Sunday, December 9, 2001, 3:00 PM EST  -- Things are heating up on Capitol Hill: Tom Daschle wants to postpone a vote on giving former Texas governor George W. "Shrub" Bush so-called fast track trade authority.  Tax givebacks for the rich are under assault.  So are the comments of "Jesus John" Ashcroft, who had the indecency and shamelessness to equate the exercising of First Amendment rights with somehow aiding and abetting terrorism.

But forget all of that. The Sabbath gasbags continued to shill for war, war, and more war -- and to attack Democrats for having the nerve, mind you, to strategize the takeback of the House next year.  Why, that's sedition!  Treason!  It's un-American!

Welcome to 21st century McCarthyism, aided and abetted by corporate media going through the motions of "news" and "public affairs" programming.

We live in interesting times indeed when Tim Russert turns out to be the only figure that approaches any semblance of fairness on Sunday morning.

Here's a run-down of this week's let-downs.

ABC This Weak
Is Cokie going moderate?

Sam Donaldson and Cokie Roberts ignored the big political issues at the top of This Weak, opting for always-popular war coverage, and turning first to an ABC correspondent to ask "Where's Osama?  Where's Mullah Omar?"  Obviously, nobody with the exception of the last vestiges of Al Qaeda knows.

Similarly, Sam and Cokie flogged the story of "American Taliban" fighter John Walker Lindh -- along with the secrecy surrounding his custody, the fact that he is providing US forces with useful information, and the possibility that he may be charged with treason.  There was also speculation about the possibility that Osama and Co. have been forced out of their cave bunkers and into the forest.

Sam then welcomed Paul "Nuke 'Em" Wolfowitz, an architect of isolationist defense posturing who now finds himself confronted with -- horrors! -- the multilateral fight against Al Qaeda.  Wolfowitz put forward the notion that Osama may undergo plastic surgery to disguise himself, then slammed the scum-bucket for taking pleasure in mass murder.  This was a direct reference to a new videotape found in an abandoned Al Qaeda safe house -- one in which Osama admits he was in on the attacks of September 11th. Wolfowitz went on to belittle the claim that America was somehow behind the attacks of September 11, something we have been hearing with increasing frequency particularly from the Department of Defense -- is this their response to reports that many government agencies had been tipped off that something was in the offing that day?

Sam brought up the possibility that Somalia and Yemen may be the next stops in the international campaign to stomp Al Qaeda and terrorism in general.  Wolfie said that "The Yemenis have gotten the message," but "This is going to be a long war."

Sam practically scolded Wolfowitz as he quoted Donald "Strange-feld's" demand that the US have a hand in trying the top slime-dogs in the Taliban and Al Qaeda.  Wolfowitz is eager to seen them brought to justice.

And that's telling -- it's clear that Smirk's handlers do in fact want to capture and try at least a few of these thugs.  Sam should have asked about that matter -- and the overall lack of wisdom in trying to hold secret trials.

Instead, Sam obsessed on Lindh, the possibility he'll be tried for treason, and the difficulties of proving anyone guilty of treason -- and the assertion there were at least two other American Taliban fighters.  Wolf-boy dismissed this as a rumor -- but other news sources believe that there is truth to the rumblings.

Sam's last question goaded Wolfowitz over Iraq, a sort of "Don't you want to go after Saddam?  Isn't that what this is REALLY about, at least in part? C'mon, Paul, say it! Say it!"  Wolfowitz danced around the issue, ending with "Don't tell the enemy what you're going to do."

Cokie welcomed a retired Army strategist, John Hillen.  How important is it to capture Omar and Osama?   Hillen called their capture or killing crucial -- and said we will need allies to get those two.  So there are still "a lot of Al Qaeda around?"  Hillen said it was safe to assume that the defeated Al Qaeda forces were not the core fanatic followers, and the best fighters are in fact guarding bin Laden and the rest of his remaining leadership.  What is the evidence that Osama is losing strength and authority?  Hillen said that even those lieutenants who hate the US see the two as a liability.

Hillen forgot to mention the bigger motive: Afghanistan's number one game show, "Who Wants To Be a $25-Millionaire?"

