American Politics Journal -- Pundit Pap



"The Pundits, Flush With Pride" courtesy the Wizard of Whimsy.

Sunday, June 10, 2001 -- NEW YORK/WASHINGTON (APJP) -- The new Democrat majority in the Senate was the top political story -- but most of the network politi-blabber shows focused on the impending execution of terrorist Tim McVeigh and the death penalty as the lead "political" issue of the week.

That came as no big surprise -- even the 24-hour news channels were in a pirhana-like frenzy over the impending execution of McVeigh.

Were some shows using the execution of McVeigh to kill talk about the Democrats retaking the Senate? You be the judge, jury and executioner!

Owing to some silly tennis match, we were forced to roll out of bed at the ungodly hour of 7 AM to cover the King of Attack Journalism, Tim Russert.

His first guest was McVeigh lawyer Nathan Chambers. Could McVeigh pursue a last appeal? Chambers said that he could, under court rules, do so. Do you think he will? Chambers said he did not believe so. "There's no use beating him up over his decision. He's made his peace."

Tim also asked about McVeigh reportedly having given the OK for his execution to being videotaped (the courts have not approved it). Chambers said that if it would be of help to someone in the future, McVeigh "has no objections."

Tim then turned to McVeigh's non-apology apology sent in a letter to a Buffalo newspaper, to the effect of his now being sorry "some" people got killed, but "that's the nature of the beast." Gag me. Chambers said he "remains apologetic." Then, Tim quoted McVeigh claiming that he doesn't want to "create a draw" to the place his ashes are spread after he's cremated. Whoopee. Why the hell is Russert giving this sort of publicity to McVeigh? Tim then asked how Chambers thinks McVeigh will be remembered. Chambers actually said that he'll be remembered for the carnage he created. Tim mentioned a McVeigh comment about the possibility of going to hell; Chambers had no reply.

When Tim asked Chambers to sum up his feelings, Chambers gave the answer he was clearly champing at the bit to say: the rulings, said Chambers, were driven by the magnitude of the crime and a sort of "McVeigh factor" which meant that major gaffes such as the FBI's utter failure to turn over documents would not to count for anything -- along with what he called McVeigh's less-than-excellent defense in the initial trial. Chambers sounded bitter when he concluded "Constitutional standards have been compromised."

Tim's next two guests were former New York Governor Mario Cuomo and Oklahoma Governor Frank Keating. Cuomo called the McVeigh execution and all executions "revenge... there will be no deterrence." Cuomo said that McVeigh wanted to give himself up as a martyr -- he did not want life in prison. Violence is growing stronger and stronger, said Cuomo -- and this execution promotes violence.

Keating said capital punishment is rare -- less than one-half of one percent of Oklahomans guilty of murder face the death penalty. So, Frank? That's still a pretty large number of individuals the state has chosen to murder! Tim retorted that the death penalty is more costly than life imprisonment and discriminatory by racial and income demographics. Keating said that the government must be focused on the death sentence not being chosen arbitrarily or discriminatorily -- in other words, more big government spending. And you thought Keating was a conservative. Keating rattled off more justifications for the death penalty -- the summary being that "someone that evil" who does something "horrific" deserves it. Period. Case closed. Keating also made a specious claim (based on someone else's claim) that no innocent person has been executed -- yeah, right. Cuomo said Keating proved Cuomo's point -- this is about revenge. As the nation with more hand guns than one can imagine and more people stockpiled in prison, we're looking at the wrong issue; the real issue is violence, and all these calls for people to be executed are ridiculous, especially by Republicans who fail to do one thing to open real opportunity to poor people and victims of discrimination.

Tim then played the DNA card -- putting Keating ever-so-briefly on the defensive. Keating retreated to his support of the death penalty for truly heinous crimes. Tim kept the heat up, pointing out that Gov. Jim Ryan (R-IL) has put a moratorium on the death penalty -- and Keating admitted that crooked cops and lousy lawyers ARE factors in death sentences!

Well, well -- that wasn't just backpedaling -- that was shifting into reverse and gunning the engine!

Cuomo said that American people want the death penalty -- to their shame and the shame of their governments. He said it's stupid -- like the Smirk tax cut, which was a popular issue and a bonehead move. "Not everything the people want is right and good."

We can already hear all the right-wing loons bristling at Cuomo's "elitism" -- but Cuomo's right. The people wanted slavery, segregation, states' rights, and to send our own children to that meat grinder called Vietnam. On that latter point, the people have blood on their hands.

