Sunday, November 19, 2000 -- NEW YORK/WASHINGTON (AmpolNS) -- This was one of those Sundays when there were so many issues, so much spin, and so little face time that anything could happen -- but it was likely that the Bush minions would be given a pass to flog their outrageous and inflammatory assertion that Al Gore HIMSELF was PERSONALLY responsible of "depriving" our men and women in uniform of their right to vote.

Of course, it was doubtful that there would be any questions concerning GOP tampering with military absentee ballots, including those surrounding reports that Republican voters overseas were getting duplicate absentee ballots while many Dems never got theirs, or GOP operatives violating Florida state law by writing in registration numbers -- which, under law, must be written in by the voter him-or-herself!

And what of federal investigations into election tampering in urban and minority Florida precincts to drive down Gore's totals?

The GOP had given the Sunday Bloviation Patrol plenty to spin this week: seedy Congressman Billy Tauzin (R, Cro-Magnon) wants hearings into why the networks called Florida for Gore (naturally, he's loathe to investigate why FOX News Channel was the first to call the presidential election for Dubya at the instigation of a first cousin of the Texas Governor working for FOX) -- would this be a topic?  Or would yesterday's egregious move by the Bush camp in the persons of Karen Hughes and ultra-right-wing Montana Governor Mark Racicot (R-Militia) to inflame members of the military  be topic one? And who'd be the first to make it topic one -- Tim Russert? Sam Donaldson?

Here's how it went down: 

The Capitol Gang
Pundits rip Bill Bennett a new "Clymer"

Regular readers of Pundit Pap know of our distaste for Bill Bennett, a deceive-at-all-costs shill for the most corrupt and dishonest element of the GOP.  The self-proclaimed "virtues czar," who is in fact one of the sleaziest spinners in the Beltway and whose own virtues are somewhere between those of Matt Drudge and Joseph Goebbels, regularly appears on NBC's Meet the Press where his assertions about Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and democrats in general go unchallenged by "immoderator" Tim Russert.

We're sure that after Bennett's Saturday appearance on CNN's Capitol Gang, he'll stick to NBC (Never Believe Clinton) from now on.

Bennett, who was probably angling to be George Dubya Bush's Secretary of Dismantling Education, said "this may be the worst thing I've ever seen... AL GORE IS TRYING TO STEAL THIS ELECTION."  He then accused Al Hunt of not liking Bush -- which is no surprise to anyone who knows that Bush once went on a reportedly alcohol-induced public tirade to Al Hunt's face in a restaurant around a decade ago -- before he said "You have got to call these THUG tactics" and said a Gore presidency would be illegitimate "because of what HE has done."

Mark Shields replied, "Al Gore... leads in the nation... has more electoral votes... hand counting is more accurate." Bennett tried to interrupt, but Shields would not have it, adding, "You can sit there from your Olympian perch and issue your moral thunderbolts, but the fact of the matter is, you and I vote in the SAME precinct; do you think those people there, Bill, they are corrupt?  Is that what you think they are?"

Bennett was caught off-guard -- and looked peeved.  He grumbled, "Your arguments are ad hominem... to talk about me being Olympian."  He talked over Shields pointing out that Bennett said that Gore HIMSELF was trying to steal the election.

Bennett had been made to look like a fool -- and immediately deflected to the issue being electoral, not popular, votes -- but it was too late.  Shields had ripped Bennett a fresh "Clymer," as we like to say in the Ampol office (in honor of Dubya's vulgar comment concerning the savvy New York Times reporter he and Cheney dissed "big time").

Then Al Hunt chimed in: "Bill Bennett puts on his virtues hat when there's not a political election, and then he puts on his PARTISAN hat when we have an election.  Bill, you got your talking points from AUSTIN on this! Basically, for YOU to talk about Mark being ad hominem, YOU to be talking about Al Gore stealing the election -- wait a minute, Bob [Novak], I'm not finished... I'm gonna say that both of these guys [Bush and Gore] are exhibiting a 'win at any cost' mindset... to try to make moral distinctions here is HYPOCRITICAL!"

Bennett blustered back, "Where's the character assassination on the part of the Bush campaign?"

Hunt fired back with Bennett's -- and many Bush supporters' -- own words (including Kudlow and Barone from The McLaughlin Group, taped Friday but broadcast over the weekend): "'Stealing the election', 'thugs', if that's not character assassination, I don't know what is!!"

Toward the end of Capitol Gang, Bennett made a cynical remark about not being invited back.  The truth is, he'll probably never accept another invitation to appear on the show because his fully justified humiliation -- and exposure as one of the biggest charlatans in Washington -- by Al Hunt and Mark Shields was so thorough and so deserved.

The Virtues Emperor has finally been shown to be wearing nothing but his own hypocrisy.

FAUX News Sunday
Election Held Hostage!

We received an e-mail from one of our favorite columnists this week castigating us for the name-calling that goes on in Pundit Pap -- specifically citing our use of "FAUX News" as our own nickname for FOX News.

Well, we've always felt that FOX is nothing but a stalking-horse for Republicans, a propaganda channel rather than a news division.  They distort.  We deride.

On the other hand, we think Tony Snow -- despite his credentials as a Bush Daddy White House alumnus -- is the best of the "immoderators," cramming more issues, more spin, more wisecracks and n more action into any one segment of FAUX News Sunday than ANY of the other network news programs.

