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Sunday, Dec. 24, 2000 – THE HEARTLAND OF AMERICA (AmpolNS) –
‘Twas the day before Christmas
And all of our staff
Was home with their families
But still had a laugh
By watching the loudmouths
Still spouting their spin
Without any “A-List”
Pols checking in.
The minor league guests
Pulled the usual crap
So here’s a brief rundown
Of today’s Pundit Pap:



FAUX New Sunday

Ho, ho, ho!  Our intrepid monitor of FAUX News Sunday was on the road this week, watching the festivities from a small city in the “heartland” of America.  FNS was directly preceded by religious programming featuring a fire-breathin’ eee-van-gelical preacher urging viewers to reject Satan.

They had, though, voting for Al Gore by a vast majority.  We think this preacher should have been talking to Katherine Harris and the “Scalia Five” on the Supreme Court, since they are the only six Americans whose votes count when it comes to the presidency.

Tony Snow opened FAUX News Sunday with Clinton economic advisor Gene Sperling.  Sperling’s spin: growth has slowed, but the economy is still growing in the longest expansion in our history.  Tony’s spin: the market is sputtering and has lost three trillion dollars.  Mort Kondracke played up Chicken George’s recession talk, and asked Sperling about Clinton’s having “played down the economy” in ’92.  Sperling said that the words of the president-elect have an effect on the economy.  Blue-chips are projecting growth – but Cheney is talking recession to create a self-fulfilling prophecy and grease the skids for a tax cut.  Fred “The Weasel” Barnes – who looked more washed out that usual – asked Sperling for proof that the economy was hurt by Shrub’s comments.  Sperling made Barnes look foolish by pointing out that these measurements take weeks and months (and, by implication, that Barnes knows it and the question is pointless).   Jeff Birnbaum prompted Sperling to point out that unemployment is below 4% -- and the lesson of the last two decades is that fiscal discipline and paying down the debt lowers interest rates and helps real people.  Tax cuts do the opposite – even though under Clinton the average tax burden on average families is the lowest in two decades.   Sperling also slammed Tony for lying about the national debt increasing – “That’s just plainly inaccurate!”

Following the break, Tony welcomed Bibi Netanyahu, hard-right Israeli has-been.  He had nothing to contribute in terms of insight into continued Middle east tensions, using his time instead to blast overtures by Israel’s current leadership for making peace overtures by turning over supervision of the so-called “temple mount” to Palestinians.  Bibi claimed Barak has no mandate (what a laugh: Ehud Barak, meet Chicken George--  How about a no-mandate summit?) and whined that Palestinians want to flood Israel with refugees.  Tony implied that Clinton was doing anything to get an agreement (i.e. the usual “he’ll do anything to bolster his legacy” spin), but Bibi didn’t play along – he blamed Barak for all the ills in the Middle East.  Sharon v. Barak: who will win?  Bibi badmouthed Barak (“weakness feeds on itself…” and so on”).  Will Bibi run again?  Bib
I bragged that he would have won if he ran, but will only do so if he can be in control.

About the only American program willing to give Bibi any credibility is FNS – but that should come as no surprise, given their politics.  Bibi was given a free pass to campaign.

Tony began a puff piece promoting your tax dollars paying for voodoo “faith-based” programs, disguised as another round of “hard-hitting” questions.  One Rev. Merritt, the top extremist of the Southern Baptists, evangelized as he claimed that (rich, moneyed) evangelicals (with a foothold in the media) are somehow under attack.

We tuned out – enough with the Religious Reich, Roger Ailes!  We know you are beholden to these crooks – who BUY time on local FOX stations so they can soak the faithful, fearful and ignorant for their Social Security benefits and pensions – but this segment that promoted programs that would give our tax money to these slick Ayatollahs so they can buy more $100 ties and custom suits was just too much.

But we tuned back in for the round table.  First topic: Ashcroft.  The panel spin: liberals will try to bad-mouth him.  Mort Kondracke brought up Ashcroft falsely claiming that Justice Brown of the Missouri Supreme Court was against the death penalty and supposedly pro-criminal, and actually said – catch this -- “The guy had a good record on the death penalty, pro-death!”  How moderate of you, Mort – NOT!

Tony couldn’t resist bringing up Clinton’s pardon of Dan Rostenkowski.  Jeff Birnbaum shocked the panel (and probably gave Ailes a stroke) by saying that Clinton did the right thing.  Tony mentioned that Rosty is on The Beltway Boys this weekend  -- and even Fred Barnes said it was a good move and Rosty was remorseful!  Will Clinton be indicted?  Birnbaum says no.  Tony couldn’t help mention Lewinsky – which gave Fred a chance to scream perjury, obstruction, and impeachment (so that those angered by his views on Rosty don’t think he’s going soft, no doubt).