Should the McVeigh execution be videotaped? Cuomo said yes -- so people can see the reality of government killing. But we disagree with Cuomo -- people will just plain get off on this tape in the most sickening way. It'll be Reality TV at its most prurient and sickening. Keating seemed a little worried about people seeing such a tape -- but says he has no problem defending his state on the death penalty when McVeigh killed 19 babies.

Tim then listed other countries with the death penalty -- including such illustrious company as Afghanistan and the Congo. Keating said something, but Cuomo jumped all over him about the costs of the death sentence. Keating said after tomorrow McVeigh won't be expensive -- proof that Keating is motivated by anger and hate rather than justice. And what about BEFORE tomorrow, Frank? In a way we can understand Keating's passionate defense of murdering McVeigh back -- he added that he's fed up with McVeigh hectoring and insulting Oklahomans as collateral damage -- but we still think the death penalty and the making of a martyr to the white trash "patriot" movement is just plain stupid . Cuomo said that we've lost another opportunity to be better than we were.

Then -- on to real politics. Tim welcomed Sen. Mitch "Nobody" McConnell and MTP favorite Joe Lieberman. Tim read part of Lott's "War begins -- fight is on for 2002" memo. McConnell admitted that the letter was to "reassure the base" (who face more defections and the upcoming debut of "Weekend at Strom's"). McConnell said that he hopes the Senate moves on to energy -- but admitted that the Patients' Bill of Rights will come first. Tim asked if there would be "compromise" on the Patients' Bill, and Lieberman said that there should be a right to sue HMOs (i.e. phony "tort reform" is dead) and the current bill is already bipartisan.

Translation: there will be compromise by sore loserman Trent Lott and the Smirking Jerk.

McConnell tried to market the "independent review panel" idea that the GOP is just so excited about, b ut Lieberman said the real question is whether a physician or a bureaucrat will determine your health care.

Tim brought up Arctic drilling -- and the idea that SUVs should be required to get a minimum 29MPG. McConnell said that as the representative of a state that makes cars, he wants to take a long, hard look.

We say that's not a bad idea. Maybe we can get the real story of how the Big Auto cartel got away with marketing these unsafe, inefficient gas-guzzlers for the last decade. Was Big OIl involved in this so that they could jack up demand for their polluting fuel -- then jack up prices?

Lieberman said the Cheney plan is far too heavy on fuel production and weak on conservation; if the Senate cares about the public interest, then conservation would be the top issue. There's a half-year waiting list for 48MPG cars -- so obviously, people want conservation.

Tim quoted an article about GOPers suddenly scrambling to restore funding for environmental and conservation programs -- and the coming Smirk deficit. McConnell bashed "big spending" -- and said that the Cheney-Card sock puppet would wield the veto pen. Tim quoted another analyst who said bthat Social Security and Medicare would have to be raided to pay for Dr. Strange-Feld's defense plan. McConnell said there's plenty of surplus to cover everything.

Lieberman clobbered McConnell on the topic -- saying the tax scam drains money from programs.

Tim then turned to the current Torricelli flap. First, Tim ran footage of Rep. John Dingell (D-kicks GOP butt) grilling Justice Minister John Ass-KKKroft about whether he had contacted anyone in the White House with respect to the Torricelli investigation. Incredibly (in its most literal sense), Ass-KKKroft said he just could not remember talking to anyone in the White House. Tim said there had been leaks -- clearly implying that the leaked "stories" that have been tremendously damaging to Torricelli came from either the White House or the Department of Sacred Justice. McConnell tried his best to dodge the question. But Lieberman chimed in. He is not happy about the leaks -- and wondered where they came from.

We think that this question never would have been raised were it not for Ari Fleischer. The Chief Press Geek's not-so-veiled threats to the press concerning coverage of the bogus POTUS's lawless and incredibly stupid daughters (who must have thought they're not under the media microscope) have infuriated many in the Washington press corps -- and with the sole exception of FAUX News Channel, the press stopped acting like publicity agents for Dick Cheney. There's been a noticeable uptick in tough questions aimed at His Fraudulence's policies, initiatives and allies on most of the political talk shows -- but this is the first time that we've heard Tim or anyone on NBC, CNBC or MSNBC even come close to implying that the current Administration is involved in dirty tricks.

Tim then asked about that spy plane on Hainan -- "is it appropriate to haul it out in a Russian cargo ship?" Both McConnell and Lieberman defended Little George over the return of the servicemen on the plane -- but Lieberman said that he should never have accepted the terms of the plane's return.

Tim, still jonesing to slam the Big Dog, couldn't help mention that he was out of time and couldn't ask Joe about how Clinton and Gore are "getting along."

