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September 17, 2001 -- LOS ANGELES (APJP) -- Well, clear out the children and meet me at High Noon, Sheriff Dubya's takin' no prisoners. Dubya's advisors decided to take the leash off. Why not? The man's numbers are higher than the DOW is low. We're all behind him. It's now God, country and George. Hillary thanked him. Gore offered his support. Expect Farrakhan to add his support soon. Speaking from the friendly confines of our wounded military house, the Pentagon. If there be anytime, anyplace, to try out his new powers of can't miss, it is now.
And he did speak, seemingly without notes. And it weren't bad. I mean not any worse than it's ever been. Barbara's little frontiersman said that, "...we're going to find those...um, evil-doers." Holy cow. The language. He might as well have called the terrorists, "doo-doos."
And then the new sheriff in town spoke to calling up his posse, 35,000 of ‘em, and thanking "...the employee who is getting ready to serve the country...defeating terrorism, and, um, evil-doers." You just can't say it too much. Those terrorists are just plain...evil-doers.
And then, oh-my-God, they let him answers questions. You could just see Karen Hughes peeing her panties (or jock). How would he do?
Shucks and two-six-shooters at his side, he was glorious! When asked how long the war would be, he answered magnificently, albeit forgetting to say how long.
He was asked that since this was going to be a different kind of war, what type of war would it be. As if Bat Masterson had entered his body, he told us, "...different."
"We've been able to watch on our television screens sophisticated weaponry to find a building and we've seen dramatic reports from the front." And he was definite! "There may be some of that, who knows."
"Who knows?" Surely that quote will be set down right next to, "Give me liberty or give me death."
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Gary Cooper couldn't have said it any better. "We're going to smoke them out." Uh-huh. Maybe we're shipping a boatload of Marlboro to the Taliban hoping Bin Laden will get cancer.
Why-it Earp continued to shoot from the hip. "...once we get them running, we have a good chance to getting them, and that's exactly what our intent is." Um. That's our intent? A "good chance of getting them?" That's got to go up on the posters at the enlistment offices.
With his advisors/protectors shouting the how do we get outta here "Thank you," President Earp reiterated/repeated/forgot he already said it, that "there's an old poster out west, that I recall, that said, ‘Wanted, Dead or Alive.'"
Alright boys, let's go get them...evil-doers!
Steve Young, contributing editor at the Writer Guild Of America's "Written By" magazine, and columnist at jewishworldreview.com, is author of the forthcoming "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful,'' Tallfellow Press). E-mail: theeothersteveyoung@juno.com
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