American Politics Journal -- On the Radar: Paula and Rudy



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On the Radar: Paula and Rudy
by Dave "Doctor" Gonzo

Wednesday, May 10, 2000 -- NEW YORK (AmpolNS) -- Wouldn't you know it.

The one day when I absolutely, positively have to be in the dentist's chair for two hours of torture, all hell breaks loose in the world of juicy political news.

Well, the painkillers still have not worn off (and Lord knows, I needed them with the probing and prodding my beloved dentist, Dr. Torquemada, had to do to repair a misbehaving crown), but it doesn't seem to have impaired my typing, so here goes:

DATELINE -- "Page Six" -- Paula Jones is (choke) going to be "showing it all" (gag) for an unnamed girly mag (puke), according to a number of print and online gossipmongers.

But honestly, is The Doc surprised? He doesn't think he has to recount the sordid details about that woman. But he will any way, including her lawsuit against President Clinton which got thrown out by Judge Wright after Bob Bennett essentially proved her sworn complaint was a fraud. And let's not forget her lawyers' "keep it alive so we can help the Impeachment coup" appeal, which led Clinton to settle out of court -- for exactly enough money to trigger a shark-like feeding frenzy for cash among Paula's various lawyers and hangers-on including the intolerable harpy Susan Carpenter McMillan.

It's no secret that po' Paula was left with next to nothing -- so it comes as no surprise that she's decided to cash in on her reactionary-financed "makeover" and show it all to make a fast buck.

The Doc only hopes that whichever magazine has decided to publish the spread (talk in New York media circles is that Penthouse is the rag in question) includes an airsickness bag.

DATELINE -- Just across town from Penthouse -- Rudy Giuliani and Donna Hanover are splitsville.

Most of the press coverage has focused on Rudy's announcement earlier today, but The Doc caught a rerun of Donna Hanover's announcement on New York 1 (New York City's all-local-news channel).

Ms. Hanover looked genuinely pained, and talked about her "great sadness." She made reference to Rudy's "relationship with one staff member" -- she didn't name names, but it was an open secret among the press that Rudy had been doin' the ol' nas-tay with his press flack Christyne "La-La" Lategano. She added that there was an effort at reconciliation -- including resumed intimacy -- but that Rudy's recent conduct has, in so many words, destroyed their marriage.

Donna was on the verge of tears, but maintained her composure on the dais.

Some news outlets characterized Rudy's earlier press briefing as a "surprise" announcement.

The Doc says these press outlets have it wrong -- waaay wrong.

First, it should come as no surprise. For the past two weeks, New York's tabloid dailies have been having a field day "speculating" about Rudy's exact relationship with his "very close friend" Judi Nathan. This morning's New York Daily News -- a far better paper than its reputation would have you believe, by the way -- reported on Nathan's presence at a number of Gracie Mansion functions.

Second, The Doc knows that Rudy's own advisors and Republican leaders have pressured Giuliani to "settle" his romantic situation one way or the other, as far from Election Day as possible, with the hope that voters will overlook Rudy's cheatin' ways.

Third, The Doc predicts that Rudy will in fact drop out of the New York Senate race within the next 48 hours, for three reasons. There's l'affaire Nathan. There's his battle with prostate cancer.

And finally, there's the fact that Hillary would trounce him in the Senate Race if he stayed in -- but Rudy would stand a very strong chance of winning if he held onto his campaign funds, let the prostate and babe situations settle down, and ran for New York Governor next year.

'Nuff said.