American Politics Journal -- Pundit Pap



"The Pundits, Flush With Pride" courtesy the Wizard of Whimsy.

Sunday, May 27, 2001 -- NEW YORK/WASHINGTON (APJP) -- On this most somber of American holidays, the Sunday morning political quarterbacks paused to reflect on how sad it was that they could not make their top item of discussion the Great Tax Giveback of 2001 and had to deal with the death of the Agenda of Usurpation. The melancholy of the punditocracy -- and their not-so-veiled rage at Sen. Jim Jeffords (I-VT) -- was up front for all to see.

It was more than obvious that these overpaid gasbags were bemoaning their lack of influence over Americans that pay attention to politics -- the wailing and gnashing of teeth seen by Jeff Koopersmith earlier this week on the FOX News Channel was on display on all the network shows all morning.

With Tony Snow away on vacation, it fell to the ever-smug Brit Hume to declare the Smirk tax giveback a major victory -- yet the shadow of Sen. Jim Jeffords (I-VT) and his defection from the GOP loomed heavily over the FAUX festivities.

Hume's first guest was the number two Democrat in the Senate, Harry Reid (NV). Brit tried to spin Democrat Senators Daschle vs. Baucus as "confrontational" on the tax bill that Baucus co-sponsored (in other words, some sort of "proof" that Democrats in the Senate are in disarray) -- but Reid blasted the notion like a fish in a barrel, saying he was in favor of some kind of tax relief for working people -- but NOT at the expense of raping Social Security. He did say that he does like the "instant rebate". Reid added that the Bogus POTUS "stuck to his guns" -- and hinted that he should now approach Democrats in a cooperative spirit.

Mort Kondracke asked how Democrats would "pay for the bills" that they plan to advance (i.e. prescription drugs) -- and Reid turned the tables, saying that Don "Dr. Strangelove" Rumsfeld's plans are too expensive, so it's time to shift money out of defense into programs that benefit Americans. Mort then asked what Dems "offered" Jeffords -- and Reid slammed Mort for that "you bribed the guy" spin and exposing the "news" coming from the press about Democrats somehow "buying" Jeffords as a lie.

Now we know why Reid is so seldom on the Sunday spin shows -- he is unafraid to expose these creeps' "emperors clothes" of fake fairness and baloney balance.

Hume asked for "assurance" that there were no "promises made" to Jeffords. What a joke that poor, blustering Brit has become -- he just can't take the hint that by telling the same lie over and over, it doesn't become the truth.

Well, Brit, maybe that's what your wife insists that you ask Reid, but you should know better -- you just end up looking more and more like a meat puppet for Ari Fleischer.

The next guest was semi-sentient Senate MINORITY big-mouth Don Nickles (Cretin-OK), who denied that Jeffords was ignored. And that's true: the GOP made sure Jeffords paid the price for representing his Vermont constituency instead of Trent Lott's backers.

Nickles blurted out the same arrogant Republican blather about what amounts to a tax giveback for the rich, and Hume asked what the GOP had done to keep Jeffords in the caucus. Nickles echoed Hume's lie that Dems "offered him something" -- then compounded the fraud by saying that Jeffords had been offered chair of the Labor Committee by the GOP and consideration of more money for programs Jeffords supports.

Oh, we see... the GOP tried to BUY Jeffords, but he stood on principle. Kinda stupid of Nickles to admit that, dont'cha think? And you thought The Simpsons was the funniest comedy on FOX...

Mort asked about other Republicans, such as Lincoln Chaffee (RI) or John McCain (AZ), who he claimed might bolt the GOP. Nickles finally lamented that he and the other proto-Confederates in the Senate had not "listened" to Jeffords -- then lied by declaring the GOP "a broad-based party, including the Northeast."

Next up: Senators Mitch McConnell (R-Cabbage Patch), Arlen Specter (R-PA), and Vice-President Elect Joe Lieberman (D-CT).

Hume started with John McCain's withering critique of the GOP: "It is time for the party to grow up." Hume set up McConnell to trash McCain by asking him "What's up?" McConnell, on cue, said McCain's increasingly positioning himself to the left -- as if that were a sin! Specter said the he does not like to characterize politicians as being on the left or right. Huh? Joe L. said that the problem is that Smirk campaigned as a centrist but is governing from the hard right -- and is losing the support of the people. Surprisingly, Hume didn't follow up with bashing of opinion polls -- we had half expected him to say that His Fraudulence does not rely on pollsters like that awful Bill Clinton -- but instead gave Joe a wide berth to slam the Bogus POTUS as a hypocrite. Lieberman lit into the Compassionate Pretender saying he would "leave no child behind" and espouse "compassionate conservatism" while gutting programs that help kids. McConnell responded by lying about the education bill, saying that conservatives will not like what he called a "broad bipartisan" bill.