So going after individual cells is in fact tougher, asked Cokie; Hillen said that is a war to be fought on the financial-intelligence front.

Cokie asked Hillen to give "an idea of how [Special Forces will] get these guys."  Hillen cited intelligence, technology, long-range aircraft, and allies on the ground.

ABC and George Stephanopoulos then gave the right-leaning Newsweak a free three-minute ad, interviewing the writer behind their cover story: "American Taliban -- John Walker".  Good grief -- why is ABC obsessing over that insane twit?  The bottom line is that the Lindh tale is a sideshow distraction of a pseudo-story which distracts from larger and far more important issues, and it reminds me of the attention the Sunday pundit shows actually gave to the OJ Simpson case some years back.  There was a day when you could count on the Sunday morning public affairs shows to deal with actual political issues, but these days, forget about it: it's tabloid city, and down and dirty "news" sells, baby!

Then George Stephanopoulos welcomed anti-fairness sleazebag George Terwilliger to discuss the possibility of going forward with a treason case against Lindh.  Terwilliger claimed that there need not be a declaration of war to charge with treason -- then conceded it would be an issue if the matter comes to trial.

Interestingly, this is the ONLY mention we have seen in weeks of pundit TV that Smirk has not made a formal declaration of war -- or, for that matter, that Congress has not made any similar move and just kowtowed to His Fraudulence.  Not that we disagree that terrorist, murderous and fundamentally authoritarian scum shouldn't be torn out by the roots -- believe me, we support our women and men in uniform who are engaged in this war.  It's just that it's not being done "by the book," which should come as no surprise to anyone familiar with the Famiglia Bush and their "screw the rule of law" cronies.

Steph said he'd talked to Walker's lawyer, who said he will not lay out a defense without knowing the facts -- so naturally, he asked Ter-"Wiggler" to guess what the defense would be!  The bearded Terwilliger, a full-fledged member of Ass-KKKroft's "Conservative Taliban", gave a long, speculative joke of an answer we won't bore you with.

Sam turned to ABC correspondent John Cochrane for "other" headlines: collateral damage as America bombs the Taliban, the launch of the space shuttle Endeavor, America trying to return to "normalcy", seventy-degree temperatures on New York, and Ass-KKKroft's neo-Nazi claim that criticism of his policies actually aids terrorists (when in fact his repressive moves deliver Al Qaeda a victory), Strom Thurmond's 99th birthday, the arrival of the Olympic torch.

No word about the GOP trying to shove more tax cuts down America's throat, budget battles on Capitol Hill, calls for hearings in the wake of Enron going bankrupt.  That should be an indication of ABC's "don't ask, don't tell" policy when it comes to news that might, Lord forbid, undermine Smirk's latest poll numbers.

"Ground round" table time -- first, some boring "Where's Osama" pap from Steph, something from George Will that we ignored (funny how the show actually becomes tolerable when you hit the mute button the moment Swill opens his yap), and Cokie saying the obvious about the Afghan interim government: it's gonna be tough to hold together.

Then came a truly STUPID comment from Will which we did not ignore and will repeat: "It's not a war against the Taliban."

Oh, yes it WAS, George.  Remember what Curious George said about anyone aiding and abetting Al Qaeda being fair game?

But then, what more can you expect from George Will?  Face it: the guy is typical of the print-media conservative whiner whose personal life belies his penchant for deception -- tell a lie and assume that people won't call you on it.

Cokie Roberts, God bless her, said that she's amazed that Congress is not raising holy hell over Ass-KKKroft's behavior -- even though they hauled him before the Senate Judiciary Committee to explain himself.

Thank God someone has noticed.  We were lucky enough to have caught the hearings live Thursday; unless your cable system carries C-SPAN3, you wouldn't have seen them in their entirety.  There were, thankfully, a couple of Democrats with an actual spinal column, particularly John Edwards of North Carolina.  In fact, he was about the only Democrat to put the screws to Ass-KKKroft's attempts to undermine the Constitution.  Sure, there's that outdated "tradition" of Senatorial decorum, but when our rights are under assault, it's time to put courtesy aside and apply copious quantities of bitch-slap to fascist-leaning officials.

