Sunday, June 18, 2000 -- WASHINGTON/NEW YORK (AmpolNS) -- Bill Daley, the newly-named chief of the Gore campaign, was slated to appear on all five of the network Sunday political gabfests -- joining such luminaries as Senator-wannabe and purported inside trader Rick Lazio and one-time Lewinsky mouthpiece William Ginsburg.

Okay, so Daley does not exactly find himself among truly "A-list" company in this achievement. And dealing with the likes of Tim Russert and Sam Donaldson is not exactly what any sane person would want to do on a Sunday morning.

Despite the Daley-thon, the talk shows made the top priority spinning the Los Alamos "missing hard drives" story yet again -- and, of course, blame Bill Richardson personally for security lapses for which ex-President George Herbert Traitor Bush (as our pal Bartcop likes to call him) should be blamed -- but Lord forbid any of the pundit should point out the "cost-cutting" moves that compromised security at Los Alamos.

It's against the rules:

1) Blame Clinton;
2) Blame Clinton's cabinet members;
3) wherever possible, blame Hillary (and if they could, you know they were gleefully dissing Mrs. Clinton).

So DriveGate dominated the Sunday shows. And there was a telling omission from the Sunday pundit-fests this week -- no mention of a hard-hitting article in the London Times on questions surrounding Bush's "missed" physical in 1972 that resulted in his being stripped of flight privileges.

Here's what we caught this Sunday.

Shrub News Sunday
The official Sunday talk show of the Bush Campaign gets more than they bargained for 

Early on in Tony Snow's interview with Daley, Tony "hit" Daley with the "fact" that Big Labor doesn't like Al Gore -- because he disagrees with labor on trade and tax cuts! Daley said that Big Labor supports Gore -- but did nothing early on to discuss Ralph Nader and defuse his divisive bid for the White House.  Brit Hume asked if he had to "clear" his taking over the Gore Campaign with the President! What a dumb question!  OF COURSE HE HAD TO -- because he's stepping down as Commerce Secretary!   

Hume threw Daley a bone with a question about free trade, allowing Daley to say that Gore was going to be a big-league free-trader.  Hume tried to ask a question implying that labor would not go along with Gore because of his position on free trade, and Daley essentially said, "So what? The 1950s-60s commerce and economic model is DEAD!  Get over it, unions!"

Are oil companies gouging consumers, asked Tony?  Daley said yes, to which Tony asked why so many Chicago pols are "blaming" the EPA.  Daley's namby-pamby answer should have nailed the oil companies -- all pals of "ahlman" Bush -- even harder.  But his "conservative supply and demand" answer -- that prices are sky-high in Chicago and Milwaukee because people drive more in those regions -- happens to be completely accurate!  Snow and Hume cringed.

So Hume said that people don't personally like Gore, and that he's "too attached" to Clinton.  Of course, these "facts" have been created by the RNC and foisted by their press surrogates. Daley should have nailed Hume on the "source" of these "facts" -- unreliable and meaningless FOX O-Spin-Ion Dynamics polls.

Debates?  Daley wants more. Tony asked if Clinton will campaign for Gore (as if he wouldn't, Tony!), and Daley said Clinton will campaign for all Democrats.

Will Ralph Nader cost you the election?  Daley said it would be unfortunate if voters would throw their votes away, implying that the same was true of Pat Buchanan.

Following the break, Tony gleefully turned to DriveGate, first bungling and then correcting T.J. Gaultier's name.  Tony asked about "no evidence of espionage," and T.J. said that's true -- there is none.  Tony: Why didn't Congress find out about this for eight weeks?  Gautier: Why didn't WE find out about this?

Well, T.J., maybe someone who doesn't like Richardson set the entire Energy Department up for embarrassment.  When the press, particularly Fox News, starts to soft-pedal this story, you'll know it's worse than another FauxGate...

Tony turned to imbecile Senator Richard Shelby, who predictably called for Richardson to resign, citing Truman's "The Buck Stops Here" slogan.  Shelby claimed that Richardson had never been to division X of the "Los Angeles" lab.  It's Los Alamos, you moron!  He called it a "malignancy on the Administration."  Hey, Shelby, you sound like a dumbed-down John Dean.  One of our writers knows John Dean.  Mr. Shelby, you're no John Dean.

Shelby talked ominously about the secrets on the drives falling into the wrong hands (hmmm... maybe Free Republic or the Drudge Report?), and was cryptic about :closed hearings."