But if you want to argue with our use of the term FAUX News, consider this item from Howie Kurtz's "Media Notes" published last week in the Washington Post (the Nov. 14 edition):

In yet another bizarre twist to an already surreal campaign, the head of Fox News's Election Night decision desk who recommended calling Florida, and the election, for George W. Bush turns out to be Bush's first cousin. 

Even as he was leading the Fox decision desk that night, John Ellis was also on the phone with his cousins "Jebbie," the governor of Florida, and the presidential candidate himself giving them updated assessments of the vote count.

Ellis's projection was crucial because Fox News Channel put Florida in the W. column at 2:16 a.m., followed by NBC, CBS, CNN and ABC within four minutes. That decision, which turned out to be wrong and was retracted by the embarrassed networks less than two hours later, created the impression that Bush had "won" the White House.

Which is why media circles were buzzing yesterday with the question of why Fox had installed a Bush relative in such a sensitive post.

Soooo... a Bush family member, who according to other reports used a sudden and mathematically suspect surge of ballots in one now-contested county, called Florida -- and the nation -- Bush.

It doesn't get more FAUX than that!

Tony Snow began this week's FNS with his own spin: "Election held hostage! Florida's Supreme Court will decide which votes count and which don't."  Right, Tony -- those pesky Democrats are holding the presidential election hostage because they actually have the nerve to question events surrounding elections in Florida.  The horror!

But Tony sounded upbeat and feisty.  We could sense another of what even Tony likes to call "action-packed" episode of FNS in the making.

He and the gang did not disappoint.

Tony reported the "official" lead for Bush by 930 -- then pointedly said that it would have been higher had Gore's people not "suppressed" over a thousand absentee ballots.

Read our introduction to this week's pap, Tony...

Guest one: Joe Lieberman.  Tony asked Lieberman about challenges by some election officials to overseas ballots; Lieberman said that in this close election every vote should be counted fairly, accurately and legally.  He understands that the law concerning absentee ballots was not targeted at the military.  Tony asked if  Lieberman would be willing to count unpostmarked ballots.  Lieberman WAFFLED, saying that he was not familiar with the law -- but then added that "the world is looking at every vote" and looking at the law.  Tony kept trying to spin him -- essentially asking shouldn't those poor military types get the benefit of the doubt (i.e. have their illegal ballots counted)?  Joe said if the law says it's OK, they should be counted -- and that it is better to err on the side of INTENT.

Great answer -- covering both military ballots AND all those "pregnant chads" that got knocked up for Gore but went uncounted.

Lieberman said he and Gore do not want to receive fraudulent votes -- implying Bush should say the same!  He added that local election officials should investigate fraud.  There was a little pap about half-punched chads; the conversation was losing steam until Tony asked if Lieberman and Gore would drop their lawsuits if they fell way behind. Huh?  Lieberman talked about the Bush team rebuffing Gore's offer to meet and to do a statewide recount.  When Tony called it "theatre," Lieberman said Gore was in fact being quite sincere -- and Bush missed a chance to better unite the country!

Lieberman added that he has confidence in the Florida Supreme Court, and Tony asked about Chris Lehane calling Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris a "commissar."

We're laughing out loud, Tony -- that's one of the NICEST things that's been said about that sneaky little political operative abusing her elected office all week!

The final word?  Lieberman wants to see this over in a matter of days -- implying it won't be.  He talked about the current situation being the result of the closest election in American history.  It's no crisis, he concluded -- America will unite behind the winner.

We doubt it.

Tony's next guest: Montana extremist Governor Mark Racicot, who proclaimed Bush the official winner of the election at the top of his appearance.  Tony actually challenged Racicot on the issue of Texas law approved by Dubya himself, a law that says that hand counts are mandated in close elections and dimpled chads counted on punch votes.  Racicot talked about vote scanners -- which, by the way, are not accurate.

Racicot went into the expected pap about "accurate and authentic" counts showing the "will of the American people" (read: the will of Bush operatives in South Florida).

How many affidavits of Democrat fraud do you have, asked Tony?  Racicot said he didn't have affidavits that nailed the party but that Democrat sympathizers are tampering with ballots, thereby not guaranteeing an authentic return.  He showed his prop: 283 chads taken from a counting room.

What a joke -- all Racicot proved is that these ridiculous and obsolete "punch" ballots need to be given the old Kevorkian treatment.

Racicot ranted that there was no standards in the voting and recount process.  Well, gee, Mark, that's caused by POOR PLANNING, not by political operatives counting ballots.

Will the disputed military ballots be counted?  Racicot talked about the process of protesting and including ballots.  "It's only right that servicemen and women" be counted.

Gee, Mark, it's also right that voters overseas observe the rule of law -- isn't it?

Do you trust the Florida Supreme Court will make a fair ruling? asked Tony.  Racicot gave the boilerplate Austin answer -- that he expects the court to live up to expectations of fairness.

Tony then brought up the possibility that the Florida legislature may send a slate of electors.  Racicot said that Tony shouldn't speculate -- in other words, "Don't blow our SECRET plan to corrupt the Presidential election!"  What a hypocrite -- Racicot has been "speculating" quite publicly about all sorts of alleged crimes by Democrats -- but never, NEVER by Republicans...

