Sunday, November 4, 2001, 2:15PM EST  -- WASHINGTON/NEW YORK (APJP) -- Every one of the pundit shows we caught this week seemed to have something to say about Osama bin Laden's latest rambling videotaped propaganda, dutifully delivered to and broadcast by Al Jazeera, the more-independent-than-Team-Smirk-admits, Arabic-language all-news channel based in Qatar.  It seems that Osama -- who is NOT a cleric -- has decreed that anyone that allies with America or joins the war on his Al Qaeda crime network is an "infidel" and a fair target for his Jihad groupies.

But the main preoccupations were predictable: the military campaign against the Taliban in Afghanistan, anthrax all over the eastern seaboard, and alerts to possible terrorist attacks, most notably California Governor Gray Davis's warning concerning suspension bridges.

Because of the New York Marathon, the local NBC affiliate ran Eat the Prez at the uncivilized hour of 8 AM, and McLaugh-In even earlier in the morning. So here's what we saw.

This Weak
Franks speaking on the war

After reviewing the guest lists, we opted to stick with This Weak over FAUX Smirk Sunday, and -- much to our delight -- the program was far less nauseating than usual.  Sure, George "Contagious Migraine" Will would be on hand for the round table, but at least he's not doing interview segments these days.  Best of all was the complete absence of the prissy, hypocritical Cokie Boggs Roberts.

The first interview segment had George Stephanopoulos talking to a key military player in the war against the Taliban... er, excuse us, make that terrorism.  Before that segment, however, Sam Donaldson summarized the latest videotaped musings of the world's most famous billionaire super-villain, Osama bin Laden, and an ABC correspondent at the Pentagon reported that Afghanistan's Northern Alliance is now on the offensive against the Taliban, who are "still in control on the ground."

Gen. Tommy Franks' most important point was in response to Steph's first question: "We are making progress."  Steph asked if the ground war has begun; Franks called such talk "premature" and made it clear that the current struggle is a nearly overwhelming task; he said that the present war cannot be thought of -- or executed -- in the conventional manner.  Franks was also peddling the term "opposition" as opposed to "Northern Alliance" (a ploy partially to encourage inclusion of more forces against the Taliban, partially to avoid the perception that the US and its allies favor the Alliance as the new leadership in Afghanistan in that a coalition of opposition is desired) and played down speculation of a major offensive in the next few days by the Alliance.  He also made clear that the US is not out to occupy areas of land but to "destroy terrorist networks"; the pressure on these networks must be maintained as opposed to, "say, seizing Maz-al-Sharif".  Franks also referred to the Afghanistan government as "illegitimate".

Talk turned to loss of equipment and assets -- Franks all but said to expect casualties.  There was talk of illegitimate governments -- no, not the appointment of the Doofus Dauphin by the Scalia Five, but the Taliban.  Franks deflected to discussions with Pakistan strongman Musharraf about engaging in combat during Ramadan; the US is listening to all views and then "will make a decision" as to what course will be taken.

Franks dismissed the view of people in the press critical of the war as "uninformed", and said in response to those who claim the Taliban cannot be defeated that "I'd rather be in my shoes than theirs."

Franks had us laughing when he referred to the Gilligan-like POTUS as "informed" (ha, ha, ha -- he's being "informed" by his string-pullers as to what exactly to say and do).

Steph: "Is bin Laden in your sights?"  Franks: "...Bring him to justice or bring justice to him."  Can any escape routes be cut off?  Franks evaded an answer, saying the present goal vis-à-vis Osama is to limit his movements.  

Huh?  We thought the present goal was to defeat the Taliban and terrorist networks!  Let's face it -- the guy still has a satellite phone and a camcorder, so he can still lead Al Qaeda and foment trouble even though he's going nowhere.

What did Franks learn from his experience in Vietnam and Iraq?  "Never forget that the people on the ground make the decisions that determines who wins and who loses [whatever that means].... Respect the blue collar guys because they're the ones who do the work."

Steph: "How do we get out of this fight?"  Franks: "We get out of this fight when the job's done.... the destruction of terrorist networks with global reach."

Is he so sure?  We wonder if Smirk's handlers really want to take on South American drug kingpins, the anti-choice Army of God, violent white-rights groups, and the very Neo-Nazi in Latin America that they empowered and trained.

In response to a question concerning a news story (scheduled to appear in tomorrow's New Yorker) that special forces took heavy  casualties in a firefight with Taliban forces, Franks gave an answer that sounded to be a pointed denial.

While there was much in Franks' interview that was predictable -- the expected pap with an emphasis on "progress", "appropriate" and "patience"  -- he was there to convey the message that the "war against terrorism" is making progress slowly and the nation must simply be patient.  George, unfortunately, hardly asked a single question to challenge the spin -- with the exception of that last question, which he let Franks answer unchallenged.