T.J. fired back, saying that Richardson offered to testify NEXT WEEK once he had made a full assessment of the situation -- not prematurely.  T.J. then sounded as if he implied it MAY BE an inside job when talking about security: "It takes a few bad apples" to cause the situation.

Now, if that is not a hint that Shelby and all the other Lott-faction GOPers are going to look like shrieking simians by the time DriveGate is over, we don't know what is!

Following the break -- Tony got religion, taking on that crucial political issue -- southern Baptists declaring that women can't be deacons!

Okay, it's not a political issue -- it's a social issue that shows how some "Taliban" Christians really feel about women (especially after Tony prompted his guest, one Rev. "Jim-Bob" Merritt, to decry "social drift" and claim INCORRECTLY that the Bible says that only men can serve in authority positions).  We ignored most of the segment -- but it was fun to see Tony set up Jim-Bob as he played footage of Episcopal bishop John Spong claiming that Bible-thumping conservative churches give their followers simple questions to complex questions.  Jim-Bob's erudite response -- motormouthing his sect's simplistic answers to complex questions.  Later, Jim-Bob said Fundamentalist Christians were the most "persecuted" people in America.

Hey, Jim-Bob -- we'd like you to say that to women jogging through the southern section of Central Park last Sunday only to find themselves molested and sexually abused by a mob of men -- you know, the gender that runs the Church.  We'd like you to say that to the family of Matthew Shepard.  We'd like you to say that to the men and women on Dubya's Death Row.

Before panel time, we enjoyed the irony of Tony's attempt to "dis" Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr.'s "Wizard of Oz" press release on the Daley appointment.  Jackson's "the tin man finally got a mechanic" line had even us laughing. But that's a key difference between Liberals and Conservatives --we can laugh at our foibles. Conservatives dare not laugh at themselves lest they look, well, like they might have a sense of humor about themselves -- their idea of a good laugh is calling Chelsea "the White House dog."

Panel time!  Tony even quoted American Politics Journal: "Coelho's out, Daley's In!"  We love ya, Tony!

Juan slammed DriveGate; Mara called it troubling that they "missed the spot behind the copier"; Brit claimed that the stuff behind the copying machine was safer than the vault, then lied when he said that anyone can walk into the vault.  Juan said that it hurts Richardson's chance to be the running mate.  Talk turned to the presidential race -- and Juan again put an interesting spin on the race, pointing out that the "hot topic" now is pharmaceutical drugs and not the death penalty.  Mara lied when she said Bush is the "reformer" -- well, okay, if more pollution, perks for big business and electrocutions are reform, then Mara's right.

It only took 51 minutes for the Central Park wilding incident of last Sunday to come up!  Tony characterized it as NYPD caught between a rock ("too tough") and a hard place ("not tough enough").  Brit called the wilding AND the sight of Al Sharpton's outrage "nauseating" -- but then, we know Brit carries a barf bag with him at all times in the event he accidentally glimpses Sharpton on TV (rumor has it that Hume once "hurled" when he saw half a second of a James Brown video on VH1, confusing "Mr. Please Please Please" with Sharpton because they have the same haircut and actually go to the same barber).

Hey Brit, try Tagamet!

Finally, Tony and Brit dissed Ralph Nader for being a high-tech stock millionaire!  Juan said that Brit missed his chance to call Nader a hypocrite for decrying big binniss while investing in it (including Cisco).  Hume said he'd start calling Nader for stock tips.  Juan said that people would respect Nader for "full disclosure."  Ha, ha, hahahaha -- this is about as close to "full disclosure" as serial killer George W. Bush is to being a "compassionate conservative."  Heck, maybe Bush should make Nader his running mate to "balance the ticket" -- two hypocrites that even each other out!

Tony's parting thoughts -- he said he LOST the script, searched for it, was stymied.  From off-stage came a voice: "Hey, Tony, we found it,  Behind the copier."

We'll admit it -- we laughed long and hard   -- it was good shtick.  When it turns out to be a dirty trick, we'll laugh even harder.

The McLaugh-In Group
John calls attempted rape understandable, declares Richardson guilty as if he were the Queen of Hearts in Wonderland...

Issue one: New Yorkers are expecting too much from their cops if they expect them to take on a "drunken mob" during the wilding incident last Sunday.

Bullcakes, John -- that's what they are there for.  They IGNORED the please of women to intercede.