Right -- a sham bill that imposes inconclusive, unproven tests that will be "taught to" instead of money for physical plants and programs that teach kids what they need to know.

Specter said that the GOP has to listen to moderates -- and actually encouraged moderates in the GOP to get more active! Uh-oh... look for Specter to be blacklisted from FAUX by Kim Hume for daring to say such a thing!

There was a lot of spin on stem-cell research, which Specter supports but Smirk wants to kill.

McConnell said that Jeffords got more attention than any member of the conference. And that was true -- he was stabbed in the back more often than any member of the GOP caucus save John McCain.

Lieberman said emphatically that anyone who says Jeffords changed parties for his own benefit is just plain wrong (i.e. lying). Hume asked if Jeffords will have more influence as an independent, and Specter said no -- then said he is introducing a bill that would prevent the organization of the Senate on the move of one member from one party to another, and lamenting the fact that GOP staffers were weeping and Smirk's agenda had been torpedoed.

Did you hear that? Specter spoke the truth: when Republicans can't get their way, they are CRYBABIES! They're SORE LOSERMEN! Bwaaaaaaaaah! Bwaaaaaaaaah! Look for Specter to be blackballed by NBC, too!

Hume then tried a Tim-Russert-style ambush, pulling up a years-ago comment that Daschle mace when Ben Campbell changed parties to the effect that he should have resigned and run as a Republican. Specter thought the notion of Jeffords resigning was not too bright.

Hume seemed grumpy by the end of that segment, probably not having expected Arlen to be so candid.

Following the break, Hume then tried his isolationist spin on Gen. Wesley Clark, who has written a scathing book about the Pentagon's role in Bosnia. Hume tried goading Clark by getting him to say he believes in the "limited war" structure as opposed to a Cold War footing. Clark added that "we have to be careful" of high expectations for high-tech war. Hume said that Clark "won a war" with high-tech munitions -- isn't your experience a contradiction? No, said Clark, because they were NOT able to use the high-tech means Hume had implied were used to halt ethnic cleansing. It was not air strikes but a united NATO that defeated Milosevic, who "saw the hammer coming." Juan Williams said that Macedonia is heating up, yet Defense Secretary Strange-Feld says it's over over there. Clark said that NATO should work to stop the emerging conflict in Macedonia -- early actions to prevent conflicts are essential, and such actions cannot happen without the U.S. Juan mentioned that Saddam Hussein is "still on the run" (yeah, right -- in Iraq). Clark deflected, saying that military alliances and diplomatic initiatives are the proper direction of peacekeeping.

Hume asked why Clark thought that the Pentagon had essentially fired him from leading our efforts in Bosnia. Clark said he can't speculate on what happened -- but hinted it was a personality clash.

Before the break, Hume said the panel would discuss "events of a remarkable week." He sounded depressed -- he is conspicuously heartbroken that Smirk's tax giveback has been overshadowed by that meddling Vermont Senator! Obviously, Washington Times arch-liar Bill "Gore stole the election just like Moon told me to say" Sammon was on hand to raise Hume's spirits; he started by lying about Jeffords, first calling him a liberal, then essentially saying that he lied about the GOP abandoning him by leaving the GOP himself. Mort tried to make a big thing about Jeffords probably heading the Environment Committee, and Ceci "Clueless" Connelly put the "blame" on eight years of Bill Clinton "liberalizing" Jeffords. Juan put the smackdown on the entire panel, pointing out that the entire GOP has shifted to the right and hardball politics rules the day (i.e. Smirk's foolishly trying to kill dairy subsidies).

Note to Daschle: that's true, and it's time to play hardball by seizing the agenda.

