Sunday, October 22, 2000 -- NEW YORK/WASHINGTON (AmpolNS) -- Okay, so it's two weeks to the elections.

It's not a real surprise that the pundit shows all sounded the same: horserace, polls, campaign strategy.  But they all seemed to underline their spin on one aspect of the race -- questionable reports that Gore is "distancing" himself from Clinton interpreted in various ways demeaning to Clinton or Gore.

Anyone else smell another Clinton-Gore "rope-a-dope"?  Something tells us that the Sunday gasbags are being played for fools again.

Here's the blather as we caught it:

FAUX News Sunday
Tony Snow outspins the competition  

Our favorite right-wing Sunday talker, Tony Snow, welcomed Democrat Sen. John Breaux and GOP Gov. George Pataki -- but preceded it with poll numbers showing a "tight" contest (Shrub leading Al by 3%) -- and an electoral map that seems to have come from another planet.

Tony asked Breaux about Bob Kerrey having said that Bush is not up to the job" (Kerrey was actually being polite).  Breaux cited Bush being unsure of himself, particularly on foreign policy -- voters want someone qualified.  Brit Hume said that if that were the case, Gore would have "won" the debates.

But Brit -- he did!  he beat Bush Baby like a sick dog in that last one.

Breaux said Bush did not even understand his own tax plan -- and said that Americans are unsettled and the election has to be about qualification.

Pataki retorted that Bush is a "confident strong leader" who works in a "bipartisan fashion" -- two lies in a row from the former D'Amato toady.  Tony even emphasized that the Gore team says Bush is weak on foreign policy.  Pataki deflected to military and "credibility" issues.

Breaux got in his licks about Bush's prescription drug scheme -- and all Pataki could do is say that Bush "gets stuff done" and Gore doesn't.  We can only presume he means executing mostly minority folk, and that Pataki hasn't learned about Governor Dumbya ignoring a letter that exonerated an innocent death row inmate.  Gets stuff done.  Right.   Breaux smiled and told Pataki he's "playing the blame game."  Pataki went into the scripted "bring people together" speech.  Breaux said that Bush won't have the money for his programs -- "you can't spend a billion dollars two times."

Hume then LIED -- saying Gore was running a "liberal campaign."  Breaux corrected Hume, pointing out that paying down the debt and saving Social Security are traditional and moderate issues.  Hume used that favorite label of conservatives in describing prescription drug benefits as an "entitlement."  Tony challenged Breaux on whether or not Gore would spend more -- Breaux brought up the efficiency of the Gore program.

Hume then asked Pataki why Hillary was doing so well upstate.  Pataki LIED and said Lazio is gaining (not even GOP inside polls show much gain) and that Mrs. Clinton had a full year advantage in campaigning (another lie -- she did not announce in 1999).  Pataki then tried to stick up for the Bush prescription scheme.  he was pathetic.

Tony asked why Lazio does not want Bush campaigning for him.  Pataki broke in and said HE wants Bush campaigning for Lazio.  But Breaux broke in by saying that Bush leaves people unsettled ( which is especially true in New York, by the way).  Pataki labeled Breaux's accurate assessment as a "scare tactic" and went into the "bring people together, bipartisan, uniter not a divider" boilerplate."

Is it just us -- or does Pataki strike anyone out there as an articulate version of Dubya, a sort of dim bulb who relies on spin points but at least can construct a coherent sentence?  Pataki did little but state RNC and Bush spin points, often in the very same words in which they were faxed to his office.

Tony then welcomed Reps. J.C. Watts (R-Ex-jock) and David Bonior (D-Intelligent).  Watts said he wants to take 90% of the surplus to pay down the debt and Clinton doesn't want to.  Bonior LAUGHED at Watts and said "look at the party that paid the debt down... the fact of the matter is that we will not leave here until our priorities are in order" -- i.e. until money is allocated for 100,000 teachers and education programs.  Tony pressed him on the total cost, and Bonior cleverly replied "As long as it takes to pass it!"  Bonior did give it a $3 billion price tag -- then said that the GOP has blocked ALL major "bipartisan" reforms.  Watts went all the way back to 1993 -- and accused to Dems of not offering a prescription drug benefit and then raising taxes!  He then claimed -- using skewed CBO numbers that not even most GOPers believe anymore -- that their plans would have ballooned the debt!