Following the break: will there be peace between the parties in Congress?  Tony welcomed Senators John Breaux (D, LA) and Bill Frist (R, TN).  Frist, who is turning out to be more moderate a Republican than the hard-righters in the GOP had banked on when he ran for the Senate, believed that extreme partisanship would be "transformed into shifting coalitions" in both a bipartisan and bicameral manner.  Breaux followed on Frist's prediction by talking about his late friend, Republican Lincoln Chafee, and praised other Republicans from the Northeast who were coalition builders.

Frist added that because of the presidential vote debacle, Congress is on hold -- and called again for bipartisan leadership. Mara Liasson said that some Dems are accusing GOPers of rigging the election for Bush -- and vice versa -- so how do you bring contentious sides together?  Frist made the mistake of praising Katherine Harris (he must not have talked to people at the top of the GOP who know she's a liability and want her swept under the rug).  Breaux said the court should have the final word -- and people are tiring of the stalemate.  He then had one of the best lines of the week -- if the election ends up in the House, it'll "make the impeachment seem like a piece of cake."

Again, there was pap about a "fair and accurate" count, and Frist said Americans "do want finality" -- in other words, it's time to rush things along in a sloppy manner.  He complained about 39 felons who were allowed to vote in Florida -- as if they were the only ones in the entire nation who'd slipped through the cracks and gotten to the ballot box.

What does the next President need to do to mend fences and reunite the country, asked Mara -- add cabinet members from the other party?  Breaux predicted that if the loser in his concession speech says the election was stolen, it devastates the effectiveness of the person who will be the next President.

Panel time!  Tony dived right into the military ballot issue.  Fred "The Weasel" Barnes said it's a great political issue for the GOP (which is true) then tried to spin Lieberman as "backing away" from throwing out illegal ballots.  Mara talked manual recounts and said that yesterday was a good "PR day" for the GOP -- but there's a problem with throwing out absentee ballots vs. hanging chads.  Juan Williams dissed Hughes for "crazy, sharp rhetoric that is divisive."  Tony said something about punching ballots, but Juan came loaded for bear -- talking about improper witnessing on absentee ballots and missing postmarks.  Mara said that principles are being invoked to support each party's candidate -- this is "trench warfare."  Juan dissed Bush for backing hand count legislation in Texas and not supporting the same in Florida.  Fred said Democrats called Harris a crook, and Juan mentioned Governor Jeb -- Dubya's brother.  With a wink and a nod, Juan was implying "smell a rat, anyone?"

Mara said she thinks the fight will end at the Florida Supreme Court, Fred sees the possibility that Federal courts may intervene.

Tony then ran a vid clip of Bob Beckel, Democrat strategist, talking about efforts to "swing" Bush electors.

Then talk turned to scenarios -- Tony brought up the possibility of Florida legislature voting for their own slate of GOP electors.  Mara called it an invitation to chaos.  Juan said that it would lend to the notion that the president would be illegitimate, adding that Gore has won the popular vote, and that most of the double punches in Florida were Gore and Buchanan.  Fred commented on Breaux's comment that what the loser says will be a major factor, especially added to an electoral scenario. Mara said there's pressure to be a gracious loser -- on both sides.  Juan said that Bush miscalculated by not accepting a state recount because there are areas where Bush might benefit, and because it undermines the validity of the final "official" total.  There was more chat about recounts -- and Juan said that he believes that the Florida Supreme Court will not decide until after Thanksgiving.  Barnes disagreed vociferously.  Tony said both sides believe they are in the right -- and Mara said this was a contributing factor to the strong possibility of a weakened president and gridlock.

Tony's final word dealt with the presidential vote hinging on technology -- and the chaos surrounding the card counting.  "So much for high tech."

High tech?  Tony, the cards in question are an OBSOLETE computer technology!  Engineers familiar with old computer cards will tell you that they are susceptible to humidity and temperature problems, misalignment, and a litany of other defects.  Even the 8-track tape was more "high tech" than these goofy punch cards.

The McLaugh-In Group
Wacky political encounter group reactionaries: Democrats stole the election! 

Issue One: That was the week that was!  Video clips (gore speaking on the recount and Bush's "hostage" video") preceded Mad Pope John's declaration of "legal activity explod[ing]" as "the world waited."  John lit immediately into the issue of disqualified absentee military votes -- the "discarding" of military votes postmarked after the election.  John argued the GOP position that the votes should be "EXECUTED" on or before election day, citing vague Florida law, then screamed about postmarks -- "Is this a double standard?"  Michael Barone said no -- it's a single standard flogged by democrats out to "steal this election."  Barone then claimed that Dems are dimpling chads with their fingernails -- but that is pure pap, a total lie.  Eleanor Clift made fun of the GOP double standard over a legitimate count, citing GOP abuses -- and said Dubya just may win.  Whose horror stories are the worst?  Larry Kudlow naturally sided with Barone before spouting something about postmarks and submarines, saying Democrats are out to "steal this election" (anyone see a pattern here?).  Larry O'Donnell said something that didn't mean much of anything.

Which scenario will play out in the Florida Supreme Court?
1) Uphold Harris's deadline
2) No machine error equals no recount
3) Not our jurisdiction
4) Hand counts are legal

Barone: would have said 4, but now thinks 1
Eleanor: 4
Kudlow: 1, I hope Harris becomes Secretary of Defense!
O'Donnell: leaning toward 4
Barone then added that the Florida court is "a liberal judicial activist court."  Eleanor posited a fifth possibility: a full state recount.  John predicted scenario 1.

