Sunday, December 3, 2000 -- NEW YORK/WASHINGTON (AmpolNS) -- The only story on the front burner of the pundit elite was, of course, the Florida presidential election brouhaha, now playing itself out from Florida's courts to the Supreme Court.

The subtext of so many questions: Gore should just throw in the towel, his turn to the courts is a desperate attempt to reverse the inevitable, and that oh-so-presidential-looking George W. Bush will take the oath of office.

To a certain extent, the spin does reflect the undeniable conservative bias of the companies that own the big television networks.  But don't forget -- the current court struggle is not entirely out of place, given the vagaries of state and federal election law and even the U.S. Constitution -- and such a situation should be no surprise given the partisan war set off more than a decade ago by the likes of Lee Atwater.

Moreover, the press, which sought so much glory and money in trying to get Bill Clinton's "scalp" see a big, juicy potential target in the person of George W. Bush, a wannabe president with more proverbial baggage than the first-class section of the Titanic -- and the likelihood of a voyage as successful as that of the doomed luxury ship once the press starts digging into his sordid past.

Our staff was short-handed this week, so we sampled a half-hour of four blabberfests.

FAUX News Sunday
"Election Held Hostage -- Day 26!"

Factor in the typical hard-right FAUX News spin (courtesy of the Humes and Roger Ailes), and our favorite conservative pundit Tony Snow's opener seemed more like "Coronation Held Hostage -- Day 26!"

We caught the first half of FNS this week.  Tony started by summarizing the latest news, putting verbal emphasis on the Smirking One's meeting with his cadre --- er, potential cabinet members and GOP congressional leaders -- and Gore hoping to "metamorphosize" into President.

What a laugh! If anything, Bush the Idiot Boy is the one trying to "morph" into a leader.  His impromptu news conference yesterday was filled with the sort of verbal clumsiness that would make a Cheney-Card Administration a nonstop laff-riot.  Bush is turning out to be the Anti-Reagan -- let's face it, the Great Napper was no intellectual, but he could not only carry across a coherent sentence but effectively communicate the conservative... er "vision."  Bush likewise is not intellectual, and tat's being polite about it -- in fact, more than one commentator has commented on Guvvanur Smirk looking like a "deer in the headlights" or a "hostage" every time he puts on his "presidential" gray-suit costume and stuck in front of some flags and facing the TelePrompTer -- reading text that is written phonetically so he doesn't trip over words of more than one syllable!

Tony's first guest was Bush Chief of Staff wannabe (read: chief Smirk puppeteer) Andy Card, who started with a string of issues Dubya wants to tackle.  Interestingly, tax cuts were at the end of the list.  We had a laugh over that -- can you say "snowball in Hell," Andy?

Will Dubya announce his cabinet before a U.S. Congressional certification on January 6?  Card was cagey and a little foolish in playing up the fact that the contest is still to be decided when he reiterated the GOP mantra of "the votes have been counted and re-counted and Bush won."

Yeah, right -- by suppressing minority votes, by letting GOP operatives doctor absentee applications, by using stall tactics, and by having the candidate's brother's rumored mistress "certify" the phony count  -- in other words, by stealing the election.

Card took a moment to reiterate the Bush cartel spin -- bipartisanship, "reaching out," the whole nine yards.  Tony asked Card about a wire report that Trent Lott and Denny Hastert did not like the idea of a Democrat treasury secretary, and Card denied it.

Now that was a laugh -- Lott and Tom "The Hammer" DeLay (Hastert's REAL boss) won't be happy with anyone to the left of the late Prescott "Banker to Hitler" Bush at the Treasury helm!

Tony mentioned that Hastert does not want to name the next President if the election ends up in the Congress.  Card said he "respects" the Constitution -- including the provision that Congress can have the last say -- but admitted he hopes it does not come to that.

Translation -- if the GOP Florida legislature and the right-wing U.S. Congress anoint El Smirko, people will not see him as the legitimate President.

