American Politics Journal -- Steven C. Day's Guide to Those ''Common Sense'' Conservatives

Guest Commentary
Steven C. Day's Guide to
THOSE COMMON SENSE CONSERVATIVES

Feb. 1, 2001 (APJP) -- Another election has come and gone, and once again we have seen our friends to the right dust off their patented "common sense" argument. It goes like this: Voters should reject liberal candidates because they are a soft-headed bunch who are always chasing after some do-gooder pie in the sky dream. Conservatives, on the other hand, have their feet firmly glued to the ground. No chasing after rainbows for them. No, Sir, just good old fashion common sense.

So strong is the right wing's infatuation with this story line, that in addition to attacking actual card-carrying liberals with it during the recent election, they also tried to use it against Al Gore, of all people. Come on folks, get real. Whatever else could be said against the former Veep, one thing he could not be "accused" of was rock-solid liberalism (which is a damn shame, really - if he had run as a liberal he might have won by a big enough margin that even Katherine Harris, Jeb Bush and the Supreme Court working in tandem could not have denied him office).

Still, since conservatives will no doubt continue to use this "we're sensible/they're wacky" argument against liberal candidates, real and imagined, we should probably put it to the test.

Let's start with

THE "WACKY WORLD" OF LIBERALISM

Most liberals believe that:

No one who works full time should have to live in poverty because of the lack of a living wage.
No child should go hungry.
The dramatic transfer of wealth from the middle-class to the wealthy which has occurred over the past two decades is unhealthy. Government economic policies should be geared toward preventing further erosion of the middle-class.
The Bill of Rights is one of the great achievements of our culture; it should never be defaced by amendment.
We should be tolerant of other people's lifestyles even when we find them personally offensive.
Protecting the environment is a duty each generation owes to the next.
Corporations exist to serve the needs of people, not the other way around.
High-quality public education is critical to our future. All taxpayers have a responsibility to pay their fair share of the costs of the public schools, regardless of whether they personally have a child in one.
Abortion presents an extraordinarily difficult moral issue. This is a choice which should be made by each woman on an individual basis, not by the state.
Sensible gun control is critical if we are ever to dramatically reduce gun violence in the United States.
Whatever benefit society receives from the death penalty, assuming there is any, does not justify the likelihood that innocent people are being executed.
The government must play a major role in protecting Americans from unsafe products and consumables.
The integrity of our democracy requires that special interest money be taken out of our political process.
The way to decide who won a close election is to count all the votes.
The people, not five members of the Supreme Court, should pick the President of the United States.

No doubt about it, those liberals are one wacky bunch.

Now let's look at

THOSE "COMMON SENSE" CONSERVATIVES

Most conservatives believe that:

The best way to help the poor is by giving money to the rich.
The best way to teach respect for the sanctity of human life is for the state to kill people.
Although the government is utterly incompetent (in the conservative view) to do much of anything right, woman should trust it to decide for them what to do with their reproductive systems.
Although the government is utterly incompetent (in the conservative view) to do much of anything right, parents should intrust it with the religious education of their children through prayer in the public schools.
Bill Clinton lying about sex was a greater constitutional crime than Ronald Reagan illegally selling arms to a brutal dictatorship and then using the proceeds to fund an illegal war.
People elect members of Congress so that they can spend most of their time conducting endless investigations of their political opponents.
First Ladies (of Democratic presidents) are not supposed to think.
Large corporations contribute millions of dollars to political campaigns entirely out of a sense of good citizenship.
If the minimum wage is raised to a living level, many of the low paying service sector jobs held by the working poor will be eliminated (apparently corporate executives will start cleaning the bathrooms and flipping the burgers themselves).
The fact that many people work full time and still live in poverty is simply an unpleasant fact of life.
Our government should not try to help the millions of hungry children living in this country.
Only those who have health insurance or can afford to pay are entitled to quality medical care.
Guns don't kill people, people kill people (sorry, there is no way I can change this to make it sound any more stupid than it already does).
The best way to prevent unwanted teen pregnancies and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases is to oppose sex education (in this way, teens will never learn that sex exists, and, therefore, will remain chaste).
Getting five hundred thousand less votes than the other guy is actually a landslide victory.
Falsely accusing the other side of trying to steal an election is a good way to show bipartisanship.
Riots are okay as long as the rioters belong to country clubs.
Nominating John Ashcroft to be Attorney General is a good way to reach out to black voters.
There is no reason why a President of the United States needs to know more about the world than the average short order cook.

Yep, those conservatives sure do have good common sense...

..or could it be that someone is pulling my leg?



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