American Politics Journal

Time again for...
More News You'll Never See On TV!
The Wall Street Journal's Resident Pro-Life GOP Moralist Knocks Up His Girlfriend's Daughter... and Lets Her Get an Abortion!
By Tamara Baker

"Me so horny toad!"  John Fund, the Lizard of Luv... and keeping it in the family!

Sept. 5, 2001 -- SAINT PAUL, MINNESOTA (APJP) -- As I think I'll find myself having to say more often lately, I swear I did not make this up!

Yet another GOP moral arbiter has been caught with his pants down (I know, I know; Republican exposed as hypocrite, sun rises in east. But I digress...). This time, the exposed Republican hypocrite is none other than the Wall Street Journal's moralist-in-chief, Council for National Policy member (and allegedly fervent anti-abortionist) John Fund.

Fund went and impregnated the daughter of an old girlfriend of his -- and then John Fund, that staunch pro-lifer, looked the other way when she aborted his child. 

Both the mother, Melinda Pillsbury-Foster, and daughter, Morgan Pillsbury, have decided to go to the press -- in this case, John Connolly of And they did so in a most spectacular way -- in the form of an audiotaped conversation between John Fund and Morgan Pillsbury over what the nastily-browbeating Fund says are Morgan's mom's threats against him.

If you can't get Media Player to work -- or if listening to John Fund for more than fifteen seconds makes you want to put your fist through a window -- check out the transcript instead.

Now, of course John Fund may have taken both Morgan and her mother lying down (or standing up, or doggie-style), but he certainly isn't taking the exposure of his hypocrisy -- or of the audiotape -- lying down. John Connolly was originally going to run a longer version of the WeaselSearch piece in Talk magazine, but Fund put heavy pressure on Talk not to run the story -- so got the honors (and the vastly increased, and advertiser-pleasing, web traffic) instead.

It's my pleasure and privilege to enhance WeaselSearch's public profile by relaying the news of this story. John Fund will soon find that trying to stop the Spartacuses of the Internet from getting the story out is not unlike the troubles another famous (though fictional) moralizing hypocrite, Major Frank Burns of M*A*S*H fame, had in living down the broadcasting of his own sins to the world. 

I promise you this, dear reader: If ever I catch this clown on a call-in TV show like C-SPAN, you KNOW I will bring this up. 

And if I can say it before they cut me off, I will be sure to ask Mr. Fund the same sort of questions that Hawkeye Pierce asked Major Burns after the major was caught in some hanky-panky with Hot Lips Houlihan:

"So, John, does she move around a lot or does she just lie there? Does she moan, John? Is she better than her mom? Does she go uh-uh-uh?" 

Crass, you say? 

No crasser than hearing John Fund castigate Bill Clinton and Gary Condit for sexual misdeeds which were far less serious than those Fund himself committed. Or for deliberately allowing the worst sorts of slanders against Democrats in general, and the Clintons in particular, to infest the Wall Street Journal's editorial page every single day for the better part of the past decade. 

Now, to spread the news! Call up CNN, CBS and the other usual media suspects -- and ask them why they aren't covering THIS juicy scandal, instead of trying to keep alive the virtually-substance-free Condit FauxGate.

Copyright © 2001, 2000, 1999, 1998, 1997, 1996, American Politics Journal Publications, Inc.
All rights reserved. Read our privacy policy. Contact us.
ISSN No. 1523-1690