Mort surprised us by claiming that Smirk is -- catch this -- a moderate! Now, we would have understood if Neofascist Sammon said that -- which he did as he bashed Bush Daddy for "kowtowing to the left." Juan pointed out that Daddy lost re-election because he failed to accommodate moderates. Ceci did cheerleading for Smirk's education and tax bills, spinning him as effective -- but conceding that he's alienated moderates like Olympia Snowe (R-ME) and Lincoln Chaffee. Mort said that His Fraudulence MUST define himself as a "compassionate conservative." Hume slammed McCain for voting no on the Smirk Tax Fraud, and Ceci dissed his legislative ability. Sammon insulted McCain for "sucking up to the media" -- yeah, Sammon, J.J.'s such a liberal! -- and Juan said McCain will continue to be a thorn in DumbYuh's side.

There was no final word from Brit -- other than to plug his perfectly awful weekday show, Special Retort [to Honest Reporting] on the FAUX News Channel.

The Doc can't go a week without witnessing the lunacy, mock-seriousness, and conspicuous shilling for GE's defense industry divisions that McLaugh-In delivers.

John bellowed with gusto: Issue One!! No surprise -- it was Jim Jeffords, who came to his senses and walked away from the GOP in a bold move to consolidate support of Vermont voters in advance of a gubernatorial run.

Of course, this was lost on the McLaugh-In "Group Gropers" -- and practically every other pundit this weekend.

Right-wing goofball Michael Barone said Dems are not interested in a "centrist" agenda (well, no kidding, Sherlock) and predicted that Daschle will NOT deny Bush victory on high-profile issues (he'll eat his words).

John then recited a litany of Snippy's goals that Daschle wants to stop -- stupid ideas from start to finish, from a missile "defense shield" boondoggle to fake "tort reform" that denies consumers any rights! Eleanor Clift loved Daschle dashing it all. Tony Blankley (who remains the best-dressed conservative on the tube) essentially said Daschle would be a wuss (don't count on it, fat boy). John needled Larry O'Donnell for his appearance as Jed Bartlett's dad on The West Wing (he shouldn't have -- O'Donnell was surprisingly effective as Bartlett's mean father), and Larry said that all those gifts on John and Jack Welch's crazy wish list weren't going to come true anyway. John said he wants the House (i.e. the Confederate States of America) to set the agenda (i.e. send a lot of tax money to General Electric) so that Daschle can be looked at as Mr. Gridlock. Tony fears that there will be "punishing oversight hearings."

Starting, we hope, with serial liar and "Perjurer General" Ted "Arkansas Project" Olson.

Larry and Mike debated the Senate calendar; Eleanor tried to make a point; John bellowed "exCUUUUUSE MEEEE" in a manner that would make Steve Martin proud; Eleanor told John that maybe he should have said that to motor mouths Larry and Mike. John kept shouting down Eleanor's point: that many Dems do not oppose a fair tax cut. Eleanor said that Smirk was ready to unleash the enforcers on Congress. John said his beloved Bogus POTUS will not give up his conservative positions.

John reviewed the "winners and losers" in the wake of the Jeffords move. Will Daschle be the Democrat standard-bearer? Eleanor said that the move will burnish Daschle's reputation, but Larry said that Daschle is "handcuffed" to the job. Mike said Harry Reid is an able leader -- in other words, Mike thinks Daschle might well be the front-runner. Tony left us with aching ribs when he claimed Trent "Helmut Hair" Lott made Jeffords a Singing Senator to keep him in the GOP! On committee "musical chairs" Eleanor said that Byrd replacing Stevens at Appropriations is good for pork! Larry said Biden MIGHT want to chair Judiciary, but as chair of Foreign Relations it will favorably affect currently soured diplomatic situation with many of our allies. Mike joked that at Health, Kennedy in and Jeffords out pushes the committee to the right -- and he's actually not too far from the truth! Mike said Levin at Defense is hostile to that great missile defense idea (barf).

Mike -- 3
Eleanor -- 9
Tony -- after some haggling with John, 6
Larry -- 7
John -- 7

Then onto the issue of war monuments in Washington -- and the lack of a memorial to World War II vets. Critics, said John, don't want too monumental a monument smack dab in the middle of the Mall; others say that the planned "sunken" monument isn't big enough. Mike wants a memorial; Eleanor wants a grand monument, but not on the Mall; John is displeased that there is no further debate on design or placement of the monument, which he called "fascist behavior" (something he is an authority on); Larry said that America should memorialize something other than war.