Issue Two: Get Harris!  A vid clip of Harris lying about her independence preceded John's ERRONEOUS assertion that the fate of the election rests in Harris' hands. Then John reviewed the chronology of Harris's actions -- and attacked Gore by saying he faced a "controlling legal authority."  He then went through a bio of Harris (who really cares?) then said she's getting the "Clinton Gore wipeout" treatment, accusing CLINTON of treating her like Paula Jones and Linda Tripp.

We were laughing out loud at this gambit -- but hey, maybe he's right.  Tripp and Jones are both PROVEN LIARS and scam artists, and Harris, under Pope John's loopy logic, therefore must be a liar -- and deserves the hammering she gets.

Eleanor tweaked John for assembling a life story on the Florida Secretary of State worthy of the Biography TV show, then tweaked Harris.  Kudlow called her the defender of election law in Florida, then said "no one in America trusts the Florida Supreme Court."  Ha, ha, ha -- how many times do you think Americans have heard ANYTHING about the Florida Supreme Court?  Kudlow also praised the sleazy James Baker (he called him "Jimmy") for "holding the entire Bush team together."  John praised Harris for bringing millions in trade to Florida.

John then quoted someone, no doubt a dreaded Democrat, having told Brian Williams that if Bush wins, Harris will be the target of an investigation that will make Whitewater "look like a picnic."  The panel gave their assessments of Harris.  Who cares?

Then John turned to Bob Beckel, Democrat extraordinaire, and the possibility that some GOP electors may "defect" and vote Democrat -- it would only take three electors to do so (assuming Bush wins Florida).  John implied that Beckel is digging dirt on electors and Beckel may give some the "Flynt" treatment and blackmail them.

What a crock of crap.  First, Flynt NEVER blackmailed anyone.  Second, since GOPers put Clinton's personal life under the microscope, they should understand that payback won't be a bitch -- it'll be dozens of them.  John should ask Bob Livingston.

Kudlow called it another angle to Gore "stealing the election."  John said Beckel does not have clean hands because he used telemarketers to lobby for competitive long-distance rates and the addresses of callees were provided to Congress.  Should the FBI investigate, asked John?  He shouted down the entire panel as he bellowed "OF COURSE!"

Eleanor, however, was right -- she pointed out that it's OK to lobby electors.

Final prediction: Will the presidential election be settled by Thanksgiving?
Barone: Yes.
Clift: No.
Kudlow: Yes.
O'Donnell: Yes.
McLaughlin: YES!!!!

Face the Nation
Who will be the next president, week two?

Bob Schieffer's first guest was Joe Lieberman.  The military vote flap was not at the top of Schieffer's pundit agenda; instead, he asked Lieberman about a report in TIME that Bill Daley and Warren Christopher intend to "fold the tent" if the recount does not go in Gore's favor.  Lieberman gave a lofty answer about fair elections -- but did not verify the report.  Gloria Borger then asked about the absentee ballot flap, and Lieberman talked about GOP election officials that made the decision not to count questionable ballots!  "Large number were disqualified in Democrat-leaning counties," Lieberman added.

Shouldn't you and Gore put out a statement giving military voters the benefit of the doubt?  Lieberman essentially compared these military voters to voters stymied by the deceptive "butterfly ballots" -- slamming in effect the entire voting system in Florida!

Are Republicans trying to steal this election, asked Burger?  Lieberman refused to use that words -- but did point out that GOPers were out to stop recounts at any cost, and if they have evidence of fraud they should bring them to the election board -- but how can they feel good about stopping a system intended to make sure every vote is counted?  Great answer.

Oh. no!  Dick Thornburgh, former attorney general and GOP spinmeister, was the next guest.  Were GOPers out to steal the election?  Thornburgh declared Bush the winner in Florida and said the question was why recounts are going on in heavily Democrat areas.

We'll make it simple for you, Dick: because there's evidence that the election was rigged in these areas with gimmicked and arguably illegal ballots.

Thornburgh COMPLAINED about the very thing his DOJ fought for: no uniformity at the local level.  Gee, suddenly Mr. States' Rights is whining about a state with no uniform recount process in place.

Borger reiterated Lieberman's assertion that the Bush team is trying to raise a cloud over tomorrow's hearing with the military stink bomb they dropped yesterday.  Thornburgh was dismissive, then said the Dems were "jigger[ing] the process."

Following the break, Schieffer welcomed former senators Sam Nunn and Howard Baker, who turned out to be two of the most sane voices of the weekend.  Both wanted to see the situation made less contentious -- although Baker did point out that candidates are obliged to defend the validity of their victory.  Nunn said that he would support the Florida Supreme Court decision, and added that the standards in Florida vary from county to county, but also pointed out that the present situation is the result of our litigious society.

There was a technical glitch -- Baker spoke while the picture was freeze-framed.  Baker jokingly marveled at his ability to speak without his lips moving!  Even we laughed -- Baker's a GOPer we like, and the magic of digital technology transformed him into a "victim of the press!"  Nunn slammed claims that errors on ballots are being spun into some kind of voter fraud.

