American Politics Journal -- Pundit Pap



"The Pundits, Flush With Pride" courtesy the Wizard of Whimsy.

Sunday, July 8, 2001 -- NEW YORK/WASHINGTON (APJP) -- The feeding frenzy over missing intern Chandra Levy continued Sunday, following a press conference late on Saturday by the District of Columbia Police in which it was learned that Condit held a third meeting with investigators and that he is not a suspect. Of course, the press focused on the "See? Condit DID have an affair!" element of the story.

Naturally, Condit was topic one this weekend, with stem cell research, campaign finance reform and the Patients' Bill of Rights all vying for second place.

The Andrea Mitchell Show!
Starring Andrea Mitchell, with commentary by Andrea Mitchell, and featuring Andrea Mitchell

The bad news -- because of some silly tennis match, Defeat the Press ran at 8 AM on our satellite system instead of the usual and more civilized 10:30.

The good news -- attack dog Tim Russert was away, and the wife of President Alan Greenspan, Andrea Mitchell, was host.

And when Andrea hosts, she IS the boss. in fact, she pushes her questions so hard that even hardened pols have to make a huge effort to press their points. At times she's so assertive she makes The Weakest Link's Ann Robinson look like a wimp!

The first point Andrea Pushed was the "fact" that it took three interviews with the police to "get" Rep. Gary Condit (D-CA) to "admit" to an affair with intern Chandra Levy. Wow! Is Andrea psychic? Was she in on the first two rounds of police questioning? Does she know for a fact that the DC police asked Condit about whether he was doing the nasty with missing intern Chandra Levy? Andrea also made a big deal out of "Democrat" Condit's having voted to go forward with the phony impeachment a few years back -- and having supported Smirk's tax cut -- but somehow forgot to mention that Condit represents a very conservative California district.

Her guests, Rep. Marty Meehan (D-MA) and Robert Ney (R-obscure), played second fiddle to her "hard-hitting" questions -- constructed to make Condit look as bad as possible to all parties concerned (no pun intended).

She was on a roll -- nevertheless, the wife of a government figure should know better than to figuratively stick her hands down the trousers of any politician.

Talk turned to campaign finance reform, and Shays/Meehan vs. McCain/Feingold (hey Andrea, what happened to the Patients' Bill of Rights?) -- Meehan wants issue ads, which he accurately characterized as political ads, banned. Andrea then quoted a Washington Post op-ed piece accusing the GOP of pushing sham campaign reform. The best Ney could do is say some Democrat supports the fake "reform" bill Ney is sponsoring. Ney didn't mention that this Democrat, Albert Wynn, is a member of the Black Caucus -- that does not want campaign finance reform. Meehan said that the GOP leadership wants a conference committee -- a common tactic for killing legislation, as has happened with gun control and real health reform.

Andrea then ran the infamous TV ad that ran last year in New York state that attacked John McCain. It was fabricated by the bogus "Republicans for Clean Air" (i.e. the Wyly Brothers) -- but then, she ran the pro-hate-crime-bill ad the NAACP ran, implying that it was as cheap, dishonest and misleading as the Wyly ad -- which it wasn't.

Good grief -- is Andrea a stealth member of the White Citizen's Council? Probably not -- but a stupid stunt like that doesn't exactly scream "critical balance" or "tolerance." She also seems to forget that there's a bit of a difference between the fake "Republicans for Clean Air" and the very real and respected NAACP.

Andrea partially redeemed herself by talking about the NRA's inflammatory ad against McCain- Feingold that details "war" and "mobilizing at the grassroots." Meehan fired back at the NRA, and hard -- also slamming PhRMA (though not by name) for "gumming up the works with soft money."

Andrea talked about the GOP pressuring McCain's GOP freshman allies by denying them seats on committees. Andrea reran Tom "Bug Spray" DeLay's comments to Tim Russert back in March to the effect that he would do whatever it takes to stop campaign finance reform. Ney said that GOPers in the House have indeed been threatened -- but by Senators! Ney then claimed that there have been press stories to that effect (where? ScaifeMax.con? The Moonie Times?). Should Smirk veto campaign finance reform? Ney said he cannot speak for the President -- in other words, yes.

Andrea's final comment to Meehan -- his bill is in trouble. Meehan said DeLay is doing everything he can to stop campaign finance reform -- and McCain, who helped GOPers in real squeaker races, is the only reason Hastert is still speaker (in other words, he'd better count his blessings and back McCain).

Meehan looked great, despite Andrea's chewing the scenery. Why isn't he being talked about as a viable presidential candidate for 2002?