Following a break, Sam interviewed three Arab journalists, first asking Al Jazeera's Ghida Fakhry who is winning the propaganda war. Fakhry said that Osama is exploiting long-held views and grievances, but many in the Islamic world disagree with his methods; Americans, she said, face an uphill battle justifying their claim that this is a war on terrorism.  Fareed Zakhari of Newsweek said that the best thing that the US can do to win the propaganda war is to win the military war.  Sam: "Might makes right?"  Zakhari: once the Northern Alliance scores some victories, that will help a great deal; the US does not have enough Arabic speakers and should worry more about Afghan caves that Arab streets.  Sam asked why there have not been Taliban defections; Haron Amin, a representative of the Northern Alliance, said that should Americans go on the offensive and score victories, there will massive defections from the Taliban.  Amin also said that Osama's decision to try to expand the conflict to moderate Arab states is a megalomaniacal blunder -- he is now the mortal enemy of Egypt.  Fakhry said that Al Jazeera is trying to show all sides of the story -- and broadcasts of Osama's rants are contrasted with official American views; she implied that America must make more of a point that it is trying to minimize civilian casualties.  Zakhari said that America faces a "marketing" problem which they surmounted in southeastern Europe -- and should keep in mind that most citizens of Arab countries hate their leaders!

There you have it -- proof that your average Arab and your average thinking American have something in common!

Then -- the economy!  Dems and GOPers, said Sam, are fighting over a "stimulus" package.  Sam welcomed... no, not Larry Lindsey, thank God, but former Clinton economic whiz Bob Rubin!

Hear, hear!  It's worth noting that we're seeing a lot more of Rubin and another Clinton alumnus, Gene Sperling, on the Sunday show and cable news circuit -- not enough to counterbalance Team Snippy and his cheerleaders for corporate welfare, but certainly more often than we did when His Fraudulence was first pushing his ill-advised and damaging corporate welfare plan under the banner of "tax cuts".  We know that Terry McAuliffe and his team at the DNC have been exerting a lot of pressure on the networks to balance their guest lists.  We encourage savvy viewers to also contact the news divisions of the major networks to tell them they support the better balance -- but want to see more.

Rubin has proposed putting rebate money into the hands of poor and middle-income families as opposed to more givebacks to corporate America; his argument is that people will actually spend the money.  There are, he said, two approaches: rebates or a cut in withholdings.  The wrong approach: pushing forward tax cuts.  Sam pitched all of Bush's business givebacks -- won't some of them help the economy?  Rubin said he likes the rebate to those who pay no income tax, not to bring forward tax cuts.  Sam pointed out that the House payoff to big business is stuck in the Senate; Rubin said it's time for the House, Senate, and Moron-In-Chief to get together and cook up a stimulus package to help people.  What about a "national sales tax holiday"?  Rubin called it too complicated; he should have said that it will gut state budgets, hurting education and infrastructure.  Is a stimulus essential (you could tell he was begging for a "yes"); Rubin said it is important and should be done to stimulate the economy.

Then -- monetary policy!  Wonk heaven for political junkies.  Rubin thinks President Greenspan should look at long-term rates, and the present economic 

Some GOPers want Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill's head (but didn't say why).  Rubin said O'Neill's doing okay -- but should not engage in ad hominem attacks!

Overall, Rubin was very good, certainly more lively than Lindsey or O'Neill.  He should have use the magic voodoo words "supply side thinking" and "trickle-down economics", explained that this approach has failed so many times in the past that it's a joke, and pushed the term we've been seeing and hearing recently in progressive magazines and articles: "trickle-up stimulus."  

Sam then welcomed his Disney World... er, ABC News round table!

We decided to invoke the "don't make the reader puke" rule once again and ignored almost everything said by one of the most obnoxious conservatives on the planet, George Will.  Note that we say "almost".

Linda Douglass reviewed the formidable task Team Shrub faces in cooking up a tax stimulus that makes all parties happy (got news for you, Linda -- these idiots will never devise a plan that doesn't screw over the Average Jane and Joe).  Steph said that the war has entered a "new phase" -- intensified bombing and cover for the Northern Alliance just as the prospect of a potential replacement government dissolved (of course, it seems that every 5 or so days the war "enters a new phase" and the press dutifully reports it -- the present "new phase" seems only to be characterized by better explosion footage on CNN).  George Will said something we ignored. Linda said that the performance of ground troops will influence public opinion -- and Vietnam vets in Congress including Max Cleland want 'em now.  Steph said that Ramadan is an issue -- and he's surprised that the US has even opened the door on letting up even a little for Ramadan.  

George Will then shocked us -- unlike many media harlots for the GOP and members of His Illegitimacy's team, Will said California Governor Gray Davis did the right thing by saying there was a credible threat against California's suspension bridges (wow -- we can only imagine that his chronic migraines let up long enough for some actual thinking to take place -- good for you, George).  Linda saw the warnings as a point of friction between Davis and the FBI.  Steph said "the Administration would be absolutely crucified" if they had information and failed to pass it on the Davis.   Sam said the "cry wolf" syndrome -- people letting down their guard when attacks don't happen -- could set in.

When talk turned to baseball, we tuned out.

-- Morrie Friendly

Face the Nation

Thanks to NBC's coverage of the New York Marathon, we decided to take a peek at an "expanded" Face the Nation.

"Expanded?"  FTN usually runs a half-hour; we've been saying for years it should be a full hour.  Today's did -- and we stand by that opinion.

Bob Schieffer's first guest: the articulate Dr. Anthony Fauci.  The topic: the latest anthrax scare (spores found in a veterans' hospital).  Fauci reviewed what is known and gave the boilerplate spin on a high state of vigilance -- before admitting that nobody really knows what's going on.  He immediately followed up with a cogent summary of the theory that mail became cross-contaminated during transportation and sorting.

Will other cases crop up soon?  Fauci admitted that there is tremendous fear that there may be (or have been) a release of aerosolized anthrax in, say, a subway, then returned to the issue of a tiny number of people being contaminated through postal anthrax propagated by a tiny fraction of the billions of pieces of mail going through a system.

