by Mac MacArthur

Sunday, June 11, 2000 -- WASHINGTON/NEW YORK (AmpolNS) -- The first part of Fox News Sunday this week was like a moron's convention. The three stooges who entertained us were Brit Hume, Tony Snow and -- who else -- psychopathic Dan Burton, whose latest garbage is a demand that the next President carry out a CRIMINAL investigation of Attorney General Janet Reno, the most honest, straightforward and responsible person to have served any administration in 40 years.

The fact that a supposedly honest newsman, Tony Snow, would let the repugnant Humes (yes, Brit's wife is even more powerful than he at the FOX News Zoo) convince him to invite Rep. Dan Burton of Indiana onto FOX News Sunday -- as if the man were genuinely important, let alone sane.

You can read about the interview itself below, but first a little news.

Believe it or not, I have a mole in Dan Burton's office, and have had for quite a long time.

Last Monday evening I received a phone call from this person who sounded panicked. "I found Burton under his desk crying this afternoon. I had to drag him out, give him a shot, and convince him he wasn't going to jail."

But I couldn't celebrate the falling apart of the man -- a man whose presence in federal government I have loathed for eight years or more. My only reply was, "I can't say I'm surprised."

In fact, despite all attempts, I could not help but smile at the payback from God himself that I knew was coming for Burton -- a trial, a conviction and a prison sentence.

For the second time, Burton's own people within Justice sent him confidential documents that reveal Justice is about to indict him. This time, Burton realized the end was near, and for a moment he seemed frozen.

The Justice Department has the goods on Burton, past and present. I do not have information on the past alleged crimes he may have committed, but I do know what DOJ prosecutors are looking seriously at charging him, his staff, and some of his colleagues with, nothing less than:

Fraud,
Conspiracy to overthrow the government,
Conspiracy to lie to the Congress while under oath,
Conspiracy to have other elected and appointed officials lie under oath including two of his own staff members,
Conspiracy to defraud the United States Congress -- more than once -- in Washington and Indiana,
Conspiracy to present false expense reports to the United States government,
Conspiracy with certain individuals in the Justice Department to provide false and malicious information to the Attorney General of the United States and to the Government Reform Committee,
Conspiracy to defraud the United States Congress, and
Knowingly submitting false affidavits and false and fraudulent documents into the Congressional Record.

Dan Burton should be put away immediately, then criminally indicted and locked in a psychiatric hospital or Federal prison -- for life. Burton is single-handedly attempting to destroy the United States, and especially the rule of law which is the entire foundation of our country. Burton is now feebly trying to save his skin, and will stop at nothing to make the $15 million he has spent on his private and hellish neo-fascist witch hunt "investigations" look like fair and balanced investigations.

To Burton, everyone who isn't a Republican is a criminal. He began his national public career investigating wild rumors started by, and bought and paid for by co-psycho Mr. Mellon, on whether Hillary and Bill Clinton murdered their best friend.

Burton, an textbook sociopathic and a fool who assumes the American people are as moronic as he, brought the media -- that is, the ones who could stand him -- to his home in "HoHokum," Indiana, and took pistol shots at a melon that was supposed to Vincent Foster's head in an effort to PROVE that Foster could not have committed suicide, and therefore the Clintons must have murdered him to stop him from "telling the truth," and that Bill And Hillary (according to Burton and his idiot friends such as David Bossie on his stacked committee) were arch criminals.

That didn't work, so Burton then took on the issue of whether Janet Reno was indeed guilty of obstructing justice and other crimes -- which supposedly the Director of the FBI and her own staff agreed with.

However, when Louis Freeh and Charles LaBella testified truthfully to Burton's circus committee they said nothing of the kind -- and in fact showed by their testimony that Burton was lying pathologically.

There was nothing -- NOTHING -- that Burton had but some old memos that had been written urging Reno to appoint yet another independent counsel to investigate campaign finance "crimes" supposedly perpetrated by Mr. Clinton, Mr. Gore, and, of course, Mrs. Clinton.

The FBI had investigated this and found nothing to show even a scintilla of evidence against the Clintons or Mr. Gore.