The Meet the Press minute featured Joe McCarthy beating on Harry Truman and "pinkos." His voice reminded us of John

FAUX News Sunday
Last Refuge for the Right Wing Tries to Save Trent the Coif's Job!

We caught the first half of FAUX News Sunday. To our delight, Tony Snow made issue one the transfer of Senate power from the Confederacy to the Democrats and, for the most part, ignored the execution of "patriot poster boy" McVeigh. To our disgust, the closest thing to a Democrat Tony interviewed was faux-moderate conservative Democrat Sen. John Breaux (LA) -- during the second half of the show.

Tony began by saying that " conventional wisdom says Bush will kiss his conservative agenda goodbye." Unintentionally, Tony dissed His Smirkness -- by using "wisdom" and Dumb-Yuh in the same sentence. Talk about oxymoronic morons!

Tony's first guest: Smirk handler and Occupied White House Chief of Staff Andy Card, who obviously is not taking the fall for the Jeffords " declaration of independence." Tony first asked about a story the FAUX News Channel has been pushing all week when they haven't been obsessing over McVeigh: a highly questionable "audit" of the Education Department that claims it has lost as much as a billion dollars. Card said that Secretary Paige has said "Let's get to the bottom of this."

Card praised localities that are trying to teach; Tony actually called "Leave no child behind" a slogan, and Card said, "No, he really wants that" before he said teachers have to be held accountable (a veiled swipe at teachers' unions).

Oh, please. Enough with that pap. Sure, we need great teachers -- but how about holding accountable these localities you gush about, especially the ones that refuse to fund crumbling and inadequate schools and leave teachers without the resources necessary to teach, Andy? And how about holding states accountable when they turn down localities that need money to fix their infrastructure? And how about the federal government that requires schools be accessible to all -- only to see conservatives in Congress refuse to fund these necessary improvements and leave localities holding the bag?

Card slammed the Patients' Bill of Rights as -- you guessed it -- "a Trial Lawyers' Bill of Opportunity." We found it amazing that Card would insult our intelligence twice in one minute -- because the bill Card wants would DEPRIVE patients access to the courts and put medical decisions in the hands of paper-pushers. It's about YOUR rights, folks -- and you should have the recourse of retaining a lawyer. If Democrats are smart, they'll turn this spin on its head and say that the GOP wants to deprive patients access to legal advice and the courts -- and turn it into a rights issue.

There was pap about the deficit, and in answer to one question, Card gave a rambling answer filled with broad generalities about how Smirk wants to get things done. The funny thing is, we had missed the question -- Tony could have asked him about energy, health, education, Social Security -- but Card just gave his too-long, too-lofty generic answer.

There was talk about "excessive" spending, and Card said that Dopey would veto too much spending, claiming it was some kind of defense of taxpayers.

Card outlined the spin-shift in global warming that he is now feeding Dumb-Yuh, in the wake of both a high-profile study that proves warming a reality and his guaranteed-to-be-embarrassing European trip. Global warming is real, admitted Card -- what Smirk will dispute is the effect of global warming. Naturally, Card slammed the Kyoto Accords -- then accused Europe of being motivated by emotion and not science.

You mean the selective, energy-industry-paid science you and Big Time feed your moronic marionette George, Andy?

It was a riot. Card was arguing his losing spin to a fellow-traveller. You can be sure that most of the European diplomatic officials watching FNS this morning were laughing their ass off at Card

What's Card's reaction to the People magazine cover featuring . Card was saddened and called them "good kids," but it should remain a family matter.

Family matter? The two Bush daughters tried to commit goddamn FRAUD! The manager knew damn well that this sort of situation with high-profile kids could cost the restaurant its liquor license. She called the cops. Now she's become a target of thuggish harassment. It's NOT a family matter, Card -- now that Barbara has pleaded GUILTY, it's a matter of the public record: two Presidential daughters with zero tolerance for the rule of law. Family matter, my butt.

We were entertained by an appearance by Bill "O'Really?" O'Reilly asking Trent Lott about the "scandal" of education in America ("O'Really" cited a bunch of questionable statistics). Lott answered that he watches the FAUX News Channel (while he's weeping on his ironing, no doubt) and that throwing money at education solves nothing -- reform does.

Of course, you're never going to see "O'Really" ask if that reform includes seeing to it that there is federal money to pay for school physical plant and infrastructure standards. Instead, he whined that Clinton's Education Secretary held "nobody accountable." Lott and O'Really were putting the blame on that former education secretary O'Reilly -- and want hearings.