McLaugh-In's closing ritual of predictions from the panel contained no "stretches":
Mike forecast Randy Forbes as the winner in the June 19 Virginia congressional election.
Eleanor said the Jeffords defection will boost GOP bribery...er, fundraising.
Tony declared Social Security and Medicare reform dead while Democrats control the Senate.
Larry said Tom Daschle will not run for president.
John was dead wrong, though, saying that John Breaux (D-LA) "will emerge as more powerful in the U.S. Senate than the majority leader, Tom Daschle."

PBS Insipid Washington
"Smug and Cocky" Smirk gets smacked on the tiny space between his eyes. Charles "The Hammer" Krauthammer rattles his sabre

Cast of Gasbags:
Moderator Gordon Peterson
with Charles Krauthammer (chronically bitter and angry columnist)
Nina Totenberg (NPR)
Evan Thomas (Newsweak)
Jack White (Time; he might as well have stayed home)

The lead issue of course, was who will be taken out and shot (blindfolded and smoking a mouthful of cigarettes courtesy of Philip Morris, I presume) over James Jefford's principled decision to leave the party of darkness.

This is a meaningless argument of course, because the Mutant Simian abomination has showed the macho inability to EVER admit blame or wrongdoing for anything whatsoever, and is continuing that doomed course in this matter. Their talking points are to the effect that the Jeffords defection is really no big deal, and they're not going to do anything differently.

In keeping with the well-known Bush Famiglia Mafia style, they'll devote all of their energy towards destroying Jeffords, even if it takes years. They've probably already have set up a Jeffords Hit Team in the office space that formerly housed staff devoted to women's and AIDS issues in the Clinton White House.

Everyone but Charles "Sour" Krauthammer -- who whined that everyone knew that Bush was a conservative all along -- thought that it was arrogance on the part of Junior's "Brain Mistrust" that drove Jeffords to do the right thing. After a reading of the delicious statement by McCain keeping it real and saying the Repugs need to "grow up", Evan Thomas used the phrase "smug and cocky" to accurately describe not only the Knuckledragger's smugness but his cockiness. Nina Totenberg described the dumbness of the White House in their treatment of Jeffords as "dumbness."

Though it was only acknowledging the blatantly obvious, it was still liberating to hear Beltway pundits use those terms without a trace of timidity or qualification.

The chairmanship changes were listed, which kind of got me excited. Thomas blandly predicted gridlock. Nina predicted the Dems will force a lot of doomed bills in hopes that their defeats will embarrass the right (piece of cake). She then mentioned that the change in committee chairs now gives Dems INVESTIGATIVE powers. Excuse me for saying so, but that kind of talk from Nina gets me a little hot. Mmmmmrrrrow! Nina, I love it with you talk investigations! Subpoena ME, bay-bee!

Krauthammer predicted a slowdown on Smirk's attempt to wreck the country with his brand of "compassion" -- but tried to minimize the effects, saying correctly that instead of Dim Son controlling the agenda totally, he'll only control it a bit less.

When the talk turned to judgeships, Thomas said that Smirk would have never sent up a hard right nominee anyway. Nina disagreed, and Charles said he thought "Roarin' Orrin" Hatch would be a great nominee. Yegads! I'd sure sleep well knowing a guy that thought Ted Olson was completely honest and forthright in his testimony is on the high court! Gak!

Peterson then asked in essence, "Hey, Jeffords hands the Dems all this power and clout in the Senate, and then they confirm Ted Olson. What's up with that?!"

Nina: The Repugs realized they only had a few hours to get it done, so they snuck it through (like thieves in the night) and the Dems realized that all they had on Olson was that he worked against Clinton, and they are still phobic of having anything brought up even remotely to do with Clinton (which displays a disgraceful lack of character, not to mention gratitude, in my humble opinion; the corruption that Olson was in the midst of had NOTHING to do with Clinton, but with an illegal effort to COVER UP his role in an effort to bring down a president -- why run from that??!).

Final issue: the occupation forces making a hash of foreign relations with their "unilateralism" and isolationism.

Thomas noted that the level of complaints not only from Europe but the entire world suggests that Dumb-Yuh is going too far. He said you don't have to be a "liberal internationalist" to think there's something wrong here.

Nina said that the same "arrogance and cockiness" attitude exhibited with Jeffords is also apparent in the foreign relations mess Dick and Dork are creating.