Schieffer then said that health officials are being vaccinated against smallpox; Fauci said that "we must be prepared to deal with a smallpox outbreak," so step one is to vaccinate CDC doctors and officials, and step two is to build up vaccine supplies.

Gloria Borger then interviewed Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA).  Is the vaccine supply being built up rapidly enough? Kennedy alluded to the strategic oil reserve, and called for a strategic vaccine/antibiotic reserve in order "to protect every American".  Should the US get into the business of vaccine production or leave it to the pros?  Kennedy said that it "has to be a partnership... to protect every American"

We hardly expect such a comment to silence raving-mad privatization hawks -- you know, the types who more or less want to slap a band-aid on airport security, a "privatization" failure that cost nearly 5000 Americans their lives.

Kennedy then urged President Not Too Swift not to let Dr. David Satcher resign as Surgeon General.  Schieffer asked if he is being pushed out; Kennedy said that he had served his term, but at this point we don't need a Surgeon General undergoing on-the job training.  Borger quoted a health official saying that ventilation systems in every big building should be protected by an armed guard; Kennedy said that all sorts of ideas are being bandied about, and the best thing to do right now is to "protect the health of every American."

Jeez, Ted -- no kidding, but why not say that there are all sorts of fears following the anthrax attacks, and there has to be a comprehensive plan rather than blind panic?

Schieffer asked Kennedy if he is worried that the food supply would become contaminated.  Kennedy said that the concern with imported food has been banned pesticides; now the concern is that it may be tainted with poison.  He added that there should be a new policy on livestock antibiotics -- there is evidence that residual traces hurt the effectiveness of antibiotics in people.

Granted, the first segment was centered around bioterrorist scares and did as much to spook the viewer as to touch on what the pols and pros feel must be done at least in the short-term.  But wow -- Schieffer and Gloria were coming on as fast and furious with the questions as Tony Snow over on FOX without taking on the tabloid trappings of the "Lowest Common Denominator Network".  Looks to us like the producers if FTN have been watching -- and taking notes.

And the premium guests kept on coming: Sens. Chuck Hagel (R) and Joe Biden (D-DE).  Schieffer asked Hagel if ground troops should go in now.  "Ground Chuck" enthusiastically said yes if we are serious about the war on terrorism -- but not half a million men as we had in Vietnam.  He took the opportunity to praise Bush Baby's (pathetically minute) credibility and leadership before he said again that all options must be open.  

And note Biden's comment: "I will support anything the Pentagon" goes with.  The Pentagon -- not the president!  Bravo!  The Dems are stealing a page from Trent Lott's Familiar Quotations, 1999 Edition: "We can support our troops without supporting our president." Looks like Biden agrees with the former cheerleader and the guy jokingly referred to on the Hill as "Senator Extra Starch" (based on his reputed obsession for re-ironing his shirts when he gets them back from the cleaner).

And Biden would love to see this over earlier rather than later, but he pointed out that it's still early in the campaign -- remember the Kosovo nay-sayers who declared the campaign a failure after day two?

Hey, wasn't one of those nay-sayers Trent Lott?  Heck, Joe, we only heard that claptrap because Bill Clinton was President, and the target of every possible bad-mouthing campaign the obsessed, bigoted, Neo-Confederate GOP could cook up!

Hagel said the American public is a factor -- you lay out a roadmap and nothing happens, "you know the old story".  Huh?  So secrecy and zero openness are a good thing?  Don't you remember Vietnam, Ground Chuck?

Schieffer asked Biden if he is worried that the Taliban could snatch Pakistan's nukes; Biden is not too worried, and did the expected pap about Musharraf's "security" as Pakistan's chief strongman.  Gloria asked Hagel about our human intelligence in Afghanistan; Hagel said it's inadequate at this time and has to be beefed up.

Some CBS affiliates would cut away after the first half hour, so Schieffer gave his weekly commentary at the end of the first half: he remembered that the question "Are we winning this war" was asked often during the Vietnam quagmire.  In the present situation, we'll know the answer is "yes" when Osama is dead or in custody, and Schieffer is optimistic that we will get that yes.  This is, after all, not Vietnam; this is a response to a direct attack on Americans.

Egyptian Ambassador to the US Nabil Fahmy was the next guest.  Fahmy is, as you would expect, formal in his answers -- but just laid-back enough that he comes across as about as "regular guy" as an ambassador can be.  Fahmy's reaction to Osama's latest tape: Osama is nervous, angry -- and scared (and you could see Fahmy savoring the question and the opportunity to take Osama down a few notches). Schieffer: He's trying to turn this into an Islamic war.  Fahmy: He's wrong; Egypt and the world has had to deal with these extremists and terrorists separately, and now we are doing it together.  Fahmy said that bombing during Ramadan is "a very difficult call"; he admitted he'd be reluctant to if he had a choice, and one has to be sensitive to the public, but he does not have all the facts (in other words, carpet bomb the crooks -- my job is to "distance" Egypt from this call while secretly giving the Pentagon the big thumbs-up).  Does the average Egyptian see the present war as the result of an attack on America or a jihad against enemies of Islam?  Egyptians, Fahmy said, are largely on our side on this matter.  Will Egypt support ground troops?  That decision is a military call by the Pentagon, said Fahmy -- essentially a yes.  Fahmy said in response to a question about Iraq that for now we have to focus on the current target (i.e. Al Qaeda) -- civil societies must be defended against being used by terrorists (translation: patience, folks, we'll take on Saddam in Round 2).