Hey, we're all for hearings -- about the standards and practices of the present Education Department audit. About whether the Smirk Team and the GOP are ready to help communities pay for better schools, support higher academic standards, and mandate curriculum requirements that would BAN teaching to standardized tests.

But instead, the segment turned into a Tony-O'Really-Lott Neoconfederate gang-bang "blame game" as Democrats, liberals and Jeffords all became targets of Lott's conspicuous frustration (not to mention Tony's and Bill's). The talk turned to energy -- and Lott LIED, saying "price controls don't work, you don't need an investigation." He utterly FAILED when he mocked criticism of Texas oil companies. If anything, his ill-judged comments will only encourage calls for Senate investigations. O'Really called McCain a moderate Republican -- and Lott said he had a conservative voting record. That's right, Trent -- until the 107th Congress.

O'Really said "You know, they're trying to move you outa there" -- moderate GOPers want hard-righter Lott out of the Senate GOP leadership. Lott drawled his smoothest "understanding" of this sort of debate within the GOP -- and then -- in a VERY IMPORTANT COMMENT -- suggested that Zell Miller might become a GOPer.

Take this to the bank: Lott's future as leader of the Senate GOP may hinge on this very issue -- and runs the risk of backfiring if another Republican counteracts by jumping ship. We predict that Lott will be out as GOP leader within three months -- and no amount of help from Tony Snow of the unctuous O'Really can help prop up his now-decimated image as the Senate GOP Boss of Bosses.

Lott rather stupidly said, "Don't we need a national missile defense? A lot of people are surprised we don't have one." Well, you moron, most people understand that a unilateral defense destabilizes the globe -- and we DO have a missile defense in the form of thousands of offensive missiles!

One other point is worth mentioning: this morning, Lott lacked the slick self-assurance he has shown for years on the Sunday show circuit. Part of it could have been the less formal style of obnoxious Rush wanna-be O'Reilly -- but Lott's sudden plunge into the minority abyss was surely the "Factor."

Talk about a coup! No, not THAT kind of coup! Bob Schieffer had the two prize guests this Sunday: Sen. Tom Daschle and Sen. John McCain. Hats off to whoever does the booking.

Schieffer asked Daschle about his New York Times "New Deal" Op-Ed concerning the Patients' Bill of Rights being at odds with comments he made yesterday -- are they contradictory? Daschle made it clear that the Bill is his top priority -- and that he MAY be willing to compromise. The issue is being transformed into whether patients can sue in state and/or federal court. Schieffer said that Andy Card has said that Smirk will veto the Democrat version of the Bill, and Daschle's counterspin was that Little George would veto a version of the bill that carries provisions he signed into law in Texas.

Don't know if Daschle said this, but Bush vetoed the Texas bill twice before being confronted with veto-proof majority and petulantly letting it become law without his signature.
-- Gene Lyons

No kidding! That factoid made our day. Thanks, Gene.
-- The Pundit Pap Team

Gloria Borger asked if Daschle would support temporary price caps on electricity in California. Daschle wants to see whether the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission is fulfilling their legal obligations. Could Daschle get a veto-proof majority on price cap legislation? He said that the issue is a major concern on the West Coast -- a hint that he may not have such a majority but has the juice to send a message to Cheney: don't veto this or it will cost you and Sock Puppet President -- big time. Daschle reiterated that FERC must do its job in crises.

Borger turned to the possibility of revisiting tax cuts -- why not now? Daschle said that there needs to be time for the bill to "shake down" (interesting choice of words) -- and the result would determine actions that Dems may take. He did say that the implications of the tax cut are far greater than the public is being told.

Dumb-Yuh goes to Goteborg, Sweden tomorrow -- what must he do? Daschle thankfully had the discretion and tact not to say, "Well, he'd better not make a complete fool of himself, because every damn time that moron opens his mouth he diminishes the stature, power and influence of our country that the last legitimately elected President we had, Bill Clinton, worked for eight long years to restore." Instead, Daschle did the politically discrete thing and said that " our best friends are very concerned," particularly about Smirk's stand on missile defense and global warming. Schieffer said the Occupied White House "seems to be recognizing" that global warming is a problem. Daschle said voluntary programs are a failure -- and if Smirk is too dogmatic, he faces trouble home and abroad. Borger: "And missile defense?" Daschle: yes, the situation is the same.

Borger asked Daschle if the investigation of Bob Torricelli is politically motivated. Daschle slammed the current Administration as the source of leaked news damaging to The Torch. Should Torricelli resign if he were indicted? Daschle said he does not think the Torch will be indicted.