Borger asked what Baker would do first if he were a candidate in this situation -- an d won the election.  Baker said that in pursuing their own ends the candidates should not damage the country -- our editors know this was a veiled swipe at BUSH for playing the military card and undermining the election process.

Schieffer's final commentary praised Florida's courts for stepping in to stop the chaos that would have ensued if Katherine Harris had certified the election.  The question: who wins if all votes in all counties are recounted by hand?  Schieffer said he is not taking sides -- but he said that Gore's proposal to abide by those results seems to make a good deal of sense -- and such a move would be more likely to be seen by Americans as a definitive result. 

Meet the Puppet
Starring Charlie McRussert, ventriloquist dummy for the GOP

"12 days after the election -- and STILL no winner!"

That's the way Tim Russert opened the show, a comment sure to convince shallow viewers that Bush is on the "right" side.

The first guest was Senator Joe Lieberman, whom Russert could not help chiding, saying "Still a Senator and not Vice President, huh?"

Lieberman should have retorted: "Still a smug GOP attack dog and not a moderator, huh?"

Then, as our editors had predicted, Russert started in on "knocking out the votes of 'our men and women' in the armed services."

Oh, please. Those morons couldn't follow SIMPLE directions.

Russert avoided the more important issue -- did Dubya's allies stuff those absentee ballot piles with PHONY overseas ballots?

We find it interesting that NOBODY is examining this simple fact: a large number of disqualified ballots had no postage on them, no signatures, pre-filled registration numbers, and other problems. That is why these votes were discarded. Even if these votes are correct, the RULE OF LAW in Florida -- which is what the BUSH team keeps underscoring is at fault -- is that the votes are disqualified. Now the Bush cadre blames GORE as if he controls the ballot counting.

And who does that retired general Norm Schwarzkopf -- who LOST the war against Hussein and then profited from it through his stupid books and movie consultations -- think he is? He, like ex-general Colin Powell, are moaning about the lunkheads overseas while they ignore the issue of MORE THAN 50,000 votes cast by BLACK AMERICANS and now cast aside in the generally REDNECK imbecile-infested state of Florida -- led by the dumbest of the Bush Crime Family, Jeb, whose son was arrested last month for screwing some underage girl in the parking lot of a crowded shopping center. The crooked Florida Governor then put a muzzle on the cops and the press -- only to be foiled by a British newspaper and, on this last Monday, the New York papers.

Russert, showing his anti-Gore bona fides, then tried to embarrass Lieberman into ORDERING the counties in Florida to accept these VOTES! Lieberman, as on the other chat shows he popped up on, almost fell for it.

Of course the votes should be counted -- even we agree. However, we believe that many or most of those votes are bogus, obtained by military order or "suggestion" by hawkish Generals, Captains and Lieutenants, and not worth a plug nickel either way.

Then Russert jumped on Lieberman because he won't say that the Gore team will give up if the Florida Supreme Court does not rule their way. Will the garbage-mouth Russert ask the same question of Senator Bob "The Hand" Dole? We'll see. Russert asked if Lieberman has called county election officials.

Then Russert brought up the latest bogus Bush spin line: that GOPers have signed affidavits claiming that all kinds of bad things are happening in the counting rooms -- what a laugh! You should have heard this idiot governor-spokesman that Bush dug up who claimed that a few Bush ballots were in pile of Gore ballots (they were found by a Democrat and corrected -- not by a Republican ballot "doctor"). Then -- horror of horrors! -- an elderly lady dropped TWENTY ballots on the floor and that they were STEPPED on! Our laughter was out of control! Is Bush for real? Does Dubya really believe that Americans will think that his not-too-craftily ruse about counting "errors" will allow him to call the entire election a fraud!

Now you might understand why we know -- and tell you often -- that the goofballs leading Team Dubya down the garden path to Hell -- Karen Hughes, Karl Rove, and hardly-visible token "Ari" Fleischer (who seems like Condoleeza Rice to have been purged from the inner circle) -- are the same criminals who stole the governorship for Bush twice by simply lying about EVERYTHING in Texas. This works there because the state ranks toward the bottom of the heap in average IQ and Texans are too busy getting drunk, shining their pistols for church, checking the chains on the back of their pickup trucks, and measuring the sperm count of the prize bulls for church to pay attention to anything else.

But enough people in Texas are waking up to the truth that we bet the Shrub could not win another term there.

Russert then tried to tell America that Tom DeLay will make sure that this entire matter goes to the Congress. He actually asked Lieberman if he would vote for the Gore-Lieberman team in the Senate! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha -- please, someone make him STOP before we get a hernia laughing! Could Russert be more obvious?

Ex-Senator Bob Dole (R, Pfizer/Visa), one of the most corrupt Senators ever, was Russert's "guest of honor". Dole said he wants Gore to SAY SOMETHING about the military ballots. He added that he thinks most Americans WANT TO KNOW WHY these votes have not been counted!

Dole made fun of Clinton being in Vietnam talking about reconciliation and saluted the decision to build YET ANOTHER memorial to symbolize our love of combat and the horror of feeding our children to the war machine.

Al Gore's suggestion of a total hand recount was brought up. Thus far Russert had only asked Dole Bush-laden LEADING QUESTIONS that could have been written by "Karen Huge" herself. Dole backed off and then said Secretary Harris -- The BUSH PUPPY DOG -- was right.