The New Yorker's Seymour Hersh, who seems to have become the bane of Freepers everywhere for actually doing his job and reporting news, was the next guest. The first question from Schieffer had to do with Donald Rumsfeld's assertion that the Taliban has ceased to function as a government; Hersh said that they still were functioning as a military force.  This gave Hersh a chance to segue into some of the details in his New Yorker exposé of a near-disastrous special forces foray into Afghanistan to raid Mullah Omar's headquarters.  Some details: Delta Force is pissed off at the Pentagon, and twelve members were wounded, mostly by shrapnel. 

Terrorism expert Brian Jenkins was the next guest; the focus was on threats against California bridges.  In the present situation, Jenkins said, there is a lot of "noise" (intercepted communications concerning terrorism), a lot of this "noise" will go public, and the public will have to become adept at interpreting it.  Jenkins did say that it is extremely difficult to topple a bridge, even a suspension bridge, even though it is possible.  Schieffer asked about threats to the Trans-Alaska Pipeline, Three Mile Island, and other energy facilities; a large attack could shut down entire regional power grids.  Jenkins said that many targets are vulnerable to "sophisticated terrorists" and it is unrealistic to deal with all of them.  Hersh said that the only solution is to fight these extremists and put the brakes on fundamentalism (he should have added Falwell and Robertson to the Fundamentalist Jihad Millionaires Club) -- "We're on page 15 [of a 600-page book], we'll get there."  Jenkins said that we've been busy spreading prosperity while ignoring the threat of terrorist attacks on America.

Schieffer then welcomed former National Security Advisor Sandy Berger and asked him about Israel's draconian reaction to an attack on a bus this morning -- Berger said that "what we need now is seven days, two weeks of accountability... put pressure on both sides to do what they promised to do."  Gloria (We'd call her Borger but we don't want to confuse her with Berger) asked Doyle McManus whether bombing during Ramadan would make a difference; McManus said that there are signals that there may be an easing up of bombing on the most sacred days; the point they will make is that the war can survive a couple days of rest.  How is a decision made to "go" or "no go" on announcing specific threats?  Berger said that it depends on the specific information available; it is important to let people know that terrorists are targeting America and its citizens and to be alert, and Americans are there now -- paying attention.  Berger gave some details on intercepts; McManus said that there is a perception that in the Middle East that Osama is winning the propaganda war; our best hope is to be patience.  In the days of World War II, said Schieffer, President Roosevelt would break the bad news to the American people; will George the Lesser have to do the same?  Berger said that Shrub's team has actually done a decent job so far.  McManus said that there is a real issue as to whether to green light ground troops early on; Berger said the is no problem-free strategy, pointing out the criticism and second-guessing of the current bombing campaign.

Schieffer got in the last word as he said that Osama has made a mistake and has isolated himself by slamming leaders on other Muslim countries.

We think he may be only half-right; this last video was meant to incite attacks against moderate Arab and Islamic governments and further destabilize the region.

Capital Gag

E.J. Dionne of the Washington Post and John Kyl (R-AZ -- who kept showing up like a bad penny all over pundit TV this weekend) were guests.

The gang launched into their first topic by showing the almost comically clueless duo of John "Magic Christian" Ashcroft and the apparently stupefied Tom Ridge.

These two might as well give it up. Their body language and tone of voice is so obvious they may as well just stand there and yell, "I have NO idea what the HELL is going on!! HELP!!!"

Sporting a haircut that looked like it was given by an barber school flunk-out in the midst of heroin withdrawal, Jesus John first heaved a huge sigh as though it was physically painful to make his "alert."

His statement was brilliantly summed up by Media Whores Online thusly:

Ashcroft: Be on the alert for a new, credible threat.

Q: What kind?

Ashcroft: Don't know, except it's credible.

Q: Who's targeted?

Ashcroft: Not sure.

Q: How long?

Ashcroft: Impossible to say with certainty.

Q: What about the last warning?

Ashcroft: Still in effect.

Q: Then why issue another one?

Ashcroft: If you've stopped being scared, be scared again. If you're still scared, stay scared. But shop.

Q: What should we look for?

Ashcroft: Can't really specify. Maybe a good sale.

Q: Why are you telling us this?

Ashcroft: Just in case

Remember how the right loudly brayed that a Bush administration would be run by "grown-ups" and run with the precision of a Swiss watch -- "business-like", they said? I've never seen such inept bunch of bunglers. I can't count the number of times that cabinet members have contradicted each other or the White House. It does NOT inspire confidence. Yet the public is craving leadership so much, they are in a state of abject denial and continue to think Smirk and his boys have everything under control. The fact is, they don't have a clue as to what is happening, let alone what to do about it. Not even close.

They have the war they've lusted after for 10 years, and they have a green light to loot the treasury and leave our grandchildren struggling with a huge deficit. That's all they need to know.

What do these alerts accomplish? Let's ask the people that make millions of dollars for ALWAYS having answers -- even though they're dead wrong most of the time.

Bob? What do you think was accomplished by these "alerts"?

"Absolutely nothing", says Novakula. He also raised the rather metaphysical point that if you're on alert all the time, you're not on alert, but made the point that ha thinks that it's all "cover your ass" syndrome run amok. Bob also managed to get a dig in at California Governor Grey Davis for announcing his own warning regarding possible attacks on bridges on the left coast. Bobby thinks it was a publicity stunt.