John slammed Hillary Clinton for calling the killing of Amadou Diallo a "murder," then showed his bigotry by mentioning that the wilding happened after the Puerto Rican Day parade

Was it likely that NYPD was told to take it easy last Sunday during and after the parade?  Michael Barone called Al Sharpton a demagogue who defaulted on a judgment against him by a cop.  Eleanor Clift said that NYPD was aggressively arresting the mob, and Pataki wants stronger gang violence legislation, but the cops were lax.  Tony Blankley correctly mentioned that the LAPD had become the target of political attacks.  Jim Warren said there was no clear directive to NYPD to go easy, but that there is a pattern of racial profiling -- which prompted Barone to claim that Hillary Clinton is using her Senate run as a stepping stone to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

How did he get to that claim? Has Barone gone more insane that John?

If the attackers were all white would the cops have been quicker to act?
Barone: Yes
Eleanor: This was not a frat party gone awry
Tony: Minority element caused the cops to hold off
Jim: No
John: Tony is right

Issue two: Korean summitry!  John's set-up recounted the Kim-Kim summit, and recalled talk on past McLaugh-Ins of North Korean boss Kim Jong-Il's eccentricities.  Barone said that nobody knows how long Kim Jong-Il will last; Jim dissed Kim's haircut and repression of his subjects; John called it a propaganda ploy; Tony, once again, asked the big money question: is it a strategic shift, and will it lead to a US-China duel a decade down the line?  Eleanor called North Korea a failed state and pointed out China's role in shepherding this "exhilarating" first step.  John said Kim's intentions are still unknown.

If peace is in the air, why do we want a missile defense?
Barone: We need it
Eleanor: It's a political move, the Korea rapprochement slows the move to a missile defense
Tony: Go forward with it
Jim: It won't work
Barone: North Korea sent a missile several thousand miles
John: Build it (for GE, of course)

Issue three: John wants Bill Richardson fired!  He started with a video clip of Los Alamos's director saying there was NO security of Los Alamos, then said the discs missing from Los Alamos show how to disarm armed nuclear warheads -- and elected officials were shocked to learn that there was no sign-out sheet.  Jim Warren called the situation "catastrophic"; Eleanor said she did not believe there was a crisis.

Issue four: a waste of our time as John recounted useless polling data, claiming that Gore's campaign has stalled.  John LIED about 1996 fundraising and Gore the "slumlord."  John and Tony called the Coelho resignation a political move; Eleanor pointed out that Coelho was in fact very ill.  Jim knows Daley and called him a moderate Democrat and more conciliatory guy, but a shrewd politician.

The one interesting prediction -- Tony predicted more trouble in the Gore campaign between Donna Brazile and Daley.

Face the Nation
Breaking News on DriveGate

Bob Schieffer's first guest, Edward Curran, director of the Department of Energy's Office of Counterintelligence, dropped a few hints about the direction in which the DriveGate investigation is going: contradictory information from people with access to the vault in which the once-missing Los Alamos hard drives were found has narrowed the list of suspects; there is no evidence of espionage; some individuals were "terrorized" to come forward; it appears the discs never left X Division.  Gloria asked how long the discs were missing, citing a January date; Curran said April 7th; Gloria asked if there may not have been a coverup; Curran essentially said that those who did NOT report the missing drives within 8 hours would be held accountable.

Bob turned to neo-fascist Sen. Richard Shelby (R-Hatemonger), who said he was not satisfied with Curran's answers -- no doubt because they diminish his ability to conduct yet another witch hunt.  As he did on Shrub News Sunday, Shelby called for Energy Secretary Richardson to step down -- but unlike his earlier interview with Tony Snow, Shelby said he doubted that Richardson would resign.  Gloria told Shelby that Richardson said he wanted to appear before Shelby's Star Chamber, and Shelby stupidly tried to pillory Richardson for not appearing last week.  Congressman Fred Upton (R-Parrot) was Shelby's yes-man.

Schieffer hit hard in his first question to his second guest, Bill Daley -- does the current situation remove Richardson from Gore's Veep list?  Daley said no -- then talked about the "explosion" of classified documents, and that the inevitable result is the politicization of sloppy security as a "major breach" of "national security."  A weasely-sounding interviewer asked Daley about Gore the "micromanager."  Yawn.

Bill Kristol asked Daley about how he handled stepping down as Commerce Secretary -- and asked if Clinton might now help Gore a little more.  To our surprise, Kristol said during the course of his question that Gore's having been called a "panderer" concerning his views on the Elian Gonzalez controversy was "a little unfair."  No wonder ABC dumped Kristol -- he may be conservative, but he's at least a little fair.