Next up: John Podesta vs. J.C. "Big Daddy" Watts (R-Luddite). The topic: Stem-cell research. The spin: an NBC-Wall Street Sturmer poll shows that 69% of Americans support it. Watts said he wants cures for diabetes and Parkinson's Disease, extolling the virtues of a GOP Congress that increased funding (not enough, though) -- a non-answer about the issues surrounding stem-cell research, no doubt to make himself look "cautious" about such research. Andrea then read a letter by Watts that reveals his real position -- that he objects to the use of embryos in stem-cell research on behalf of his religious-superstitious supporters. Podesta pointed out that these embryos would be destroyed anyway -- so why not use them to help cure the sick? Andrea even cornered Watts about "Robo-Dick" Cheney's anger with Watts over his letter. Watts hemmed and hawed, saying that we don't want "unintended consequences down the road," raising the ludicrous specter of "embryo farms."

Come on -- "embryo farms?" This lunacy is straight out of the Religiously Insane Propaganda Playbook.

Andrea reminded Watts that the issue is dividing the GOP -- and that Orrin Hatch supports stem cell research over discarding unused embryo cells. She also mentioned Nancy Reagan's support for stem cell research as it might help Alzheimer's Disease. How, she asked, can Watts dare argue with Nancy? The horror -- disagreeing with the wife of a conservative "saint"! Watts lamented diabetes, the illness that killed his Mom, but still sounded like a member of the evangelical Taliban, again repeating his silly "embryo farm" comment. Andrea called it a "very emotional" reaction; what, she asked Podesta, is wrong with caution? Podesta said that Smirk blew it by politicizing it -- and when Andrea foolishly said that Clinton politicized it (oh, please, Andrea, get over chick magnet Bill and be happy that as far as many Americans are concerned your rich and popular husband is the real President!), Podesta slammed her by detailing the very strict ethical guidelines that the Clinton and the National Institutes for Health wanted for stem cell research.

Andrea then brought up Smirk's stealth plan to give fetuses rights in the form of "health benefits" and criticism from women's health organizations. Watts was cagey about his position, refusing to answer and turning back to shilling for killing stem cell research ("We need to go slow on this.").

The "panel of self-important pundits" segment was slightly less offensive than usual: crusty stealth Republican David Broder was joined by Clarence Page and Al "Drunken Smirk Harassed Me" Hunt. Andrea lit into Condit's poor handling of the Levy issue, and Hunt parroted the spin, saying something about "public trust" by sending out his staff to "lie" about the affair and "protect himself."

Of course, this is the very press that clammed up over revelations that Henry Hyde beat up the husband of a woman with whom he was carrying on an affair, took an "oath of silence" on Newt Gingrich's affair with Calista Bisek, and refused to examine George W. Bush deserting the National Guard and abusive behavior in public and private -- but was all too eager to report outright lies about Bill Clinton and John McCain as news.

Speaking of parrots, Broder joined the exotic bird show by talking about the murder of a black child -- but then said that the press had "obsessed." Andrea did her own "180" by saying that the Levy family pressed the story.

Yeah, right, Andrea -- editors and producers see a story with elements like "missing intern," "rumors of romantic ties," and "handsome stud-muffin Congressman" -- and they were SO reluctant to make it news without the Levy family prodding them. NOT!

Al Hunt again gave an answer that screamed, "Oh, yes, Andrea! It's true, it's SO true! It's a missing persons case and the Levys stage-managed the story."

Talk turned to poll numbers that show America can't stand Smirk. Hunt tried to minimize the issue, claiming that the decline in popularity has been slow. Andrea brought up two issues: the stature gap, and the spoiled rich Bush Brat who can't relate to people -- and his response: touch football and golf. Is he too remote? Broder shilled for the Bogus POTUS, saying that he does relate to people and hung out with them at Texas Rangers ball games.

Yeah, sure, David -- in the sky box. Those are the kinda "people" to whom he can relate: rich investors.

Talk then turned to trimming the foolish tax cut. Again quoting an editorial, Andrea tried to blame Congress for spending all that money -- but Clarence made her look pretty dumb when he mentioned that the same op-ed Andrea quoted praised Congress for fiscal restraint -- and Social Security could still be raided. Al said that reform of Social Security and Medicare will be harder, and Dems can use the tax cut as a cudgel to cut funding for pet GOP pork, including defense spending!

There were pointless predictions about campaign finance reform and the Patients' Bill -- about the only clear fact is that the pundits think something will be passed because Smirk does not have the political capital to veto the Patients' Bill.

Meet the Press came to a premature end as Andrea cut away to two jocks who would be calling play-by-play at some tennis match.

This Weak led with the "Condit affair" story, with an ABC correspondent making more of the affair than of the fact that Chandra Levy is missing. Cokie Roberts implied that law enforcement was suspicious of Condit -- and the hapless correspondent claimed that law enforcement was "puzzled" by Condit not being more forthcoming about the affair with Levy.