Kyl gave one of those patented, "You saw his mouth move but he didn't say anything" answers, saying the public wants to know these things.

Don't you love how politicians and pundits always tell us what "the public" or "the American public" think or want? And isn't it curious that "the American public" always wants whatever it is they're promoting?

Kyl added that the intent was not to get the public to DO anything, but simply to inform.

That's always a good idea. Tell people that they're under risk of sudden violent death, but don't tell them how, when, or where. Makes life exciting, don't it? Kinda like a fun game! The entire nation feel like a giant-size "Whack-A-Mole" game -- and we're the moles!

"You might get killed, you might not. We can't really say anything other than this applies to every square inch and every person in the United States. But we thought you'd like to know." Gee, thanks.

E.J. agreed that warnings are appropriate.

Shields brought up the fact that Ashcroft was trying to sell the nonsense that his previous alert had somehow foiled a planned attack.

Margaret noted that you simply could not connect an alert to foiling an attack.

I guess now Jesus John thinks that terrorists are just waiting until some time when these "alerts" somehow are lifted to spring their attacks. I guess he thinks that when they hear that he's put us all on "alert" that they get scared and run away. What foolishness!

Carlson also pointed out the incredibly stupidity of Tom Ridge criticizing Grey Davis for issuing his own separate alert for California while he was doing the exact same thing on the federal level.

Novak correctly said that this was all a bunch of politicians trying to protect themselves, not us. He said he'd heard that they'd intercepted one suspected terrorist telling another one that another one was going to do something. Bob said that these officials have no idea if anything is going to happen. He said that we're all supposed to be alert, and so all these "alerts" are just stupid.

We'll add them to the long (and rapidly growing) list of patently absurd, just plain dumb, and short-sighted things that this government has done since the so-called "election". Are you better off now than you were four years ago?

No wonder a majority of the public are telling pollsters how much they approve of Bush. I mean, it's like 90% of employees giving a big thumbs up to the new boss that has laid off half of them, driven the company deeply into the red with no recovery in sight, given away 80% of the profits to a few very, very wealthy investors who had put up about 3% of the company's capital, and taken away what was left of the worker's benefits. It's insane.

The Bloodworth-Thomasons were the Clinton's film producer buddies. But Smirk's administration seems like it's being scripted by David Lynch! Like Lynch's work, it's disturbingly surreal, it has no logical beginning or ending, nothing follows logically in any sequence, you think it makes sense until you think about it and if you do think about it, you realize that you're really being led along and deceived and that there is no point to any of it. You keep waiting and waiting for something that will make it all make sense, and then you realize that it simply doesn't!

Does anyone remember or even know why we're bombing and sending in ground troops in Afghanistan? Rumsfeld said we might never capture bin Laden. So we're going to topple the Taliban? Will that make us all safe again? What's the plan here? Is there one? Or are we doing it just to be doing it? Is this in the our best interest, or just a few of Chimp boy's cronies?

Living under this nasty little intellectual midget's rule is like being stuck in Twin Peaks. The problem is - WE CAN'T TURN IT OFF (at least not for a few more years, and that's IF enough people collectively pull themselves out of this mass hypnosis).

The next segment tried to take on this "war" in some sort of rational way.

One of the worst appearances by the Smirking Frat boy was shown on video. It's getting increasingly hard to even watch and listen to this guy for even a few seconds.

The stunning thing is that it's all there for anyone to see! This guy is so transparent. It's obvious where he is and what he's thinking (or not thinking) He's like an open book, but people just REFUSE to say what they clearly see and hear.

He was shown bobbing and weaving around outdoors at the White House and spouting gibberish, as usual.

The guy can't string together sentences of more than 5 words in row, and just stands there waiting for these little talking points, or "mini thoughts" to pop into his head, and then he just blurts them out as they appear.

He starts looking around likes he's searching for help, saying, "We're in for a long struggle. [Pause] Uhhhhhh, [oh yeah! Almost fergot!] We're making it harder for the enemy to communicate. [Pause] Uhhhhh. We're making it harder for the enemy to protect himself. [Pause] We're making it harder for the enemy to hide. [Pause, warm-up and feeling the need to throw in some John Wayne and get cute] And we're going to get 'im. [Pause] And them. [Pause] Uhhhh, and, uhhhhh, you know, there's some that say, well, shouldn't this have happened yesterday? [Pause, as he actually starts lighting up like he's just thought of something terribly clever] This is not an instant gratification war. [a GRIN crosses his face as if that's REALLY funny] "

That's right - Dim Son was standing there grinning like Alfred E. Newman and bobbing his head like a bobble-head dog in a car's rear window. Sheesh!

I mean... this is the guy that 90% of people are so confident in? Good GOD! I sincerely think that you could, as Michael Moore actually did, run a ficus plant for president and with Smirk's money, it might win. And I have ZERO doubt that the ficus plant would have a 90% approval rating right now. It's just incredible.

As Frank Zappa once said, people are dumb all over, and a little ugly on the side. He also said that most people wouldn't know good music if it bit 'em on the ass. It seems that they also wouldn't know a fraud and a puppet when they see him on TV every day displaying it for all to see as if it's a virtue.

And here's another reality disconnect. Rumsfeld and the White House first signaled that we'd pretty much have the Taliban wiped up in a matter of weeks. Then today he was shown saying that "we're still in the very, very early stages of this conflict." Then in a statement he issued from India, he said that this "would not take years."