Gloria asked Daley about debates; he and Gore are pushing for more debates.  A weasely interviewer (we missed the name) talked about a major Democrat allegedly saying Gore "made a big mistake" in his position on Elian.  Good grief.

Eat the Press
With "Slim Russert"

Procine pundit "Slim" Russert began with multiple attacks on the Clinton-Gore Administration.

If you think this guy is not a paid "ho" for the Bush Dynasty crowd, think again. He is.

His first guest was new Bill Daley who is cleaning house at the Gore headquarters.

Russert, who should be permanently kicked off national television for consistently lying and fudging the facts, started with a plethora of totally meaningless polls which -- according to pollsters WHO KNOW -- mean nothing. Gore is allegedly trailing Bush in many areas according to these polls

Here's the truth: 85% of Americans are paying no attention to the race at all, and never do until Labor Day.

The people answering these badly designed polls simply answer what they think that day, but both candidates are doing little or nothing to get national attention.

Only CNN -- at 5PM every day when few people are watching -- provides fairly good coverage of the presidential race.

Russert was trying to blame high gas prices on -- you guessed it! -- Al Gore, saying that if prices stay high, people will blame Gore.

Of course, "Slim" is wrong. People will blame George W. Bush and his family, who play a pivotal role in oil company price gouging -- and have for decades.

While the Bush's had their private gas pumps filled to the brim during the 1970s gas crisis, the rest of us were almost out of fuel continually.

Every question Russert asked Daley - every one -- was an thinly-veiled editorial comment on why Gore would make a lousy president.

Again, we plead with NBC to kick this political operative off the air.

And we urge our readers to write -- not email -- NBC to call for his dismissal.

Russert is NOT a journalist. Russert has NEVER has been one. Russert only does well in the ratings because the competition is so addle-brained that people would rather watch Pee Wee Herman on Politics than Scam and Cocky or John McLaugh-In.

To show you what a call-girl Russert and Meet the Press have become, we only need point out who sponsored Meet the Press today: Microsnot, with paid political messages from wimp Bill Gates (thinly disguised as commercials) pleading for you not to take away a little piece of his $200 billion personal treasury.

By the way: Gates is in bed with NBC and owns the lion's share of its cable station MSNBC ("Make Sure Nobody Believes Clinton").

Next, Russert welcomed Senators Bob Torricelli (D-NJ) and Mitch McConnell (R-Cabbage Patch), the chairpersons of their Respective DNC and RNC senatorial campaign committees.

Russert BEGAN with an attack on Hillary Clinton, because she is critical of boy-candidate-and-possible-inside-trader Rick "The Lick" Lazio, a man who is against women, against minorities, against helping the poor, for keeping needed pharmaceuticals from the elderly, and for failing to release federally-owned oil for the poor during this past tough winter.

Russert was nauseating in his bias.

Then Russert moved to the campaign finance "non-battle" that is going on in Congress. McConnell is against any limits on campaign spending and giving, but for total disclosure. We agree with McConnell -- but McConnell is such a scum that he wants to cut out unions and "trial" lawyers (i.e. litigators who stick up for the little guy) from contributing.

The reason? Why, because they contribute to Democrats mostly!

What a laughable scam.

McConnell also wants to get rid of the Sierra Club and other conservation lobbies as contributors. We're sure the feeling is mutual, Mitch -- with the difference being that the Sierra Club thinks permissive crooks like you have no place in the public sector.

Torricelli tried not to laugh. He refuses work with the independent campaign committees - called 527s.

McConnell called Torricelli his "good friend" - yeah, sure.

Torricelli said he thinks that the 527 ban is constitutional -- we don't.

And guess what happened next? The swinish Russert than attacks Torricelli, a Democrat (of course), on the air for the way he raises money.

Can he be more despicably dishonest? We think it would take some effort.

Torricelli, who looked as if he had plastic surgery recently, defended himself well.

But Russert kept it up by attacking Torricelli for receiving campaign contributions from companies who might be impacted by something he votes on.

Of course, Russert knows well that EVERY politician gets money from hundreds, even thousands, of company PACs and certainly many of them are affected by votes each legislator makes.

The mistake Torricelli made is that he does not attack Russert right back. Hey, Torch -- go for the throat.

McConnell sort of complimented Torricelli and massages corporate America, because Torricelli has been so successful at raising money from business -- a traditional stronghold of Republicans. McConnell recently arranged for several GOP officials to pull in a group of lobbyists and threatened them if they kept contributing to Democrats. Of course, the corrupt Mr. Russert did not dare mention this fact.

