American Politics Journal -- Pundit Pap



"The Pundits, Flush With Pride" courtesy the Wizard of Whimsy.

Sunday, April 15, 2001 -- NEW YORK/WASHINGTON (APJP) -- Most of the staff is taking Easter off. Heck, who can blame them for using any excuse to avoid the Sabbath Gasbags? So what follows is a somewhat abbreviated version of Pundit Pap, covering the two most egregious weekend programs, FAUX News Sunday and Meet the Putz.

Since a juicy piece of "Get Clinton" news broke over the weekend -- evidently, New York prosecutor Mary Jo White has granted Denise rich immunity (a nugget of news guaranteed to motivate Clinton-hating pseudo-journalists and neo-fascist Internet smear activists), we fully expected to hear more than passing mention of this "ominous development."

But we know the lion's share of prognostication and non-wisdom would focus on the China spy-plane flap, and there'd be maybe a a word or two on the collapse of former Texas governor Dumb-Yuh's tax scam.

FAUX News Sunday
The fascist... er, fastest political talk show on the air!

"An American Homecoming!" Tony Snow started FNS with a little flag-waving over the return of the spy plane crew -- then hinted that unrest in Cincinnati was being used as cynical "opportunism" by Kwesi Mfume. To our delight, Tony would actually subvert that spin later in the show in one of the most explosive segments FNS has had in quite a while.

Tony's first guest was spy plane copilot Lt. Jeff Vignery. Copilot? With all their connections to Team Smirk, the FAUX News Team couldn't get the pilot? Heck, it didn't matter -- Vignery was articulate enough to recount the incident, then say "Jesus is my saviour."

Ah-HA! That's why FNS had him on -- Roger Ailes figured the pilot would evangelize and witness for all those nice ultra-Christians that get their pap from FAUX News! Of course, this sort of Bible-beating does not fly with the fastest-growing target of discrimination in our nation -- the non-religious -- even if the person "witnessing" is doing so in earnest, as Vignery was.

Tony did not ask terribly probing questions until he asked this "expert" why the spy missions remain necessary -- to which Vignery said he did it for love of the American people. Gag me -- sure, Vignery isn 100% sincere, but hell, even Slobodan Milosevic cooked up more subtle TV propaganda than this...

How reassuring -- such comments cannot help but raise even more questions about this massive transfer of technology to the Chinese, likely far more damaging than anything anyone may have gotten from Los Alamos (most of which was in the academic or public domain anyway).

Next up: Sen. Bob Graham (D-FL). Tony asked him to grade Snippy on the China crisis -- knowing full well Graham would give him an enthusiastic "A." Acclaimed stick man Sen. Tim "Get Clinton" Hutchinson (Educated redneck-AR) echoed Graham, calling it a big-time diplomatic victory.

Cue the laugh track! Geez, if you consider isolationism, inflammatory rhetoric, regional destabilization, and the possibility that the dumb ass in the Oval Office is gonna get a whole lot of Americans killed "victory," then there you have it!

Graham called for the recon flights to resume post haste. Should we send Aegis cruisers to Taiwan? Hutchinson was not so clever in his non-answer, saying that we need to do so in order to defend Taiwan, that bastion of democracy.

Graham did say that we are learning the lesson of not turning an incident such as the spy plane flap into a potentially worse situation. Baloney -- this incident soured relations because the current administration was outright undiplomatic in their public stance toward China outside of a few conciliatory comments from Colin Powell.

Tony then asked if the Chinese military may have been acting against orders from Beijing, implying that the military, not the government, is in charge. Graham again did not say yes or no, but did say that the military calls a lot of the shots. Hutchinson called the military leadership "hardliners" -- as in Marxists. That is 100% deceptive -- in fact, the military has been more militant about pushing China toward entrepreneurism and a market economy than the "ideologists" in the Forbidden City.

There were no big surprises in the segment -- it was being used to reinforce the bellicose stance of Donald "I Want a Cold War Dammit" Rumsfeld, a position Graham and Hutchinson -- and Ailes, Brit Hume and Tony Snow -- back.

Following the break -- Jurassic Diplomacy with Henry Kissinger! He claimed that the administration made a distinction between the "apology" for the death of the Chinese pilot and asserting the right to spy. Well, gee, what modern superpower wouldn't, Henry? Hume essentially said that America should not apologize for "invading" Chinese airspace with a damaged plane. He Hume saluted "Dr." Kissinger for opening China -- when in fact it was Chjna that approached America through a third party!