The first segment was the most exploitative of the weekend: a taped interview between George Stephanopoulos and Condit's attorney Abbe Lowell. Steph said that there were claims that Condit denied the affair in an earlier meeting with the DC police. Lowell said that Condit wanted to keep his private life private -- and slammed the press (read: little Judas Steph) for "glomming onto his personal life." Lowell also needled the media who are so eager to find out details and materials provided privately by Condit to law enforcement. Steph asked about the possibility that the DC police would search Condit's apartment.

Shades of Bill Clinton -- make the guy look as guilty as possible, Steph! Help ruin his personal and family life. You must be SO proud of being a media whore, Steph.

Steph asked Lowell if he anticipates another police interview with Condit. Lowell chastised Steph once again, reminding him that over 100 people have been interviewed -- and the press only cares about ONE interviewee. Steph then asked how Condit could call for Clinton to come clean and not come clean himself. Lowell dissed Clinton for misleading his staff and the American people, and said that this matter could not be more different.

The problem for both Lowell and Steph is that Clinton may have misled, but more people that they would care to admit think Clinton did the RIGHT thing --to his political attackers and to the ratings-hungry press. And did NOT lie to the "American people" or Paula Jones's lawyers. Take a look at his words. He was using the VERY same definition of sex that Newt Gingrich (R-wife dumper), Tim Hutchinson (R-serial monogamist), and 59% of JAMA readers use. Mislead the American people? Try this: he managed to embarrass and defeat the efforts of religiously insane lawyers too stupid to ask the right questions. So much for perjury and high crimes -- and so much for Steph living in the past, attacking his former boss by raising fake "hard-hitting" questions about Condit.

Following the break, Mitch "Cabbage Patch" McConnell and Chris Shays were the guests. The topic: campaign finance reform. Shays wants to stop money that is "drowning out the voice of Americans." Cabbage Patch said that the bill was the product of the two biggest special interests in America -- the op-ed pages of The New York Times and The Washington Post!

We almost pulled a dozen rib muscles laughing so hard! Hey, Mitch -- you mean the same op-ed pages that were "fishing" for Clinton "trouser trout" for years? The same op-ed pages that downplayed George W. Smirk's intellectual and character weaknesses? So what's the big problem?

Mitch continued to whine -- about soft money, about the attacks on issue advocacy ads (like the Wyly Brothers' attack ad against John McCain). Shays reminded viewers that the courts have upheld limits on contributions -- and cautioned that sending campaign reform to a conference committee will kill it. McConnell said that 98% of bills go to conference.

Yes, Mitch -- and that's where they either die or get castrated. Dumb answer, Mitch.

Shays said that he knows Condit, that Condit's a "great man," but he should have told the truth -- and that the press has been unfair to him. McConnell said he doesn't know Condit

What a joke! A high-profile member of Congress admits he hasn't taken the time to get to know all of his colleagues, even a little -- and that he doesn't "associate" with the opposition. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

There followed another segment with George Stephanopoulos, in which he profiled Karl Rove -- first early Rove's little Intel ethics problem. The rest came across as mostly puff as he schmoozed in New Hampshire -- but George did say that Rove, a political calculator, is taking a lower profile in DC, and Democrats are blasting Rove as a packager of and war room manager for a politician with no mandate. George said that the top policy issues for Smirk are missile defense and Social Security "reform" (read: privatization). After the pre-taped pap, George pointed out that domestic spending was becoming a hot-button topic.

For the most part, the round table was a disappointment -- even with Newt Gingrich as their guest spinner, replacing the outrageous George Will. Newt started the lunacy by saying that Smirk's numbers dropped less than Clinton's or Reagan's. Linda Douglass talked about pork barrel spending. Cokie Roberts talked about heady Republicans and bad poll numbers -- then lied, saying poll numbers in odd-numbered years don't matter. Newt shilled for privatizing Social Security and for His Fraudulence vetoing spending. Cokie blathered some smarm about Democrats playing the "mothers feeding their kids" card. Linda was right -- defense spending will be under the microscope and Smirk may raid the Medicare trust fund. Sam brought up the probability of declining revenues. There was blather about stem cell research -- Newt seems to support it, but said that Chimp Boy has to draw a line between fetus research and "pre-fetal" embryonic cell research, throwing a bone to the sort of anti-choice thugs he helped to ally with the very dirtiest wing of the GOP.

Following the break, there was more blather about Condit. We laughed as Cokie Roberts expressed outrage that "interns" are looked upon by the powerful as "red meat."

Right, Cokie -- as if you'd NEVER see the same attitude toward interns among executives at ABC or, for that matter, their parent company, Disney. Get real. Better yet, get off the airwaves so that ABC can give your seat to a real journalist.

Newt actually said that people do embarrassing things -- and the best thing to do is 'fess up.

Click on the charge card to learn about Newt and his "Poontang Express" travails!