Tony’s final word was on Christmas and its “unfashionable” message -- God exists, and charity should rule – just so long as the government doesn’t do it.  Hmm… sounds more like “tough love” than love to us…



Meet the Propaganda Minister
With Stealth Shrub Press Secretary Tim Russert

You didn't watch Meet the Press, but you did miss out on two key elements: • Russert 'making the case' for Bush. "[can] a compassionate conservative Republican who can really do ... things .. in order to make sure there's a safety net for poor Americans" • Russert thanking Ailes for Gingrich. ...and on Fox News Sunday: • The 'holiday season creating that special sense of wonder for children'. What was it about? Santa? Toys? Reindeer? Snow men? No! It was an old news reel about.... (well, just listen). You should have stuck through the Fox segment with the rabbi and the two ministers. Some quotes: "Religion does not need government, but government needs religion."  "Eight years ago the Clinton administration unleashed an epidemic of secularism." "Secular society is producing cultural sewage under the guise of modernity." "The challenge is to avoid the trap that religion belongs exclusively in the home and in the church." "Faith is about defeating crime." "Faith is about creating wealth." (Plus, Adam and Eve were mentioned at one point). -- Mark Poyser Thanks, Mark -- looks like we missed all the fun! -- The Editors

Tim’s guests were Newt Gingrich, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Pat Moynihan and Bill Safire.  You know it’s a holiday weekend when the best NBC can do is get four has-beens to bad-mouth Bill Clinton with Tim Russert.

So we skipped the show altogether.



Face the Nation

Bob Schieffer had a flock of self-declared “moderate” Senators: Arlen Specter (R-PA), Bob Graham (D-FL), Olympia Snowe (R-ME), and John Breaux (D-LA).  The big question – will Chicken George ram a hard-right agenda down America’s throat or be forced to moderate his views. The hot topic – John Ashcroft’s appointment as “Justice Minister.”  Spector called him a first-rate lawyer – but did point out that Shrub needed to balance his cabinet with pro-choice appointments.  Snowe said she could vote for Ashcroft.  Schieffer asked if Ashcroft, an anti-abortion extremist, could be trusted to uphold the right of a woman to go to her ob-gyn without being harassed or worse.  Graham said there would be tough questions for Ashcroft – and while he is generally disposed toward supporting Chicken George’s appointments, he E would have questions for Ashcroft.  Breaux said that Ashcroft must uphold the law of the land.  Schieffer called the appointment of Powell (who helped engineer the My Lai cover-up) a good choice.

Spector, though, expressed his frustration that moderates – particularly Tom Ridge – were not being given better positions in the George Ministry.  Snowe did not quite echo Spector’s views, and did say that Shrub had to be given leeway.  Why is George having trouble naming a War Minister?  Snowe praised Shrub’s continued evaluation of candidates.

Schieffer asked Graham about comments concerning the economy coming from the Bush crew.  Graham characterized it as putting the blame on Clinton – and slammed tax cuts over fixing Social Security and Medicare.  Breaux ridiculed the proposed one-plus-trillion buck tax cut, calling for a cut for average Janes and Joes that could garner bipartisan support.  Snowe wants to kill the “marriage penalty.”  Spector wants to hear specifics from Little George.

Well, well, well – looks like we have a flock of somewhat skeptical moderates who will be deferential to George but are ready to cut their losses when things go south for the Cheney-Card Administration!



This Weak

Most of This Weak was a bore – until a taped interview between Sam “Scam” Donaldson and ex-president Poppy Bush started.

Poppy Bush lied at the outset, saying George was raised in West Texas.  He tried to un-spin the just criticism that his son Shrub has surrounded himself with a “rehash” of Reagan and Bush teams, using the claim “there are very experienced people.”

Right, Poppy – Powell and Cheney helped YOU cover up Iran-Contra.  That’s experience!

Poppy also said that Dubya got a “bum rap” for being a dummy ONLY because a journalist “ambushed” him with questions about world leaders.  Poppy said he didn’t even know the names.

But you could bet your bottom dollar that he would if he were still active in politics – or the CIA.

Poppy strangely handled Sam’s question about a possible Gore “win” in Florida (following a recount by the press).  He said he wished it would go away (something to fear, Poppy?) – and also said that “the right” were claiming that many of the votes for Gore were not legitimate.

Really?  Like the ones with Gore’s box STICKERED OVER and Bush’s name checked?  Or the “overvotes” in other counties where Gore was checked AND the write-in (for Gore) was also checked – but the handwriting on many of these ballots seems to match? 

Can you say GOP vote tampering, Poppy – and not by friends of Al?

Poppy said that “bitterness goes away, time heals things,” and admitted he was bitter that the Big Dog, Bill Clinton, beat him.  But Poppy didn’t address the FACT that Americans KNOW that a handful of GOP thugs stole the election.

Poppy said his son Jeb was “not a racist, not a Nazi” after Sam mentioned Rev. Jesse Jackson harshly criticized Jeb for his disenfranchising ways.  He then said that there were more blacks in universities since Jeb became governor.

Hey, poppy, what about the REST of the blacks in Florida?  They’re only worth mentioning if they’re in college?

Poppy also said that some black leaders disagreed with Jackson – but forgot to say that they are all right-wing talk show hosts like Armstrong Williams or Alan Keyes!

Sam then turned to the possible indictment of Clinton – should he be?  Bush said he wants to see whatever it takes to get rid of the ugliness of the past.

Sam: “But if there’s evidence that President Clinton committed perjury…”

Poor Sam – he can’t let go of Clinton’s trousers!  He then asked about the possibility that Hillary would “try to show your son the door” in 2004.  Sam continues to do his best to bad-mouth the Clintons – explicitly and implicitly – as he tries to push the line of some sort of Bush-Clinton feud.

Poppy said that on Coronation Day he wants to be in the background – and does NOT want to be giving his son advice (another Bush lie).

The rest of the interview was a gushy bore, the “I’m so prouda mah boys” treacle more appropriate for Good Morning America than a serious political show.

But at least Poppy Bush hasn’t lost it – he still lies like a Reagan-era crook.