Mr. Gore, had, on occasion, used his office telephone to help raise funds for the DNC; however the law is quite non-specific on this issue and most in Congress feel this to be a ridiculous law that should be repealed. Also, Burton himself was shown to have used his own telephone in his office at the Capitol -- to raise money for himself! Even Kenneth Winston Starr, the most criminal government figure of the last quarter century, tried and tried to find any bit of fact that would link Clinton and Gore to crimes other than getting a hummer in the Oval Office. He couldn't even invent the facts -- as he did in the Lewinsky affair -- to attempt to lynch the Clintons and Al Gore.

Again, Burton appeared the liar and the psychopath to the American people.

Burton then sucked Senator Fred Thompson, once a presidential contender, into his phony "China Owns the Clintons" scandal invented to try to save Burton's political ass. By this time, Democrats did not even appear in his Committee and key GOP members, who realized that Burton was psychotic, would not attend hearings or meetings either. Burton was incensed at his fellow Republicans for not sharing his psychosis, but went ahead anyway -- abetted by Speaker Newt Gingrich, the master adulterer and thief who spent most of his last years in Congress playing "hide the salami" with prostitutes in hotels along with his buddies from Louisiana and Texas, all charged on his taxpayer-paid American Express card, something his ex-wife Marianne knew and used to get a settlement better than the ten bucks Gingrich offered after she threw him out upon finding he had been screwing a certain French-horn-playing Agricultural Committee aide as well -- in a long term lust affair.

Thompson is rumored to have said "I'm gonna kill that f@#&in' weasel" after Burton's top "witnesses" testified time and again on behalf of the President and against Burton in front of his Senate Committee. Thompson's own circus nearly cost him his Senate seat -- and certainly cost him any consideration at all by the powers that be in the Grand Ole Party for the Presidency.

Burton himself has been under continuous surveillance by a variety of police agencies, including the CIA, since his election to Congress.

Known to have been a bit off his rocker since high school and before, Burton is in fact considered a high security risk by many inside this Congress -- including Speaker Dennis Hastert -- but Burton also keeps files on his fellows and is a threat to the GOP power structure as well.

Our sources at the FBI and the Justice Department tell us that Burton is also considered one of the top security risks in the Congress, and was so considered before Bill Clinton was elected in 1992.

Now the Justice Department, with help from investigative sources, thinks it has the proof it needs to force Burton to resign in anticipation of his indictment.

While it is rumored that senior officials in the White House do not want to warn him in advance, Republicans in the Justice Department, which Burton uses to attempt the twist the words of everyone involved, are trying to signal him to resign now -- before things get unimaginably worse.

A friend in Burton's office told American Politics Journal that Burton "is frightened beyond description" about just what the Justice Department and the FBI have on him. Worse, his top aides -- who are collusive in these alleged crimes -- are rumored to be planning a coup inside his office in order to save their own necks. One source told this reporter that if that happens, the entire network that make up Hillary Clinton's "vast right wing conspiracy" -- that Joe Conason, Gene Lyons, myriad others and I have been writing about for years -- is even worse than Mrs. Clinton's expressed suspicions.

Burton is now panicked about his failure last week to reveal anything but his own psychosis, and knows his back is to the wall -- and his thinking is even less straight than usual.

On Monday last, Burton and his staff thugs came up with this idea: "Why not call for a criminal investigation of Janet Reno to deflect attention from Dan's own crimes?"

Could anyone be more stupid?

Anyone who knows Reno, including everyone in the FBI and the Justice Department, has nothing but the highest respect for her. Certainly there were memos back and forth between her and FBI Director Freeh -- who is a conservative -- as well as other members of her own staff. In fact, she encouraged this. The truth, of course, is that even the Justice Department has within it certain political issues -- as exist in ANY organization in the world. Reno is well known to allow political and factual argument -- openly. However, she was not eager to make her private papers and those of others who agreed or disagreed with her on certain issues an open book to a shady character like Burton. And in fact, Freeh and Charles LaBella only urged her to appoint yet another IC because they feared that Burton would attack the Justice Department -- even though there was no evidence of any criminal activity by either Gore or Clinton.

Burton twists the language, tells half-truths, and shows only portions of these memos to the public...those portions that say what he wishes.