As if in a last ditch effort to sound goofy and out in left field, Krauthammer went into some unhinged diatribe about how we SHOULD be arrogant and cocky in our relationships with other nations, and, as a matter of fact, we should be MORE "in their face" with Russia and others. He then spouted claptrap suggesting that there is nothing Russia can do to us, so we should essentially just do whatever the hell we want and not worry about what other nations think. He said Smirk's scrapping of everything Clinton had done in this area was "bold" and announced that we're going to do whatever is in our national interest and we're not going to listen to "whining" from other countries.

Give 'em Thermo-Freakin'-Nuclear Hell, Chuck! It's always troubling to listen to armchair (or wheelchair) generals rattle on advocating policies that increase the likelihood of hostilities or war. Charles will no doubt be the first one over the top leading the charge when the Chump's arrogant disregard for the rest of the planet goes beyond drawing the hatred of those that don't already hate us, and leads to war.

--- Dash Riprock

Tim Russert welcomed the prize guest of the week for a round of his abuse and attack: Tom Daschle. Daschle for the most part held his own and then some.

Daschle said that he probably starts as Majority Leader after the Memorial Day recess on June 5. Tim started by trying to make Daschle and the Dems look vulnerable with the issue of partisan confrontation -- saying that the GOP might filibuster if the Democrats work to block Boy George's judicial nominees. Daschle showed spine early on, essentially saying it is pretty stupid for the GOP to seek gridlock. Tim: "but Bush was elected President" (you've gotta love Tim trying to prolong the illusion of Smirk's legitimacy! He wasn't elected, you overweight, overpaid shill for Jack Welch -- he was appointed!) -- shouldn't he have the right to name conservatives? Daschle again warned that he insists that Dems be fully informed about nominees (read: don't make me laugh, fat boy).

Daschle IS showing backbone. But he's not going far enough -- in fact, he should have fired back at Tim's incorrect assertion that Bush was elected.

There was then a little talk about Jeffords leaving the GOP -- and getting the Environment Committee chairmanship. Daschle said that it has not been approved -- and then Tim said that some see it as a bribe.

You mean like Cheney opening his door to Big Energy to spell out "official" policy in secret after paying "Big Time" and his Smirk Puppet gazillions in campaign and "Un-auguration Fund" cash, Tim?

Tim then ran the same old comment that Hume used about Campbell resigning. Daschle made a fool of Russert, point out a difference between switching parties and going indie! So what did Fatboy Tim do? Ask about what Daschle would call for if Chaffee went indie, claiming that Daschle is engaged in an "evolving" view.

Then Tim attacked Torricelli, quoting a poorly-sourced New York Post story claiming the Torch "is toast" and will be indicted. Daschle: consider the source -- "I don't trust The New York Post."

It's about time someone said it, Tom -- but you should have lit into Tim for trusting the Post.

Tax relief! Tim said that people will love their rebates. Daschle called it great short-term politics -- but a long-term time bomb that will devastate Medicare and Social Security, an irresponsible bill and an irresponsible vote. Tim kept confronting Daschle with the handful of Dems who voted for the Tax Giveback. Daschle hinted at what was really up -- he said that some Dems were confronted by local politics, but implied that they helped pass a bill that would come back to bite the Usurper in the butt.

What about partially privatizing Social Security? Daschle is against it. Period. Game over.

Then Tim quoted Zell Miller's utterly brainless assertion that Senate Democrats have been shrill and punitive since January. What a joke -- sounds more like the tone the GOP has adopted. Daschle also laid the blame for no talk between himself and Shrubbo at the feet of the White House -- and challenged Team Cheney to call a bipartisan meeting.

There was some talk about Scalia becoming Chief Injustice. Tim was emphatic about his having been confirmed by the Senate in a 98-0 vote; Daschle pointed out that many people were caught off-guard by his "far, far right" bent.

Which means, of course, that if Smirk nominates him, he's going to get grilled by the Senate. It won't be pretty when they get to Bush v. Gore, and the matter of Scalia's motive.

Tim said "missile defense is dead." Daschle said there should be research, but we should NOT trash the ABM treaty and infuriate our allies. Tim: "So missile defense as outlined by [Dumb-Yuh] is dead."

Will Daschle try to undo some of the tax cuts? Daschle said there will be serious budget problems that will have to be confronted.