Panel talk turned to Israel and the Palestinian uprising -- and again, to our surprise, Cokie cut through the pap and make a solid point: Palestinians have more faith in Hamas than in Palestinian Authority President Yassir Arafat and Al Fatah, and this presents a huge problem for Arafat and Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon.

Finally, Beltway brawling came up -- over the House having voted to give Smirk fast-track trade authority and over the GOP's bogus stimulus bill.  Steph mentioned yet ANOTHER political memo from James Carville to his Democrat brethren -- as if it were a crime for political advisors to circulate political memos even in hard times.

Puh-leeease, Steph -- we know you hate Carville, probably out of jealousy over his superior mind, sharper wit, better looks, and the REAL access he has to a Team Cheney player -- his savvy, ultra-conservative wife, Mary Matalin.

We ignored Will's last word.

-- Dave "Doctor" Gonzo

McLaugh-In
Machiavellian pundit declares Dem strategists traitors to His Fraudulence!

John McLaugh-In's first big issue: "Bulletins from War Room" -- an attack on Jim Carville, Stan Greenberg and Bob Shrum for doing the very SAME sort of polling that the Frank Luntz and others in the GOP is engaging in.  John's argument -- Dems are attacking Bush while "mouthing" bipartisan unity.

Here's what's REALLY going on: it seems that a certain advisor at the top of Team Bush has made it clear to the network "news" divisions and mercenary pundits (including McLaugh-In) that he wants them to attack Democrat political advisors for doing their job, essentially accusing them of attacking the President in time of war.  His instructions included a clear bit of "advice" to mention Mr. Bush's (grossly inflated) favorability numbers.  The other pundit shows made passing reference to the memo this week.  McLaugh-In, no doubt wishing to prove his fealty to Messrs. Cheney, Rove, Rumsfeld and Rice, did so eagerly.

The big surprise: Michael Barone, while paying lip service to John's scathing diatribe, didn't seem to buy into it being a big issue, though he naturally disagrees with the position of the memo (of course he does -- he's paid to).  Eleanor Clift blew the GOP's cover by saying that the GOP is indeed holding their own focus groups -- but failed to name Republican pollsters and think tanks that are doing so.  Tony Blankley dissed Nita Lowey, first mispronouncing her name as "Lowrey" and calling her "charwoman" of House Democrats -- an uncharacteristic and indecorous cheap shot from the usually loquacious pundit -- before saying he's surprised that there's been no agreement on anti-terror bucks, and he's pleased Mr. Bush won fast-track power by one vote in the House (but said nothing about the possibility that it won't pass the Senate).  Eleanor called Michael, Tony and John a "GOP focus group" -- which got a chuckle out of us -- then defended Lowey, slamming Tony's name-calling and slamming the GOP for their "cloak of patriotism" spin on everything these days.  Larry O'Donnell said that the Clinton Administration had been hobbled by not having fast-track authority.

John then slammed Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle for postponing a Senate vote on trade authority until next year, claiming it was hypocritical because Daschle had claimed that Bush is an isolationist.  Larry said Daschle is in fact pro-trade and it's a matter of political gamesmanship and negotiation.  John seemed bent out of shape that Daschle is (horrors) somehow hurting global economy (and big bucks for GE, McLaugh-In's sole sponsor).  Larry pointed out that it took seven months to negotiate the last trade treaty, so what's the rush?

John asked the panel to rate the Carville-Greenberg-Shrum strategy on a Machiavellian scale of 1 to 10.
Mike: 6.
Eleanor: 2.
Tony: 6.5 or 7.
Aside from John: it's "Undermining our president when our troops are in harm's way."
Larry: 5.
John: "Ten to the tenth power."

Issue two: "Traitorous rat or poor fellow?"  John had decided to abandon his usual territory of red-meat punditry, international issues, and Capitol Hill goings-on, and wade into the fringe issue of John Walker Lindh -- and whether or not he's the "poor fellow" Mr. Bush described or a traitorous rat.  Was Walker, through deeds, a traitor?  Eleanor did not think so -- there's no declared war, and the kid looks to have been brainwashed.  This prompted Tony to try to cut her off -- and while he can't entirely hate anyone named "Johnny Walker" (a great one-liner that had us laughing), he tried to tie Lindh to the death of CIA spy Spann before calling Lindh the poster child for "liberal lifestyle gone bad."

