Memo to Jimmy Carter:
Stick to Fly Fishing
by Dave "Doctor" Gonzo

Tuesday, August 22, 2000 -- NEW YORK (AmpolNS) -- There are times when ex-presidents should just maintain their dignity and keep their mouths shut.

Recently, George H. "One Term" Bush got a tad bent out of shape when President Bill Clinton made some withering -- not to mention accurate and funny -- comments about his son's presidential campaign. Clinton said, "Nearest I can tell, the message of the Bush campaign is just that: 'How bad could I be? I've been governor of Texas, my daddy was president, I own a baseball team, they like me down there.' "

Daddy Bush took the President's comments out of context -- they were, after all, a critique of the Bush campaign's handling of the candidate's message. The ex-POTUS took them as an insult of Li'l Dubya. A few days after Clinton had spoken, the thin-skinned senior Bush told the press, "I'm going to wait a month... If he continues that, I'm going to tell the nation what I think about him as a human being and person."

If he continues what? Critiquing the message of Team Shrub, which is what he was doing?

Jeez, old man, lighten up!

Well, less than three weeks later, another single-term wonder has taken his turn sticking his foot in his mouth because of his own bitter feelings over Clinton.

CNN reported that Jimmy Carter, in a Monday morning green room chat with the press, had some quite uncharitable comments concerning the current occupant of the White House amid his comments on the joys of fly fishing.

Carter, whose most notable achievement since the voters fired his butt has been staunch advocacy of Habitat for Humanity -- most likely out of overwhelming guilt for his dreadful, embarrassing and not-as-lily-white-as-you-may-think presidential tenure -- admitted Clinton is "brilliant," but added, "I haven't had an intimate relationship with President Clinton.... The Carter Center's had some problems with Washington and in trying to get some permission to do things around the world which we thought were important."

What he didn't bother to tell the press is that many officials in the White House and the State Department are angry over some of Carter's "freelance" diplomacy. Now, sure, the Carter Center has done a fine job championing human rights and political freedom, and has noble and altruistic intentions -- but in diplomatically sensitive areas, one man's altruism is another man's tap dance on someone's toes, especially when that someone is a diplomat or staffer at a State Department whose record of international achievement is, to say the least, a helluva lot better that that of ex-President Jimmy.

But wait -- there's more!

Here's what Carter had to say about how Clinton will be remembered down the line: "I think 50 years from now he's going to be remembered as one of the two presidents impeached from office but not removed. His foreign achievements are going to be seen as adequate, not startling.... What do you remember Nixon for -- going to China or being forced out of office?"

Memo to Carter: Clinton wasn't forced out of office, numbnuts! In case you hadn't noticed, he was exonerated by the Senate -- who saw the ridiculous Starr-Hyde-Schippers charges for what they were: a trumped-up heap of elephant dung. And Nixon wasn't "forced from office" either. He resigned, albeit under tremendous pressure from his own allies in Congress.

And what do we remember you for, particularly given the cynical era in which we live? Getting Begin and Sadat to shake hands -- or the sleaze your pal Bert Lance brought to the executive branch, your acting as a mouthpiece for BCCI, your State and Intelligence apparatus failing to forecast the rise of Islamic fundamentalism and the overthrow of Iran, that botched hostage rescue, the bunny rabbit that attacked you, and the crummy economy you left us with?

Given your legacy, you're one to talk. Stick to fly fishing.

'Nuff said.