Worse, he uses taxpayer money to print lies -- lies even worse than those on official Congressional Internet pages. Take a look for yourself at http://www.house.gov. Go to the House Committee on Government Reform.

Have a barf bag handy.

And remember -- you are paying for this.

Now it is time for Burton to pay the price -- which I am assured shall be a long sentence in Club Fed.

I will be there -- at the prison gate -- to greet him and to urge him to come clean the day he begins his sentence.

On the day he is convicted, the American people will have something wonderful to celebrate -- namely, that another criminal like Gingrich and Bob Livingston of Louisiana are where they belong.

They are pariahs, hated men with no futures. Hated men who almost undermined the United States Constitution. Hated men who subverted the impeachment process. Hated men who failed to get away with a coup as has never been tried before -- when the more rational heads in the Senate exonerated William Jefferson Clinton.

Thank you, Lord.

Pundit Pap for Sunday, June 11, 2000
by the Editors

Dubya News Sunday
FOX talk show makes electing Bush, creating fake Gore scandals their top priority 

Good grief -- Tony Snow was forced to lead with the fake "e-mail" scandal, with guest madman Dan Burton. Burton is claiming now that "key memos" are also missing.

Burton, well-known father of an out-of-wedlock kid, has about as much chance of "proving" that Gore was behind a conspiracy to destroy Spam mail as he did proving that Vince Foster was "murdered" by Hillary Clinton using his famous cantaloupe-and-handgun simulation.

Burton said he could not prove some sort of sinister conspiracy -- and even admitted the missing emails could have been the result of a mistake! Brit "Fume" brought up the "fact" that Charles LaBella "called for an Independent Counsel." To our surprise, "fair and balanced" Brit did admit LaBella doubted that there was evidence of high crimes -- but the FULL truth is that LaBella has, time after time, found NO evidence of wrongdoing.

Burton claimed that LaBella's "memo speaks for itself" and strongly says that there should be an Independent Counsel. It does -- the call is PRO FORMA, not a claim of criminal wrongdoing. Even Tony seemed to have tired of Burton's shenanigans, making light of his desire for a criminal referral against Janet Reno when LaBella and Freeh have said she's doing her job! He must know the writing is on the wall for Dan. Burton LIED when he said that Reno's refusal to appoint an IC calls for a criminal investigation. "[She] was adept at using terminology that allowed her to tiptoe around the law."

Our SPIN-terpretation -- she had the duty and reason not to appoint an IC and waste DOJ resources on another investigation, and it gives Burton another "moment in the sun" to feed red meat to the .0016% of Americans who believe Burton's pap.

Brit pressed Burton on his claim that Reno thought she'd "lose her job." Burton spewed a stream of high-speed claims, sounding like a hyperactive child who'd had too much coffee, just before Tony called Burton on his gambit -- asking him if this weren't a disagreement over the law instead of a criminal conspiracy. Burton referred again -- stupidly -- to the memo before he whined about one of his crooked friends involved in shaking down contributors being investigated by Reno.

Well, boo, hoo, hoo, you worm -- we "feel your pain" at having ADMITTED his latest assault on Gore has no chance of being "proven," and spending most of your time attacking Janet Reno, one of the few people in this country with the wherewithal and courage to stand up to your crooked conduct as chair of the House "Reform" Committee.

Following the break, Tony related the latest Bush News Opinion poll numbers showing Bush with a healthy lead among men. So what? Tony's next guest, Evan Bayh, was too-soft-spoken and mellow in demeanor. Bayh said that Gore was talking issues, not attacking Bush. What he really meant: wait until after the conventoion. Bayh said Gore was laying down his "where do we go next" agenda (it sounded too close to Microsoft's "Where do you want to go today?" ad slogan for our comfort) -- the spin: Bayh was being too vague on specifics, and so is Gore, who should fire his campaign staff. Last month.

Tony plugged Bush's Social Security "plan," giving Bayh a chance to push Gore's position of bolstering the present Social Security program before anything approaching private invrestment is given play.