Liberal?  The Taliban?  That's two uncharacteristically stupid comments this week from Tony.  Is he taking Kate O'Bierne lessons?

Eleanor reiterated her point, and John suggested he was coerced into fighting.  Larry and Mike declared him a traitor for his sentiments and words.  There was speculation as to whether he's tried before a court or a military tribunal.

Where will Walker be ten years from now?
Mike: In prison.
Eleanor: Reformed hopefully.
Tony: In prison.
Larry: If he hires F. Lee Bailey, free and a guest at Patty Hearst's cocktail parties.
John: Free after prison!

Final predictions: Bush will have fast track trade authority by January 1, 2002 -- yes or no?
Mike: No, by April 2002.
Eleanor: Yes.
Tony: Yes.
Larry: Yes.
John: Yes.

Our prediction: yes, but only after Daschle extracts costly concessions on other issues.

-- Morrie Friendly

Defeat the Press
Double Live Gonzo! Tim's tenth anniversary with Big Time Cheney and Senator Clinton

Tim Russert offered up a double-guest coup to celebrate his tenth anniversary as "immoderator" of Defeat the Press.

Tim first welcomed -- from a disclosed location, NBC's DC studio on Wisconsin Avenue -- the boss.  No, not Bruce Springsteen, but Smirk's live-in tutor, Richard "Big Time" Cheney, for a big-time interview.

For what it's worth, Cheney looked to be in better health than he was during his last foray to Russertville back on September 16 -- not tanned, but rested and ready.

There was a brief chat about the war in Afghanistan; Cheney said that the big $25 million reward for the Al Qaeda and Taliban leadership is indeed having an effect; Afghans hate what the Taliban have done and appreciate America's help; America will demand that any leaders taken alive by anti-Taliban forces be turned over to the US.

Cheney then talked about the latest "Osama bin Laden Show" to have turned up, a tape found in an abandoned Al Qaeda stronghold; Cheney said he'd seen it, and Osama essentially confesses to being in on the attacks on America, but Cheney is still reticent to let it be shown on TV.

Come on, Dick -- it's about time that ALL of this Al Qaeda propaganda be aired, dissected, critiqued and DEBUNKED.  Your fetish for ultra-secrecy and the pressure you and your cadre are applying to the press are doing more damage than good.

Cheney was unusually vague about where Afghanistan goes from here, but did say that the US government is looking into ways to help Afghanistan.

Cheney then DISTANCED himself from Ass-KKKroft -- when Tim asked Cheney about Krisko John's comment during Senate hearings at which he asserted criticism of the Bush Regime aids terrorists, Cheney did NOT defend Ass-KKKroft, instead saying "you'll have to ask him."  Cheney did defend secret tribunals, even after Tim mentioned criticism of this Soviet-style "justice"; Cheney said that that tribunals are an "important proposition" and that Bill Safire, whose scathing editorial reportedly pissed off most of the real bosses of the present administration, is "dead wrong."  Cheney made a few weak points defending the tribunals -- but then conceded that one could criticize them without being unpatriotic.

How reassuring... not.

Then talk turned to John Walker Lindh, as Tim quoted a couple press accounts of his activities.  Cheney gave a rambling answer in which he said he does not know all the facts, but Lindh will likely be turned over to civilian authorities.  Who will decide whether he's charged?  Cheney said he's not an attorney, but that the Justice Department will likely make that call.  If he is providing useful information, will it be taken into consideration? Cheney said he had heard that Lindh was giving the US good information, but said he is in no position to answer the question.  Are there other American Taliban?  Cheney said he'd heard such reports, but could not confirm or deny them.

Tim then pressed Cheney on the involvement of Iraq in the Sept. 11th attacks on America.  Cheney had said there was no evidence of Iraqi involvement on the Sept. 16 MTP; now, said Tim, there's evidence pointing to Iraq.  Cheney said there is evidence that Mohammad Atta did meet with Iraqi intelligence, but claimed there is no knowledge of what transpired.  Tim then pointed out another news story in which Louis Freeh said Iraq is harboring terrorists.  Cheney discussed Saddam Hussein's pursuit of weapons of mass destruction and a lack of inspectors to track his activities, along with Saddam's oil smuggling.  Why hasn't the Cheney Administration... er, Bush Administration demanded inspectors?  Cheney said they do -- and in the post-September-11th world, we have to be deliberate in what moves we make.