In a follow-up question, Tony asked Card about Gore having won the popular vote and Bush's "legitimacy." Card said that more than 50% of the states supported Bush.

Right -- including the states that want to restore slavery and put those bothersome minorities in their place -- and that includes Florida, which is not as progressive as it wants the rest of the country to think, and has become a virtual Bush banana republic under Jeb.

Tony's second guest was the modern-day Hamlet of the Democratic Party, Mario Cuomo.  Cuomo said he saw no signs of alleged outreach from Dubya -- he must not have known about Sam Nunn's having rebuffed the Cheney-Card Administration-in-waiting's invitation to join the team.

Cuomo did bring up the fact that Gore WON Florida by 23,000 in Florida according to one nonpartisan research study -- and that GOP challenges in New Mexico were essentially a smokescreen.  Tony tried to play down the Florida story, saying it was based on a "model."

Here's the truth -- the "model" will prove true once the press starts to RIGOROUSLY investigate this story under the Florida "Sunshine Laws  " -- and Cuomo predicted that such a scenario would happen, and that Gore would be shown to be the winner.  Cuomo did not need to add the obvious "therefore" -- that Bush would be seen to have stolen the election -- but he really should have, given that a Bush relative on the FOX team was part of the scheme.  Tony said that the GOP could win in a full recount, and while Cuomo said it was a possibility, he doubted it -- and asked what reason there was for courts NOT to take a look at these undercounts.

Tony said that Gore attorney David Boies was wrong -- implying he was LYING concerning an Illinois case he cited that centered around dimpled chads.  Tony asked if this was political malfeasance -- and Cuomo fired back, saying Tony was WRONG (and he was when you examine the case in question in detail).  Cuomo also questioned the "rush" to a winner, citing the year that Hawaii did not certify a winner until December 28th.

Tony then welcomed the Republican Speaker of Florida's House of Representatives, Tom Feeney.  Tony tried to put to rest conflicting stories about whether the Florida legislature would hold a special session to "resolve" the issue of Florida's electors, and Feeney all but said it would happen -- and that they tracked down some (states-rights) "Constitutional scholars" who said that they MUST act.  He claimed that the U.S. Congress could reject Florida's electors due to the brouhaha over the vote count in Florida (right -- like DeLay and Lott would allow that).

Brit Hume asked what exactly the Florida legislature would do that hadn't been done so already with the certification of the vote.  Feeney talked about the possibility that all "contests and controversies" (court cases) may not be resolved -- and cited a slanted reading of Federalist 45 in which Madison supposedly said that state legislatures had to be involved.

What a joke -- remember, that stuff was written was back in the days before 24-hour news television by a bunch of guys who didn't want non-landowners to vote!

Tony said that Feeney was saying that he's afraid Congress would reject the Florida electors -- but everyone knows that the U.S. Congress is REPUBLICAN!  So what's the sense in doing this? Tony was actually implying but not saying that it looks like partisan disenfranchisement!

Feeney, on his part, was unflappable.  He was 100% "on message" -- again falling back on the Constitutional geniuses who bolstered the position of the hard-line GOP crackers in the Florida legislature.  "I got the best advice I could," he said.  Translation: "I got the best arguments I could from Bush partisans."

Feeney said that the present situation is a case where Florida law "trumps the Constitution" and he just wanted to "assure that Floridians are not disenfranchised" -- which was, of course, an outright LIE.

That wrapped up the first half of FAUX News Sunday... and we had to see what was going on over at...

The McLaugh-In Group!

Issue One: State of the Disunion!  To the tune of -- believe it or not -- AC DC's smokin' rock anthem "Highway to Hell," John voiced over video of the Ryder truck headed toward Tallahassee before he breathlessly recounted in Bush-friendly terms the events of the last week.  John tried to cast recounts as "mendacity" as he played supposedly damning video clips of Gore "misleading" the public about uncounted votes.  It was about as convincing as Serb TV when the U.S.-led alliance was bombing the bejeezus out of McLaugh-In's old pal Slobodan Milosevic -- hmmm, maybe ol' Slobo was getting media advice from John himself!