Okay, Newt -- care to elaborate on those notorious credit card charges?

Bob Schieffer "got right to it" with his first guest, Abbe Lowell, who has been retained by Rep. Gary Condit. Schieffer got uncharacteristically down and dirty early on, first asking Lowell about the affair between his client, Rep. Gary Condit (stealth GOPer-CA) and Chandra Levy. He kept pressing Lowell on the affair, and casting Condit as a possible target of investigation.

Lowell blasted Schieffer again and again for focusing on the tawdry elements of Levy's disappearance and failing to mention that a police official had to correct the press on numerous elements of the story.

Schieffer asked if Condit misled the press -- and Lowell asked if there were police "sources" that were misleading the media! Good -- it's about time someone said it. And it got more interesting as Lowell asked Schieffer if CBS's "sources" were telling one thing to the press and another to him -- especially concerning the possibility that the DC police may want to search Condit's Washington apartment. "The police," Lowell said, "are not sharing what they are doing with us, we are not sharing what we have told the police with you, and that's the way it should be."

Schieffer would not relent, though ("Do you know if she was pregnant?... Do you have an idea where the police should look?"). Lowell kept slapping him down.

Lowell's only fault is that he should have been more emphatic about the press casting this story as being about Condit when it should be about Chandra Levy.

Schieffer then turned to real news -- campaign finance reform -- with his next guest, Sen. John McCain (Undermines Smirk-AZ).

Out of the gate, Senator "J.J." said he wants to avoid the bill going to a conference committee. In response to a question from Gloria Borger, McCain talked about the momentum that is behind the bill. Borger pressed McCain about reports that House GOP leaders are threatening freshmen who have jumped on board the McCain reform bandwagon -- and Schieffer mentioned Hastert saying that McCain was "bullying" House members. McCain scoffed at the claims (you could practically hear him chuckling and wanting to say "You believe that bullshit, Bob?") -- and twice mentioned the blizzard of letters he has received supporting campaign finance reform. Gloria asked if he would not campaign for GOPers who do not support campaign finance reform -- and McCain said that he has to set his priorities.

In other words, McCain knows he has the "Big Mo" and Republicans who don't get on board are toast.

There was a little chit-chat about the Congressional Black Caucus -- John disingenuously said the caucus was split.

Gloria asked J.J. about Smirk's plummeting poll numbers -- and McCain blamed the economy, saying (with little enthusiasm) they will come back when Bush gets behind spending cuts and defense.

Following the break, Gloria Borger mixed it up with Sen. Sam Brownback (Christian Taliban-KS) and Arlen Spector (R-PA) on stem cell research. Brownback was obsessed with "destruction of the embryo" and -- horrors! -- "cloning." Brownback made the MEANINGLESS point about "genetic instability" of embryo cells -- as if this COMPLETELY invalidated going forward with research (a point Schieffer made). Brownback, a religiously insane clown, wants to give frozen embryos the same rights as people. Spector pointed out that a large number of "right-to-life" pols support stem cell research. Spector also said there were 70 votes in the Senate by his estimation that would back a stem cell funding bill. Brownback said he hopes that George the Lesser stands by his guns and opposes stem cell research.

Uh-huh, Sam -- and undermines work that could help cure or provide relief for dozens of debilitating diseases. Sam is just another evangelical nutcase who feels that a life of disease and pain is "more Godly" than research that can provide cures or improve the quality of life for millions of people.

And that, my friends, is the result when you let "right to lifers" dictate THEIR agenda of superstition and YOUR rights.

Capital Gong Show
Hail! Hail! The gang's all here! And at least a couple (three guesses) are grumpy and apparently in deep denial.

The Saturday evening feed of CNN’s Capitol Gong Show was interrupted by breaking coverage of the latest breathless revelation about Condit's admission of a relationship with Chandra Levy. So, being resourceful, I found a transcript -- and will work from that in the portions that were preempted.

The fact that the first portion wasn't televised turned out to be fortunate, as the first clip shown was of Rep. Dick "Huckleberry" Armey (Drunk-TX), regarding the campaign finance issue. He mouthed the dogma about how Repugs were not going to "intrude" on people's First Amendment rights.

In other words, they'd rather not tamper with the auction style of government representation that our system has perverted itself into.

After that mercifully brief assault on my senses, it was onto the latest right-wing attempt to vilify Sen. John McCain (R-AZ). The hard right is trying to gin up a non-story against him by saying that a letter he sent to many representatives he'd campaigned reminded them that they'd said that they were with him on campaign finance reform, and wouldn't support a watered-down version of it.

I'll quote the text of that letter later, after letting you in on how our vaunted panelists viewed it.

In another clip, they showed the rotund House Speaker, Denny Hastert (R-DeLay's Bitch), in which he said, "I think that's a threat, and I don't think he ought to threaten, call it a threat or a bully or whatever."