Tony asked why Bush is not campaigning with GOPers!  Watts had us laughing by saying that "he's doing what we want him to do."   Bonior said that the GOPers in Congress are radical and extreme right (i.e. they are distancing themselves from Bush), then cited news stories about congressional GOPers not having their act together. "Then why isn't Gore campaigning with more Democrats?"  Bonior gave lie to that -- but did hint that it's time for Bill Clinton to campaign for Dems.  Watts sounded like a DEMOCRAT saying that he wants to pay off the debt and save Medicare and Social Security -- then whined about the possibility that the government might retract the charter of the (homophobic) Boy Scouts.  Watts had the nerve to said that the parent of a hate crime victim hurts no less than anyone else who loses a kid.

How the HELL would you know, Watts?  Maybe you'd ought to sit down and actually talk to the Byrd family -- if you've got the guts to do so.  Your refusal to get behind hate crimes bills is not "soft bigotry" -- it's just plain bigotry, and you're the shill for stealth Klansmen in your own party.

Panel time!  Good news -- the Bukkkanan campaign is "flatlining."  All the other numbers seemed a bit skewed.  Hume said that the one "corrosive" issue for Gore is "truthfulness" and Gore has not shaken it -- but Hume did NOT say one word about the lies concerning Gore's so-called "lies."  Ceci Connelly lied about Gore being too "aggressive" for women -- and independents.  But she did say that Bush was "less than truthful" about James Byrd, prescription drug benefits, and other issues.  Interesting that FAUX News Sunday is the only show with a pundit questioning Bush's truthfulness!    Tony ran the vid clip of debate III where Gore "charged" Bush.  Tony said that Gore's use of "Dingell-Norwood" was Beltway code, and Juan said his mom thought Bush was a 
"nice young man... 'that George Bush, I like him.' "  Gore, he said, will refocus people on the issues now that debate season is over.  Hume, huffy as always, non-sequitured about moderates always winning.  Tony: people don't like Gore a lot. Ceci said voters are sophisticated -- and Gore's "not-so-subtle... whispering campaign" about Bush's brain is a factor.  Juan talked about the bad boy from Texas, and said that Bush reassured people about foreign policy in Debate II.

Juan then let slip that there may be an "October Surprise" concerning foreign policy -- and Tony went for the bait, trying to make a deal Gore negotiated with Russia an issue, casting it as a nefarious giveaway.  Juan had us laughing out loud when he said that "that's Beltway talk."  Hume called Clinton's Middle East policy one with a "disastrous outcome."  Uh-huh, Brit -- as if a GOPer could have done a better job with a lower body count?  We doubt it.

Juan mocked Bush for "affirmative access."  Ceci talked about pundits with their "scorecards."

And again we laughed -- remembering tales of the press pack at a Gore-Bradley campaign in their room mocking and catcalling Gore.  They have been out for him from the start -- and we'd wager that most of their scorecards have been tilted against Gore since Election Day 1998.

And that's the problem: the press think they run the damn country, that they're somehow entitled to spin the truth rather than report it.  We'll say it again: a vote for Gore is a vote against slanted, pack journalism -- yes, it will make the so-called pundits even crazier and less credible than they already are, but that's entertainment!

After the break -- more poll questions, and dumb ones.  How would you feel if your candidate lost?

Aw, jeez -- who cares?

Then talk turned to late-night comedy and the Al Smith dinner, broadcast on C-SPAM with a viewership of about a dozen people at that time of night.  The Smith dinner is an event tied to rich Catholics, where candidates have to grovel before New York's archbishop and engage in political shtick.  Ceci talked about "not offending people out there."  Juan said Gore was hilarious at the dinner, and Bush was too serious.

Tony then tried to spin the entirely INVENTED story that Clinton is trying to get involved with the Gore campaign.  The press has been playing up this story for the last few days -- like the suckers they are.  Here's the truth: Clinton WILL be out to stump for Gore.  Gore DOES want him out stumping.  And they're both laughing at how bad the press looks trying to "divide" Clinton and Gore and giving the press and excuse to bring up the Lewinsky flap again -- just as the FAUX News Sunday panel did -- knowing that viewers are sick of Lewinsky, sick of the press rubbing their noses in it, and it's GOOD for Gore.

Hume said that people are sick of Clinton.  God, the man sounded desperate as he motormouthed something about Clinton's character and morals in his blustery, nervy style.  Ceci said that Clinton ALWAYS energizes the base -- he helped Dems capture Philadelphia's City Hall by "swooping in" at the last minute.