Michael Barone huffed about David Boies submitting a "false" affidavit concerning Illinois chad law.  Barone is a liar -- so what more could you expect?  Eleanor Clift, sounding measured by comparison to the other nuts on the panel, called John on his accusations of "mendacity" on the part of Team Gore when the Bush team is using the ridiculous argument that people vote for electors.  Tony tried to spin a "recount" as somehow being a false count, claiming that Gore's strategy is to only recount ballots.  John called it "Clintonian" -- which is nearly a compliment and in fact a concession that no matter what, Gore wins politically, because Clinton is the greatest politician of the last two decades -- then said that calling the ballots in question "uncounted" is a mischievous lie (John's one to talk about both mischief and lies).  Larry O'Donnell jumped down Barone's throat over his accusations against Boies, and Barone started screaming something about the Clinton Administration!

God bless frothing Neofascists like Mike Barone. They just can't help but show their contempt for the King of Politics, Bill Clinton -- to the point where they STILL act as if their party is "running" against "Slick Willy."  You've got to love it -- after all, Americans prefer Slick than Petulant and Snotty.

There was some back and forth about the "contest" period before John claimed that he hears that Dems are continuing to support Gore to make the situation as bloody as possible for Bush.

Good for them, we say -- they know Bush is vulnerable.

Larry O'Donnell said that the parties always think two years ahead -- and the party that wins the White House loses the House in 2002 because the election was "stolen" by the other party's presidential candidate.  Larry's dead wrong -- even if Gore wins, people will NOT forget interested parties like Jeb Bush and Katherine Harris rigging the election for Bush.

Will we ever know who won Florida?
Barone: Yes, Bush won without dimpled chads.
Eleanor: Historians will always wonder.
Tony: No.
Larry: Who knows?
John: Tony hit the nail on the head!

Issue two: The Supremes!  Plaintiff: Bush.  Argument: overturn the Florida court ruling that permitted hand counts.  Question: how will the court rule?

Barone said there are five justices who feel that the Florida court changed the law, BUT this is a divided court and do not expect a unanimous decision.  Eleanor said that Breyer asked what the impact would be -- and is this really our business in the first place.  John asked if EEEEEither say a unanimous opinion.  Neither did -- nor does Tony, who has litigated, who does not think Kennedy will side with Bush.  If they go substantive, he added, they will go for Gore.  Larry said it's too close to call.

Issue three: the possible convening of Florida legislature set off fear in the Gore camp, said John in his best fake ominous manner.  There was a clip of a right-wing judicial activist egging the Florida legislators on.  Larry said that even in the midst of all this litigation, they may have the power to name a slate of electors.  Eleanor forecast "fun and games" in Washington if the legislators go ahead with the move.  Barone characterized Gore's moves to throw out Seminole County absentee ballots -- to which Eleanor replied "then why did they [team Bush] try to get the judge thrown out?"

Precious predictions!
Barone forecast " a big decline this winter in tourism in Florida" -- in other words, BOYCOTT TIME!
Eleanor said that electoral reform (i.e. the president elected by popular vote) will be paired with campaign finance reform as THE big issue -- and "if McCain and Feingold are smart, they will attach it to their legislation, whoever is president." 
Tony Blankley mentioned a memo by economist Jeffery Eisenauch, suggesting federal legislation to "save the information technology industry," specifically deregulation -- but really, Tony, do you think the Cheney-Card Administration is going to put this ahead of perks for big oil?
Larry said that retiring Democratic Senator Bob Kerrey won't take a cabinet post in either the Bush or Gore administration. Lord, what a stretch!
John McLaughlin forecast retail sales growing  by 2.5% -- half as much as last year. 