"Or whatever"??? Has Hastert been hanging around with Bob Dole lately?

Is McCain losing his coalition on this key issue? This was put to Margaret Carlson first.

Margaret led off by pointing out that McCain's letter was NOT a shakedown. She said that Dick Gephardt (someone adjust the contrast on that guy's face!) wants to deliver in the House the way Daschle delivered in the Senate, but that Gephardt has the Black Caucus to contend with. While half of them will go along with reform, Margaret says that many are against getting off the "gravy train" that they'd only recently boarded. Carlson thinks it would be terrible for the Democratic Party not to support McCain's bill -- but maybe McCain will get lucky and Tom DeLay (R-Bugged Out) will get his wish and Oblivious Boy Bush will threaten a veto.

Bob Novak, on the other hand, thinks that it was terribly "heavy-handed" of McCain to send this letter (but he probably thinks the Repug storm troopers screaming and shoving people inside the building where ballots were being counted down in Miami was not "heavy-handed").

There then followed a Novak gem: he said that there was nothing "sealed in blood" between McCain and these Republican House members. Margaret said, "Just a promise!"

Check this out. Novak then said, "No, it was no promises made. It was just -- it was a concept."

Great Ceasar's Ghost! Talk about what the meaning of "is" is!! Now a promise is a "concept"???? I guess for Bob and his pals it is. So is truth -- why, it’s just a "concept." Just an idea -- a concept -- nothing actually real and unchangeable. How postmodern! Thanks, Bob -- now I'm enlightened.

I guess that fits right in with Bush promising to reduce CO2 emissions too. That was only a "concept."

Bob, what color is the sky up your own butt?

Maybe Kate O'Beirne will yank us back to the world as we know it. Mark Shields asked Kate about a watered-down pretend campaign finance reform bill offered by the unknown (to me at least) "Mr. Ney." A bit of research found that "Mr. Ney" is Rep. Bob Ney (R-OH), the state that's round on both ends and "hi" in the middle. The Repugs obviously yanked this guy out of his chair as he sat dozing in the back of the chamber and told him he was going to be their point man for this phony campaign finance "reform" bill.

But Kate seems to think this "Ney" bill, whose name is a great clue as to how everyone should vote on the damn thing, isn't weak enough. She too trots out the "constitutional objection" - wads'o'money-speech -- and said that at least the right has something to rally around. She says only two Republican freshman are supporting McCain-Feingold. That's a great way to spin it, Kate. Use a handful of freshman representatives to try to imply it has no support, rather than the full house. It's reassuring to see that Kate can regurgitate yet another spoon-fed spin point from the genii on the Repug PR team.

But she wasn't done. Behold! More right wing crap-trap! "And when you look back at the news reports of John McCain campaigning for Republicans last fall, invariably McCain people were quoted as saying campaign people were saying, 'There's no quid pro quo. We're not looking for anything in return.' So this late in the day, my way or the highway, does show up an unattractive side that we've sometimes seen in John McCain's personality, which is the bully boy."

Two things. "McCain people were quoted as saying campaign people were saying ---" HUH?? That's pretty solid evidence. Then she just makes it up anyway. And look at the way she just HAS to get in the term "bully boy." Yep Kate, he's a real bully. Not like good old Tom DeLay or Dick Cheney, whose love and compassion for their fellow man knows no bounds.

(Don't forget, the text from McCain's letter is forthcoming…)

And people write and give me hell for calling these creeps names?? They're freaking disgusting!! They're loathsome. It's not even about ideology. It's the level they sink to and their methods and their constant, utterly breathtaking, self-serving hypocrisy that makes them deserving of the hottest part of hell. Sure, politics is a messy and ugly business. It's a war of sorts, and both sides do ugly things -- but these guys go off the charts, and as a matter of habit! You should be glad this is a PG-13 type of site!

At last, Al Hunt got a chance. He started off by saying that this Ney bill "…is a total fraud. It codifies corruption." Unlike Kate, instead of making it up, he gives a concrete example: consider Carl Lindner, a big wheeler-dealer, political-fixer kind of guy that used to give to both parties. According to Hunt, under this Ney bill, Lindner could give in any election cycle $900,000 in soft money, another $360,000 of hard money, and if his wife gave too (a very common practice to increase donations), they could give a $2.5 MILLION!!

Now, is that real reform?? Hunt also points out that all of the things that got Repugs foaming at the mouth and soiling their drawers such as the Roger Tamraz, Denise Rich, the breakfasts, coffees, etc, NONE of that would be affected one little bit by this sham bill.

Break out the hats and hooters: this is campaign finance reform Republican style -- but reform in exactly the WRONG direction. This would only INCREASE the already huge influence wielded by the most wealthy and powerful among us.