Juan Williams proffered the possibility of a Gore-Bayh ticket, with the expected "embarrased" modest response from Bayh. Tony, who had ribbed Bayh about being a Gore "surrogate," asked if being a surrogate was a prerequisite for the Veep slot. Well, Tony, as an occasionally uncomfortable surrogate for Rupert Murdoch and Roger Ailes, you should be fully qualified to answer that yourself!

Juan asked if it were a problem that Bill Bradley had not come out to support Gore. Bayh said that Bradley had said he would support Gore.

WRONG ANSWER, EVAN! Next time, try this: "Gimme a break, Juan. Why are you asking questions designed to make Gore look 'weak?' Let's review: Bradley's a LOSER. L-O-S-E-R. The whole Democratic party knows he's yesterday's news. Most of them hate Bradley for trying to 'kneecap' Al during the primaries. In fact, we don't want his support, let alone need it. Y'know, Bradley's lack of enthusiastic support is a net PLUS. Now tell me ask -- how you feel about McCain's less-than-happy 'endorsement' of Bush?"

Following the break, Tony went one-on-one with Jesse Jackson, who is encouraging every American, especially those in the black community, to take an AIDS test. Jesse's spin -- it's time for many people to get over the fear of testing and, if they have it, treat it.

Tony's spin -- privacy laws prevent ER doctors, partners and relatives from knowing a person's HIV status. Huh? Tony is now FOR "Big Brother" getting into your bodily fluids? "We know what causes AIDS -- it's the way people act," said Tony, much to our surprise -- and Jackson pointed out that rape victims don't exactly have a say in whether or not they're exposed. Tony pushed the moralist evangelical position, saying that the Bible decries activities that spread AIDS.

Hey, Tony, the Bible also says it's OK to sell your daughters into slavery!

Of course, Jackson said the Bible also preaches forgiveness and redemption.

Tony then asked Jackson about Hafez al-Assad, and Jackson praised Assad as a man who seized an opportunity to reduce tension with Israel and set in motin a move toward peace. Jackson said that Syria has a very stable government and predicted an orderly transfer of power to Assad's son, an opthamologist.

Tony then EMBARRASSED the Shrub! He played a clip of Bush saying he did not know who Joe Andrew is -- and DNC Chair "Shmoe" Andrew's bemused response. Tony was "fair and balanced," however, showing a clip of Al Gore thanking the DNC chairs, naming Ed (Rendell) but not Joe. heck, given half the opportunity, WE'D "forget" the weasely Andrew's name!

Panel time! Brit led with the death of Assad, and called him a bad guy with blood on his hands. Tony dissed Israeli Prime Minister Barak as a failure and not enough like Netanyahu. True, Tony -- Barak's not a corrupt neo-fascist. Juan said that Assad's absence creates dynamism with the ascent of Hezbollah. Tish Durkin, a writer for the New York Observer (home of the superb Joe Conason), muttered something we missed. Brit harped on the "under the thumb of a ruthless" concept as he talked about tension in the Middle East. He asked if Assad Jr. is going to be as "ruthless."

Gosh, Brit, that's just what thinking people in America are asking about Dubya!

Juan said that eventually Assad stood up against terrorists because they were not in his interest.

Talk turned to the "scandal-plagued" Gore, and Durkin claimed that now that Bradley has been trounced, as the election looms, Gore has a shot. Tony mentioned something about a "rental property," and Brit said that some news organizations have been paying attention to the story of these "poor tenants" (Al Gore is the landlord), then claimed that it "says something" that Gore "belittles" compassionate conservatism as he makes his tenants suffer. Brit claimed that the news media has "ignored" the story.

Here's why -- "fair and balanced" FOX has neglected to report overwhelming evidence that the tenants have been in effect trashing the property and not fulfilling their explicit and implicit lease obligations. If other news organizations picked up the story, the REAL story would be FOX's biased reporting.

Tish Durkin then claimed that Hillary is in a "virtual dead heat" with "unknown" Lazio and the she's a "troubled... embattled" opponent. Tish, honey, you would too if the press piled on you with fake scandals and claims of being "insular" as death threats against you appear on right-wing web sites.

Microsoft -- what next? Brit was right -- the appeals process. Brit was also right -- there is a glimmer of hope for Microsoft.

