Guest Editorial
The Tickle of Little Happiness Pills
by David Stewart

Feb. 20, 2001 (APJP) -- We are trying so hard to just get over it, Daddy.

Yes, we are!

But we can't, because we thought this was the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave -- at least that has been mentioned in the promotional brochure since we've been here.

And it just don't look too good to have five Supreme Court judges handing out moronic, contradictory arguments that determine the election of the President of the United States of America.

The way we've always played the game before is that when somebody wants to get their way in spite of the law, he or she provides reasons that make legal sense. There may not be reasons all parties will like, but at least they are plausible justifications for a course of action.

In Bush v. Gore, it's as if a bunch of pre-law undergrads, all members of Students for Any and All Republican Causes, got together and started brain-storming or, more accurately, no-brainer storming, staying up 'til 4 AM to churn out bullshit for a political science class essay due later that day. Any group of judges who can only come up with such pathetic drivel -- or who can't find a law clerk whose actual intelligence and insight they can substitute for their own -- ought to immediately cite themselves for contempt, remand
themselves to the custody of the court bailiff, fine themselves several hundred thousand dollars, and hide their heads from public view for the rest of their natural lives.

The President of the United States can afford to be an idiot. His job only lasts for a limited term. But what about Justices of the Supreme Court, appointed for a lifetime? Come on -- it ain't a job for no dummy, though one of the nine current justices is trying awfully hard to prove that wrong.

However, it's also possible that those previously mentioned pre-law majors, despite their Republican pledge to Just Say No, were a little cranked on something. And it isn't that much of a leap to imagine that the Oldsters on the Supreme Court might get the blues now and then and indulge in a Prozac cocktail or two at night. Drug addicts, prescription or otherwise, are probably the only ones who could sell out the whole country without too much thought.

So perhaps there's just a little bit more than enough Prozac flowing through veins of America.

And maybe George W. Bush really did give up booze at the age of 40 -- but who knows what psychotropic mix is flooding his brain right now? All of those bizarre phrases that slide out of his mouth so awkwardly, the syntax that tentatively squirms toward a meaning and then suddenly falls flat on its ass, are either the result of years of past alcoholism...

...or the tickle of little happiness pills right now.

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