As to the McCain "bully" issue, Hunt thinks that if Jack Kemp (R-Over With) had campaigned for a bunch of vulnerable Republicans and they campaigned on the tax cut, then they came back and voted for a phony tax cut bill, you can bet the farm that the right-wing thugs would be squealing and thundering like mad.

The mere mention of tax cuts got Novak hot and bothered. He piped up and in his trademark condescending manner tried to lecture Hunt on how tax cuts are what the Republican party stands for, and campaign finance is not.

Even I kind of see his point here. It's kind of like the Nazi party standing for racial "purity." You gotta have something to stand for, even if it's ruinous to the country.

But Bombastic Bob said that campaign finance is just too unconstitutional, which is why there's trouble passing it. His explanation for all this: "What it is is a lot of elitists who feel that somehow or other there's something obscene about these contributions."

WOW! Now the middle class, the working poor, and everyone else that doesn't have millions to play around with, doesn't have some huge organization representing them, or are not corporate officers are all now "elitist"!!! What an interesting view. I guess I've never realized just how these millionaire CEO's and lobbyists for corporations and right-wing think tanks, funded to the tune of tens of millions each year, are really the oppressed in our fine country! I guess Ray and Diane down the street, who are really in a bind because the mini-van needs a new starter, are the REAL elitists.

To hear Bob and his henchmen tell it, if we pass campaign finance reform, it's really taking away Ray and Diane's right to free speech. It's taking away their right to give over TWO AND A HALF MILLION dollars to the candidate of their choice. And if they aren't allowed to give that much to their candidate, their voices might not be heard!!!

Gee Bob, that's really patriotic and "compassionate" of you to think of all of our precious rights like that! As the nauseating guy in the hideous pharmaceutical commercial says, nostrils flaring and choking up, "All I can say is (sniff) thank you, Bob!"

Kate then mentioned that McCain flip-flopped on stem cell research, and "This happens to be a matter of life and death. He's now flipped on that issue. A lot of people think that's a lot more important than campaign finance reform."

Kate is absolutely right on this. But typically, she's stood the issue on it's head. It IS a matter of life or death -- not for the clump of cells she is so concerned about, but for the millions of people who's lives are devastated or lost from diseases and disorders that stem cell research might cure.

And while it's true that a lot of people feel stem cell research is more important than campaign finance reform, it's sad that a lot of people think that preventing the "rights" of a clump of cells is more important than rescuing our entire political system from being completely subverted by big money interests.

Shields pointed out that the Republicans owe McCain a LOT, because they were desperate for his help during the campaign, and that Dennis Hastert wouldn't be speaker right now were it not for McCain's effort during the campaign. But it's not surprising to see Republicans eat their own.

Novak sputtered to Shields, "I know you just love John McCain. You just idolize him and bow to him." To which Shields shot back, "I admire John McCain. You idealize anybody who'll cut your taxes!"

And once again Bob-ula provided some good yuks all around.

But what was in McCain's letter that sparked such sound and fury on the right? What spurred talk about what a "bully boy" McCain is and how "heavy handed" his methods are?? What provoked this to the point where it's all over the print media and all the talk shows?

Here is what McCain wrote:

"We both promised to lead the fight to make meaningful campaign reform law. I urge you to keep up that commitment to reform in the coming weeks."

Yep, that sure has BULLY BOY written all over it, doesn't it! These people are NUTS!

In the next segment, the Gong Show panel took on national economics director Lawrence Lindsey's announcement that the budget surplus for this year has shrunk by $56 billion dollars. Doesn't this mean that the Chimp is going to have to break the bank and dig into Social Security and Medicare funds in the future? Will the Boy Wonder get stung by the "now-you-see-it, now-you-don't" surplus?

A clip of Kent Conrad (D-North Dakota), the new chairman of the Senate Budget Committee, was played in which he said that he was going to ask Lindsey and the head of the Office of Management and Budget to appear before his committee and make recommendations on what Congress should do: "I believe they have an affirmative obligation to come up with spending cuts or new revenue to prevent us from raiding the Medicare and Social Security trust fund."

Now I'm no expert, but why in the hell are the guys that monitor the budget "obligated" to come before the legislature, the body that is responsible for setting taxes and deciding how government funds are spent, and "come up with spending cuts or new revenue to prevent us from raiding the Medicare and Social Security trust fund"?? Isn't that YOUR job, Congressman??

Shields asked the panel whether this "amazing disappearing surplus" would be an embarrassment for former Texas governor Bush.

Kate got in a crack about how at least we have a "president" capable of being embarrassed. Oh, really, Kate? He was sure embarrassed when caught calling New York Times reporter Adam Clymer a "major league @$%hole" -- NOT! So far, the mentally-impaired bonehead hasn't shown any signs of having the character to regret anything -- or to even admit he's done wrong, no matter how blatantly out of line it is. We all saw how the White House was ashamed of the blatant and proven LIES they put out about the mythical "vandalism" didn't we.