Meet the Puppet
Starring Charlie McRussert, ventriloquist dummy for the GOP

Stealth reactionary Tim Russert, whose failed attempt to look like an unbiased political journalist while getting advice on which "penetrating" questions to ask from Republican operatives, remains perhaps the biggest hypocrite in television's journalistic circles.  He opened Meet the Puppet by emphasizing the undecided Presidential contest.

His first guest: that Feeney creep from Florida, who essentially reprised his ENTIRE FNS appearance despite Russert's "hard-hitting" question about whether there would be a special session of the Florida legislature.  Feeney used almost the exact same words he had on FNS.  Russert had been scooped -- Tony had hit most of the bases Russert hit, and more.  We ran out and grabbed a cup of coffee.

But Tim did ask one question that was worth repeating: isn't there a feud between the Florida legislature and the state's Supreme Court -- who found the legislature's school voucher law unconstitutional?  Feeney tried to play it down, then weaseled back to statutes that support Feeney's position that the legislature can send their own set of electors.  Then Tim played video footage of a Floridian castigating the legislature for trying to steal the election.  Feeney gave a cowardly answer -- he called the accusation of theft an "ad hominem."

Gee -- so was calling Nixon a crook for trying to cover up the Watergate break-in.

Tim then turned to his next guest, the guy who'd really call the shots in the Dubya White House: Dick Cheney. Tim asked him about what the Florida legislature should do.  Naturally, Cheney said the Florida legislature "as independent actors" should be guided by their views.  But would this not raise questions about the legitimacy of your administration, asked Tim?  Cheney claimed that Gore was trying to overturn a certified election and that the legislature may have to act "under their obligation... to the US Constitution."  Tim replied that the Florida Supreme Court may say that Gore won and the legislature may say Bush won.  Cheney fell back on the expected statutory pap -- but what else would one expect?  He wants to see a Cheney-Card Administration at any cost.  Cheney brought up the early call in Florida and the claim that many GOPers stayed home.  Russert TWICE interrupted Cheney: "Can you prove it?"  Cheney would not reply -- then claimed that it's impossible to have a fair count when counting standards change.

Tim asked Cheney, "D'ya think Al Gore is a sore loser?' -- almost in a "go ahead, say it" manner.

What was going on here?  Tim wasn't quite roughing up Cheney to the extent he had Al Gore during his all-attack interview some months back -- in fact, the punches were pulled.  Tim did not follow up on opportunities to talk about disenfranchisement and issues surrounding Harris's and Jeb Bush's conflicts of interest.

Tim: "Do you think we're on the edge of a recession?"

Cheney: "I think so."

That exchange was asked in the context of the near 50-50 split in the general election and in Congress.  But this seems to be an emerging theme of the Cheney-Card Administration.  The fact is that we have the best economy in nearly a half-century, but with a consolidation of the Internet and media sectors, stock indices that are higher than they should be, and p-to-e ratios that are just plain unrealistic.  The economy is still roaring, yet it almost seems that the GOP is trying to INDUCE a recession.

Then came the best ambush of the week -- Tim ran tape of Bush saying that Cheney had NOT had a heart attack!  How could Bush have been allowed to say that?  Cheney said that the information was based on early cardiac enzyme tests, then described the procedure, claiming that he did not know about the enzyme levels even when he underwent angioplasty, and there was no attempt to mislead the nation.

Right, Dick.  And Reagan was hardly hurt when he was shot back in '81...

Tim played a clip from some months back of Cheney saying that if he needed a "stent" (the shunt used to open the vessel in his heart), he wouldn't be running.  Cheney replied that he's in very good health, and if his health worsens to the point that he cannot function, he will resign.

Cheney emphatically asserted that delaying the transition -- to a Bush presidency, of course -- will damage the nation.

Tim then said people were saying that Cheney was going to run the show and Bush was a figurehead (or, as Shrub says, "figgerhead").  Cheney denied it -- and he's right -- he AND ANDY CARD will run the show.

Tim then needled Cheney about introducing "Big time" into the political vocabulary.  Cheney had no comment.  The truth -- knuckle-dragging Cro-Magnon conservatives love what Cheney said.  Big time.