The final word -- Tony took Joe Lieberman to task for saying God was an environmentalist.  Now, Tony is very conservative -- and a genuine guy in his own faith -- but at one point we heard him say that conservatives deserve to be criticized when they say God is on their side!

Awright Tony -- we'll hold you to that!

For the last few weeks, FAUX News Sunday has not quite handled as many issues as they usually do (more often than not, they hit more bases than all the the other shows combined).  But this is an election season, and Tony and the gang still manage to crowbar more spin into one hour than any other show.

The McLaugh-In Group
Missing in action!

More and more frequently, The McLaugh-In Group is being pre-empted by idiotic sports events -- today. some golf tournament exiled Pope John and his Kollege of Kook Kardinals.

We love The McLaugh-In Group -- it is to, say, Washington Week in Review what WWF Smackdown! is to real sports.  A Sunday without McLaugh-In just isn't complete.

To those NBC affiliates who yanked McLaugh-In: for shame!

Deface the Nation
Same as FAUX News Sunday, only shorter!

We missed the first couple minutes of FTN, but our favorite extraterrestrial, alien Sen. Bob Kerrey (D-Remulak), was talking with Gloria Borger about Bush's fitness to serve, and cited Clinton having been stuck with Bush Daddy's Somalia imbroglio.  Borger also had Gov. George Pataki (R-Albany) repeating the SAME boilerplate pap he had said on FAUX News Sunday!  He called Gore a Beltway insider -- but remember, Pataki's nothing more than a hand-picked D'Amato disciple who will never amount to more than an Albany insider.

Jealous, George?

Kerrey had a lot of fun with Pataki's comments, smiling as he talked about Bush's light workload and lightweight brain.  Pataki accused Clinton of weakening the military and engaging in "nation building."

So it's not in our national interest to "build" democracies out of dictatorships, George?

Kerrey mocked Bush's lack of experience in foreign policy.  Pataki succeeded in shouting him down as they both motormouthed and Bob Schieffer unsuccessfully called for a "time out!"

The show had ever-so-briefly morphed into The McLaugh-In Group -- much to our delight.

Schieffer then welcomed Sen. Bob Graham (D-FL), and asked him about Clinton campaigning with Gore and whether it would happen.  Schieffer brought up Monica, of course.  Never let it be said that any of the Sunday pundits will pass up the opportunity to stick their mitts into Clinton's trousers -- including Schieffer, whom we thought was above such cheap conduct.  Schieffer asked Gov. Tommy Thompson, who lied twice -- first, he said that Gore's "petrified" to have Clinton run with him.  He lied about Gore's involvement with welfare reform -- he WAS involved.  He then lied about Bush, calling him "articulate," then lied about Bush's prospects in Wisconsin.  Graham said that the presidential race was too close to call -- then tweaked Schieffer about inviting him because Florida's in play ("You probably booked Thompson six months ago!").  Schieffer tweaked back, saying he was absolutely right about the guest selection.  Graham pointed out that the Bush campaign has been spending over a million a week in Florida.

Thompson said that Nader was polling at around 4% in Wisconsin.  Is gun control an issue, asked Schieffer?  Thompson had to admit it was -- but deflected to Bush's "issues," plugging him as someone who could get things done.  Graham said that Bush needs to give some specifics to bring people together -- then asked where Bush was going to spend that trillion bucks that he's promising everyone.

For a laugh, Schieffer had the goofy pollster John Zogby, who now pegs the Hillary-Ricky race even.  His numbers are NOWHERE close to internal polls that have Hillary ahead -- and that's the GOP AND Dem polls!  Zogby said that undecideds upstate are at 18% -- but give or take what? 19%?

Another pollster, Geoff Garen, called the election a "nail-biter."  Funny how the pundits are only inviting pollsters who call all the races too close to call -- in an effort to keep viewers hooked on the horserace.

Zogby said that Clinton could help shore up African-Americans and drive up turnout.  Zogby said that Nader is a factor in Oregon, Washington, Michigan and Florida.

Will the campaign turn nasty?  Zogby said yes -- they always do.  Garen says Hillary is up by four points in New York.

We can tell you that Garen is closer to the truth than "Zog."

Defeat the Press
or, "When Moralist Stealth Republicans Attack!"