Kissinger claimed that the Chinese leaders were caught in their own internal dilemma -- military oligarchy versus the government -- and cautioned that we should not get into a conflict with a 5,000-year-old nation that has outlasted all rivals, but that we should not let them push us around. "As time goes on, the Chinese will become stronger... it will change its political attitudes as it becomes more integrates with the global political system." Kissinger added that China cannot push the U.S. out of the region. Strangely, he neglected to say that there are many in the Chinese leadership, both military and government, that see America as indispensable to China's strength.

One comical moment -- Kissinger said "PLO, er, PLA" when talking about the Chinese military. Talk about a major Freudian screw-up! What next, "Yassir Zemin?" Kissinger was concerned that the Chinese military "will play a disproportionate role." Hume scowled as he said the Chinese military held our men and women in uniform and arrested Chinese academics -- essentially claiming the military are completely in charge. Kissinger speculated that the military is playing a role of "tough guy" in a period of transition, and cautioned that U.S.-China relations are "brittle enough" that situations such as a Chinese scholar being arrested and the spy plane flap will only hurt relations in the long run.

After the second break, Tony Snow turned to racial friction in Cincinnati in the wake of an unarmed black kid having been shot in the back by a cop -- and asked the Cincinnati FOP boss Keith Fangman (yes, that's his real name) why they shot beanbags at people attending a memorial service for the kid yesterday. Fangman seemed a tad petulent -- but did make sure to mention "rioters," painting attendees of the memorial service with the same broad brush as the handful of troublemakers who looted black-owned shops in the wake of the shooting. It was a disgusting cheap shot -- even Tony seemed very surprised. NAACP head honcho Kwesi Mfume, Tony's other guest for the segment, said he was at the funeral -- where cops shot an old lady two little girls with beanbags. Mfume was visibly and understandably upset and said there would have been a riot had a couple level-headed Cincinnati officials not shown up immediately and skillfully defused the situation. Mfume said that even officers say there is a decades-long racial problem in the Cincinnati PD. Fangman said the Mfume was "ill-informed" -- and Mfume broke in, saying "I was THERE!" Fangman looked furious, demanding that Mfume (which he mispronounced -- we say intentionally -- as "Mfahmmy") not interrupt him -- then he spun pretty poorly, claiming seven investigations said there was no problem. "Fang" then essentially claimed that BLACK crooks were targeting cops. Mfume corrected the cop's pronunciation -- then said that he fully expects cops to defend themselves against deadly force -- but some crooked cops got reinstated in Cincinnati. Mfume then cut to the core of the unrest in Cincinnati: what about an unarmed fleeing suspect who is gunned down as the cop who shot him and other police officials claim that the cop did the right thing? Fangman denied that he himself had said such a thing -- but the fact is that cops WENT ON RECORD to that effect.

It was clear Fangman was looking to inflame Mfume. And Tony tried his best to keep things under control -- in fact, we doubt any pundit could have done a better job. Fangman claimed that "people like" Mfume (all blacks?) should not come to Cincinnati "without the facts" -- at which point Mfume jumped down Fangman's throat for making unsubstantiated claims, saying that Fangman has never worked to improve relations. Fangman essentially said that there's be no progress unless "people like" Mfume (blacks?) backed off -- in other words, we're right, you black troublemakers are wrong, and that's life.

Fangman came across as a bully, a bigot, a fascist -- Cincinnati could not have found a worse spokesman for their cops. He made the entire force look like a chapter of the KKK with his hostile and arrogant attitude toward Mfume -- including what we feel WAS intentional mispronunciation of his name. Such tactics only play well to bigots. Cincinnati is going to need spin control -- big time -- as it's a near-certainty that this run-in will make the headlines, especially among minority-oriented media.

Topic one of the roundtable -- Bill Kristol's proclamation last week that Smirk blew the China flap. Both Juan Williams and Mara Liasson said that most of the right actually backed Usurper Boy -- and Hume said it was "madness"; all the Chinese got was a narrowly worded apology and no reparations.

Here's the truth -- even Rumsfeld's "red meat" post-return-of-crew spin has not been enough to calm many hard-righters and neo-isolationists who think Dumb-Yuh blew it -- and want him to dump Colin Powell because he was too conciliatory early on.