Again, do they even have a clue? Or does the story line change according to political considerations or whatever audience is listening?

Interestingly, the Indian Defense Minister was quoted as saying all of our intense bombing would accomplish little more than melting the ice in the Afghan mountains a little earlier than usual in the spring. Yet more evidence that "everyone is with us on this" as the Chimp administration and right wing talkers repeatedly assert.

Shields asked if the media too impatient for success in this war -- Smirk was certainly implying that.

Dionne recognized that the impatient people calling for quick success and even widening the war to other areas as well are Smirk's pal's on the far right. He also brought up contradiction (read: Lie) #7923. That when the attacks began, they were talking as if the Taliban was falling apart and would be gone within a matter of a couple weeks. The said that our initial bombing had wiped out the Taliban's capacity to wage war. And now we hear, "Well gee, the Taliban is a really tough opponent."

If they are finding that people are angry because of the lack of success, they have NOBODY to blame but themselves! For weeks, they were constantly on the tube being supremely cocky and confident and blaring about all the high tech goodies we were going to unleash. You couldn't turn on the TV without seeing some cartoon like description of some multi-billion dollar defense system. They floated so much baloney about how well prepared we were, and ran such a sustained and constant barrage of pro-war propaganda that most people ate it up and thought it would be over in a few days.

Now they find they have to change their tune. But all along they've been singing about 5 completely different tunes, and they keep switching back and forth. It's going to be over in a hurry. It's going to take years. It won't take years, but a long time. Or not. The Taliban are wiped out. But they're actually very tough.

It's so clear they don't know what they're doing, and that things are MUCH, MUCH more complex and they are struggling MUCH, MUCH more, and this effort is MUCH, MUCH, MUCH more difficult than they led us to believe, and foolishly believed themselves. I only wish they'd try being straight with us for a change. I won't hold my breath. They are bungling the PR offensive very badly, and this will REALLY be trouble down the line when they completely loose what little credibility they still have.

Bob "The Undertaker" Novak stated plainly that he was worried about this "war." He said he's getting more and more worried all the time. He said the strategy, (what there is of it) amounts to bombing the hell out of them, then hoping the Northern Alliance will swoop down and mop up.

But Novakula pointed out that we've not done so well with people in holes in the past. We failed completely in Vietnam, and we had staggering losses trying to defeat the Japanese in their tunnels in the Pacific Islands during WWII. He thinks that there simply will be no way to get this done without massive ground troops, and sending them into this hostile environment with snipers, mines, etc. would be a VERY bad scene.

Carlson thinks that there's no avoiding large numbers of ground troops.

Shields then brought up the fact that 1 out of 3 people in the Army don't finish their first enlistment. What about that?

John Kyl gave another snaky answer that didn't answer. He said that the new patriotism has made enlistment go up, then launched into a long winded whine about how we weren't prepared well enough before going into this and obliquely blamed it on Clinton, though didn't do so directly. (could this be that it's FINALLY gotten to the point where it's not politically profitable to bash Clinton or anyone associated with him?)

But Kyl seems to think the key to this war is getting the Pashtun people of Afghanistan "riled up" against the Taliban. Great, another voice heard from. Ya gotta love armchair generals.

That's the problem here. Smirk doesn't know Bush about running a war. Hell, he couldn't even handle the weakest governorship in the country without screwing up the entire state. So of course, he just tells other people to fix it and take care of it for him, like he's done his entire life. Trouble is, there's 287 ideas of what we ought to do, so it's a huge disorganized mess that sort of takes on a weird life of it's own. That's why he is limited to standing there and saying "We're gonna go get 'em." Because he has no idea what's going on. It's his job to stand there and "inspire" us in his moronic and ineffective way. Daddy's pals will take care of the rest. They've saved his hide every time in the past. I just hope to hell they save his unqualified ass this time, because thanks to the criminals that installed this guy, this time around, all of our fates are linked to this grinning moron.

How could a guy that I wouldn't trust around sharp objects be calling the shots when the future of the world is at stake? We live in interesting times.

Novak got a little heated in noting how the tune keeps changing from the Pentagon regarding how long this might take. Margaret chimed in that now the military is trying to say that it will be even better to fight in the dead of winter since they'll be able to detect the heat from the caves. (Well sure! And we can see Osama's footprints in the snow too and then hide behind a rock and throw a net over him. Or maybe dig a hole and cover it with fake snow and then have him fall in it.)

At the close of this painful segment, Shields caught Kyl lying. He cited a report that said enlistments were lower in October of 2001 than in October 2000. Kyl said he could be wrong, but that there was some report he'd read. Shields saved him by saying quickly that "there were stories like that."

Margaret pointed out that there's been little or no defections from the Taliban, as we so arrogantly assumed there would be, so we have little or no intelligence capabilities.

Novak said that the Northern Alliance said that there had been defections, but that he believed them about as much as he believes the Taliban themselves! Ha, ha!

I'm starting to dig Bob's cynicism about this train wreck we've gotten into in Afghanistan. I might end up getting a life size poster of Bob in his holiday red vest and put it up on my wall. But he's got a ways to go.

Last week on Crossfire, he showed his inner ugliness. They were arguing whether there should be further tax cuts in the Republican style, that is, the rich get most of it.

