felton: 7. Warren: 10. John: 10.

Issue three: Helms speaks! He denounced the ABM Treaty amendment, saying, "Not on my watch" -- then went on to talk details about the "Clinton missile defense shield." Felton said Clinton is "trying to have it somewhere in between." John called it a violation of the ABM treaty, and the panel was divided on whether the plan will pass.

Final prediction: all but Carney predicted that Congress will pass Permanent National Trade Relations with China.

Eat the Press
"Slim" Russert takes the cake

Socialist Ralph Nader -- who has as much of a chance to get elected to office as General Noriega -- was "Slim" Russert's first guest this morning.

Nader has simply lost his mind. He spent the entire interview putting down Gore and saying that Bush would make at least as good or bad a president as the Vice President.

Let us clue you in on Nader. He lives in exclusivity. He thinks that he and his multiple corporate watchdog groups are saints. Yet these groups accomplish little or nothing with the donated funds they collect from you and me.

Now, this egomaniacal loser is attempting to erode Gore's natural lead and split the traditional Democratic vote. Nader is trying to raise $5 million to run for President so he can take matching funds from the government -- the government he hates and disabuses.

Nader then pulled this one: he claimed he "doesn't run Public Citizen" and hasn't since 1981 -- yet it is his live-in lover that controls the group that does whatever he tells them, when he picks up his phone (or maybe he communicates by smoke signal).

Nader is famous for only one thing -- trashing cars that were "unsafe at any speed." He is also less famous for stalling legislature on cancer-causing radon while SELLING radon kits to make money for himself and his flock of 70's rejects. He is, if nothing worse, delusional -- a man who spends his time among the millionaires of Colebrook, Connecticut and thinks that whacko socialists should run the nation. He should retire and leave the rest of us alone. Like Bob Woodward, he's a "single-action rifle" who has spent his entire life cashing in on fame he gained for one good deed done in his youth. We do think Nader takes his cash in unusual ways -- ego-boosting -- and is certainly less interested in money than is Woodward, who likes to loll around in Sally Quinn's cushy little "salon" which attempted (with the full cooperation of the Washington Post and NewsGeek magazine) to destroy Hillary, Bill and Chelsea Clinton.

Nader should move himself to Washington and lounge around the pool at the Washington Hilton in between tennis matches.

While Nader was correct about the grip corporate America has on Congress, he failed to acknowledge that it is the GOP-controlled Congress, so corrupt under the leadership of Newt Gingrich that in fact shakes down corporate America for contributions in return for their votes.

Next, "Slim" welcomed evil Pat Robertson and Governor Frank Keating of Oklahoma, who are now looking for money and votes from "Black folk" by opposing the death penalty because it "seems to kill innocent African Americans" more than innocent Anglo-Saxons.

Here are two Republicans, who support and belong to the Party of Death -- a party that virtually reinstated the Death Penalty in this country during the ditzy Ronnie Reagan years -- now whining that the penalty is unfair since DNA technology has proven that George DumbellYou Bush who said that "Every death penalty carried out in Texas was done so on a person who was guilty as charged."

Now how does this moron know this?

Okay. Let's assume that Robertson is for real. Well, then, we support him.

Unless the murder is filmed -- from many angles -- it is impossible to PROVE that someone murdered another. So, we have to support money monger Pat on this one. Governor Keating, a graduate of Georgetown -- a Jesuit-controlled school -- was holding up the Church's statements on the death penalty. Keating told Slim that there have been 8,000 homicides in his state. He believes that capital punishment should be reserved ONLY for horrible and beastly activity. Robertson jumped in to say he loves the Holy Father and then goes on to DEFEND ANTI-ABORTION legislation. Keating, correctly, stated that the Catholic Church sees the west as a culture of death -- but then blathered about abortion on the front end, and euthanasia on the rear. Where does he get the euthanasia crap?

Who among us has witnessed masses of old people being killed in America? Keating is a wacko as well, but we support his views on capital punishment -- save for his ridiculous and subjective statement that it is okay to murder in the name of the state (Oklahoma) and the people. He cited Timothy McVeigh as an example.

What a ludicrous example Keating chooses. McVeigh committed political murder -- something the history of the nation and the courts seem to respect...at least more than "traditional" murder or hate crime murder. We wonder -- does Keating think that all homosexual murderers are "heinous" enough to deserve the death penalty? Keating showed he wants it both ways -- like all pols -- and ruined his own reputation. By the way, the Archbishop overseeing Keating's Okalahoma can't stand Keating and has publicly criticized him more than once and numerous times in private.

Robertson then claimed that HE was responsible for making certain that McCain lost to Bush because McCain attacked Robertson in the primary battle.

This is a statement that the IRS and the Justice Department should focus on.

Come on, Janet Reno: Robertson is using his phony "CHURCH OF THE AIR," which lives off money stolen from old ladies afraid to die and people so ignorant that they follow Robertson.

Robertson then said that McCain came into HIS state -- HIS STATE!!! -- and attacked him and the Governor, who is a whore for evangelicals like Robertslob.