Brit's final word -- a tribute to political cartoonist and "Shoe" strip creator Jeff MacNelly.

The McLaugh-In Group
Explosive shots back and forth...

Issue one: what is the problem with Norman's serve? He was getting nothing but net -- which would be a good thing if this were the NBA finals. Michael Barone did not chime in with some terse pro-Bush, anti-Clinton observation, and Eleanor Clift's insistent rejoinders were nowhere to be found.

In a flash, we realized that the McLaugh-In Group had been preempted by some silly foreign tennis tournament. Tennis! The horror -- it was as if the favored sport of effete social-climbers and Hamptons habituées (the ones not into polo) were more important than the world-shaping policy issues we expected to hear discussed -- and distorted -- on our favorite GE-sponsored Sunday screamfest!

What a disappointment -- our weekend just didn't seem complete without Mad Pope John ranting about foreign policy of Clinton's privates.

This Weak
LaBella Exposes Burton

So, how come Scam and Cocky began with a good story -- the death of President Assad in Damascus? The Syrian butcher is dead. Thank God, whatever God you worship -- including Allah.

His son, soon to take the throne (unless he's murdered first) is progressive compared to his father. It's the end of an era, a horrible era filled with Assad murdering Jews by the thousands and training terrorists in his nation. The son is not well-known, expect to be pushing his people into surfing the Internet, and perhaps allowing them -- for the first time -- to have satellite television in their homes.

Ambassador Dennis Ross, our man in Syria, told Cocky that Assad wanted peace just last week, but no chance. Assad dropped dead of heart attack, too long in coming, yesterday -- not an appropriate death for a modern day Hitler.

Bashar Assad has to first succeed his father, but he does have to go through a process. Right now Syria cannot focus on the peace talks -- they are busy mourning the homicidal puke. That might tell you a lot about Syria and Syrians. Let's see how long their wailing lasts.

Hopefully not long.

Cocky wondered what a new leader in Morocco and Syria will mean for the region. Ross said there are profound changes in the region, Assad is gone, the Israelis are gone from Lebanon, and the peace negotiations are still in motion.

Ross claimed that there is a a certain turning point here because the counterpoints are being demystified by the talks. He thinks the death of Assad will assure a sense of urgency -- especially with Arafat, a prime candidate for a heart attack as well.

Let's wait and see -- but don't hold your breath for true peace in the Middle East until Israel flattens a few Arab cities once more and loses even more of its boys in a war over bigotry, not culture.

Are you getting sick of John McCain yet? We are. This guy lost -- so go back to the Senate and do your job! Yesterday we received about 20 pieces of spam email from him telling us to call our Senators to vote for his stupid campaign finance law on Section 527 -- commercials on policy paid for privately and not directed by political parties.

Here is McCain again trying to erode the first amendment. He claimed he is doing it to save the nation from Chinese, Russia or other non-threats to us from running commercials against or for some candidate.

We say bring 'em on! Why not let the Chinese tell us what they are really like? McCain wanted us to believe that HIS commercials were about what HE was really like -- so why not allow the American People to see a commercial from China which said, "HEY! DON'T BELIEVE THESE REPUBLICAN NEONAZIS! WE ARE NOT AGAINST AMERICA, WE JUST WANT TO HANDLE OUR OWN COUNTRY, WHICH IS A COMPLEX JOB TODAY."

Or what about a commercial from Fidel? Or Putin? I'd love to see their sneaky commercials and not know they were paying for them. And does McCain actually believe that the FBI or the CIA would not know that our potential enemies are paying for them?

Then Scam and JJ began giggling that these so-called ISSUE ads are showing nothing but Bush and Gore. McCain lied and said that Gore broke his promise not to run these types of ads first.

Well, first of all, John, Gore does not control these ads -- they are controlled by Joe Andrew, the Chair of the DNC. Gore has not broken his promise. He cannot legally tell Andrew to run or not run the ads that the DNC want to run. The same is true for Bush Baby -- although lately Bush's people have invaded the RNC and are running it in the background. Gore's people are the same as Clinton's people, with the exception of Joe Andrew -- who is such a prig that he should stay off national television at all costs. Andrew comes across as smarmy, smug swine. He is so personally repugnant, and without manners of any kind, and so openly arrogant, that he should be kept in a mayonnaise jar in his office on Ivy Street.