Russert then said, well, what if the Supreme Court goes with Gore and he wins? Dole said, then GO BACK TO THE 11th CIRCUIT judge to overrule the FLORIDA STATE SUPREME COURT! What a riot! Russert then said, mercifully, WHY NOT COUNT THE STATE and avoid all these legal machinations?

Note that Russert seemed to be sending a WARNING to the Bush camp when he asked Dole if the American people say "no more recounts" in the event Gore wins? Dole, using his time-tested well-polished neo-fascist propaganda talents (used widely by all Republicans who have learned it) simply tried to PLANT the thought in the average American moronic mind that they will BE PATIENT.

Russert, pretending to be fair, showed a clip of a Democrat and Green Party member saying that NOTHING UNUSUAL is happening in the ballot counting rooms.

Dole said well, that's a different view and I HOPE THAT WE DON'T GET INTO EVERY LITTLE PROBLEM! Right -- just the ANTITHESIS of what BUSH wants! Was Dole being foolish, or senile -- or does he really loathe the Bush Crime Family as much as we do?

Russert wanted to know what will happen if December 12th comes and the Florida Legislature still appoints the GOP electors to the electoral college. Dole said, "I assume they would" -- which would put the election into the Congress. Dole said he thinks the American people will be split in a short time right down the middle. He urged the LOSER to be man enough to heal the nation.

We assume he was speaking to Dubya. Can you imagine Karen Hughes urging Bush to reach across the aisle to heal the nation when he loses? Forget it: the sneering, drunken, drug-addled adolescent criminal George "Dumbbell You" will never stop shooting over the bow of Gore. Worse yet, if the cretinous Bush wins, no one will think he is the president anyway, no matter how hard Bush tries.

Dole said he will ACCEPT Gore, but only IF all "the other things" are examined -- in short, if the Congress said it is Gore.

Dole HOPES the Supreme Court upholds the circuit judge. He then said, look at the men's home states -- "Gore lost Tennessee!"

But Mr. Hand, Gore has not been the Tennessee senator for nearly 9 years! He does NOT represent Tennessee and has not for a long time. And the throat-slitting Bush team went into Tennessee and dug up every moron in THAT state -- and take it from us, most Tennesseans are dolts except for the faculty and students at Vanderbilt University, some progressives in Memphis, and Dolly Parton -- and then the Bush people lied to them as well, telling them that Gore would take their jobs in the MINES.

And Gore did not do his job either. He didn't stop to think that the people that elected him and his father so many times would now turn on him from greed. But they did -- because fools can only see as far as their own pocketbooks and their own racism and bigotry!

Russert then welcomed two slimeballs -- Doris Kearns Goodwin, who slept her way into history by screwing LBJ at his ranch (with his wife there) in order to get interviews for her book on the former president, and chief Nixon cook and bottle-washer, the filthy William Safire, whose lie-filled columns have single-handedly tarnished the reputation of the New York Times.

So what do the twin liars say? Safire feels that the American people will not trust either Harris or the Supreme Court! Neither carries the weight because they are political appointees. Safire thinks it will end with the Supreme Court. What will they do? The right thing.

Isn't that funny? The Supreme Court is dominated by Republican appointees. However, we tend to agree here: The Supreme Court will NEVER uphold the BUSH argument NOT TO COUNT THE VOTES -- and they will uphold the GORE side -- to count EVERY vote cast.

Goodwin said this ridiculous statement: people do not care about their party anymore, only their candidate. Piffle.

Russert raised his stupid theory that the Florida Legislature will mess up and then any member of Congress can stand up and say Florida is wrong. Bring the issue here!

Russert showed the math: do you need the majority of the electoral votes LEFT (which would make GORE the winner) or do you need the more of the total 270 (which would make BUSH the winner)? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha -- ask a stupid question...

Then Doris talked about Hamilton and Burr's duel -- which ended in death. But Safire corrected her -- and for once he was right! So much for Goodwin and her little stories.

Goodwin makes us sick. There she sits in her little purple Washington suit with her Secretary of State brooches and her last-Thursday hair style still popular among "intellectual" girls.

Russert said "Doris Kearns Goodwin, you have studied presidential history LONGER and BETTER than anyone..." -- ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. We would love to have heard the collective screams from the presidential history experts at Harvard, Yale, Chicago, California and -- yes -- even Texas. They would absolutely PUKE at this.

Goodwin said she thinks that Gore will be in a great position to win in 2004 if Bush "wins."

Safire said we ought to think about ourselves -- not these two men -- we are showing our stability and we know that we are going to work this out.

Wow -- Safire was again correct. Could he be reading Pundit Pap -- or has the Pulitzer Board read him the riot act because of his whoring for the GOP?

Russert parroted him. Goodwin talked about swimming (probably naked) with LBJ in his pool in Texas and his worrying that he would be looked at as an illegitimate president.

Wow -- that is REALLY on point -- NOT! What does that have to do with BUSH becoming President (maybe) by running a campaign totally based on LIES?

This Week
"Scam" and "Cocky," on their last legs, mouths open, feet inserted.

Sam "Scam" Donaldson started out with a discussion of how all the political factions in Florida met at the Florida State v. Florida game last evening -- and got along! Wow. What a surprise -- the crooks liking the crooks.