Neo-Nazi "new moralist" Bill Bennett, who is the talking head "Virtueführer" of the GOP and the former drug czar under whose watch our children increased drug consumption by 400%, was Tim Russert's main guest on Eat the Vice-Prezz. 

He was there to talk up George W.  He failed, as usual. 

Russert, of course, chose, of all the lousy spokespeople for the "liberal" point of view, Jesse Jackson.  It's not that we don't love him, but he is too polarizing, and the last person you want on national television two weeks before the election. What is wrong with the Gore campaign? 

We noticed that Tim the Pig was wearing A LOT of makeup this morning -- all designed to make him look more angular.  Put it this way: can you make a beach ball angular? 

Bennett said that he believes that Gore is a "HABITUAL LAWYER" -- and that his own party spokespeople say the same.  Bennett pretended that the Bush Brat does not lie for political purposes.  This man -- so cloaked in religious fervor -- will definitely go to hell -- and we are not ashamed to say we will dance on his grave. 

Jackson, instead of pointing out Bush's lies, lectured Bennett on calling who might be the next President of the United States a liar.  Bennett said too bad, Gore "made his record."  Jackson was so stupid he didn't point out what a liar and a hypocrite Bennett himself is.  Jackson talked about what a slob Justice Clarence Thomas is.  Russert, of course, said "Hey." 

Bennett, if you can believe it, said that Clarence Thomas -- a man rumored to be shunned by everyone on the Supreme Court because he is a liar and an idiot -- is the greatest justice he has seen "and should be the Chief Justice!"  Please, Bill -- stop it before we get a hernia laughing! 

Russert brought up abortion, and of course showed a clip of himself interviewing the Shrub on the issue.

Bennett said that Bush is right -- he "cannot stop abortion."  Jackson kept calling Bennett a hit man for the Republican Party. 

Jesse, that was too kind. 

But it had its effect -- Bennett became furious.  He said that out-of-wedlock teenage pregnancies are up.  Ha, ha, ha, ha!  Among people the government neglects, Bennett! 

Jackson brought up the CHIPS program for poor children.  He pointed out that Bush didn't bother signing up poor children in Texas and instead sent back $500 million intended for kids who should have been in the CHIPS program to the federal government. 

Russert -- who is, of course, another hit man for the GOP, then said "so did the Democrat Governor of California." 

This is a typical Russert lie. Davis kept much of the funding, sending back far less than Bush. 

Bennett then brought up what the Shrub has done for black kids.  "Black children in the fourth grade are first in this nation in math and science!"  Hahahahaha -- according to what measure, Bill?  Ever heard of "teaching to the test?"  Do you REALLY assume we are as dumb as Dubya, Bill?  Bennett also failed to point out that these questionable numbers supposedly show an increase among BLACK children. 

Russert then said that blacks are for vouchers -- 70%. This is another lie -- blacks have been misled about how these vouchers can be used.  What the black community would end up with, assuming a family is in the 5% lucky enough to get a voucher in the first place, are schools run by corrupt do-nothings who will ignore the black schools just as the state governments have -- the state governments that BUSH BABY trusts. 

Jackson said that Bush will use the money of our seniors to give the young people a trillion dollars to invest on Wall Street. 

Lieberman said that Bush sides with the polluters, claimed Russert.  Bennett said that he would have given the seconding speech for Lieberman at the Democratic Convention.  Of course, the entire discussion dissembled into a religious discourse.  It was boring -- and wrong. 

Russert brought up Louis Farra-"Con," no doubt to embarrass Jackson.  Lieberman has said he would sit down and talk to "The Con," as we call him at Ampol.  Bennett, of course said he would not because -- get this -- Louis is anti-Semitic. 

And so is Bennett. No man could love a Jew and think like he does -- absolutely nobody could. 

Then Russert , like the rest of the pack o' pundits, brought up the question of whether Clinton should barnstorm the country. 

"As they say in the Exorcist, for God's sake, Get Out," whines Bennett.  What a joke -- what a shill -- he must have practiced that line all morning. 

Bennett said "…that for Bill Clinton to compare himself to slaves is just... too much."  Bennett -- who is, by the way, a laughingstock among every DEA and FBI agent in the nation -- is so treacherous, such a liar, and so personally and professionally repulsive that only Tim Russert outdoes him.  Maybe that's why Tim invites him on the show so frequently. 