McCain went on about how much he loves the Secretary of Defense Bill Cohen. He then dodged a Microsoft question -- but said we should update our antitrust laws. Huh?

Next, Scam and Cocky welcomed Charles LaBella for the most important interview on any pundit show this month. Also present was former Justice Department official Robert Litt. The topic: whether Gore did anything wrong during the 1996 campaign. Cockie talked about arguments with Justice about 1. Illegal fundraising, 2. Whether Gore lied to them, and 3. some other crazy crap about ALL THE ALLEGATIONS.

LaBella left -- before he was fired, it appears -- to write a long stinking memo to Reno that everyone under the sun should be investigated in the Clinton Administration. LaBella, in our opinion, is a crook.

LaBella claimed it was about process and said that none of this would be prosecuted -- but the process should have continued.

Just as Mac MacArthur told us in today's headlines about Burton.

In short, LaBella proved on national television today that Mr. Burton is a liar -- and knows it.

George Will had a one-on-one interview with Jim Barksdale, formerly of Netscape. Remember, Will is a pawn for Gates and opens saying that at the time you were telling Justice and the Congress you were shipping Netscape on 24% of all computes. Well, moron, if Microsoft was shipping 76%, wasn't Netscape being crunched?

We don't agree that Microsoft should be split up. This is a revolution -- like the switch from coal and gas to oil. Things appear like monopolies when so few companies do things like making operating systems for computers.

Barksdale claimed that the fact is that Microsoft broke the law, and that is why they are in trouble.

Will asked Barksdale how long this will take to do -- because Microsoft has so many patents and employees.

What a stupid question! If Microsoft is split up into two companies then there will be TWO powerful companies to thrash the competition.

Barksdale said it doesn't make any difference if the browser issue is dead -- moot -- and now Gates has been caught writing a memo about how to destroy Palm.

Well, Machiavelli would have been proud. We say, hey Bill, live up the GOP banner, take and take and take, no matter form who, the poor, the aged, the minorities. It's the way in Indian Asia -- and look how rich those Brahmins are!!!!!

Next came the riot. Scam, Cocky, Will, and Staphylococcus were arguing about who knows less.

Scam invited us to take his opinions for what WE think they are worth.

Okay: Zero.

Will talked about what an bastard Assad was. Good for him! Will thinks changes in Syria hang on whether Dr. Assad the younger will bring the Internet to Syria. Ha, ha, ha, hahaha. Little Assad is a surgeon who probably hated his father's guts and disrespected his policies. Derek McGinty wondered whether Baby Assad could make the deal to keep his father's authority. Does he have the clout?

Scam wanted to talk about Gore-Boring and Bush-Lite. McGinty said he thinks that voters will decide how they will vote, and whether they like the candidates, on a couple of issues. They like Bush -- they don't know Gore. Bush said they might not agree with me, but they will like me.

Will said (if you can believe this) that Bush did better at Andover than a British Prime Minster did during WWII at Harrow. Huh? Then he said this (ha, ha, ha): Reagan was known as an amiable dunce -- and he spent 8 years in the White House.

Great defense of BushBaby, George. His Daddy was a dunce too -- and he lasted about three years.

Then they brought up Hillary. Scam asked -- ha, ha, ha -- but do you like her! McGinty said she has been stuck at 44% and hasn't moved a bit. Rick Lazio has an ad out showing the President praising him. That IS a good one.

Will then went into some commentary about yesterday's Yankees-Mets game. Scam then started talking about doing away with the death tax. Will said there is pressure to get rid of it. The Dems offered to raise the bar to $4 million before there is a death tax. McGinty, as much of a moron as the rest of them, made a case for not charging a death tax on people worth 20, 50, 400 million when they croak. The entire tax is MEANT to redistribute vast wealth - so vast that IS CERTAINLY NOT a sign of HARD WORK or great intellect, but luck -- or in the case of Bill Gates, thievery of the Apple's operating system.

Scam said this, and we'll remind you: Judd Rose died last night from cancer. We wish his family the best, and will miss him. He was 45.