Is drilling in the Arctic dead? Daschle: "Yes. Finished." Ouch! Daschle also said with respect to nuclear energy that there is a continuing problem with the disposal of nuclear waste. Tim asked in his most snide, dismissive, Cheneyesque manner about conservation -- which gave Daschle an opportunity to make Tim and Cheney look like fools, essentially saying, "Are you an idiot? Conservation is a great first step in overcoming the present issue of energy shortages."

Tim then touched on a number of issues: the spy plane stranded on Hainan, peace in the Middle East and the use of F-16s by Israel against Palestinians, sanctions against Saddam.

Will Daschle state that he is NOT going to run for the White House? Daschle said he would make no statement until the present Congress is over 18 months from now.

Tim then welcomed James Carville and Haley "Howdy" Barbour. Ol' Serpent-head said that Dems owe Jeffords a huge debt of gratitude for showing how extreme the Smirk Posse is. Haley echoed a Republican blast fax that American Politics Journal received on Friday: Jeffords is a liberal, a liberal, and a liberal (did we mention liberal?) acting in self-interest and getting a payoff from Dems. Tim pointed out that even the Weakly Standard forecast the defection. Haley repeated the blast-fax spin points. Carville said that Jeffords stuck with the GOP through Reagan and Gingrich -- and was the subject of GOP attacks; they continue to attack him, and Carville essentially called that strategy stupid.

Tim then confronted some very critical comments about the White House's handling of the Jeffords defection by Chuck Hagel and John McCain.

From there, the blather actually got boring -- until Tim started debating Carville on tax givebacks and attempting to embarrass Carville over his asking for a $1000 contribution to Zell Miller back. This backfired -- because most Democrats not only think Carville did the right thing based on Miller's hard turn to the right, but that Miller's a traitor to Democrat and majority ideals. This gave Carville a wide berth to slam the excessive tax cuts.

We noticed something interesting about Barbour -- his Mississippi drawl has gotten much, much deeper than it used to be when he was RNC Chairman. We can imagine he drove in to NBC Studios in a pickup truck complete with gun rack, NRA and Freak Republic bumper stickers, and a big ol' hound dawg in the cab with him, and changed out of his overalls into the not-quite-perfectly-fitting suit he sported before getting out.

Likewise, we noticed that Carville has contained his exuberant outbursts, letting unleashing them only during the most exciting and ridiculous issues -- he's not the over-the-top "Corporal Cue-ball" he used to be when he'd appear with his surly wife, Mary Matalin, who now works for Dick Cheney trying to make the guy appear semi-human. Carville comes across as a helluva lot more serious than he used to.

Disgrace the Nation
Today: A small review, a large rant.

What's the 411 on the Jeffords switch? Was it due to the Smirking-Dunce-and-gang's arrogance and Slim Cheney style?

We had true bi-partisan agreement between Senators Chuck Hagel (R-Sane) and Smokin' Joe Leiberman (D-Mild). They both recognized that the illegitimate administration and their cocky junta has caused this huge slap in the face to the cock-sure Republicans and their unpopular extreme right agenda.

Hagel reiterated the point he's made throughout the weekend that the Dim Simian bears responsibility for driving Jeffords from the G-as, O-il, P-etroleum party. Hagel has been saying that the numb-above-the-neck resident of the White House had to be more involved in the issues, and actually KNOW something about what he's talking about, rather than sending out his chief of staff or other flacks to take the blame.

At that instant, I could faintly hear the chorus of millions of people across the fruited plain saying as one, "Good luck!" You can lead a genetically damaged moron to knowledge, but you can't make him think.

He's never had to bother with the hard work of understanding anything beyond a sketchy, inch-deep, one-dimensional, black-and-white concept that could be absorbed in less than a few minutes. This twit is obviously incapable of recognizing or understanding the nuances and subtleties of any issue.

His booze-marinated gray matter has no doubt contributed to this lack of attention span. Instead of a man that had a great intellect and who was actually into wonkish and dry policy issues and relished the details of complex problems, we are stuck with an incapable "chump in charge." During the campaign, he actually made it seem like a virtue that he was a "dope just like you." And all those proud dopes put down their guns and turned off the swine Limbaugh long enough to vote for him.

(Caution: Graphic "liberal elitism" ahead!)