Daschle is showing a bit more backbone these days -- but he should take a lesson from the GOP playbook and go on the offensive. Daschle should have said, "Look, this is a set-up, Gloria, and we all know it. These leaks exhibit a pattern of inflicting a maximum of political damage on a Democrat seen by the GOP as perhaps the most dangerous candidate for higher office. Remember what Lee Atwater started and Ted Olson followed through on whenthey plotted to use every rumor in the book to destroy Bill Clinton? Well, you're seeing it again -- planted stories, rumors, and even Ass-KKKroft's conveneint 'memory lapse.' Hell, Gloria, Bob Torricelli has already demanded a special counsel -- and Justice is dragging their feet. Resign? If Torricelli is indicted, he should declare his intent to run for the White House -- and we'll back him 200%!"

Daschle, who is beginning to look more and more like Kris Kristofferson, said that he believes that issues surrounding Senate committees (i.e. threats from the mandateless GOP) will be resolved this week.

Following the break, John McCain was up -- but just barely. Schieffer returned to the issue of the Patients' Bill of Rights, of which McCain is a co-sponsor. McCain said that negotiations are ongoing and making progress -- but emphasized that the legislation has been kicking around for years and there is fierce opposition on both sides of the aisle to this bill. Schieffer asked about McCain's version of the bill -- which allows patients to sue in state court. The Usurper Boy wants no suits (the compromise may be federal courts). McCain strongly supports the rule of state courts on contractual issues (i.e. HMOs). Schieffer reiterated Card's claim that Little George intends to veto the bill on the issue of court jurisdiction. McCain said that the bill should be handled by the Senate in the same way campaign reform was -- bring on a couple of weeks of debate and a vote. Borger raised the issue of a Bush veto being a politically bad move, and whether McCain and Bush had talked about the campaign finance bill; McCain said that hard-righters in the House are working hard to stop the bill, that Hastert is looking to amend the bill, and that Gephardt is working to get the House version of the bill approved. All things considered, "We've got a pretty good shot at it."

Schieffer wanted details on "My Dinner With Snippy" -- and reports that they don't get along. McCain called their relationship "very cordial" (translation: stiff, clumsy, and with every ounce of justified hatred McCain has for the draft-dodging, drunk, bogus POTUS repressed as best he can). He talked about the fact that he and the Chimp actually agree on issues -- but didn't say which ones (not that many, really). McCain also said he has no intention to leave the Republican party, and it is his home. He sounded like he was trying to close the door -- for now. Would he leave the party in the future? He did not completely rule out that possibility -- but for now, no.

McCain also addressed a few other issues -- among other things, he does not support a price cap on power. But throughout the wide-ranging interview, McCain was mangling the names and official titles of people and things -- earlier, he had called Hastert as a minority leader, and in answering the energy question he said he opposes price caps on gas. He also seemed far less contentious than usual.

Hey, J.J. -- next time you have to be up this early, down a double espresso a half hour before you're on. You'll be more alert and feisty!

Bob Schieffer's final word was on the Nixon Administration's mishandling of the Pentagon Papers story and their threats against CBS News boss Frank Stanton. He recalled this because of questions surrounding the apparent murder of the Nepal royal family -- what looked like an immediate cover-up crumbled when a witness came forward to describe the carnage to the press.

Here's hoping that someone similar pops up to expose the election theft -- and that Schieffer gets the first interview.

Scott Reid, the mismanager of Bob Dole's embarrassing campaign for President, was a guest this week -- replacing that lovable scamp Kate O'Beirne. But where was our girl Kate? No one seemed to want to say, so that will remain a mystery. Perhaps she's been abducted by aliens from the planet Conservatoid for a series of rude probings (and, one would hope, corrective dental procedures).

Mark Shields led off with a recap of the power shift in the Senate by reading Trent "Double Starch" Lott's insane memo: "This coup of one puts at peril the agenda that Republicans were given a mandate by the American people to deliver."

HA freaking HA! This is stark evidence of the Republican's totally delusional thinking. I mean, how whacked do they have to be to actually think they have anything CLOSE to a "mandate" from anyone other than the Neo-Nazi Federalist Society, fat-cat CEOs, and the Taliban-wannabe Christian Right??!! Absolutely bizarre! I don't know whether to laugh about it or be very afraid. I actually hope they continue playing these mind games on themselves, as it will surely set them up for total and humiliating defeat in the upcoming elections.