Bill Press was saying what any child can figure out, that the money should go to the working poor and middle class where it will truly provide an economic stimulus, not to wealthy people that will hoard it, or simply use the money to make more money in schemes that don't create jobs or produce anything at all.

Bob sneered at this and said that giving it to the middle class would be foolish, since "they'd only spend it on beer and cigarettes and lottery tickets anyway."

Hmmm. And the rich would spend it on ridiculously expensive wine, expensive cigars, and blow tens of thousands with bookies or in the high roller areas of Vegas or Atlantic City. But THAT'S OK. The rich can drink, smoke, and gamble, but since we can't afford it on that scale, we don't deserve shit.

Bob (and the Republican party) are still reprehensible and anti-democratic.

The next even more painful segment was over the airport security bill that the Chimp rammed through, with the help of the two most idiotic members of congress, possibly in history, Tom "I will rule the earth with God's help" Delay, and Dick "I got really drunk once and it stuck" Armey.

Shields asked why there was such an epic battle over this bill

Margaret said it was because on September 11th, three planes were simultaneously hijacked and it made us all a little concerned about airline security. HA, HA.

She said it was truly awful that while the country was reeling from this horrible attack, that on September 12th, the lobbyists for the security companies that we know can't do the job showed up and started working to get this abomination of a bill passed.

"What we know about that group of people that got this bill passed is that they know how to lobby, but they don't know how to screen luggage, and it's all over about having baggage screeners who might be unionized.", said Carlson, neatly summing the entire thing up.

Then old Kyl evoked an audible groan when he said, "Margaret, I'm in the United States Senate, Margaret. Nobody lobbied me... "

Oh SURE, John. WE believe you. Where were you? Hiding in a cave like Dick Cheney and Osama bin Laden?

The Smirk Gang pulled out all the stops to get this one passed. They didn't care what they gave away, the thought of a few thousand more union members that might vote Democrat freaked them out to their greedy souls. Cheney was calling the Washington state legislators and telling them that Boeing would be immune from any liability, and the White House drug in the New York delegation to tell them that the Port Authority would be off the hook too, if they voted for this bill.

E.J. remarked that the scum sucking Tom "Bug Spray" DeLay was quoted as saying "he'd put in whatever it took to get this vote through if it had taken subsidies for Belgian farmers, those subsidies would have been in this bill." That's the kind of "character" this country needs.

Boob started railing about the specter of 30,000 unionized federal workers, and saying by way of reason simply that the Repugs don't want to add that many union members to the work force. Doesn't matter if it saves lives and is more effective. They don't want it, therefore, we won't get it.

Then Novak showed his ass again.

"A lot of countries use government-regulated, privately employed screeners who are not the minimum-wage idiots that have been doing the screening -- and are still doing the screening -- around the country."

MINIMUM-WAGE IDIOTS? As opposed to millionaire idiots, Bob?

A bit later, E.J. Dionne attempted to straighten Bob out. "And most people who screen the baggage aren't minimum-wage idiots; they are people who are paid the minimum wage because these companies pay them that, because they were lowest bidders on these contracts."

NOVAK: "Oh, and people can't get jobs any other place!"

This is Grade A Republican hoo-ha of the highest magnitude. They truly think everyone can be rich, though they would spend themselves broke trying to ensure that other people DON'T get the advantages they enjoy. They don't like other people in their "club" unless they get to pick them themselves.

If they're not rich, why, they're defective or inferior in some way. They don't know why there's poor people, but it's enough to know that it's certainly the fault of the poor themselves, and certainly not due to the way the rich have set things up. This is the "I made it! Why can't they?" crap that shows a stunning degree of ignorance and an even more incredible level of delusion in thinking they made it simply by hard work and intelligence. The fact that they're about 90% white, came from upper middle class backgrounds, went to the best schools, got hooked into the "network" by serving the rich in some capacity (like Novak) or simply inherited business's and fortunes is lost on them. They "made it" so anyone that doesn't just isn't quite as bright and "good" as they are. Ugh!

Not everyone can quit their minimum wage jobs and make millions shilling for the wealthy Bob. Nor would everyone want to. Some of us have a problem with being bought.

This "class warfare" by Novakula started the usual brouhaha with everyone tearing him apart while he spluttered and tells everyone to let him talk. Margaret jumped on the fact that as of September 12, this became a national security issue, not some union bashing cause.

Dionne asked, "If the vote had been held about a week or a half earlier, and if all these goodies hadn't been added to the bill, would not enough Republicans have joined with the Democrats and passed the alternative bill?" I can understand that question, can't you? But check out Boob's answer.

"Wait a minute! Wait a minute! [HA, HA! Panic, Blob, panic!] He asked me a question. The question is, if the president hadn't gotten involved would they have done it? The president, as Senator Kyl says, has the right to be involved."

In true politician style, Novak put an entirely different question in Dionne's mouth, and then answered it. Ha, ha, ha! You see this little tactic quite a bit. Dionne hadn't said a word about Smirk, but Novak made it about whether it's wrong for a President to lobby Congress.

For the record, here's the REAL answer: No, but Smirk wasn't elected, and therefore isn't a "real" president.

Bobby blustered, "I can't understand why you want to take a moral tone to this issue when it's strictly political.", to which Margaret replied, "Because it is a national security issue." She continued by pointing out, as others have, that the capital police that protects these right wing nut-jobs are unionized federal employees. That's a good point. Why don't they fire all of THEM and contract it out to the lowest bidder? We know the answer to THAT one. They want the best security for themselves, but when it comes to us, including the "minimum wage idiots" all out here blowing every spare dime on cigarettes, beer, and lottery tickets, they'd rather have some inept company in charge and cutting costs, and therefore security, in order to maximize profits.