Robertson is USING THE TAX EXEMPT STATUS OF HIS NEONAZI ORGANIZATION TO CORRUPT OUR LEADERS AND RUN OUR GOVERNMENTAL INSTITUTIONS. INDICT HIM NOW!!!

Then came the best segment. Russert trotted out another phony Wall Street Journal/NBC poll which basically demonstrates that Bush will win the Presidency. Then Bob Novak -- vicious vampire whore of the GOP -- told David Broder that Gore is down for the count. Gee, I wonder what the other whore, Bill Safire, will say? It appears that we are getting to him: Safire said Gore is a slugger and that this election will not be decided before the debates. Doris Kearns Goodwin said, correctly, that nobody has focused on the election and she never hears anyone talking about the election "in local bars" (ha, ha, ha, ha -- she must be guilty about boffing LBJ to make her name in the media by "advertising" that fact and putting it in her "neutral" biography of LBJ which she wrote between rounds of "hide the salami").

Russert asked whether the election will be about policies. Novak said that Gore is running on the platform of keeping things the way they are now. Novak said he thinks that Bush wanting to throw your social security payments into the Wall Street sewer is "interesting" because Bush is RISK AVERSE!!!

Risk averse? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha -- does Novak think that Bush using crack cocaine, getting arrested for it, having Daddy fix a judge, serving time as a "volunteer" in Texas social programs, and then denying it, is risk averse?

Tee-hee. All this will come out.

Safire then began to talk about his stupid "Clinton Fatigue" crap -- which has not flown AT ALL since he invented it five years ago. Clinton is actually gaining support, which is called today "Clinton nostalgia" -- he loved the Presidency and has convinced the public that he does and did. Broder claimed that the American people want a guarantee that the American people want a President that will not SHAME them! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Sure, Broder -- and your son made it on the Times because he is such a great writer. Novak dittos Broder, a stealth Republican himself who is more interested in keeping his lush life than in telling the truth.

Broder is simply nuts. "Shamed the American People"? Hey, you little jerk: the men and women who shamed the American people were the Neo-Nazis like Gingrich, Dan Burton, Fred Thompson and the Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, Henry Hyde, -- all of whom disgraced this nation. The American people have spoken on this issue, Mister Broder. They told you that you were a liar when you began to write this garbage, and you are still lying to keep your newfound celebrity born of longevity and certainly, not talent. You are traitor to your readers -- people who made you what you are because once you represented goodness and liberal ideals. Now all you represent is a paycheck. You are, for that reason, a bigger disgrace than Bill Safire or Bob Novak, who at least admit they are prostitutes from the ultra right.

That was almost it save for "Slim's" 50th birthday cake -- which portrayed him as a big fat baby!!!! We were laughing out loud -- how perfectly appropriate.

Prefect. NBC sees him for what he is. Doris Goodwin chided him about being so fat. Russert's 50th was a double -- it referred to his age, AND his waistline!

This all was followed by a commercial from Philip Morris which claimed they are "working to protect your children!!!"

Kiss-ass Catholic "Slim" then showed a clip of compassionate neo-fascist John Cardinal O'Connor to add even more religious crap to his "news" program. Christ cringed.

CNN Late Edition
Blitzer promotes Starr whitewash

Wolf Blitzer welcomed Michael Weiskoff and Lanny Davis to talk about Weiskopf's new book, co-written with Kenny Starr's pet Washington Post stenographer-reporter Susan Schmidt,  "Truth at Any Cost."

Weiskopf said that his book was not a whitewash of Starr, but was critical at many points -- and Davis said the book did contain some good journalism, and slammed the title of the book as being almost too revealing, "At Any Cost" showing that Starr went too far -- calling Marcia Lewis as a witness, for example.  Wolf asked Davis about a quote from the book concerning the White House being in "complete denial."  Davis gave a weak answer -- he should have pointed out that the entire Lewinsky matter was private and leveraged into an illegal perjury trap.  Instead, Davis went on a tear about Bill Ginsberg, Lewinsky's lawyer.  Weiskopf made sure to make a lot out of that blue dress and tried to impugn Lewinsky -- but Davis said that Lewinsky would in fact have made an honest witness.

Note that Lewinsky is again an "issue" in that she can give limited testimony in the upcoming Linda Tripp wiretapping case.

One caller asked about the need for such graphic detail in Starr's referral.  Wolf let Davis answer -- and Davis gave a legalistic argument that it went too far.  What's with Davis?  He's become a wuss -- he should have slammed Starr for the most-accessed pornographic site on the Internet.

Another caller commented that Starr worked for the tobacco industry -- and mentioned the perjury of tobacco executives before Congress.  Even Weiskopf said that Starr's failure to separate himself from these cases was a mistake.

Wolf speculated about the possibility that Robert Ray will indict Clinton.  Weiskopf brought up the fact that Starr wrote up a sample indictment that he was pushing as late as October 1998.

Funny how NOBODY mentions the fact that this "sample indictment" seems to have had the wind knocked out of its sails when the single most courageous person in this entire mess -- Julie Hiatt Steele -- refused to knuckle under t pressure to change her story.  She had everything to lose by not changing it -- and did not change it.

Has any journalist made an effort to look into that little bit of interesting timing?