We missed Tim's next two guests because we needed to catch the final half hour of...

This Weak
"It's more fun than recounting thousands of ballots..."

...NOT!

Sam uttered the above line as we tuned in the second half of This Weak, only to see ABC cut to spots for pharmaceutical industry giants, Xerox, Good Morning America, petrochemical giants, and local shows.

When This Weak returned, the worst pundit roundtable on television began to spin.  Sam summarized the events of the previous week in a manner that characterized Bush as a secure winner and leader, and Gore as a whiner.  George "The Shill" Will, who, in the most recent Brill's Content survey turned out to be the least accurate pundit on network TV, essentialy said that Gore is running out of oxygen and should concede.  George "Staphylococcus" Stephanopoulos, said something rambling about the Supreme Court.  Cokie "Cocky" Roberts responded to Sam bellowing "Gore is losing" by saying that the matter might go to Congress because that's what the law says -- but the question becomes, "Is that law constitutional?"  And does it go back to the Supreme Court?  Will forecast one set of electors -- judging from his record, look for him to be WRONG.  "Staph" and Sam talked about the possibility that Seminole County may throw out 15,000 ballots, and Will sounded like a Democrat when he said that divining the intent was an issue - -and said that it was a "telegram" from the legislature to the courts not to intervene.  Huh?  Cokie said that the problem was that registration numbers were written in on absentee apps -- but FAILED to point out that GOP operatives did the writing.  Will diverted by saying that the software to do this automatically misfired -- and "Staph" said that Dems didn't go in and write in numbers.  Will said he wants accuracy AND finality -- gee, we never knew he was a Gore fan! "Staph" said there is the impression that the system was unfair to minority voters in Florida.  Sam mentioned something about the courts or Florida legislature "sav[ing] Bush's bacon."   Cokie repeated herself -- if the Florida legislature acts, the matter ends up in Congress.

Will said that the expert witnesses in Judge Sanders Saull's court presented by Democrats were a "shambles."  What about the Bush Baby lawyers' delaying tactics, Will?  Don't they make a BIGGER shambles of the court system?

It's pretty easy to see why This Weak is faltering in the ratings. Cokie can't help but make the same points two or three times during the roundtable.  Sam blusters and sounds frustrated as he actually tries to move the subject matter forward.  Will is longwinded, huffy, and wrong more often than not.  :Staph" -- who the hell really cares what the little has-been has to say anyway?

When the panel returned, Sam and Cokie talked about the Palm Beach count probably not putting Gore over the top.  Cokie talked about the "big publicity" that the Dubya-John Breaux call got.

Puh-leeease... WHAT big publicity?  With all the court fights, even some political junkies missed it -- and who cares about Lou'siana Senator Breaux anyway, besides fellow Pseudo-Cajun Cokie Boggs Roberts.

Sam brought up the possibility that the "lame duck" Congress could pass the budget (we doubt it) -- about the ONLY non-election-dustup opinion offered this week outside the funky McLaugh-In predictions. Will said that committee parity would be an issue (we agree, but don't expect the Dems to make ANY gains until Thurmond or Helms croaks and Daschle becomes Majority Leader).  Sam made a snide comment about "the Gore recession" -- typical of the sort of low-blow comment he always tries to stick in at the end of This Weak.

We tuned out.

Unmentionable!

Just barely touched on: by the time all the votes are counted, Gore will have won the popular vote with a margin of an estimated 330,000 votes -- yet there was not one question about whether or not the current system of electing a President in an era when there was no Internet (let alone telegraph) is obsolete and unfair to the will of the people.

Four channels of COURT TV

Meanwhile, over on the cable news channels, America was getting continuing coverage of the case before Judge N. Sanders Sauls in Florida's Leon County Circuit Court concerning whether some 14,000 contested Florida ballots should be counted in the presidential election -- and probably sway the margin of victory into Gore's favor.   We'll be following up on this story later today.