Mara said that the Smirking One has sided with his daddy and daddy's team, looking for a conciliatory solution while facing the issue of selling arms to China. Juan in effect slammed Smirk for not calling Jiang Zemin to work a deal -- and American business, not Bush, is driving the issue because they don't want to lose a huge consumer market, which is why the Chinese behaved badly and we did little.

Well, no kidding -- look who gave the big bucks to then-Governor George. Many of them see China as a potentially enormous market for consumer or infrastructure goods.

China: "What now? Will the Chinese return our plane? And what about trade?... How did [Smirk] handle his first foreign policy crisis?"

He didn't, Tim -- he let the "brains" do it while he went upstairs and did a workout or took a nap.

Tim welcomed TWO pilots of the spy plane -- Vignery made his second Sunday appearance, and he "accepted Jesus as my saviour" AGAIN! The other pilot, Patrick Honeck, said that the crew had actually prepared to ditch the plane in the water. Tim wanted details on what the Chinese did when they landed -- "Did the Chinese force the crew off at gunpoint?... Did they try to brainwash you? What information were they seeking that you would not give them? Talk about that interrogation by the Chinese!" There were few interesting details during the course of the interview; Honeck said he was forthcoming to the Chinese about the accident investigation, and Vignery said there was a lot of pressure. "Did they say you'd never be able to leave?" Vignery said they hinted at a trial.

"So they did threaten you by saying you might have to go on trial." It was classic Tim, putting words in the mouths of our armed forces so his hard-right pals can gin up a New Cold War.

Tim ran the Defense Department footage of a Chinese fighter buzzing a spy plane -- and much to Tim's chagrin, Honeck said he could not positively identify the plane as the same that buzzed them, or the pilot as the now-missing "Wrong Wei."

"Do you want the Chinese to return your plane?" Honeck said he has "no emotional attachment to the plane."

Tim immediately turned to womanizer Sen. Henry Hyde (S&L Crook-IL) to get a reaction to the "revelation" that the Chinese sought to put them on trial! For once, Hyde cautioned restraint, saying wait for the debriefings to begin.

Hyde said the plane "is not a trophy for them to confiscate." What a hypocrite -- has America treated Soviet planes with deference or respect for "sovereign territory?" Hyde said that a lack of Chinese conciliation might damage chances of trading relations being approved by the Senate. "Could you vote for it if they still kept our plane?" Hyde replied, "Probably not."

Tim then ran articles on the flap from a Chinese daily and the New York Times -- then said that "Wrong Wei" has been named a revolutionary martyr by China. Sen. Bob "The Torch" Torricelli said that the present flap will eventually be revealed as an internal Chinese conflict that will hurt relations in the short term and invite "retribution." Tim glommed onto the word, asking about "retribution." The Torch said Smirk should cancel his China trip later this year, and it is justifiable to argue that China is a scofflaw, and their conduct in the present flap is proof. Should we give Aegis to Taiwan? Torricelli wants arms sales now -- smaller systems followed by a possible full-blown system. Torricelli said that when Powell met with Armed Services Committee members and asked for silence, Torch said he'd do it so long as the Administration did not ask him to back MFN -- he will vote against it.

Senator George Allen (Freeper-VA) said that the present pseudo-crisis proves we have to arm Taiwan. He said "he's keeping his options open." Ha, ha, ha -- right, the option of which color kneepads he'll wear next time he visits Don Rumsfeld! We can tell you this: our sources on the Hill tell us that Allen is doing his damnedest to come across as a GOP "rising star," but is seen by his Republican peers as a slick politician but an intellectual lightweight. Allen characterized the Taiwanese systems as "defensive armaments" -- but somehow neglected to include the word "destabilize." You'd think that the GOP had never heard -- let alone used -- the words, "Actions have consequences."

Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) slammed China for holding an American academic in custody. But he cautioned the administration not to be "fanatic" in demanding the plane back -- at which point Torch said that North Korea parades the USS Pueblo around, and he does not want to see that plane in China ten years from now.

What is the state of U.S.-China relations? Hyde said "Touchy..." and "Arms-length... not a strategic friend of ours." Torch: China has blown it by undermining their stake in the world and tweaking a superpower. Durbin: "There is a price to boorish behavior." Allen: "Unsettled," and China's leaders have to act enlightened and non-oppressive.

After the break, Tim amused us by trying to tie the China flap to the budget debate -- and failing miserably. Torch slammed Snippy for cutting education programs. "There are problems with this budget." Can Smirk get his tax cut with an 8% --not 4% as promised -- budget increase?