While those that share Dim Son's inability to comprehend any issue that goes beyond some ignorant and emotionally charged sound bite comprised a minority of voters, it still surprised me in one respect. I had always taken it as an article of faith that at least 75% of the population is so stupid they wouldn't know how to pour water out of a boot if it had the instructions on the heel. I myself fit comfortably into the not-too-bright category -- and frankly, this country is crawling with people that make me look like Steven Hawking by comparison! You can't swing a dead cat anymore without hitting some ignorant and uninformed bore, blissfully confident and wearing his or her lack of curiosity as if it were a badge of honor.

I guess the rest of the moron majority didn't know who was running, or that there was even an election going on -- or perhaps like those (perhaps a dozen) IDIOTS in the panhandle that pulled a tire-squealing U-turn as soon as they heard someone on the radio say that Gore was projected to win the state of Florida. Guess they don't give a damn about the rest of the local and state candidates on the ballot!

Maybe they couldn't pry themselves away from MTV, or the WWF - or the WWF on MTV (or, for those to whom wrestling is too mentally taxing, monster truck racing). That might account for why Daddy's Li'l Dipwad swept the "shallow and happy to display it loudly" vote but fell over a half million short of a majority.

It's enough to make a person envy those blissfully selfish and short-sighted tools out there who's only concern seems to be how much loot they'll get back from the "guvmint", and their desire for the Repugs to "do something" about those damn "fill-in-the-blank" types (take your choice: people on welfare / blacks / Hispanics / immigrants / liberals / non-Christians / gays / feminists / anti-gun-violence activists / environmentalists / Democrats / teachers / unions / Orientals / any of the cast of "not as good Americans as me" that they feel threatened by).

No wonder the Repugs are dead set on destroying public education and oppose nearly every program designed to improve education for those less advantaged. If there were no ignorant, short-sighted, and revoltingly selfish people (HA! As IF!) the Republicans would no longer exist!

--- Dash Riprock

Morrie Friendly is a political consultant, retired advisor to GOP officials, and golf hustler who lives in the Beltway suburbs.
Dave "Doctor" Gonzo quit his job as a disgruntled entertainment industry executive to become a disgruntled political commentator.
Dash Riprock welcomes your comments, kudos, or withering damnation at dashriprockapj@hotmail.com. He also accepts donations to his non-profit “It’s great to have food to eat” fund.

The return of renowned political strategist Jeff Koopersmith
to American Politics Journal
Pundit Pap SPECIAL!
Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth at FOX News Channel
By Jeff Koopersmith

Thursday, May 24, 2001 --Washington, DC (APJP) --The first thing I saw this morning when I turned on the laughable FOX "News" channel was a gaggle of three morons making fun of Rev. Al Sharpton, whom they misrepresented as "a New York black leader" but who has a national profile (and a helluva lot more respect from most people than this FOX news outfit dares to admit), who was jailed in Puerto Rico for demonstrating against the armed forces for using the populated island of Vieques as a target.

Now, I'll admit it -- I don't particularly care about the island. But to see three lily- white goons with IQs less than 67 is racist, ignorant and in poor taste.

Next they began -- no doubt on the instructions from some in- house PR man from the RNC -- to rip Senator Jim Jeffords (at that point still R- VT), one of the most respected men in the Senate, for following his conscience and disassociating himself from the GOP, a party with an operating apparatus that resembles Gestapo- style "enforcers" rather than an American political party. Jeffords was leaving the Party for quite justified reasons. Yes, he wants to be the governor of Vermont. The folks at FOX think it's just terrible that Jeffords supported national health care -- but not "Hillary's" plan, as the FOX blowhards said mockingly.

Of course, all they could do was resort to cheap- shot put- downs -- this is FOX's "fair and balanced" way of avoiding the REAL issue: George W. Bush is a moron. An imbecile. An unrecovered, brain- damaged boozer. He blew it. That's what FOX News should have been reporting -- but, of course, when you are a whore of the right wing, you stick with the Jim Gilmore- Trent Lott- Tom DeLay- approved script.

Listen to Fred "Balanced" Barnes: "the Jeffords recognition . . . is more good than bad." Who is he speaking for? Fox?

The Jeffords jump is a 100% PLUS for the Democrats. But these Beltway idiots talk instead about the House continuing to be controlled by the GOP -- and ignore the FACT that even this is in jeopardy. They don't want you to know that Democrat leadership have made a lot of progress in urging 14 members of the House to seriously consider a move from the Republican to the Democrat column -- on not only issues of "conscience" but the undercurrent issue: the aftermath of the attempted lynching of Bill Clinton.