Then Tom Daschle, Senate Majority Leader, was shown saying he would urge Democratic Senators to refrain from playing payback against the immoral Republicans that have dished it out for so long. Perhaps he's disgusted with their baby-like howls and wails when they're subjected to anything close to what they've dished out, and doesn't wish to see the spectacle any longer.

When the topic was thrown to Novak, the Prince of Drakness seemed to be reaching for something dark and menacing to say. All he could do was try to warn that Tom Daschle is a Very Evil Person, "the iron fist in the velvet glove", that will be sneaky, deceptive, and obstructionist. We would remind the vampirish Novakula, however, that our man Tom doesn't have to resort to the kind of slithery deception used by Repubs to advance his agenda to the American people. The truth will do nicely.

Novak could have saved words by simply saying that he was terrified that Daschle might act just like his beloved Repugs have for the past 9 years. As has been made abundantly clear lately - on every issue from confirmation of judgeships to the GOP's hypocritical yammering about "civility" -- they sure don't want THAT!

After nearly a decade of Republican chest-thumping and posturing as if they had the country in their hands permanently, and using every autocratic bully tactic they felt like, they are in an abject panic now that the worm has turned. YES!

They have the smell of losers on them now, and it will only get worse -- especially since they simply cannot come to grips with the fact that the only kind of "man-date" they'll ever hope to have is in some leather bar in San Francisco, as Shields so adeptly noted (we just about split our rib muscles laughing at that one).

Scott Reid then joined the "Capitol Gong Show" panel, and it was apparent that there was something wrong. Rather than acting like an overanxious crack-head and rambling a mile a minute who tosses off idiotic statements as, say, Orrin Hatch was wont to do during his abortive campaign for president or Ann Coulter at all times (even off camera and in social situations), or like some disconnected, low-energy creep like Arlen Spector, Sick Dick Cheney, or Richard Shelby, Reid actually sounded like he wasn't on the verge of a mental meltdown. He spoke calmly, didn't jump the gun like a hyperactive puppy and try to continue speaking non-stop in order to prevent anyone from stepping in. He didn't even speak over someone else, not once! Horrors! Let's hope this sort of sanity and composure doesn't infect other right wingers!!

He actually admitted that it was an "over-reach" by Lott to issue his not-so-veiled cry for psychological help, and said that the power shift would cause the Republicans problems in the short term -- but said that it would be a long-term plus for the Chimp-in-Chief. He said that Democrat control of the Senate will push Bush farther towards a center-right position, which will be to his benefit in 2004.

In other words, Jeffords saved Bush from himself. There may be something to this, unfortunately.

But there's always the Repugs track record of never getting it right, and instead listening to the most wealthy members and fringe elements of the hard right -- which can always be counted on to push them in directions that the disenfranchised majority of Americans choke on.

Al Hunt put it succinctly when he said, "The worst mistake a congressional leader can make is the hubris of the fictionalized mandate" -- witness Newt Gingrich (R-Where Are They Now?). Hunt said he'd bet Night Stalker Novak that there would be less obstructionism by the Democrats than there was by the Repugs (duh!) -- but Novak wouldn't take the bet, proving that he may be dumb, but he's not stupid.

And in a comment that unintentionally warmed the hearts of Democrats everywhere, Bloodless Bob, noting that Daschle had been mentored by George Mitchell, said, "Tom Daschle is going to make life HELL for George W. Bush, but unlike George Mitchell, he's going to smile while he's doing it!" How great would THAT be? That thought is, sadly, tempered by the fact that Novakula is almost routinely wrong.

Next subject: McCain. Why is everyone tweaked up about McCain having Tom Daschle out to his ranch, and why are Smirk's handlers ordering him to have dinner with McCain last week?

Hunt wondered who the food taster was for McCain and Dim Son's dinner at the White House. Good question! Probably Ari Fleisher, who is the Smithers to Big Time Cheney's Montgomery Burns.

"Nocturnal" Novak harrumphed about how McCain is just out of his mind and wildly consorting with "100% liberals" such as John Edwards, and - good Lord! -- actually associating himself with common sense legislation such as gun control and health care measures. To Bob, this represents a "precipitous, senseless movement to the left." Nosferatu Bob's only redeeming feature is that he does provide comic relief with regularity.

Scott Reid said that this signals that the days of constantly ignoring McCain is over at the White House -- and he approves.

The Undertaker again spluttered that McCain was supporting closing of gun show loopholes, "which is trying to shut down gun ownership in America." This elicited guffaws from the rest of the panel, to which Bob petulantly replied, "Yes it is!"