Next, and predictably, Russert welcomed Secretary Bill Richardson -- under orders from his GOP handlers, we are sure, to roast him. Russert was, of course, unconcerned about anything but pushing for the resignation or firing of Richardson, because a couple of disk drives were missing during the terrible Los Alamos fire.

What seems to have happened was that security logging procedures were not too good, but of course this was because it is almost impossible for anyone to even get INTO Los Alamos, let alone be a spy!

Russert just kept it up, giving a time line of "events." The disks were found in a secure area behind a machine made by Xerox, a regular sponsor of Meet the Press.

Now, let us tell you this --- items such as these drives have gone missing multitudinous times in the last 200 years. The difference is that today the GOP whores inside our nation's military and other places call up the Chairman of the Republican Party and tell him about every little thing that goes FUBAR. The GOP then blast-faxes their operatives telling them to ratchet it up to be a national security crisis. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Let us ask you. If a spy had a hard drive with data that could be used to defuse a nuclear bomb -- data which these drives supposedly contained -- what would they do with it? Would they send 26,000 other spies to every missile base in the US and the rest of the world to defuse all US missiles simultaneously -- and without anyone noticing?

Russert then cut a replay of Richardson saying that he could last year tell Americans that their nuclear secrets were safe.

"That may not be true," Russert said snidely.

Puh-leeeeeze! The truth is that all our enemies and our friends know everything about where our missiles are, how they work, and what they are capable of.

Russert then tried pulling a stunt of claiming that Richardson resisted the GOP-controlled Senate and House who made up all these crap in order to embarrass the White House. In short, this entire matter is another witch trial by Russert and his colleague liars on television. They live and are paid off by slamming the White House.

Russert went on and on. He wouldn't stop. He then became abrasive as he read quotes from DEMOCRAT Senators critical of Richardson.

Of course, Russert would not explain that these Democrats have to say this to make certain they won't lose votes -- votes that might only be lost because people like Russert pretend that things like this are a big deal.

What happened, as far as we know, was that these disks were whisked out of the Labs at Los Alamos fearing they might become vulnerable with the evacuation of the area in the face of wildfires. Someone forgot to return two of them. They needed to keep their jobs and were afraid to lose them because of this forgetfulness -- so they probably planted them somewhere where they were sure to be found -- but not linked to them. And this "crisis" would not have even merited press mention had the GOP not been on these phony witch hunts for the past nine years, starting with the fake Whitewater scandal, started when Clinton-haters LIED to a reporter for the New York Times.

But the GOP wants to scare you -- and Russert's role is to lynch Clinton or Richardson or whoever.

Russert played some more clips of GOP crisis-mongers looking foolish as they foamed at the mouth, playing on your fright (of which nation, we're not sure) and calling Richardson nothing less than an incompetent spy.

Russert -- if you can believe this -- then attempted to convince viewers that Clinton and Richardson are in collusion with the Arabs, and that high gas prices are NOT the oil company's fault. What a laff-riot -- check the rack price of gasoline in the Midwest, then check the price at the pump. You will see that Richardson was telling the truth, and that Russert was lying yet again -- probably under orders from the GOP and his GOP bosses.

Russert then welcomed Senator John Kyl (R-Duh), a moron from the West, who blamed Richardson for the missing hard drives.

Then Rep. Porter Goss, a guy who should be investigated for fraud in several instances, came on to tell Russert, at Russert's invitation, why "it isn't his decision" whether Richardson should resign. Senator Kyl said outright that Richardson should resign.

Now there was a good one. For centuries, Cabinet members -- who are nothing much more than political appointees -- have campaigned for their boss, the President. The Senate cannot fire or demand the resignation of anyone in the Cabinet. The Senate only confirms the appointments -- as they confirmed Richardson -- TWICE. Now they want HIM to resign, for something someone else did during a fire in a panic.

In a cheap effort to humiliate Richardson (who is a hell of a great guy, by the way), Russert asked whether he will STOP campaigning for the Gore. Then he asked the two Republican simians whether he should stop. Even they thought the question was stupid and failed to give Russert what he was after, Richardson’s scalp.

Since when does NBC or any news organization allow an on-air personality to suggest and orchestrate the removal of a Cabinet Secretary?

Since when do they allow the same to orchestrate the removal of a President?

We'll tell you when -- when they began SELLING the news to Republican Corporate America.