The inevitability of the GOP's collapse -- for good -- is taught in universities across the country (unless they are named Bob Jones or Pepperdine). One only need look at history: as the world grows more interdependent, the need for cross- border concerns about health, social programs and education -- all Democrat ideals -- grows. The same is true about labor. The Republican Party, because of its intransigence, inflexibility, and underlying bigotry, is doomed -- and is now committing suicide under the watch of a D (not C as he claims) student named George DumbBellYuh Bush.

Instead, FOX continues to carry water for the idiot -- and is hurting his "real American" Australian pimp Rupert Murdoch and his entire media empire by broadcasting this garbage.

Then some silly loudmouth on the Market beat for FOX told us that we are going to hear about Wall Street fretting over Jim Jeffords defection. I laughed out loud. What a damn joke. Does this "journalist" really believe that Wall Street gives a damn whether anyone in particular is in power?

Oh, God! Brit Hume was up early -- and ranting like a stuck wild peccary. He couldn't think of "anything so consequential" as the Jeffords' departure from the Party of Himmler -- which only serves to show Hume's enormous ignorance and lack of study. Several times, large movements of dozens of members of Congress have occurred in American history.

And then Jeffords spoke. We saw and heard something we almost never see on FOX News: the truth. Jeffords reminisced about the way the GOP used to be -- not the abortion of a political party it is now. He didn't talk about the bogus POTUS's snubbing him at an award ceremony for a Vermont teacher, as the FOX vultures took such pleasure in "reporting" -- the sort of "factoid" that is used to build a "fair and balanced" house of cards called a LIE -- like the hundreds they broadcast each day.

Jeffords said that it had been a struggle to deal with the leaders of the GOP. He was specifically referring to the horrible Trent Lott, who in effect presides over Mississippi, the most illiterate state in the Union -- and that's the way Lott likes it, or he would have gone out of his way to fight illiteracy decades ago.

Jeffords said he disagrees with Bush and his Party on EVERY important issue, particularly education.

Now, let's see how Kim Hume's and Ken LaCorte's FOX ATTACK DOGS treated Jeffords. Would they talk about the GOP plants in the audience? The few "booers?" Would they interview them and see who told them to come down to a room packed with independent thinkers?

Brit Hume went first. He told us that Jeffords' remarks about Bush "changing everything" for him was a very negative statement. Hume claimed that Jeffords "could do business" with the Democrats and Clinton under the Clinton Administration - as if there were any shame in that. Then, said Hume, came Bush -- and he couldn't stop Bush's proposals (well, maybe because they smacked of fascism, Brit). Hume called tax reductions (which hurt the poor the most) the GOP's "greatest ideal" - - then claimed that education is also a GOP ideal. I couldn't help but laugh at this lie from Hume, nor his follow-up: that Jeffords' statement that the US cannot afford to give tax money back to what Hume called "the American people" was (and here he used his most snide tone) "remarkable."

So that's it: Hume thinks it's not "remarkable" to tax the poor and the middle class, give then back a "tax cut" that can hardly cover the cost increase for a tank of gasoline, and then turn around and gut their social programs.

Anne Richards was a guest -- and Clifford May (the Hermann Goering of the GOP) smiled as he took the first spin point position. Gee, I wonder why he got to go first? Anne said that Jeffords' talk was moving, and principled.

Then Hume showed just how dumb he truly is: he said that Jeffords will still vote the way he always has so Bush can get his programs through eventually anyway. What a riot! And what a moron.

The truth is that the Democrats in the Senate will now take fully justifiable vengeance on Bush and his Neo-Nazi handlers. Nothing will move in Congress -- nothing -- unless it's liberal enough, intelligent enough, benevolent enough, and "compassionate" enough. Period. And in doing so, they will reveal to the nation just how evil the leaders, spokesvipers, and financiers of the ultra-right wing of the Republican Party are.

This is the end of the Bush agenda. This is the end of the GOP's control of Congress -- in both houses.

Write than down, LaCorte. Write that down, Roger Ailes. Because that what's going to happen.

I've spent 35 years in Washington in almost every imaginable position in the area of legislative analysis.

And by the way: I am a registered Republican, and I prefer to stay inside and fight.

Unlike you, Brit Hume. Unlike you, Kim Hume. Unlike you, LaCorte. Unlike you, Ailes. Unlike you and your pals at FOX, so busy today wailing and gnashing your teeth.



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