Well done, Bob -- keep those gun loons on the alert. Closing insane loopholes in gun show laws is no doubt one small step away from confiscating every one of the literally millions and millions of guns in this country. But hey -- talk about an economic stimulus proposal! The government would have to hire half the entire population to try to take the other half's guns! What would they have to pay someone to take all the guns from Idaho or South Central L.A.? Yep Bob, if we allow even the minimum of common sense to creep into our gun laws, before you know it, there won't be a single solitary gun left in civilian hands (unless you count Salad Shooters).

And that would leave those great gun patriots defenseless against government tanks, laser-guided missiles, gas attacks, super-sonic aircraft, and overwhelming force. As every gun loon knows, it's our pistols and rifles that are the only thing keeping the government from taking over (taking over what? themselves?).

You know, I just have to note the supreme lunacy of these gun idiots. Consider this: the only reason the government would have ANY interest in them whatsoever is because they have enough high powered weapons and ammunition stockpiles to supply a small army. They love thinking that they are considered a "threat" by the government. It really floats their boats.

They amass weapons to "protect" themselves against the government taking these totally unnecessary guns away from them. Yet they can't seem to fathom that if it wasn't for the damn guns, the government wouldn't care LESS about them!

Check out this logic: 5f I have a huge amount of guns, the government might notice and bust me if I violate any laws. They might want to prevent me from having a such a massive amount of firepower that there could be no sane reason for one person to have it. Because of this, I need to have all these weapons to defend my right to have these weapons. I need more guns so I can have more guns.

If the government DID take away all my guns, I'd just be an average miserable lunk. I'd have no peashooters with which to defend myself against the largest military in the history of the world! And worse yet, the government wouldn't even care about me anymore. They'd leave me alone (like I always scream that I want them to do) and I wouldn't be able to identify myself as some sort of patriot in a misguided attempt to inject some heroic meaning into my pathetic life.

What a fun form of insanity! The government isn't out to take away your precious guns! They're out to prevent you from being more of a menace to society than you already are! If you only owned a reasonable number of guns for self defense, no one would even notice you, bonehead! Then you wouldn't need a damn arsenal to "protect" your non-existent right to try and set up your own pathetic make-believe army.

Hunt pointed out that on four out of five major pieces of legislation, McCain voted with the conservatives. Margaret said McCain won't be going left, noting that he was met by protestors when he returned to Arizona (no doubt Neo-nazi "Freepazoids").

The sham "Eco-tour" and snow job on the environment of the Knuckle-dragging moron-in-chief was brought up in light of the new report that global warming is a real phenomenon.

A clip was shown of Puppet-boy walking to some podium. He holds his arms out in a bizarre position like an orangutan and walks like he's got steel rod stuck up his Cheney. Is this his idea of looking "presidential"??

He looks more like a guy that just left a dive and isn't quite sure which way he parked his car -- completely befuddled but trying to maintain some dignity because he's vaguely aware that people are watching. What an embarrassment for all of us.

Margaret Carlson noted that Smirk has really dug himself a hole with his radical sops to Big Oil and is now faced with clawing his way back, especially in his upcoming trip to Europe -- but he's GOT NOTHING to offer, and will surely get his ass handed to him while there.

Reid then couldn't resist the urge to sound like a partisan hack and tried to inject the mandatory dig at Clinton, which is increasingly sounding just bizarre and maniacal. He said that unlike our last elected president, Chimpy, the candidate of the zillionaires, wouldn't be attending any fundraisers on his way out of the country or on his way back. He then continued by saying, "once again, we'll be able to look up to our president as someone we honor and trust." GAK!!!

Shields actually said, as if someone had just thrown up, "Honest to God!", and asked if he could have a spoon! Even Reid had to laugh as that obnoxious spew. They know how stupid it sounds, but they simply MUST take swipes at Clinton or risk losing their membership cards (we won't even go into the caviar and champagne dinner Cheney threw at the vice-presidential residence for the top multi-millionaire donors, forever fouling that historical structure).

The Capital Gong Show flashback was shown, the only notable thing being Novak saying afterwards that Maria Cantwell (D-Washington) bought her seat "with money she didn't even have", referring to her being the head of RealNetworks before her run and their stock having taken a huge dive right on the eve of her election. Bloodsucking Bob's not one to pass up a dig at someone's misfortune.

Reid wrapped the segment up by saying that if the Republicans play their cards right, they'll lay the blame for looming energy problems in California squarely at Governor Grey Davis' feet and will mount a PR campaign to call the coming rolling blackouts "rolling "Grey" outs". Aren't they clever? That's almost as good as those nutty Freepers that always refer to our last legal president as "Klinton" -- whatever the heck that's supposed to symbolize. They're just plain zany, aren't they?