"Cocky" Cokie Roberts then ran old ABC news clips to "get us up to date" on the Florida mess.

The clip was balanced -- but showed too much of some good talking about the next Commander-in-Chief (Gore) trying to throw out some of the absentee ballots.

Then Sam showed some of the GOP arguments the court will hear on Monday.  Can Katherine Harris do what she said she would do?

Harris could do nothing else.  If the Florida Supreme Court rules that all the votes cannot be counted, then Gore will have to go to the US Supreme Court or to district court. If they rule for Gore's side, the counting will go on.  In short, nothing happening today makes any difference, unless and until the Court rules in Florida.

What is laughable is that Bush is picking up votes in Palm Beach County as we write! Gore picked up about 80 votes in Broward so far -- and Miami-Dade has just started their recount.

ABC's Jackie Judd, a well-known Clinton basher, made fun of a Palm Beach County elections supervisor.

Joe Lieberman was back on for the Gore "spin" team. He reminds Sam that Gore is ahead in the popular vote and then reminded him that every vote counts.

It was Sam's questions that would make the tenor of this hour.  First, Sam said that the GOP is making it very difficult. Governor Mark Racicot (whose last name is pronounced "Roscoe," one of our favorite hillbilly names) said that the absentee ballots that were discarded had nothing to do with either side and they were discarded in Democrat-leaning counties - Then Sam said the same thing -- but in FAVOR of the GOP position -- and Joe had to stop him and ask him if he WAS ALL THERE! We loved it -- and laughed out loud! Sam's Alzheimer's is sneaking in again!  Lieberman said that Gore and he would never try to discount the military votes.

Sam zoomed in on the shocking fact that 39 felons (mostly Democrats) cast votes, Bush ballots were in Gore piles, chads on the floor -- great Caesar's ghost, these are such BIG claims.

Not.

But Lieberman foolishly said THESE ARE SERIOUS charges and should be investigated.

Is he kidding? Even if the GOP was telling the truth, which they are not, there have been NO serious challenge at all about Democrats. There have, however, been VERY serious charges against Republicans including a sudden jump -- BY 50.000 VOTES, MIND YOU --  for Bush in Broward County for some unexplainable reason just before FAUX News Channel deemed Bush the presidential winner in Florida and the nation.

We have e-mail from the alleged brother of the man who engineered this in Broward for the Bush Team -- and are still investigating to test the veracity of this allegation.

What we can tell you is that there are MYRIAD and VERY SERIOUS allegations of REPUBLICAN corruption in Florida that continue to this day.

For example: THE APPEARANCE OF NON-POSTMARKED, UNSIGNED ABSENTEE BALLOTS CAST -- ALLEGEDLY -- BY OUR MEN AND WOMEN IN UNIFORM!  Isn't that amazing? All those ballots were unsigned and not postmarked at all. What could have happened here? Could Republican operatives in Florida have simply dropped these on the floor for the counters to find?

We think so.

You should know that in the GOP training schools around the country, vote tampering is actually TAUGHT, as well as money laundering, bogus political mailings, and how to give out street money to bums and minorities to make them register and vote -- or vote as a dead man.

We assume that Democrats do the same -- especially in Illinois -- but thus far, NOT A SINGLE SERIOUS CHARGE against DEMOCRATS in Florida has arisen, while more than 30 such charges have arisen against the Bush people, MANY of which are being investigated at the Federal level.

Get this: the Governor of MONTANA, the Militia Nutcase State, is now the Official Bush Gore-Slammer. "Roscoe" did an interview with Cokie. He does not want to be appointed to this post. And he said so.  Cokie then showed a clip of Karen Hughes LYING to the people of America and saying that all the recounts are not recounts at all -- but "stealing an election."

"Roscoe," who looks like a basset hound on anti-depressants, said "We warned you" that hand counting was a mistake -- "it is random, it allows sympathizers to cheat, they are tired..."

Cokie reminded "Roscoe" that for every Democrat counter there is a co-counter GOPer. And vice versa.

Roscoe -- under Karen Hughes' personal orders, of course -- said that Florida law does not allow this recount.  Of course, he is lying. It clearly does allow the recount.

Then ROSCOE whipped out 233 CHADS in a baggie (probably borrowed from Dubya's "stash box") to PROVE what he is saying. Well, moron, what if those CHADS came from unused portions of the ballots -- or were on the floors for months -- or didn't even come from Florida?

Roscoe demanded that ALL these things must be addressed by the Florida Supreme Court -- but what he really means is that the Bush Mafia will engineer that the issue will fall to the REPUBLICAN-CONTROLLED state legislature in redneck Florida!

That is the plan -- you can bet on it.

Senator Tom Daschle, the would-be Senate Majority Leader who is still at this date the Minority Leader, had warned the GOPers to stay out of court.  Cokie then snidely said, "You could have had closure allowing the Secretary of State to call the election yesterday."  Cokie, who should know better than to pull this ploy, said HER polls tell us that people have less faith in the recount as each day goes by.  That may be true -- but it is not true because people are thinking about it.  Instead, it may be true because ABC, NBC, MSNBC, FOX and the rest are allowing the Bush Nazis to plant this idea into the general moronic heads of the nation.

Daschle said it is important not to engage in hyperbole as the Bush people are.