Sounds like a big back-off... or is it?

Tim then mentioned Yassir Arafat's call for America to pressure Israel not to use US-made weapons against Palestinian targets.  Cheney changed the subject to suicide attackers targeting kids and Arafat's failure to demonstrate that "he's serious" about controlling these attackers.

The problem Cheney failed to mention is that Arafat is being challenged over his leadership of the Palestinians.

Cheney did add that it pushes back the possibility of a Palestinian state.

Tim then turned to the economy -- 2.5 million jobs lost, the disappearing surplus -- isn't it time to put the brakes on tax cuts?  Cheney said no -- that it's essential to stimulating the economy.

A shame Tim didn't have Gene Sperling on hand to torpedo this lie.

But Cheney didn't stop with that non-fact -- he said that it was up to Democrats to say yes to big tax givebacks, and attacked Daschle for using the very same tactics that Lott liked to use back when the Big Dog was the legitimate President.  Tim responded by saying that Jeb "Crow" Bush postponed his state tax givebacks; shouldn't George?

Tim then put up the Family Research Council's ad accusing Tom Daschle of helping Saddam Hussein sell oil.  Cheney simultaneously worked to distance himself from the ad while calling for the despoilment of Alaskan wilderness.

Tim asked Cheney exactly where he'd been -- before running a Saturday Night Live satire of "Bionic Dick Live from Kandahar," ready to apprehend Osama and shave that beard off him!  Sure, it's all part of NBC's policy of making the appointed cadre fun and lovable -- but it was so over the top and far funnier than most of the dross that passes for humor on that most overrated of comedy programs that even we laughed.

After the break, Tim welcomed his second super-guest, Senator Hillary Clinton, who made it clear from the outset that she supports the war on terrorism; she even gave a little bit of help to His Fraudulence King George by saying he's doing a good job in prosecuting the war (but don't forget -- this is an indirect shot at his handling of the economy, Social Security, airline security, tax givebacks, and a litany of other issues).  She is eager to see the rules and regulations surrounding military tribunals, though she gave them some support.

Hillary also took a swipe at those who are trying to impose de facto censorship as she said it's important that dissenting voices be heard while seeing to it that those who committed atrocities be held accountable.  Tim actually called Ass-KKKroft's comments "rhetoric", and Hillary said that he AND people who disagree with him deserve to be heard.  On the matter of Lindh, she said that while it's DOJ's call, she considers him a traitor.

Talk then turned to the eight years of peace and prosperity under her husband's leadership, and Hillary's having said that much was done to counter terrorism, but more should have been done.  Hillary said that in hindsight, nobody could have seen what was coming -- but some of what the Clintons' political opponents blocked should have been undertaken in order to bolster preventive measures in the US.  Tim quoted a scathing piece of pseudojournalism by Clinton-hater Susan Page in USA Today.  Hillary politely dismissed the self-important pundette -- pointing out that there was NOT international support for taking out bin Laden during the Clinton years, and the magnitude of the attacks of Sept. 11 was a warning to all nations of the world.  Tim asked if war against terrorism should have been declared in 1993 after the first attack on the Trade Center, and Hillary said there was not the widespread (i.e. Republican and foreign) support for such a war at that time.

Tim did something we've never seen him do with a Clinton Administration alum -- he let Hillary go on uninterrupted for two minutes after asking what she feels needs to be done to defend America against terrorism.

When Tim asked Hillary about the present quagmire in the Middle East, Hillary fingered Arafat for being "unwilling or unable" to stop thuggery and suicide attacks.

Tim then turned to Hillary's scathes of the Smirk Tax Givebacks.  Hillary: "It just doesn't make sense," and while she respects opposition opinions, the numbers fail to support their theories and it's not in the best interest of the nation to cut taxes when America needs to fund homeland security.  She also hinted that the delay in airport security was costly for the GOP.