That was it for Tim. He ended -- of course -- by using his son, Luke, in an effort to "prove" what a real human being Russert really is. He said (we ask our readers to refrain from regurgitation), "Luke, I love being your Dad."

Well, Tim, we can assure you that if your son Luke grows up to be an honest and intelligent man, he will most likely loathe you for being a whore who reveled in misleading the American people.

And for what? Money.

You make us sick.

Today's performance by Russert was simply an outrage!

These Geeks
We Re-name Names -- here's why...

The other day we got yet another e-mail, one out of thousands we get, about Pundit Pap. The writer said we shouldn't call the gang of biased "journalists" on this so-called "news" program by negative nicknames.

We had to laugh. We say, why not? The names are extremely apropos:

Sam Donaldson: Sam Donaldson, a nice guy in person, we're sure, is a bald old man who years ago simply lost his marbles. Have you seen him shouting in the press room of the White House? If it happened anywhere else, he'd be locked up in the Ronald W. Reagan Rubber Room at the Home for Insane Geriatric Journalists. Sam is so nuts that it was easy for ABC and the GOP to convince him that he WOULD MAKE A LOT MORE MONEY if he joined the club lynching Clinton. He did, of course, and it cost him a lot. While he makes more money today, he is a pariah among his honest peers.

Thus, he is a SCAM.

Cokie Roberts: Cokie Roberts is the daughter of super-scammer politicians Hale and Lindy Boggs of Louisiana.

One thing Cokie knows is that there has never been an honest politician elected in Louisiana (or probably anywhere else) -- but she worships her parents, as she should.

Lindy Boggs is charming and everyone, including our own Mac MacArthur, loves her -- and especially the entertaining parties she hosts. Lindy, named after a popular dance on the 30s and 40s, is now the U.S. Ambassador to the Vatican (the "Holy See") -- a reward for her successful (racist) effort to keep Jesse Jackson "down in the cotton fields where he belongs" during the 1992 Clinton campaign.

Lindy and Hale were also, and Lindy still is, filthy rich. Where did they get all that money? Any way they could remains the word. Cokie was raised in incomparable luxury and in a world that reflects something out of the Twilight Zone. Look at her. She's a young woman who looks like a poster model from 1935. She trades on her parents' name, not obviously, but behind the scenes. That is because she "wants to make it after all..."

Cokie is also a commentator on way left of center National Public Radio (NPR). There she dutifully delivers her left wing stuff -- but on ABC she delivers insult after insult to the man she and her mother played a large role in electing.

So what's the story?

The story is that Cokie could and should be called Crooky -- but we feel sorry for her for being married to loser New York Daily News reporter Steve Roberts, who looks and acts like the loser that Woody Allen always casts in his films about New York. Cokie has even maneuvered a few television appearances for her husband so she would only be out-earning him ten thousand to one, instead of ten million to one.

Basically, Cokie is a fraud for money. That's why we call her Cockie: because, she a MAN, baby, she's a MAN!!

George Stephanopoulos: George would like you to think that he was the genius that put Bill Clinton in the White House. Nothing could be farther from the truth, George was mediocre bureaucrat in the White House, and a wimp. When the going got rough, the effeminate George walked out on the man that made him -- Bill Clinton -- and cashed in before he might lose the MONEY. He strolled from the outside of the Oval Office to the inside of ABC and wrote a book proving he was the biggest Burton-bag traitor on earth.

Thus, we often call him Little Brutus -- after the Roman who stabbed Caesar to death.

George is a symbol of the infection that has enveloped men (or women) of his generation. He has NO moral compass, no loyalty except to Ralph Lauren (who decorated his chic apartment in Manhattan) and of course himself.

Being a disease we decided to call him George Staphylococcus, after the dangerous infection that he is.

George Will: George Will has never really had a good nickname from American Politics Journal. The guy is such an overt spokesman for the GOP that one must assume he is hoping to ascend the throne during the Fourth Reich -- not in Germany, but in America. He is so diminutive that he buys his clothes at the boys section of Brooks Brothers basement. His bow ties are only shared by two television personalities, the highly cultured CBS correspondent Charles Osgood, and CNN's Tucker Carlson -- a young conservative pundit we've frequently attacked, but also love for his infamous "baptism" of Grover Norquist with a well-placed cocktail a couple years back.

We have decided this week to adopt a BRITISH nickname for George -- Little Willy.

Scam and Cockie opened the show with THE INDICTMENTS -- which they received from the GOP and the BUSH regime-in-exile by fax only this morning. The INDICTMENTS TODAY are:

Is Bill Richardson a spy and a slob?

