Right-Wing Pundits Cover for Bush's Drunkenness
by Dave "Doctor" Gonzo

Thursday, Nov. 2, 2000 -- NEW YORK (AmpolNS) -- The Doc had so much fun watching the usual right-wing idiots try to spin the big story of the night -- the revelation that George W. Bush was arrested for driving under the influence in "Kenny-Drunk-Port," Maine back in 1976.

I could talk about Chris O'Really on the FAUX News Channel. I could talk about nutcase Ross Perot, who endorsed Bush's welfare for the ultra-rich last night. I could even mention the once-great, now-floundering Rush Limbaugh -- who seems to have lost all that talent from God with all that weight -- on FAUX's Hamfisted and Colmes.

But I won't -- because the funniest spin came from Bush spokesguy Karen Hughes. She said that Bush didn't want his DAUGHTERS to have known about it -- it would set a bad example.

So, Bush puts keeping his near-college-age daughters in the dark about his arrest record above early and full disclosure. And that sets a good example for the kids. "Sweep it under the rug, kids. That's what mommy and I do. Just say 'I made mistakes' and you're covered. After all, people like us can get away with it."

The only thing missing was a laugh-track. Hughes took on that familiar "deer in the headlights look" her boss often has.

Following that, The Doc decided to slum and tune in CNBC's Rivera Live. Geraldo has a knack for getting the kookiest and most off-putting conservative spinmeisters on his CNBC show.

Tonight was no disappointment.

Charles Raul (who looks sort of like a demented mutant Tommy Hilfiger), Barbara Olson (who is starting to look middle-aged), and Bill Paxon (he hasn't aged that well either) were all gabbing with Rivera and spinning the story. To a person, they assailed the suspicious timing of the story in a lame attempt to lay the blame for "leaking" the juicy tale on Al Gore. 

Of course, the problem is that the first news organization to break the story was a local reporter for that well-known liberal news outlet, Fox Television.

Oh, my!

Gerry Spence was alone in castigating the assembled Clinton-Bashing Alumni League for their dishonesty -- and Bush's own dishonesty in covering up the incident.

Spence should have elaborated on that -- and mentioned Bush getting a NEW driver's license number shortly after becoming governor of Texas. Did somebody want to cover up their arrest record?

Funniest spin: Olson calling Bush "a real guy who made mistakes" and then claiming that Gore made "illegal" phone calls. Lanny Davis jumped down her throat for accusing the Gore campaign of leaking the story without a shred of evidence. Olson accused the Gore campaign of leaking details of Nader's sex life -- and Spence said that he didn't know Nader had one!

Y'know just the thought is enough to make most men and almost all women run to the medicine chest and grab the Pepto Bismol.

Spence got a great last word -- thousands of so-called investigative repoirters out there and they couldn't even come up with Bush's 1976 DUI! 

Well, gee, Gerry -- it didn't involve Clinton's trousers, so it just wasn't a priority.

'Nuff said...