Hillary did make one slip: saying that Smirk deserved high approval ratings for his handling of the war on terrorism (not according to comprehensive and scientific polls, Hil!). She redeemed herself by boosting Daschle's leadership.

Then, after playing the now-infamous clip of Hillary's "presidential" Freudian slip, Tim asked the question he'd been waiting to ask all morning: "Will you run for President?"   Hillary had us laughing when she said that James Carville had warned her he'd ask that question every way he could.

Tim's final question had to do with whether it bothered Hillary that she works with GOP Senators who voted to "impeach" her husband.  Um, Tim, the House votes to impeach!  Hillary showed her inimitable grace as she talked about her own surprise at alliances she has formed with many of her GOP colleagues.

The last fifteen minutes of MTP "celebrated" ten years of Russert running the show into the ground.  There were some amusing clips, accompanied by that irritating theme music John Williams wrote for MTP: Richard Lugar with an automatic weapon; Jim Carville daring to declare "war" against the political vendetta against President Clinton; "Malibu" Ken Starr calling it a mistake in his inimitably unctuous and judgmental manner; Al Gore making a fool of Bill Bradley, George W. Bush showing just how inarticulate he is; and Tim exposing David Duke for the ignoramus he is when he was forced to admit he had no idea who the biggest employer in his home state is.

 -- Donna Wynner

Crapital Gang
Novak continues on his rational streak, while Kate continues to tell it like it ain't

The intrepid Crapital Gang panel today included the mild-mannered Senate majority whip, Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV) in place of Maggie Carlson.  They dealt with some heavy topics from the past week's news.

Right out of the chute, they delved into the insane policies and absolutely creepy performance of Jesus John "Rubber Room" Ass-KKKroft, the most misguided and whacked-out Attorney General we've had in generations, in a Thursday hearing before the Senate Judiciary Committee (wonder if any of the "nice guy" Dems that swept their "good friend" Jesus John through confirmation proceedings are having second thoughts?  The idiots had their chance to keep this one-man constitutional wrecking squad out of office months ago, but were in full ankle-grabbing mode).

Hunt pointed out just one reprehensible aspect of Ashcroft's disgusting performance in the hearing by properly condemning Jesus John's attempting to equate those who question his desire to tear up the constitution as giving aid and comfort to the enemy.  "A smear worthy of Joe McCarthy," was Hunt's take.

Novak said it made him very uncomfortable to find himself on the same side as Patrick Leahy (chairman of Judiciary) and Al Hunt, but he found The Evil One's performance "…one of the most disreputable statements I have heard from an Attorney General" and "outrageous".

Hear, hear Bobby!

Reid tried to backpedal and be nicey-nice, going into a wishy-washy blah-blah about how there shouldn't be personalities involved and a platitude about "letting the process work."

Kate was pretty lonely today, having to do the heavy lifting and whitewash the stinking effluvium issuing from the misadministration (though God knows she's had enough practice).

She whined that there were no witnesses called from Justice (hmmm... guess Ashcroft doesn't have anything to do with the Department of Justice) and how they should have called Donny Rumsfeld because he's the one in charge of the kangaroo courts they're trying to jam through.  She also, of course, parroted the Republican line that Ashcroft "wins the argument on the merits", which is a way of asserting that it's the right thing to do, even if it makes NO sense and raises red flags all over the place in any rational American's mind.

Novak said it wasn't the proposals as much as Ashcroft's defense of them that rankled him so much.  If you saw this deranged menace's performance during the hearing, you know that there's MUCH more to be outraged about than just that.  Ashcroft tried to weasel his way through with a combination of whining about being attacked, trying to equate dissent with disloyalty, stupid and inappropriate humor about people being locked up in secret and held without charges, pompous platitudes, and his general overall creepiness.

One of the most outrageous moments was when he was backed into a corner by Chuck Schumer over his refusal to use federal gun purchase records to investigate all these suspects he's holding in custody.  He responded by attacking the attacker, saying that he didn't want to be expected to enforce some laws and not others, yet that is EXACTLY what HE'S doing, by snatching people off the street and charging them with minor immigration infractions, yet refusing to investigate whether these suspects had bought high powered weapons at a gun show.