The next guest was Asian-slamming Senator Fred "Yellow Peril" Thompson, who has been in hiding since his Committee found nothing -- NOTHING -- on Clinton, Gore, or what some cracker Republicans on Capitol Hill call " those slant eyes" that Thompson tried to impugn last year.

He is now the Southernmost point man in the Senate for the Bush League. This guy just doesn't know when to say no. Here's the truth: he could have been the President this year.  But he blew it over the past three years with his role in the Clinton Family lynching. Now he is blowing it yet again. For what? A lousy job that pays less than $175,000 a year and gives the man the chance to take cash pay-offs that he can conceal in his Cayman Islands bank account?  In Thompson's case, probably.

But we have faith in Thompson to be fair and to -- in his heart -- HATE George W. for what he is: a coddled criminal.

Cokie asked, if you keep on arguing when do you get to He Won, He Lost? Thompson said that we already missed this opportunity -- we should have let the Bush operative Harris certify the vote for BUSH! Screw the blacks' votes not counted -- screw the people that voted Buchanan instead of GORE because the ballot was purposely screwed up somewhere in the chain.

This is Fred Thompson -- now saying that Democrats want FELONS to count while good votes from SERVICEMEN don't count!

Thompson has become just another cheap-shot politician.  The fact is that no one in this country outside the "core constituency" believes a word the GOP are saying anymore -- and even most of the "core knows that people like Thompson are lying outright! We may tell you that Americans are largely dumb and uninterested in much except sports -- but even this group is not stupid enough to believe Karen Hughes and Dubya! No, not even they do.

George Will showed his "Bush famiglia" credentials by saying there is no one to appeal to.  Who does he think he s fooling?  That is what the courts are for.

George "Staphylococcus" Stephanopoulos said it is very likely that Gore will not pick up the votes he needs on the recount.

Cokie brought up the butterfly ballot problem. Will made fun of the elderly and the blacks who did not understand the ballot by saying that first graders all got it right.

That is a lie. They did not -- until they were hand- instructed on how to do it.  All the people in Palm Beach who were fooled - INCLUDING MAC MACARTHUR, WHO TURNED IN HIS BALLOT FOR A NEW ONE -- are not stupid. That ballot was a mess -- and the plastic vote punching machine that did not work MADE IT WORSE.

This after all will be the primary issue here.

We agree with Staph. Gore will probably NOT make the grade only with a hand count -- unless they count the dimpled and partially punched ballots for Gore.

Will said that the Democrat brief to the court was uncommonly harsh because it calls Harris the "Ken Starr of Florida!" 

Ha, ha, ha! Now, that's just not true -- Starr is more of a girly-man than Harris -- but we CAN tell you Harris is the ALLEGED LOVER of JEB BUSH, who is married to a known fur and jewelry smuggler and WHOSE SON was arrested only weeks ago for lewd conduct with his ass in the air going at it with a 17-year-old girl inside a car in a crowded shopping mall parking lot.

Harsh on Harris, Will?  NOT HARSH ENOUGH we say.

An aside: it appears that the pharmaceutical thieves are still VERY concerned because they did not get a working majority in the House and Senate -- they may be "S.O.L."  So they are running more of their phony commercials about how much they help up (while screwing us on price) than ever.

Grow up, PhRMA! Get a life and do the right thing -- RAISE YOUR PRICES ELSEWHERE ON THE PLANET and LOWER OURS!

The This Weak "Clown Table" was as boring as ever. Cokie was talking about Hawaii going for Kennedy instead of Nixon even though Nixon won the popular vote.

Cokie and we agree: the election will go to Congress unless all the votes in Florida -- and we mean ALL THE VOTES -- are hand-counted, in which case Gore wins.

When the Senate gets the vote -- GORE will be presiding and Lieberman will still be a Senator. Of course, this will NOT happen if GORE clearly wins -- because Bush cannot possibly win without Florida -- but it WILL happen.

And that's something you can bet on.

Sam thinks that Lieberman might recuse himself. Will said no, he should not -- and neither should have JEB BUSH! Ha, ha, ha, ha, - well, in hindsight that might be right -- because then HARRIS would not have been attacked as much for NOT RECUSING HERSELF!

That was that for Sam and Cokie!

Nowhere on the radar...

A few BIG issues hardly even merited mention:

President Clinton's trip to Vietnam was an unqualified success -- going a long way toward mending fences with a nation that we turned into a meat-grinder to easily dispose of kids, mostly minorities, too poor or too naive to get a college deferment.

Reports of ballot theft in Florida -- mostly in minority and urban communities that would lean toward Gore -- went unmentioned.  Thirty-nine felons and a few thousand military votes get talked to death, but THOUSANDS of allegedly stolen votes weren't even worthy of passing mention.

And finally, one story that we're glad didn't get mentioned but in passing: Billy Tauzin's call to haul network executives before Congress and demand answers on why they called Florida for Gore an hour before polls closed in the Klan-dominated panhandle.  This stunt is GUARANTEED to backfire -- as network honchos and VNS analysts raise questions about why exit polls in South Florida showed Gore winning when in fact the punch ballots had been rigged to maximally confuse voters.  And we now know that there are a few Republican party leaders who wish that Tauzin had kept his mouth shut because the subject of how a Bush RELATIVE "helped" FAUX News Channel call the election for Bush will come up.  Tauzin's gambit will backfire.

You can take that to the bank!