Durbin essentially said the tax cut is dead. Allen said that taxpayers should get the surplus back (hey, George, some of us want the debt paid down -- keep the money and cut faith-based scam spending, we say)! Allen did the usual "smaller classes" nonsense -- but that costs MONEY, George! Tim practically dared Hyde to cut that 8% -- and Hyde claimed that the numbers were negotiating figures but they will be "massaged" and there will be a tax cut (wow, there will be a tax cut when both parties support it -- what a stretch, Henry).

Then Tim attacked Torch -- but gently -- asking him why, as Time is reporting, he hired two defense lawyers -- will he be indicted? Torch said no, that he feels the matter will pass in a few weeks or months. The matter, he said, is an FEC issue. Was your residence searched? Torricelli said he is doing his best to cooperate with investigations into campaign finance matters. On the matter of one Mr. Chang and a French citizen, both of whom gave Torricelli illegal contributions, Torricelli said that the problem is the need to raise so much money from so many people. He said he's followed the rules and that the matter of questions into his fundraising will be resolved. He also blasted what he characterized as politically motivated "planted" stories.

We were kind of surprised -- even though Tim asked "tough" and somewhat loaded questions, he went far easier on Torricelli than he has on Clinton Administration democrats -- in fact, he gave Torricelli a wide berth to answer his critics and did not probe Torricelli's answers . The truth is that there are some serious questions surrounding contributions to Torricelli -- mind you, the situation is nowhere as crooked-looking as that surrounding Rep. Tom DeLay, but it does merit an investigation, one that may well exculpate Torricelli.

After the break, Tim welcomed Bill Kristol -- and played Cheney's sneering "Kristol's trying to sell magazines... disreputable" comments from lat week's Meet the Putz. "The vice president gave you a good whack!" Kristol smiled and said he's sure Cheney's not proud of the "humiliating" so-sorry letter to China -- and that China walked all over the U.S. Then Tim said that 69% of Americans say Smirk handled the situation well -- ha, ha, ha, we can only wonder who the pollster was! David Broder said that China is holding a woman from Virginia incommunicado -- "Chinese are not nice people." Gee, how enlightened, slamming an entire ethnic group. We're sure a few Chinese-Americans will have something to say about Broder's comment. But Broder said that there was no need to rhetorically make the situation worse -- in other words, the Cheney-Card Cadre did the right thing. E.J. Dionne asked whether Cheney would agree with Kristol if this happened on Clinton's watch -- and blasted the administration over calling China a "strategic partner" one day, a "strategic competitor" another day. Kristol slammed China for holding the academic incommunicado.

What hypocrisy -- everyone on the right seems eager to turn China's holding of an activist "hostage" into a new Cold War while they quietly chuckle with a wink and a nod at Peru having jailed an American activist, who looks to have been framed, for life -- because she's a leftist.

Tim turned to Broder's column on the Dumb-Yuh budget. Broder slammed the administration for no growth in law enforcement spending (which both parties support) and sloughing off funding for jailing illegal aliens on the states. E.J. said that the Senate increased spending by $600 billion and shrunk the tax cut $400 billion -- but you have to reduce the tax cut by $600 billion, because otherwise spending and tax cuts are out of line. Kristol said that defense spending MUST be increased! Tim's big question: where is the give? Holy cow -- Tim is now "AGAINST" tax cuts! E.J. said Kristol is starting to sound like a Democrat!

Tim then asked Broder about George W. bungling the environment -- and Democrats taking advantage of his missteps. Broder said that GOPers in some states are now deep in the brown sauce, and His Fraudulence MUST become "the environment president" to counter the Dems.

Yeah, right -- we know Smirk is just sooooo ready to embrace the idea that global warming is real even though the "scientific research is not complete."

All in all, it was a pretty dull session of Meet the Putz. Solid, stioc aviators, big-name Senators, Solonic print pundits -- nobody could stop us from having to reach for the No-Doz.

Neither Tim Russert nor the FAUX News Sunday team mentioned the Denise Rich immunity "breaking news!" What's happening? Have they been put on some kind of Clinton-bashing Methadone? Are they in a Clinton-addict 12-step program? Or have they finally realized that most people who watch the Sunday shows are sick of the cheap-shot Clinton-baiting?

We suspect we'll never know the answer -- but it did come as a pleasant Easter surprise.



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