The lowest point in the segment came when Bennett referred to Gore as an "habitual liar."  Not only is Bennett himself lying – his tactic was outright stupid.  By doing so, not only has he dared the Gore campaign to refute the claim, but he's invited them to go medieval on Bush's personal conduct.  Don't think they won't. 

Now Russert wastes our time on the OTHER parties. Oh, please – the Libertarian, Natural Law and Constitutional Party want to decriminalize non-violent drug crimes.  All three representatives were graduates of "special" school.  There, we've covered them. 

After all of this garbage, Russert showed yet another bunch of clips of Gore and Bush yocking it up at the Al Smith Dinner, which is really nothing more than a bunch of extremely wealthy Catholics and others celebrating a losing politician. 

The best line came from Bush -- "Some people call you the rich; I call you my base."  How true. 

This Weak
Weak host, weaker guests.

The small guns were out this morning defending their presidential candidates for question-shouting Sam "Scam" Donaldson and pseudosocialite pseudojournalist Cokie "Cocky" Boggs Roberts. 

We were bored by the same old issues -- tax cuts, social security, drug prices – with the same recycled sound bites from the GOP.  Tom Ridge, governor of Pennsylvania and perhaps  the last unindicted elected Republican in that state, was the designated  Bush cheerleader. Senator Carl Levin, whom we do not see enough of on the Sunday shows – probably because he's a lot smarter than most of the pundits -- was up to bat for Gore.

Before this, George Staphylococcus told us all we already knew about this race and less. He claimed Bush is way ahead and that Gore had to decide what to do with Clinton.

Here's what he should do, Staph.  He should embrace him publicly. He should defend everything he did during the Lewinsky Flap and the attempted Impeachment coup.  He should attack, individually and as a group, the House Managers, CongressFascist Dan "Melon Boy" Burton, and the Asia-bashing Senate leadership. He should remind the nation what nearly happened to this country.  Finally, he should link all of these facts to George W. Bush and his family who did nothing to stop the GOP Congress from attempting to lynch not only the Clintons and their teen-aged daughter but the entire Cabinet as well.

Gore would then win -- hands down.

The two talking heads had nothing new to add.

"Scam" Donaldson brought up the fact that Ridge is in Pennsylvania with "Charlatan" Heston, the senile B-Movie actor who is the Puppet Chief of the NRA (whose strings are pulled by amphibian lobbyist Wayne "Kill the Children" LaPierre, the real leader of the NRA).  Heston has called for a "Holy War" against Clinton and the gun control people.

Ridge said he didn't hear him say "Holy War" -- of course, Ridge is lying, but at least he has the common sense to distance himself for Heston's cold, dead hands..

Carl Levin said that the NRA is so off its rocker that they have no power whatsoever in this country and they are fringe extremists. 

Ridge said that "everyone who owns a weapon is not an extremist." He quoted "Charlatan" Heston himself!  We laughed out loud. What a fool – Levin never said that all gun owners are extremists!

Lance Armstrong – Tour de France winner turned spokesboy for crooked pharmaceutical companies – appeared in a Bristol Myers ad.  What a riot -- is he ashamed of himself or not?

And speaking of right wing nutcases, next up was Wayne LaPierre himself, proving once again to the world that he is psychotic, reinforcing his neuroses with co-wacko Heston.

We were going to tear this wingnut a new hole – but why even bother?  Forget what he said -- he's just a whore for the gun and ammo manufacturers. LaPierre is so deluded that he actually believes the average hunter gives a damn about anything he said.

They don't.

But ask the criminals, from street thugs all the way up to the felonious gun manufacturers who make Saturday Night Specials and machine-guns for our children to use against each other.  They love Wayne LaPierre.

Kwesi Mfume, the head of the NAACP, was the next guest.  He attacked George Bush as the racist cracker he really is.

As for the rest of the show – well, it was a George Will moment, with the bow-tied pundit interviewing baseball people about the World Series.  What could be more American and less political than that?

What is this doing on the show?  About the only good thing you can say about that stupid Scumway Series is that a New York team will LOSE!

The roundtable to discussed how they would change Gore, not Bush -- to make certain Bush wins the election.  Then this discussion devolved to baseball.

We tuned out.

Both Meet the Press and This Week stooped to new lows of non-coverage and favoritism toward the GOP -- especially Tim Russert, who should be thrown out of the National Press Club the next time he tries to squeeze through the door.