Is Al Gore remaking himself "YET AGAIN"?

Bill Richardson followed an absolutely lame report on the hard drives that was supposed to appear as "MARS ATTACKS."

Hey -- they were lost, they were found. Story over.

Barry Sarafin claimed that the disks are on their way to the FBI to see if they had been copied or altered. Well, guess what -- there is no way to tell if they have been copied. They can tell if they have been altered, however, by examining hidden directory and partition data and comparing them to the hundreds of other like disks that exist.

Scam jumps to POSSIBLE COVERUP!!!!! Get this -- if one of the people interviewed did have the disks then it would (emphasis on WOULD) be a cover-up.

See what we mean? Poor Scam will be following Reagan into mental oblivion pretty soon.

Scam belched -- we really think he did -- as he asked his next question. Richardson told him over and over again that he is pretty certain that there was no espionage involved here.

"IS THAT GOOD ENOUGH???" screamed SCAM, who trotted out a dog'n'pony-show screen shot of the time line.

"WHY DON'T YOU FIRE THE PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T TELL YOU THAT THE DISKS WERE MISSING???"

Well, Sam, you don't fire people until you get all the facts -- you MORON.

The fact is that 26 people could have come and gone from that vault as they pleased without logging in or out. Thank God, Richardson told the foolish Scam that all that can be done has already been done to make certain that these people are trustworthy. They undergo pop polygraph tests all throughout the year. The FBI has investigated them -- in months-long interviews of everyone they ever knew well. The CIA also does background investigations on these people -- people with the finest minds on earth.

If you doubt that these shows are scripted, Scam then said. "Well you said, 'Americans can now be assured that their nuclear secrets are secure.'" Then Scam says that he is not insulting Richardson. What a lie. What a laugh.

Scam brings up Klaus Fuchs, who also had a security clearance. But Fuchs was a CIA operative who knew well how to fool polygraphs.

Look, Scam: if someone can be bought, let's say for $200 million, to give the entire secret code of the US military away to the Chinese, there is nothing anyone can do about it. That's a lot of money.

Now, the truth is that the University of California runs the Labs at Los Alamos -- another STUPID Republican idea. Now the GOP wants the UC people FIRED!!! What a joke.

Scam -- true to the script -- asked whether Richardson himself should leave or be fired! Tee hee. Scam then wanted to know if the President has told him that he still has faith in him. Bill said yes, SCAM, both publicly and privately -- AS YOU KNOW!!

Then Scam welcomed on "manwoman" Trent Lott -- the man who re-irons his shirts in his Senate office AFTER they come back from the local laundry -- and spends more than 40 minutes in the morning SPRAYING his helmet hair!

Lott -- the losingest Senate majority leader in history -- says, OF COURSE, that it isn't Richardson that the problem -- IT IS BILL CLINTON who has a lax attitude on security.

Oh, yeah, Trent. Sure he does. That's why he has about 2,000 people guarding him -- and Trent Lott, too, by the way -- to make sure the nations political leaders are safe.

Lott would not terminate Richardson or UC -- but he "[has] asked Bill Bennett" -- master PIMP for the GOP -- "what he thinks he should do."

Bennett, of course, will say FIRE THE PRESIDENT!!!!"

Lott, who we call Trott in the office - says he is going to, er, um, well, basically nothing except call on Clinton and GORE to change things.

Well, of course, that's what this is all about isn't it.

Lott laughed when Cockie says that there "may have been" price gouging by the oil companies. Lott, knowing that there has been, laughed in her face -- and America's. He said he thinks that OPEC is blackmailing us. But Cockie reminded him that our biggest supplier is CANADA!

And guess who has oil interests up there?

That's right -- THE BUSH FAMILY!

Lott QUICKLY changed the subject back to Los Alamos after Cockie said that! Bravo, Cockie -- you're more of a real man than the Senate Majority Leader!

Lott then droned on about budget matters. He said he has to find a way not to offer language changes in the House Bill on China trade which passed well in the House. Senator Thompson, he says, is concerned about Chinese proliferation of nuclear weapons. Yeah, hot proliferation -- to their neighbors in North Korea who are this week engaged in peace talks with the South because everyone in North Korea now weight 13 pounds.

As with Russia, these "dangerous" Chinese missiles won't work either. And they don't -- even launching satellites for the GOP-controlled Pentagon. Can you say "major malfunction seconds into launch," Trent? Ha, ha, ha, ha. These missiles can't even reliably deliver a serving of Szechuan Beef with Pepper Sauce a couple blocks -- let alone a sophisticated nuclear warhead 6,000 miles.