After a 15-minute commercial and news update break ("Timothy McVeigh is hanging tough in his struggle to remain ready for execution..."), they finally came back. They showed Margaret interviewing Katharine Graham, the aging owner of the once-formidable Washington Post, and Ben Bradley, the former editor, about the Pentagon Papers, which were revealed 30 years ago.

These two played a major role in that era and changed journalism forever with their Watergate coverage. They took the Post, which was a fairly minor player among newspapers of the time, and made it into Washington's leading paper. They took some very courageous risks and did valuable work. Graham looked good for someone who must be about 90 years old, but she's showing her age. Bradley came off like a loud-mouth scotch addict and had very little of interest to say.

The Washington Post has certainly squandered its former glory and is now simply another corporate mouthpiece now that they're on top and part of the very establishment they used to piss off. Katherine Graham no doubt has little influence on the paper now; it's become dull, predictable, and risk-averse. Sad.

Then that damn commercial came on again. If I've seen it once, I've seen it at least seventy times in the last month. I have a literally physical reaction to it and leap to turn the sound off whenever I see it. It's absolutely HIDEOUS, and gets worse when you see it incessantly. It's the grotesque commercial for the Big Pharmaceutical Companies where they cynically push the father of a girl whose leukemia was helped by drugs in front of the camera.

It's so sickeningly over the top that I almost get sick myself! The guy is stammering, lips constantly quivering, and the camera is stuck so close to his face that you can see ever hair in his scant mustache and pore in his face. The plaintive and spare piano notes play and he just keeps going on and on, in a purposely "average Joe" kind of way, about how he just doesn't know what he could possibly do to thank those heaven-sent drug companies.

I can only imagine how many dozens and dozens of times they had this guy (probably an actor) stand there and act like he was about to break down and cry. I hope they paid him a lot, because standing there with a camera up your nose while sniveling for hours on end can't be easy. I just can't describe how obnoxious and cynically manipulative it is. ENOUGH!

If these huge corporations took a FRACTION of the millions that they're spending to produce and air this commercial, they could save the lives of hundreds of people that don't have health care!!

The next segment (don't worry, it's almost over) dealt with the recent L.A. mayoral election. I don't know much about it. Don't particularly care much about it. City attorney Jim Hahn won, defeating former assembly speaker Antonio Villaraigosa. I wish the winner luck. I guess he's considered the more conservative of the two, but I think I saw Maxine Waters (D-California) standing behind him at his victory speech, so I guess he can't be TOO conservative.

Shields angrily railed about how super-rich slimeball tax evaders hide their loot in offshore banks, and how Dick and Dork refuse to tighten the loopholes that allow it.

Novak (after calling tax evasion by these greedy creeps "tax freedom") whined about how several states have statutes in place to immediately impose state income tax on the phony tax "rebates" that people are to get.

Carlson lambasted Bush's insulting environmental tour of the Everglades. She said that he was so anxious to appear "green" that he almost hugged an alligator. I wish he would have, and I wish the thing would have clamped onto his empty head, dragged him to an oozing mud hole and rolled him over a few dozen times. Now that's good TV!

The Chimp called the Everglades "a slice of Heaven" (thank God I didn't have to listen to the hideous drivel in the rest of the speech).

Margaret pointed out that Chump LIED by saying that his 219 million dollars for Everglades restoration was bigger than Clinton's. WRONG! It's smaller. He also is in favor of allowing an airport to be built nearby, and even his brother Jeb "We don't need no upp'ty Nigras 'round heah" Bush is fighting his own brother to try to keep him from wrecking the Florida coast drilling for oil.

Protestors dressed as oil barrels greeted Big Oil's sock puppet by saying that every time he visits a National Park, it becomes an endangered species.

Hunt objected to the National Organization for Women opposing a nominee to the Department of Health and Human Services. Evidently, the guy has been a staunch advocate of Father's Rights, which I'm all for and totally support. I guess N.O.W. found this objectionable and moved to block his nomination. Hunt feels they should be condemned for this.

And that was all for the Kateless Gang this morning as we stagger over the finish line

Morrie Friendly is a political consultant, retired advisor to GOP officials, and golf hustler who lives in the Beltway suburbs.
Dave "Doctor" Gonzo quit his job as a disgruntled entertainment industry executive to become a disgruntled political commentator.
Dash Riprock is a free lance smart-aleck currently based in Moline, IL. He welcomes your kudos, comments, or unbidden personal advice at dashriprockapj@hotmail.com.



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