Then, totally oblivious to any semblance of reality, Kate launched into a knee-jerk blame fest, pinning the shrinking surplus on the past five years of Congress's "huge, bipartisan spending spree" (at least she couldn't quite get away with blaming just the Dems) and noted that this happened most recently when Clinton signed his last "bloated budget."

Snaggle-tooth went on to say that Congress is talking about a 7% increase in spending, while His Cluelessness is calling for spending restraint and "only a 4% increase."

Then, as a topper, she added, "But a slow economy, of course, will reduce the surplus and revenues, meaning that's all the more reason for pro-growth tax cuts." Yeah, bay-bee! Surplus disappearing? Slow economy? Give more of the governments revenue away to those that make enough that it doesn't make a whit of difference whether they get it or not! Break the bank!!! When the car's going down a hill with no brakes, better stomp on the gas!!!

Hunt, apparently unaffected by Kate's almost drug-induced theories, managed to get in some reality by pointing out that Kate's supposed explosion in government spending is nothing but BS. Federal spending as a percentage of GDP is down over 18% now from 22% ten years ago. Some explosion!

Hunt got it right by saying that the surplus is evaporating due to a slowing economy and "a TAX CUT that we can't afford and that is misdirected."

He gave the dynamic duo of Kate and Bob props for saying that they didn't want to spend any of the surplus to save Social Security and Medicare, but that Daddy's Little Dumbass thinks we can do it all, but the only way that can happen is with smoke and mirrors.

Novak piped up and said that the reason there's a recession for the past few months is -- the conservatives.

Naw… just pulling your leg. Of course it's not. Bob said it's all Crazy Al Greenspan's fault. Damn him!

Then he pulled $200 billion out of the air and said that's what the surplus is for this year. He just kept repeating that number as if it made his entire case, whatever that might have been. He repeated it like a mantra 4 or 5 times throughout the segment.

In a chilling exchange, Hunt was arguing with Novak and saying that Kent Conrad was not calling for increased taxes NOW, but saying that we'll have to raise them again when, a few years down the road, it becomes apparent that the only way to survive is to raid Social Security and Medicare. He pointed out to Bob that it was the Dick and Dork show that said so often that Social Security and Medicare are off the table.

The Prince of Darkness then said ominously, "They've always been on the table."

Mark his words, folks. To the Republicans, despite all the propaganda and whining about how Dems are only "trying to scare old people by saying Republicans will take their Social Security away," and screaming about how terrible that is -- despite all that -- they've ALWAYS intended to eliminate both programs. They've hated them since they began, and it's anathema to them. The candid Paul O'Neill, Secretary of the Treasury, is on record as saying he'd like to eliminate both Social Security and Medicare. Anyone who tells you that the right won't hurt these programs is selling you a bill of goods. At BEST, they'll spend it into a crisis from which it can't recover, and then drag their feet or do nothing to make sure they remain solvent. Hell, don't take my word for it -- listen to Novak and O'Neil.

After the commercial break, they returned to deal with Chowderhead's nominee to head the FBI, Robert S. Mueller.

Everyone seemed to be on the same page about this one. They all thought he was a pretty good choice, and that he could be expected to not be such an ass-kisser and to be less political that Louis Freeh.

This segment was notable for one "Ewwwwww!" moment -- when Margaret reminded us all of what a "boot-licker" Freeh was and how he actually sent a note to Ken "Pup Tent" Starr in which he thanked Kenny for "being a great American." (ACK!! GAG!!)

Kate said that Mueller was John "Crisco" AshKKKroft's pick, and said that the federal government was to blame for the FBI's incompetence by federalizing more crimes. We can always count on Kate to come up with creative apologies for right-wing disasters.

Then Bob called for abolishing the FBI.

Yep, you read that right. Who needs the FBI? If it's federal, get rid of it.

Bob -- and I'm not making this up -- called Theodore Roosevelt "the villain in this, who, among his other sins, started a national police force" -- and went on to say that we've never needed an FBI, that it's just "a lot of aggrandizement and propaganda" which has done more harm than good.

Interesting theory, Bob. Wonder what tune you'd be playing if some organized crime group started robbing the banks you have your money in across the country? What if some hackers started embezzling funds or blackmailing a corporation you have stock in, Bob? Who ya gonna call? Deputy Barney Fife? What a dunce.

To close the segment, Mark Shields said, "Thanks very much, Bob. Everyone who supports that move to abolish the FBI, call Bob Novak at 1-800-BOB." HA! I think Shields left out an "O" there.

If I haven't lost you already, I will skip the interview portion of the show so you can get on with your life. Hunt interviewed John Sweeney, President of the AFL-CIO. One interesting fact that Al Hunt brought out is that Smirk has not met ONCE with the head of labor in this country, namely Sweeney. Imagine if Clinton, after six months in office, hadn't met with the most prominent business leader in America!!