The vast irony is that Ashcroft, if it were up to him, would LOVE to have this country be a Christian version of Afghanistan under the Taliban!  He would LOVE to suspend rights and throw all "infidels" into prison.  Just the thought of it probably gives him impure stirrings in his loins.

The powder keg of the Israeli situation was next.  Clips of Arafat and "Jabba the Hut" Sharon were shown to set up the segment.  Sharon looked so huge, you almost expect smaller objects to be orbiting him, held by the gravity of his immense mass.

The gist of their statements is that Sharon doesn't like Arafat much, and Arafat thinks that Sharon is sabotaging him because Sharon doesn't want Arafat to succeed with the peace process.

These two ought to just pick out curtains and move in together -- it's a match made in heaven.

And of course, President Mud Puddle (he's just about as deep) was shown speaking some drivel and looking like he's practicin' in front of a mirror tryin' to sound tough with Arafat.

What effect would Bush's new attack on Arafat have on the current violence?

Novak says that of course it will make it worse.  He observes that the recent bombings of Israelis only gives Sharon an excuse to wage war on the Palestinians, and that Bush comes out and parrots the Israeli line, when he should be taking a more even-handed position.

Kate the parrot responded by using the line that Israel was only exercising their "right to self-defense," much like Rumsfeld was so fond of saying when this "war" began.

Reid, sounding more Republican than Novak, praised Bush for this new belligerency towards Arafat.  He feels that Israel is "being backed into a corner."  He meandered all over the maps saying that maybe Israel doesn't want a Palestinian state (well, duuuh!) and that it might be better for them if they didn't.

You have to hand it to Reid.  This guy can talk a long time without saying anything at all -- a key talent for most successful politicians.

Novak is incensed that Bush, O'Beirne, and Reid are all hewing to the Israeli line.  To this, Reid, sounding moronic, raised the B.S. about how Palestinians were "dancing in the streets" following the September 11th attack

Well, a tiny handful did celebrate, but so what?  When we've armed and funded their blood enemies for decades, maybe that shouldn't be so hard to comprehend.  There would be a group of people in this country dancing in the street if Arafat was assassinated, and I'm sure there's a minority of Israelis that celebrate the murder of Palestinians and Arabs as well).

Then came a truly bizarre moment.  The topic was the fast track trade authority bill, just the latest in a long, long string of bills and measures that the Dems have handed Bush on a silver platter.  A clip was shown of  Rep. Bill Thomas (R-CA) WEEPING when he mentioned a couple of Dem traitors that crossed over and helped the Republicans win this measure.  It was truly bizarre!  I'd happened to catch this guy speaking on the floor and he did the same thing.  He actually choked up talking about these turn-coat Democrats!!!  It must have played so well, that he repeated the performance later for the press outside the Capital.  Disgusting.

A reporter asked the walking poster child for chemical poisoning, Tom "Bugged-out" DeLay (R-Raid), how he managed to win yet another battle.  "I'm always gentle and I'm always encouraging," he smirked as he stood there with his oiled down hair and waxy complexion.  It was definitely a Maalox moment if ever there was one.  UGH!

Shields asked Kate if this was an indication of Mud Puddle's clout.  No, she thought they were hard fought victories.  She instead blamed Dem strategists James Carville and Bob Shrum for having a failing strategic plan (since she'd seen a leaked version of it).

Harry Reid said it wasn't much of a victory since it passed in the House by only 1 vote. 

Hey, Harry: close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

Novak said it was the most partisan trade bill he'd ever seen, and condemned the Dems for this (but of course! whenever things are "partisan," which by definition is each side sticking together on an issue, it's the Democrats fault -- this is just one example of the insanity and illogic that is put forward so often it becomes accepted as fact.)

Today's Newsmaker of the Week was the former drunk Stephen Ambrose.  He growled on about the parallels between Pearl Harbor and September 11th and other subjects.  He's a good historian and writes good books, but he's often predictable and seems a bit stuck in the past -- which only makes sense for a historian, I suppose.  But I don't like the idea of people asking this guy to analyze current events.  Ask him about WWII and he knows what he's talking about, but forget his take on current events.  He does propose an investigation regarding how the September 11th attacks happened and how we were caught napping.