What's putting literally millions of lives at stake when faced with the prospect of (GASP) a few thousand new union members?

Then, with his back against the wall, Novak got progressively more desperate and ridiculous. At least he's dependable. Perhaps he was taking up the slack for Kate "O'Burn" being missing this week.

Mark Shields asked if we're now going to "outsource the defense of the country" Good one Mark!

Then poor Bob said that during the Thirty Year War that most of the troops were mercenaries... so there's a historical precedent for that. Hoo boy!

Then Margaret pointed out how El Al, the Israeli airline, has been employing ex-military personnel to screen baggage.

Novak, sensing defeat, resorted to blurting out, "But this is a trivial issue, isn't it?"

Well, I'm sure to YOU the security of us little people is quite trivial Bob. After all, your pals probably rarely fly commercial.

Then Kyl showed what a dim bulb he is by saying, "This a trivial and political issue. The fact of the matter is, about -- at least a fourth of the people will be federal employees because they will be the supervisors. That's the way the president wanted. I wish we could do it that way. I don't know that it will end up that way. Either way, we're going to have more secure airports, and this will be over with in a week."

Allow me to interpret. What he said was, the security of millions of fliers is trivial compared to preventing a few thousand unionized workers who might vote Democratic. It might work out that there are a few union members mixed in there, or it might not. What's really important here, above the lives of travelers, is what the President wants. And that's what he wants.

And anyway, trust us, things will be more secure, and it will be over in a week and we will all forget about it, since we know the public and the press has the attention span and memory of a kid with acute ADD after drinking 15 double espressos.

Mark pointed out that if the White House pretender gave a damn about restoring confidence in flying, he could have passed the original bill and had a signing ceremony Friday. Trouble is, he's not too concerned. The airlines are already getting bailed out with so much money it covers their losses and then some, but the extreme right that pulls Smirk's stings would have fits if he allowed any more godless union members to exist. Remember, in times of war and national crisis, the important thing to keep in mind is reducing by a few thousand, the number of potential Democratic voters.

In one last whining fit of pique, Novak spluttered, "Do whatever the Democrats want. That's what you always want, Mark!"

Imagine that, being blistered by Novak for being partisan. HA!

Second half guests were Bill Frist, R-General Hospital, who was interviewed by Margaret Carlson, who pointed out that he ran marathons, and also that Al Gore got a better time than he did! Ha, ha!

The "Beyond the Beltway" segment, as usual, got about an inch outside the Beltway by discussing the Virginia governor's race.

And now, without further ado, I give you the "Outrages of the Weak"

SHIELDS: In the days following the September 11 massacre of civilians, the airwaves and the newspapers repeatedly told us of military recruitment centers filled with young Americans eager and ready to join the Army, the Navy, Air Force and the Marine Corps. Not for the first time, the press had it wrong. In fact, with the nation under attack and the country's economy in recession, fewer Americans volunteered to join the United States military in September of 2001 than did one year earlier in September 2000.

[Proof that each generation gets a little wiser!].

NOVAK: Amidst national peril, lame duck Ann Brown has fired a parting shot as the Clinton-appointed chairman of the Consumer Products Safety Commission. The commission is asking for the recall of 7.5 million Daisy air rifles, all because some kids violated safety rules. The dissent by commissioner Mary Sheila Gall makes clear that this was a typical political stunt by Chairman Brown. It is also an effort to take air rifles out of the hands of American boys on the way to a single-gender nation.

[HUH?? Avoid the "brown acid", Bob.]

SHIELDS: Bob gets the bizarre award. [Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!]

CARLSON: Yes. Recently, Pat Robertson told viewers, quote, "we have not yet seen the Lord's judgment on America." I wonder what the Lord would think of Robertson's Freedom Gold company, partly owned by Liberia's President Charles Taylor. Besides torturing and gang raping anyone who criticizes his corrupt regime, Taylor has armed the Sierra Leone rebels, who in 1999 alone reaped some $75 million from diamond sales to Osama bin Laden. Robertson's aide told the "Post's" Colby King that he was just trying to spur economic activity and spread the gospel. What gospel would that be?

[God must have told him to do it.]

DIONNE: The continuing outrage is that so few people have joined with postal workers in asking why big media people, Congress and their staffs were tested for anthrax, but postal workers were at the back of the line. Two in their ranks have died. We shy away from discussing the unfairness because if you talk about inequalities of class, you get accused of class warfare. Of course, nobody has anything against the good souls in the post office. Most of the time, we act as if they're not even there.

Thanks for coming and enduring my more than usual rants today. Things just ain't that funny anymore!

Donna Wynner is an attorney.  She lives not far from the George Washington Bridge in beautiful Fort Lee, New Jersey.

Dave "Doctor" Gonzo is a media guru, video producer, and political gadfly who lives in a highly fortified high-rise compound with state-of-the-art media room on Manhattan's Upper East Side.  He supports sterilizing most GOP politicians along with first-class mail.

Dash Riprock is a freelance smart-aleck based in Moline, IL who is rapidly loosing his mind following this slow motion train wreck that is the Smirk administration, so you don't have to. As always, he welcomes your comments, kudos, or venomous opprobrium at dashriprockapj@hotmail.com

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