Of course, Kate and Bob, the gruesome twosome, pooh-poohed unions in general as if they're on the way out and not at all important to anyone. I predict that they'll see a surge in membership like never before under the Dick and Dork misadministration.

The panel then interviewed the porcine Lawrence Eagleburger, who looks like he ate about a dozen "eagle burgers" along with some elk burgers, walrus burgers, buffalo burgers, and a few bronto burgers for good measure (and maybe a few orders of fries.)

He said he has problems with bringing Milosevic to court in the Hague, and thinks it will set a bad precedent -- and mentioned the French court that wants to drag Kissinger to court in France.

I'd LOVE to see that!

Then, showing just how petty and weird politics can get, Novak, near the end of the interview, said, "And of course, the greatest war criminals of our time, Joseph Stalin and Ho Chi Minh, because they won the wars, go to no war crimes tribunal." -- to which Shields, in fine form, said, "Bob, you forgot Hitler." HA, HA, HA!

No Mark, Bob didn't forget Hitler, he just doesn't think Hitler was all that bad!

Then, stupidly, Kate said he'd also not mentioned conservatives' favorite boogey man, Fidel Castro. Yeah, Kate, Castro's right up there with the greatest war criminals in history. I guess ignorance and lack of perspective is a prerequisite for being a conservative commentator.

Now, the Outrages of the Week (other than those I've already mentioned)!

Shields: Robert Hanssen being a traitor for 22 years, earning $1.4 million for betraying the country, and blowing the cover of Russian double agents -- resulting in their executions. Now he gets a plea bargain to avoid execution himself, gets a life term, and his family will still get his FBI pension. Shields wonders if the families of Benedict Arnold or the Rosenbergs got their pensions.

Novak: Bob's annoyed because he thinks those nasty Democrats are holding up the nominations of the "out of his major league" resident of the White House. The idea of anyone delaying appointments just steams Bob. Of course, he had no problems when the right was blatantly and absurdly blocking and delaying Clinton's nominees. He's really mad that the Dems are dragging their feet on approving two Iran-Contra crooks, John Negroponte and Otto Reich.

They were both up to their necks in the illegal extra-constitutional Nicaraguan contra guns for hostages deal, and Bob thinks it's an outrage that the Dems think that's a problem.

Carlson: You though that someone had driven a stake through Ken Starr's heart? Wrong! Independent counsel David Barrett is still managing to provide himself with employment and a career all on his own. Remember Henry Cisneros? Way back in the dusty past, Cisneros admitted to an affair and wasn't completely honest about how much he'd given his mistress. Since then he's paid a $10,000 fine and has been pardoned. But this right wing nut-job Barrett goes on, finding lifetime employment in the case. Last week, a Republican panel gave him permission to keep going, using the same flimsy justification he's used for the past SIX years.

How much of Novak's precious tax money is this costing? A mere $15 MILLION dollars!

This is sheer insanity! Where is the press??

O'Beirne: Kate doesn't want China to get the Olympics. She seems to be mad because the Chump administration is neutral on the issue.

Hunt: In a rather unique take on the Chandra Levy/Gary Condit debacle, Hunt thinks that the D.C. police have been coddling Condit and treating him with kid gloves, and that is an outrage.

I say that as far as what happened to this young woman, which is the only real issue, and one that is seemingly getting somewhat lost in all this, that the fact they had a relationship is really not of too much importance, other than revealing that perhaps she'd shared more of her feelings with him. This should also put the spotlight on him as a possible suspect as well.

I just don't like the inference that the fact he was having an affair with her somehow implicates him in her disappearance, though his silence has been somewhat curious. This could simply be due to his natural desire not to stand in front of cameras and discuss how he cheated on his wife (haven't we been here before?)

Word is that the D.C. cops are happy with Condit's cooperation with them -- and if that's the case, I'm happy too. His only obligation is to give the police, and by extension Levy's family, all the help he possibly can in solving this case. He doesn't owe us, or the media, anything whatsoever.

And that's it, sports fans. Thanks for hanging in there to the end!

-- Dash Riprock

Morrie Friendly is a political consultant, retired advisor to GOP officials, and gifted golf hustler who lives in Washington and just sold his home in the Virginia suburbs -- to a Democrat!
Dave "Doctor" Gonzo quit his job as a disgruntled entertainment industry executive to become a disgruntled political commentator.
Dash Riprock is a free-lance smart aleck based in Moline, IL. He welcomes comments, kudos, jeers, snarls, hoots, and expressions of venomous hatred and/or undying devotion at dashriprockapj@hotmail.com. He is currently accepting donations to his "new cardboard for the inside of my shoes" fund.