Knowing the Bush syndicate, I don't think they'd be too anxious for anyone to poke around on what happened to lead to the attacks.  And if they don't want it to happen, it won't.

The other guest today was David Halberstam, a great writer.  He offered observations on several topics, including the recent New York mayoral contest, where he brought out the very telling stat that Michael Bloomberg ended up spending $92 a vote to buy the office.

As always, the festivities ended with the Outrages of the Week.

This week, Mark Shields was outraged by the fact that Laura Bush proclaimed that the fight against terrorism is also a fight for the rights and dignity of women.  Shields then wondered why Martha McNally, the top ranking woman fighter pilot, is required to wear a head to toe robe whenever she goes off base in Saudi Arabia, and she can only go off base when accompanied by a male.  She is now suing the Secretary of Defense, demanding that the U.S. live up to its values, even if it inconveniences the Saudis we are there to defend.

Novak is steamed about the Pentagon denying an Arlington National Cemetery burial for Chick Burlingame, an American Airline pilot that rode his plane into the Pentagon.  Bob is all wrought about how a 20-year military veteran had made the decision, and thinks this is proof that top civilian positions at the Pentagon should not go to former military personnel.  He then mentioned that the guy that originally denied the burial because it violates military rules was a former executive for Enron, a corporation that has so many ties to Bush that it's hard to tell where one ends and the other begins, and that is now one of the largest bankruptcies ever.

I don't know how being a pilot of a hijacked plane qualifies you for a military burial myself.  I find the entire thing stupid.

Kate's burn: Democrats overreacting to the potential abuse of military tribunals for war criminals should turn their attention to the kangaroo commission Mary Frances Berry is presiding over.  She refuses to seat the newest member of the U.S. Civil Rights Commission, appointed by President Mud Puddle.  Kate ridiculed Berry  for claiming that the term of a Clinton appointee hasn't expired.  Ms. Berry, in the bizarre parallel universe of Kate, isn't jeopardizing the commissions credibility -- that, Kate claimed,  was completely blown by her "scandalously partisan" report on last year's election by her Democratic majority, which apparently "she will break the law to preserve."

Looks like someone forgot their Zoloft along with orthodontia.

Hunt reported the outrage of Enron.  Even though most of its workers lost all of their retirement savings before the company went belly up, Enron doled out $55 MILLION DOLLARS to its top 500 executives (do the math -- that's an average of $110,000 a piece).  "The bottom line is that in the face of fiscal calamity," Hunt said, "the company stiffed the lowest and average paid workers, but took care of its fat cats.  Sounds like Ken Lay may have shared this strategy with his good friend, President Mud Puddle."

Gee, is this a small sign that someone is actually noticing the crimes and wholesale robbery that has been going on since January?

Think it might warrant an congressional investigation?

Naaah! The Clintons lost about enough to pay for an SUV, and we saw multiple millions of tax dollars squandered in an effort to find some wrong-doing. This Enron failure is rife with crooked conduct and illegalities, and the money lost is many thousands of times more than what Torquemada Starr flushed down the toilet. But what do you think the chances are that there will be an investigation?  And if there is one, that anything will become of it?

That's right: zip.

And that was it for this week's dog and pony show.

-- Dash Riprock

Donna Wynner is an attorney.  She lives in scenic Fort Lee, New Jersey, just a stone's throw from CNBC.

Morrie Friendly is a retired political strategist.  He lives in Georgetown.

Dave "Doctor" Gonzo is a media guru, award-winning producer, and political bad boy who lives in a fortified high-rise residential compound somewhere on Manhattan's Upper East Side.

Dash Riprock is a free lance smart-aleck based in Moline, IL.  He'd like to thank all the readers that contacted him wondering about my absence the last few weeks.  I was unable to access the sophisticated and complex monitoring tools and communication equipment needed to accomplish my customarily professional insight.  In other words, my computer had a meltdown and I couldn't get to my word processor or e-mail.  I'm now filing dispatches via passenger pigeon.  You may still reach me however, at dashriprockapj@hotmail.com!

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