The Scam hit Gore. Can you believe it? And this is not about America just champing at the bit to see an interview with Bill Daley -- IT'S ABOUT HURTING AL GORE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

Scam asks if Secretary Daley is heading the Gore campaign as "AN ENFORCER," and then makes reference to his father and Chicago -- a cheap shot from a cheap pundit.

Scam claimed that John Sweeney is angry that Daley -- who championed free trade with China -- is Gore's campaign manager.

Sweeney and the rest of organized labor will OF COURSE support Gore - and SCAM knows it, but did not mention it, of course, because he and the rest of his "posse" are LIARS BY OMISSION. Sure, the AFL and the Teamsters were not happy -- but there is more at risk for them electing a Neo-Nazi crook like Bush.

Scam wanted to know if Al Gore will be remade yet again. Daley says that not everyone can be a smart, outgoing and gregarious as SCAM -- and you could hear the crew laughing out loud behind the cameras.

Then Scam LIED and claimed that Gore broke his promise not to run attack ads unless the GOP did first. That is such a lie. THE GOP ran attack ads against GORE -- horribly lying spots that were more than attack ads -- and came close to be litigable as slander and libel. Gore defended himself, and told the American people that Bush was in bed with Pfizer and the other pharma companies to make sure that YOU, the taxpayer, pick up the costs of ALL pharmaceuticals for EVERYONE. That makes the pharma companies richer, under the Bush plan, and also allows you to buy your drunken, acid-popping neighbors anti-psychotic drugs at highly inflated prices -- some 300% higher than in the rest of the world.

IF you can believe this, GEORGE W. BUSH then ran a commercial on Social Security, which he seeks to destroy by allowing idiots to invest their social security retirement accounts in the biggest scam of them all -- THE STOCK MARKET!!!

Thank God, George Will didn't make it in today.

Finally, the panel of morons welcomed "Scummus Maximus," a political hit man posing as a Man of God, William Bennett -- a Clinton-Gore hater and spiritual leader of the Clinton lynch mob

The topic_- Al Gore. What a freaking JOKE.

Bennett called Gore an "identity crisis" and claimed that Bush is running a better campaign and that he is pretty smart. He made fun of Gore's clothes.

Staph said that Clinton said that if this becomes a student council election, Gore will lose. And he is right. There is a lot at stake here and he has to show it.

Scam and Cockie made fun of the latest ad about Gore, his Dad and his kids. Cockie says this is supposed to be a spot PROVING that Gore is a human being. Her inflection was purposely snide -- with the emphasis on the word HUMAN BEING.

She's one to talk.

Bennett said that people see Bush as a nice guy.

That's an outright lie. People see Bush as a lying, cheating, privileged Daddy's boy who is also a flunky and a man whose 'success" has been paid for by his daddy's rich hangers-on.

They also believe that nine years of lies Bennett has told about Clinton and Gore -- and that's a tough nine years to do battle with.

But don't worry.

Little BushBaby will be exposed as the crook he is within days of getting the coronation -- er, nomination -- and will go down to certain defeat, possibly taking the Senate with him.

Gore was never arrested for cocaine.

Gore was never sentenced by a criminal judge.

Gore was never a womanizer and psychological brutalizer of his wife and children.

Gore worked all of his life, including his prep school days. Bush never worked a day in his life until he became governor.

Bennett lied about Hillary's so-called HUGE negatives.

Hey, BILL, you liar -- if her negatives are so HUGE, then why is she winning in every poll -- including the GOP bought-and-paid-for ones?

Because, Bennett, you are a liar.

Staph just sat there piping up with left-handed snide remarks about Hillary and Bill. It was the same old thing.

Bennett droned on about Korea, and lied again, saying there have been feints like this in the past. This man cannot tell the truth. The presidents of South and North Korea have never met -- especially in North Korea, where last week's meeting took place.

Staph says that we have to see whether Kim Jong-Il, the North Korean president, goes to Seoul in the Summer.

Bennett was asked about cheating. Of course, he first refers to Clinton as a cheater. Bennett blames Clinton. Yet he says we need tests -- the TESTS HE THINKS ARE OKAY.

Now we have teachers cheating - giving answers to students because of the pressures that the GOP has put on them to perform -- no matter what their drunk, rich parents are NOT doing to raise them right.

And most of those drunk, rich parents are Republicans who turn out more ill-educated Anglo people that any other political group.